I miss you already pretty veggie fridge…
If I was Jewish, I’d be verklempt If gentiles are allowed to be verklempt then that’s what I am. The Fosters are moving out of the Malibu house. I just spent way more time than I have to spend flipping through Yolanda’s Instagram back past Christmas of last year. I have found no evidence that the house has sold but apparently Yolanda has found something she likes in Beverly Hills. What about what I LIKE, Yolanda. Did you even think about my feelings???
Yolanda has posted that they are moving out of the Malibu house saying, ” Beautiful ending to a beautiful chapter of our life…… Colorful memories of Love, Life and Family will live within our hearts forever…… #SaluteToMalibuMagic #ByeByeHomeSweetHome #OverAndOut” I think I am more upset about this than they are. I can’t imagine voluntarily leaving that place. I don’t understand. Make me understand this, Yolanda! I get that she is very ill and can’t manage the house anymore but she is rich as hell. Hire a damn house manager! Don’t just leave that fridge and that closet that is twices as big as my house. Don’t go!!!! Please, wait! Just talk to me! We can work this out! I’ll do better! I promise to be good! I’ll do anything you want! /LOUD SOBS /FALLS TO KNEES WAIT! WAIT! WAIT /RUNS AFTER MOVING TRUCK DOWN THE LONG STEEP DRIVEWAY. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That’s Erika behind Kyle and Kathryn across from Yolanda.
Yolanda Foster jumped on her private jet with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Housewives Kyle Richards and newbies Erika Jayne and Kathryn Edwards on Wednesday to fly to NYC for the inaugural Uniting for a Lyme Free World Gala in NYC on October 8th. Yolanda will be honored along with Carlos Brito, President and CEO of Anheuser-Busch InBev, Ally Hilfiger, author and designer, and Thalia, pop star, songwriter and actress for their work to find a cure. All four have (or had?) Lyme disease.
Tommy Hilfiger, is chairing the event to raise awareness and educate the public about Lyme disease. His daughter, Ally, 30, is one of the honorees. David Foster is an event chair for the occasion along with, Tommy Mottola (Thalia’s husband) Casablanca Records; Brian J. Brille, Crown Sterling LLC; Sabine Chalmers, Anheuser-Busch InBev; Peter Harf, JAB Holding Company; and Donna Karan, DKNY. Continue reading
This is why elementary school teachers learn to line their kids up by height so school picture day will not look like this. How much did Andy pay for that ill fitting suit?
It’s kind of ironic that some of my favorite people are Brandiloons. It’s even more ironic that my oldest and dearest Brandiloon has a) Given up alcohol for Lent …and stuck with it unlike me and (2) Is claiming she is not going to watch the reunion. I would suggest that she, and all of my sweet, deluded Brandiloon friends avoid reading this recap as well. The Brandiloons seem to all have a deep Anglophile streak so perhaps something interesting is on BBC this evening.
Brandi’s face. It’s just. I can’t believe people pay to have that done. What a dorky opening. Then he starts right away with other peoples questions (He’ down with OPQ). Kim is in Sharknado 3 (sounds like Kathy is calling in favors). Someone wants to know how the most Eileen has ever won on a sports bet. She says she has lost several thousand and won several thousand it all evens out. Good answer for the IRS. BTW When I had a big win in Tunica they bring out the chips in dramatic fashion with guards and then you sign away your taxes and pay them right there. Brandi describes Kenya as very, very, smart, a little bit crazy and evil. Which is of course why Kenya is my spirit animal. Another fun TT fact: Kenya tweeted me about buying furniture in Atlanta last weekend. I’m sure she has no idea that her haters think she pays me to say nice things about her. But that fanned the flames as I knew it would. OTOH, DID I MENTION KENYA MOORE TWEETED ME! #Dead Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Marisa Zanuck, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Paul Nassif, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Russell Armstrong, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster
We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there! Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim). The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.
Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done! Kyle is captain of Team #1 ( Brandi & Camille) Eileen is captain of Team #2 ( Kim and Lynn) and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa) they select teams by random draw. Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.
Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task. Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.
At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event. In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious. Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!” While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma
Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger! Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
I am obsessed with losing badly at a new game I found called Just Words that you can play free on your laptop here. It’s Scrabble only you can’t put letters on both side of a word which makes it harder. And the dictionary they use is stupid but there is no penalty if you try a word that isn’t a real word. Anyway. Sorry, I did not preload for this episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills so it will take longer than usual.
Kyle goes to meet Kim who is sick and so are all of her kids. But she has to go see her mother of the bride dress and stuff. She is terrified of getting sick before her vacation to Spain but if she doesn’t go Kim will not get paid for this episode so, she dashes in and out.
Brandi is doing a podcast these days. Is that a lucrative thing? I’m serious I don’t know. Anyway the podcast guy is wants to advertise more but since it is Brandi Unfiltered he wants to make it more “family friendly.” Um, no. Don’t do that Brandi. You are not a family friendly person. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But if a podcast is anything like a blog, you don’t get viewers by trying to please everyone. Don’t ask me how I know this. Be your usual unfiltered trash mouthed self. I promise you will do much better as you than worrying about offending people. Because offending people is half the fun. I would not change a thing. Of course she says she will filter herself for financial gain. Sigh.
Why is Mauricio says he is trying to be sure he has the “right passports?” Um… a) does he have a stash of “wrong passports” because you turn the old one in when you get a new one and (TWO) Aren’t they rich people that travel all the time? I know right where my “right passport” is at all times in case the Zombie Apocalypse comes and I have to book somewhere. Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
I’m so excited. I am have a few technical issues but I am up and running with some twine and duct tape! I loved all the openings. I’m going to let you guys capture them for me in comments if you don’t mind because I know this is going to be a hard one to recap quickly. Thanks in advance!
Kyle is getting ready for the white party! YAY! This year it comes first which is weird because no one can be disinvited at the door for being a litigious cuntsicle! #Taylor. I’ve seen this Justin guy before. Didn’t he help some housewives dress as drag queens or for the Gay Pride Parade or something? I’m not kidding. The White Party has gotten huge and now has a major budget. Kyle is still trying to push a reluctant Sophia into modeling. She is tall and gorgeous but she’s never liked modeling or being on the show.
Kyle claims she has not seen Lisa Vanderpump since the reunion. From here on out I will call Lisa Vanderpump “Pump” and Lisa Rinna “Lisa.”
Brandi and Yolanda are going for a fitness walk. David plays the piano for us low lives. We are not worthy. Brandi is still up Yolanda’s butt. Which explains why Pump was cool towards her on WWHL. OMG. Yo has a swatter on her property who has set up a little beachside dress shop right on the highway/right of way for PCH. (wait for someone to correct me) She asks if he knows she is on her property and he is laying back playing on his phone saying ” No Mon, I did not know.” lol. He’s so chill. Hell I thought they were going for a walk on the beach why are the out on the highway? They finally find the beach. Yo tries to explain to Brandi about being connected to the earth. She didn’t get it. Yo talks about Gigi’s success. She really has hit the big time. Brandi mentions she is homeless (AGAIN) and tries to move in. The house she is talking about moving in now, I think she got tossed out of that too. Brandi starts trashing Pump. Yo tries to get Brandi to connect with nature again. It doesn’t work. Sad. Continue reading
Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster