How did I not now that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was an educated, intelligent author? I have been enjoying watching him and other minor celebrities (he’s the only household name on the show, the others are…um..not) on Splash! There, I said it. For reasons I am not very clear on, Kareem has written a nearly 3000 word article for HuffPo about the real housewives. It’s interesting. But for today’s too long, didn’t read, Internet user, I will include some of my favorite parts below for those who don’t want to read the whole thing. And for the new folks that like reading such things I will direct you to another post I made, which is one of my favorites about Camille Paglia’s take on The Real Housewives franchises. After that story was brought to Bravo’s attention, Andy had Camille on WWHL. I’m predicting we see Karrem on WWHL soon.
EDIT: Kareem’s article is quite lengthy. It is not my intention to twist the intent of his writing to conform to my perceptions of it. I encourage you all to go to the link and read the entire thing and not rely on my extractions and commentary as representative of his opinion or overall assessment. I simply picked the most interesting points he made from my perspective to review. Your interpretations may vary widely.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion begins with Andy telling everyone that Adrienne is not longer with us. I love how he says that her last act as a housewife is being a chickenshit. Lisa says that if you sign up to be on a reality show you can’t then sue when someone brings things up about you. Yolanda says that her not returning is a known consequence of not showing up for the finale. Lisa says that Adrienne is leaking stories to the tabloids saying that she quit, when that is not true and Lisa knows she wanted to stay. Even Kyle is doing some back-pedaling to distance herself from Adrienne.
This episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is going to be fabulous if for no other reason than it is Adrienne Maloof’s last episode! I love Yolanda. Jennifer goes and drags Marisa back over to Brandi and Yolanda (and Lisa) to finish the conversation. Brandi tells Marisa that rather than putting her husband down by telling the entire world she wants to sleep with someone new, they should both give each other a hall pass. Lisa looks physically ill but she makes Marisa tell Brandi who said she would sleep with married men (It was Faye). Yolanda gives Marisa a lecture on trash talking your friends in front of others and the conflab is finally over.
YAY! It’s time for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I believe this is the finale. Which sucks because RHOBH is my favorite these days. Lisa is getting ready for her vow renewal. Lisa and Brandi are going to get massages and dish on Adrienne. Adrienne is having another one of her sponsored parties that she gets paid for. Lisa was invited and Brandi wasn’t. They’ve decided to hang out in Lisa’s beautiful yard for the day. The massage guy does feet. I hate the ones that skip your feet. Whenever I am in NYC the most important thing to do is to go to Chinatown and get foot massages at every single place that has the little old Chines ladies that do them. I could stay there all day, with meal breaks in Little Italy. I have slothlike qualities.
On this week’s The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we get our final glimpse of Paris as the girls take a cruise on the Seine. I can’t get over how cold and windy it was in Paris in July! At least they seemed to have packed lots of jackets and long sleeves. Yolanda gives Brandi some shoes that even I think are awesome, and so her! Oddly, most of the Bravo PR pics are from the cruise even though it was barely shown!
Kyle is headed to Lisa’s to have a meeting to clear the air. Is that Lisa’s front door? Clear glass? I would hate that! Lisa literally lives in a glass house! As for the Lisa and Kyle meeting, nothing was really settled. It’s more of the same. That entire scene was pointless. Kyle did get to practice her tearless cry again, but other than that, pointless.
I tried to get a quick and dirty recap of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills up and once again WordPress ate the first two or three paragraphs. We began with Marissa wondering like the rest of us what the hell is so empowering about women sliding up and down the pole. Basically everyone took a turn on the pole and that was that. No more mention of this “seminar” Brandi is running or how it went or when it is… perhaps it is the next day and that is why later in the show everyone bails on Yolanda’s private plane except Jenn and Lisa. Meanwhile, the best paragraph of my recap of RHOBH got eaten by WordPress. Apparently. Adrienne has a new line of handbags to go with her fat little shoes. Despite the fat that the Maloof Hoof is constantly on clearance, Adrienne thinks she can expand to handbags. They better be some low-end handbags because a handful of designers have cornered the market on stupid people with money. They now actually pay five figures for a purse. A fool and her money are soon parted… I just can’t believe women are this stupid. Adrienne made a couple of jabs in her talking head about everyone being in Vegas besides her because her business is shoes and handbags and Brandi’s is the pole. Um, your business used to be a serious empire of many things. The fact you have now stooped to being one of those housewives who sell handbags and wines of the month speaks volumes about your business.
Tonight we start with Yolanda. I think I am more jealous of her house than any other house on Bravo. I love the flowers and the lemon trees and how she is always eating such great food. I wish I had a nice kitchen like that to cook in! And yes, the refrigerator that would never look a pretty as she keeps it. Surely she has a conventional one for half empty jars of mayonnaise and six packs of PBR around the corner, right? That salad look fantastic! I LOVE Suzanne Somers and really want to get on the hormone therapy that she does in theory. In practice, it’s expensive and there are no longitudinal studies out there yet. But she and Dr. Phil’s wife seem so damn perky and happy on it! Unlike Lisa, I am quite a talented swallower so all those supplements would not be a problem. Well, they would because I never actually take my supplements I just buy them and forget to take them. I loved this scene and wish it was a lot longer.
Looks like we are back at the Moroccan restaurant where Mauricio is being a douchebag and WOW. I am shocked to see Kyle grabbing him and telling him to shut the fuck up. What was that about? Didn’t want him to let on that she was stirring the pot somehow? Then Kyle does her, “the is the last thing I wanted to happen…” routine and apologizes for Mauricio. Brandi is crying about her kids and how Adrienne is taking food out of her kids mouths by suing her over bullshit. Ken is getting such a good edit. Which means I am falling in love with Ken all over again. It does seem like Kyle said it is not about the surrogacy. Which means in Kyle land, sure it is about the surrogacy issue but it’s also about the reasons behind it and why those two decided to use a surrogate. To me anyway. I’m just saying.
