Okay what fresh hell is this Bravo? Are we really going to have a show about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season One? It appears we are. I’m in. But this had better be good.
Well, we begin straight off with Kim’s alcoholism. On the last day of filming, they were at a huge birthday party for Taylor and Kim was wasted. Apparently, someone from production let Kyle know. Because, it’s apparently Kyle’s job to keep him reasonably sober. Kim stormed off the set drunk and went out to the limo to drink. Kyle went after her and that is when the infamous limo scene went down. Kyle says she just lost it.
Andy didn’t want to do Beverly Hills because they were already doing Orange County. Andy thought they would be too much alike. It all started with Kyle. Kim’s audition tape is all about how Kyle doesn’t think she is good enough. Kim looks 20 years younger. So sad.
Lisa has a signed contract for Giggy. Apparently, this is a real deal. And such a clever way for her to be paid more than the other ladies. Or avoid taxes perhaps. I’m just saying. Lisa also wanted to go by “Pinky” on the show instead of Lisa. The producers told her that Pinky Vanderpump sounded like a bad porn star name and didn’t allow it.
Camille said that she didn’t think Kelsey would want her on the show. Kelsey called production and made sure that RHOBH hired Camille to keep her out of his affair. Continue reading
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This is why elementary school teachers learn to line their kids up by height so school picture day will not look like this. How much did Andy pay for that ill fitting suit?
It’s kind of ironic that some of my favorite people are Brandiloons. It’s even more ironic that my oldest and dearest Brandiloon has a) Given up alcohol for Lent …and stuck with it unlike me and (2) Is claiming she is not going to watch the reunion. I would suggest that she, and all of my sweet, deluded Brandiloon friends avoid reading this recap as well. The Brandiloons seem to all have a deep Anglophile streak so perhaps something interesting is on BBC this evening.
Brandi’s face. It’s just. I can’t believe people pay to have that done. What a dorky opening. Then he starts right away with other peoples questions (He’ down with OPQ). Kim is in Sharknado 3 (sounds like Kathy is calling in favors). Someone wants to know how the most Eileen has ever won on a sports bet. She says she has lost several thousand and won several thousand it all evens out. Good answer for the IRS. BTW When I had a big win in Tunica they bring out the chips in dramatic fashion with guards and then you sign away your taxes and pay them right there. Brandi describes Kenya as very, very, smart, a little bit crazy and evil. Which is of course why Kenya is my spirit animal. Another fun TT fact: Kenya tweeted me about buying furniture in Atlanta last weekend. I’m sure she has no idea that her haters think she pays me to say nice things about her. But that fanned the flames as I knew it would. OTOH, DID I MENTION KENYA MOORE TWEETED ME! #Dead Continue reading
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Andy thinks the Dutch boy is hot. He also thinks that Brandi’s slap was playful. He probably should not rely to heavily on his thinking.
Andy brings up the drama about the Palm Springs house. Because, why not. Andy says that Adrienne is such a sensitive caring person Andy says the sisters had not spoken in four months until the reunion. That’s because Kingsley mauled Kyle’s kid and put her in the hospital! What is wrong with Andrew tonight?
Taylor claims to be very close with Kyle and so she is very upset with Kim. Camille says that Brandi should not be in between the two sisters. Continue reading
We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there! Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim). The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.
Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done! Kyle is captain of Team #1 ( Brandi & Camille) Eileen is captain of Team #2 ( Kim and Lynn) and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa) they select teams by random draw. Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.
Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task. Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.
At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event. In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious. Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!” While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma
Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger! Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading
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Camille Grammer was on The Doctors today to discuss her battle with cancer. Because both her mother and her grandmother had cancer, she was testes for genetic markers at age 34 and she found out she did in fact carry the gene. The doctors wanted her to have a hysterectomy but she didn’t want to go through medical menopause at 34. She now regrets that she decided not to have the hysterectomy. Later she developed stage two endometrial cancer. She had a radical hysterectomy with intense chemotherapy. Camille is now working to spread awareness for endometrial cancer. She says she is trying to get the word out that when you are young and test positive for the genetic markers, save yourself a lot of fear and chemo and get the hysterectomy. Continue reading
Really? Has it come to this? The thirst is real y’all. Y’all know I am obsessed with the seating order. For the record, Camille got first chair followed by Adrienne and then Taylor. The drinking word is Brandi. Let’s hope they say it zero times. The game was Hot Po-Titties where they had to try to say something nice about Brandi. It did not go well. Someone commented today in a post simply, “Ho Po-titties” I was reading via email and was like, WTF? Now I get it. Brandi tweeted assuming we all care about her situation with these three. She said she is great with Camille, she’s working on it with Adrienne and she is indifferent to Taylor.
Click through for my assessment of the three. Continue reading