Category Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

RHOBH Secrets Revealed

Seriously? They are going to do blondes versus brunettes? Just ridiculous.

Seriously? They are going to do blondes versus brunettes? Just ridiculous.

Every time we have one of the shows I begin by predicting there will be NO secrets revealed. But lord knows this time there are some juicy one out there. I wonder if it was too late to edit this episode since Kim was arrested?

Lisa Rinna wrote a sex book called  The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book. Apparently, Lisa used to have a sex expert come over to parties and teach the party goers how to give really good blow jobs. LVP points out she doesn’t need any tips in that area.  They also replay the scene where Rinna talks about doing Playboy when she was seven months pregnant and when she was not pregnant.

Yolanda claims she is looking to downsize because the house is just too much work. It is odd that the Fosters put pretty much every property they have on the market at the same time. Mauricio takes her to look at properties but she doesn’t like any of them.

Kim and LVP both want grandchildren. And we see LVP in JEANS.  JEANS! Have we ever seen that before? Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 3 Recap

RHOBH Reunion Kim Brandi Rinna

Here we go. The final RHOBH Reunion episode. We start with all the discussion of vaginas and such. I just don’t know women who talk about vaginas all the time.

Andy goes straight to the texts from Lisa to Kim. One says ” Be very careful or I will fuck you up! You be nice to your sister! You believe her and stop telling lies! In that order. Thanks.”  The next one says, “You need to get wise. Brandi is not telling the truth. She is lying. I should have said that to you in that moment, but I didn’t want another Amsterdam to happen, and it would have.” A third says, “Your behavior and the way you treat people is not okay. You are nasty and you need to be stopped now.” As she is reading these, Rinna is giving Kim a look that could kill. Kim said she really got frightened. Oh please. A fifth grader could break Rinna in half like a twig.

Andy asks what made Rinna send the texts. Rinna says that she has an issue with people shushing her. And she wanted to get her feelings out. Her father used to shush her all the time. It’s one of her hot buttons. Kim says she thinks Lisa Rinna probably has record for violent crime. Andy finally sticks up for Rinna. FINALLY. Rinna is crying which is the perfect excuse for Eileen to flee the left couch for the right on. She also sticks up for Rinna. Rinna apologizes to Kim AGAIN. Oddly, after mocking Rinna for a full three minutes. Kim gets up and walks over to hug Rinna. We are already at full bore crazy. Continue reading

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Filed under Kyle Richards, RHOBH, Kim Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Brandi Glanville, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Yolanda Foster, Eileen Davidson, Lisa Rinna

Lisa Vanderpump Explains How Reality Shows Work…To Kim?

RHOBH Brandi Olive Branch

Time to take the purple pen to Lisa Vanderpump’s blog. Apologies if I am a bit harsher than you would like.

Aargh here we are again. As I sit here in the waiting room as my husband undergoes surgery for another hip replacement, I ponder and reflect on the truly important things in life, and what have I learnt over the last few years?

That when you marry a much older man you eventually spend a lot of time playing nursemaid?  That swans may look regal but they are mean as fuck and shit everywhere?  That when a waitress starts rumbling about sexual harassment you might want to have a plan in place to deal with such things as quickly and quietly as possible so you don’t end up losing the whole restaurant?

I know that participating in a reality show has been a learning curve for sure, how remaining stalwart in my resolve, to expose all aspects of my life and learn from the consequences…Even moments in our off-time–Kyle and I in the dressing room–are an accurate depiction of our relationship: laughter, good-natured banter that you would never in a million years dream would be aired.

Both of you seem so shocked to discover that a man was standing there with a big camera and another dude was holding a giant boom over your heads.  I get it, you didn’t think it would be that interesting. I think it was the whole LVP talks about diarrhea thing that interested production.  Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Lisa Vanderpump, News, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 2 Recap: Winner, Lisa Rinna

rhobh brANDI REUNION

We start this episode with Andy asking a stupid question. Raise your hand if you are shocked. I see no hands. He asks Eileen why such an awarding winning actress would do RHOBH. Um, Andy, you pay these hyenas way more than actual trained actors make. Which by the way is the whole OPPOSITE of the point of doing reality TV shows. They are supposed to work for peanuts.

They play a montage that is heavy on the fact that Eileen has an Emmy. Both Kim and Brandi are throwing up a little bit in their mouths. THIS is what jealousy looks like. A viewer ask, “You were a fan of Eileen before the show, what do you think of her without a script.” Brandi says, “I don’t really think of her.” You know except for every waking moment. Eileen was said she thought Brandi was funny when they first met and then the wine toss just put a kink in things. Eileen says that there were many ramifications about Brandi’s comments about her being a homewrecker. People started calling Vince’s ex-wife trying to get tabloid stories. She had to have unpleasant conversations with her children. Brandi seems incredulous that her behavior had ramifications for Eileen. Brandi says it was always already on the Internet. Eileen says that she is great friends with Vince’s ex-wife.  Eileen tells Brandi to shut the fuck up. They exchange several rounds of fuck yous! Eileen is on the verge of tears.  Brandi looks awful and not just on the exterior. Brandi goes in on LVP about being friends with Kyle. Lisa Rinna and Brandi are arguing at a decibel only dogs can hear. Rinna freaks out and says that Brandi needs to be shut down. Brandi says Rinna needs to change her Depends because she is so full of shit. This is too much to give you all the blow by blows but it is bang away on Brandi time and not in the way she is used to. Rinna says fuck you (that is two housewives to tell her that within five minutes.)  Brandi makes another Depends jab and Rinna responds with, “Where is your tampon endorsement!” I die. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Bravo, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Lisa Vanderpump Says Brandi Has an Idiotic Perception of Reality.

RHOBH Brandi Olive Branch

LVP doesn’t even bother to pretend she likes Brandi in this week’s Blog.

The reasoning behind the reunion is for all the feelings that have manifested over the past nine months to come to the surface, an emotional pregnancy born out of the complicated relationship between us women. Feelings that have simmered for many weeks as we witness what each have said then start rising to the top and sometimes boil over.

Jesus, LVP are you using a ghosty now too? “an emotional pregnancy born out of the complicated relationship between us women….”? It’s a reality blog, not Creative Writing 301.

This was not a demanding season for me. I almost had some sort of reprieve after last year, but I identified with the feelings of trepidation in some others as Andy introduces us. As always, a spark of honesty as I state sarcastically, “My favorite day of the year.”
This year I felt drastically different than last. I wasn’t of the mind to digest any of the nonsense that potentially would be spewed by some. I felt almost a certain vindication as I knew there were some whom had done an excellent job of exposing themselves.
I felt sympathy for Yolanda as I could see a genuine struggle with composure as Andy asked after her welfare. Life has been challenging of late for her, and I could see that clearly.

I can recall two RHOBH reunions where LVP had it really rough. It’s about time Brandi has her turn. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Part 1 Recap: The Lyin’

Seriously? They are going to do blondes versus brunettes? Just ridiculous.

This is why elementary school teachers learn to line their kids up by height so school picture day will not look like this. How much did Andy pay for that ill fitting suit?

It’s kind of ironic that some of my favorite people are Brandiloons. It’s even more ironic that my oldest and dearest Brandiloon has a) Given up alcohol for Lent …and stuck with it unlike me and (2) Is claiming she is not going to watch the reunion. I would suggest that she, and all of my sweet, deluded Brandiloon friends avoid reading this recap as well. The Brandiloons seem to all have a deep Anglophile streak so perhaps something interesting is on BBC this evening.

Brandi’s face. It’s just. I can’t believe people pay to have that done. What a dorky opening. Then he starts right away with other peoples questions (He’ down with OPQ).  Kim is in Sharknado 3 (sounds like Kathy is calling in favors). Someone wants to know how the most Eileen has ever won on a sports bet. She says she has lost several thousand and won several thousand it all evens out. Good answer for the IRS.  BTW When I had a big win in Tunica they bring out the chips in dramatic fashion with guards and then you sign away your taxes and pay them right there. Brandi describes Kenya as very, very, smart, a little bit crazy and evil. Which is of course why Kenya is my spirit animal.  Another fun TT fact: Kenya tweeted me about buying furniture in Atlanta last weekend. I’m sure she has no idea that her haters think she pays me to say nice things about her. But that fanned the flames as I knew it would.  OTOH, DID I MENTION KENYA MOORE TWEETED ME! #Dead Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Marisa Zanuck, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Paul Nassif, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Russell Armstrong, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster

Lisa Vanderpump Rules on Brandi’s Behavior This Season

Lisa I don't want to hear it

Gif: Realtytvgifs

Here is LVP’s missive to us for the week…

Well, it’s the final leg of this exhausting race. The sun sets on the Hills of Beverly…

And there we have it. So this season I felt was a little more illustrative of exactly who these complex characters are…Some weathered the storm with a modicum of regretful actions and others offered up a complete view into the depths of their inner being.

True. I shall generously put you in the both with those who weathered the storm with a modicum of regretful actions. You sure didn’t make the mistake of offering up a complete view into the depths of your inner being. It’s not really hard to come off looking decent on a real housewives franchise. Generally, the ladies will topple of their own pedestals.

Angry accusations, shrouded with deflection, were the actions of some incompetent of dealing with truths that should be confronted.

Maybe they are waiting to see if Jen can get Dr. Drew and  Celebrity Rehab back on the air?

Continue reading

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Filed under Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH

Are We Ready For This RHOBH Reunion?

Seriously? They are going to do blondes versus brunettes? Just ridiculous.

Seriously? They are going to do blondes versus brunettes? Just ridiculous.

Is this the oddest seating arrangement ever? Since when is LVP not sitting to Andy’s right in the first position?  How did Eileen get stuck on the loser side?

Super emotional. It was dramatic. There was an eleventh hour smoking gun that was revealed. It was amazing!  Interesting to mention that the notes on Andy’s performance was that he laughed so much and they had to cut a lot of him laughing out of the show.

Eileen’s dress is awful, as is Brandi’s both for the same reason, the strapless top doesn’t fit them properly and Brandi looks like she is wearing shapewear without the dress on top. Lisa Rinna easily wins best dressed with Kyle and Kim also looking lovely. I wish LVP would stop with the pinky, purple lace table cloth things. They make her look matronly.

Click through for a recap….
Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, News, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Choppy Edits

RHOBH Amsterdam

Cheers, motherfuckers!  I am officially done with Lent with regard to the drinking. Please pray for the rest of us as we soldier on here.  I think I made it 28 days, lost nary an ounce of weight,  saw now improvement in my disposition and so fuck it. I was in full-blown self-pity mode so I figure a few beers will bring me to a much more preferable I don’t give a shit mode.  So off we go.

We are back in Amsterdam. It really does look lovely. Speaking of lovely, I for whatever reason have been looking at lots of old picture of Kyle Richards lately. She has always been super stunning. Also while I am off topic, several tattle tales sent me stories today about Gigi Hadid having a serious coke habit, ALLEGEDLY.  I have been out of sorts all day and have not looked into it. I certainly hope it is not true but many of you claim to have seen some convincing video.

Moving on…

So apparently, Brandi fucks one of Lisa Vanderpump’s son Max’ school friends  the night before. I say, good for her. YOLO and shit. Get it while the getting is good, etc. Brandi is buying flowers  for Lisa Vanderpump to make up for slapping her. Brandi says it was a joke. See? Once again, Brandi doesn’t get that JOKES ARE FUNNY. Slapping is not funny. Brandi tries to give Lisa some flowers but she rejects them. Brandi seems to be pissy that Lisa will not accept her apology for her “joke.”  Lisa Vanderpump is laying into Yolanda about taking it easy on Brandi. Lisa says, “she’s your asshole, she’s not mine.”  Why is Yo pretending to wear clogs? Those thing are brutal. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, News, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

A Blog About Someone Else’s Blog, And Sort of About RHOBH Reunion

Pluma a fuego,
Fuego a sangre,
Sangre a hueso,
Hueso a tuétano,
Tuétano a ceniza,
Ceniza a nieve.

I am about to send you over to read a blog somewhere else. It’s way better than what I am planning to write in a few minutes and will buy me some time.  But first, I need you to try to get into the same weird hormonal headspace as me.  I know, I know but I need you to try. First, if you have the ingredients to make a caprese salad, do that, or if it is appropriate in your time zone have some Sangria,  Next hit play on the video above.  You can watch a bit before heading over to the link below. Continue reading

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Filed under Entertainment News, Ken Todd, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, News, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH

The Gloves Begin To Come Off On Lisa Vanderpump’s Blog

RHOBH The Slap jpeg

 

This season’s RHOBH Reunion is going to be epic.  There are lots of people making shit up about what is going to happen but I am quite sure all of that will pale in comparison to what actually does happen.  I have never known Lisa to really go for anyone’s jugular on a reunion. Not even last season when the whole sordid mess was just about dumping on Lisa. But this time, as the title of her Bravo blog suggests, the line has been well and truly crossed by Brandi Glanville and all bets are off. Once someone comes after your marriage, and gets physical, it would appear that one does not have to avoid that person’s emotional buttons anymore. And this week, Lisa makes it clear she is done protecting Brandi Glanville.

So the slap…the long awaited slap that could be heard echoing through the Hills of Beverly. Now you know I have never insinuated that it was that hard. I had a small scratch on my upper lip from her acrylic claws, but the strength of the slap was not the issue. I think in her own distorted mind she thought this was playing, but no, it didn’t feel like that. First she pushed me…OK…But it wasn’t the actual slap. It was the violation…I haven’t had a hand laid on me since I was a child. Also, I might add that it seems ironic that this is the same person that constantly reiterates to Kyle, “Don’t touch me.” Might seem a tad hypocritical. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Slap

RHOBH Amsterdam

It seems like everyone is having trouble adjusting to the time change. I wonder if it is because they are west coasters? I never have jetlag in Europe but I do have trouble getting back on schedule when I get back home. I think it is because I sleep on the red-eye on the way over, but the flight back is daylight the whole long way.

Yolanda wakes up ill. The Lisas walk up on Brandi and Kim and Kim immediately calls them “stoners.” They happily report that they had “one bite” (looked like more than that to me there, Pumpy) and they both slept 7 or 8 hours straight. Touché.  The Lisas ask what the plan is and the drunks say they are going shopping. Rinna asks if they would prefer to go by themselves and Kim who seems quiet sober  say, “no! we would love for you to join us!” as if she has no idea why they would not all be thrilled to spend the day together.  Eileen walks up and finds out that the Lisas are going shopping with the drunks. She says she’s going to a museum. She can’t figure out what Twilight Zone she has stumbled into where everyone is going shopping together like nothing happened the night before.  Eileen plans to go with Kyle and Yolanda. Rinna says she doesn’t want to hang with the good people because they will just relive the nightmare. She wants to just move on.  By the way, Kyle brought TWO of those caped jackets to Amsterdam.  Yolanda is staying in bed.

Kyle comes down to meet Eileen and explains that Yolanda is sick. Kyle seems shocked the other four are off together.

Amsterdam is gorgeous. This show is moving it up my list of destinations. Barcelona is sort of topping my list at the moment but my list is always changing with the terrorist activities. The foursome finds a se store. Eileen and Kyle find a confectionery  where Eileen enjoys a goodie while Kyle settles for simply having coffee. Continue reading

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