This is why elementary school teachers learn to line their kids up by height so school picture day will not look like this. How much did Andy pay for that ill fitting suit?
It’s kind of ironic that some of my favorite people are Brandiloons. It’s even more ironic that my oldest and dearest Brandiloon has a) Given up alcohol for Lent …and stuck with it unlike me and (2) Is claiming she is not going to watch the reunion. I would suggest that she, and all of my sweet, deluded Brandiloon friends avoid reading this recap as well. The Brandiloons seem to all have a deep Anglophile streak so perhaps something interesting is on BBC this evening.
Brandi’s face. It’s just. I can’t believe people pay to have that done. What a dorky opening. Then he starts right away with other peoples questions (He’ down with OPQ). Kim is in Sharknado 3 (sounds like Kathy is calling in favors). Someone wants to know how the most Eileen has ever won on a sports bet. She says she has lost several thousand and won several thousand it all evens out. Good answer for the IRS. BTW When I had a big win in Tunica they bring out the chips in dramatic fashion with guards and then you sign away your taxes and pay them right there. Brandi describes Kenya as very, very, smart, a little bit crazy and evil. Which is of course why Kenya is my spirit animal. Another fun TT fact: Kenya tweeted me about buying furniture in Atlanta last weekend. I’m sure she has no idea that her haters think she pays me to say nice things about her. But that fanned the flames as I knew it would. OTOH, DID I MENTION KENYA MOORE TWEETED ME! #Dead Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Marisa Zanuck, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Paul Nassif, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Russell Armstrong, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster
We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there! Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim). The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.
Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done! Kyle is captain of Team #1 ( Brandi & Camille) Eileen is captain of Team #2 ( Kim and Lynn) and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa) they select teams by random draw. Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.
Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task. Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.
At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event. In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious. Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!” While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma
Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger! Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
I am obsessed with losing badly at a new game I found called Just Words that you can play free on your laptop here. It’s Scrabble only you can’t put letters on both side of a word which makes it harder. And the dictionary they use is stupid but there is no penalty if you try a word that isn’t a real word. Anyway. Sorry, I did not preload for this episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills so it will take longer than usual.
Kyle goes to meet Kim who is sick and so are all of her kids. But she has to go see her mother of the bride dress and stuff. She is terrified of getting sick before her vacation to Spain but if she doesn’t go Kim will not get paid for this episode so, she dashes in and out.
Brandi is doing a podcast these days. Is that a lucrative thing? I’m serious I don’t know. Anyway the podcast guy is wants to advertise more but since it is Brandi Unfiltered he wants to make it more “family friendly.” Um, no. Don’t do that Brandi. You are not a family friendly person. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But if a podcast is anything like a blog, you don’t get viewers by trying to please everyone. Don’t ask me how I know this. Be your usual unfiltered trash mouthed self. I promise you will do much better as you than worrying about offending people. Because offending people is half the fun. I would not change a thing. Of course she says she will filter herself for financial gain. Sigh.
Why is Mauricio says he is trying to be sure he has the “right passports?” Um… a) does he have a stash of “wrong passports” because you turn the old one in when you get a new one and (TWO) Aren’t they rich people that travel all the time? I know right where my “right passport” is at all times in case the Zombie Apocalypse comes and I have to book somewhere. Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
I’m so excited. I am have a few technical issues but I am up and running with some twine and duct tape! I loved all the openings. I’m going to let you guys capture them for me in comments if you don’t mind because I know this is going to be a hard one to recap quickly. Thanks in advance!
Kyle is getting ready for the white party! YAY! This year it comes first which is weird because no one can be disinvited at the door for being a litigious cuntsicle! #Taylor. I’ve seen this Justin guy before. Didn’t he help some housewives dress as drag queens or for the Gay Pride Parade or something? I’m not kidding. The White Party has gotten huge and now has a major budget. Kyle is still trying to push a reluctant Sophia into modeling. She is tall and gorgeous but she’s never liked modeling or being on the show.
Kyle claims she has not seen Lisa Vanderpump since the reunion. From here on out I will call Lisa Vanderpump “Pump” and Lisa Rinna “Lisa.”
Brandi and Yolanda are going for a fitness walk. David plays the piano for us low lives. We are not worthy. Brandi is still up Yolanda’s butt. Which explains why Pump was cool towards her on WWHL. OMG. Yo has a swatter on her property who has set up a little beachside dress shop right on the highway/right of way for PCH. (wait for someone to correct me) She asks if he knows she is on her property and he is laying back playing on his phone saying ” No Mon, I did not know.” lol. He’s so chill. Hell I thought they were going for a walk on the beach why are the out on the highway? They finally find the beach. Yo tries to explain to Brandi about being connected to the earth. She didn’t get it. Yo talks about Gigi’s success. She really has hit the big time. Brandi mentions she is homeless (AGAIN) and tries to move in. The house she is talking about moving in now, I think she got tossed out of that too. Brandi starts trashing Pump. Yo tries to get Brandi to connect with nature again. It doesn’t work. Sad. Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster
Andy and Wacha Enjoy the Hamptoms Photo: Twitter
I’ve got bits and pieces of real estate information I have been meaning to do something with for a while. I suppose the time has come. Let’s start with tamaratattles.com exclusive tea on Andy Cohen!
Andy Cohen seems very happy lately. Sure, Andy Cohen always seems happy but lately there have been a lot of interesting things going on in his life. He got a dog named Wacha and he sure is a proud parent. He’s going to the Hamptons. He is writing his next book; life is good.
Life is so good that Andy is moving on up in the real estate arena as well. Andy is in love with his two-bedroom apartment in one of the Bing & Bing buildings in the West Village that he bought in 2003. He loves the neighborhood, and his apartment has great views. So why would he move? Well, he isn’t moving. What he is doing is buying an adjacent apartment and doubling the size of his current abode! I guess those book deals are paying some major coin! Congrats, Andy. This is the only real estate report of have with no shadiness involved. Click here for more info on Andy’s apartment! Continue reading
Just when we though we could put this show to bed for the season, Bravo tacks on a “Secrets Revealed” episode. As we all know by now, there will be no secrets revealed. It’s just more reunion.
Kim says that she and Brandi “just click.” I am not sure she knows what that means. Those two have tried to kill each other since day one. We are treated to a scene where Kim is called in to help Brandi memorize her three lines for a Lifetime movie. Kim says that Brandi is no Meryl Streep. Brandi teaches Kim how to pole dance on the pole….in her bedroom.
Kyle has a clothing line coming out for HSN. Who doesn’t. She hired a coach to prepare her to sell the line. She suggests deodorant on her top lip. How much does she get paid for this nonsense? Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster
So once again I am faced with the dilemma of how to recap this disastrous excuse for a reunion. I seriously doubt it will be anything more than what it was for the last two weeks only this time we will add a house husband or two. I’m going to just list anything remotely interesting they say under their names below. Meanwhile I am twelve minutes in and would rather watch Nene Leakes do the rumba with a half nekkid man on repeat for an hour than watch this crap. Bring out the men. Give us something new! Anything except Brandi whining about Scheana (which is what this whole season has been about, Brandi’s jealousy of some waitress at a WeHo bar or Kyle continuing to bring up her husband’s infidelity over and over while begging no one else to mention it.
I think the next person that Yolanda tells to stay out of it should slap her upside the head! She is acting like someone moderating a debate on global warming. I’m cranky and I want her slapped! No sooner did I type this did Yolanda cut of Joyce and Joyce said, “You love to be the referee! You love to play director!” Yolanda does this snide laugh and says, “Did you hear what she said?” as if Joyce had said she had three heads. Andy takes Yolanda’s side and goes back on my shit list. He is such a power hungry person. Yolanda can be as hideous as she wants he will never call her out because of David Foster. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
Reunions are super hard to recap. I am going to try to avoid transcribing and just share some random thoughts on the over all fights. We start with the whole Puerto Rico situation. Everyone says that it was hard to relive the Puerto Rico. Brandi says that she and Lisa have not spoken since Puerto Rico but that she did send Lisa a mean email.
Lisa points out that Brandi is all over the internet saying that Lisa used to live deep in the valley and filed for bankruptcy neither of which are true. Brandi’s reaction is to turn to Kyle for backup. Lisa says she has never lived in Calabasas. She moved from France to Beverly Park. Brandi paid $9.99 to look it up on an Internet site and so she knows Lisa lived there! Brandi is insane. Lisa mentions that they have owned many properties over the years. I can’t believe how long Brandi wants to argue that Lisa lived somewhere she did not. Good Grief.
Next up. Yolanda pretends that her issue with Lisa is that she did not visit her enough while she was ill. Which is bullshit. I am bored already. Yolanda expects her friends there when she wants to fingerpaint for her college aged daughter. I can’t.
They played pretty much every ridiculous scene Kim was in all at once. It was a whole lot of crazy. Kyle and Kim are close. This is incredibly boring. I literally keep zoning out. There is really no need to talk about Kim this much. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
Say it isn’t so! Is it possible that David Foster is losing interest in his fourth wife so soon? The seemingly perfect couple married on November 11, 2011 (The same day Kim Zolciak married Kroy Biermann) how is it possible that the bloom is already off the lemon blossom? Could it be that David feels like he married a lemon after Yolanda was diagnosed with “chronic lyme disease” with in a year of their marriage? Is it the curse of the Real Housewives Franchise? What is going on here? Well, for one thing they are frantically liquidating their assets!
Remember this little guessing game I like to play with you guys that infuriates you because I never give the answers? It was a video of a beautiful apartment for sale in coast in British Columbia for a mere 5 million dollars? I actively campaigned for someone to hit the donate button for with a five million dollar contribution, but sadly no one bit. Anyway, that was David’s Canadian apartment. I haven’t check to see if it sold, but the point is they were trying to unload it. That was in July of 2013, a mere 20 months after their happy union. Continue reading