I usually can’t be bothered to read most of to the Bravo blogs because I am too busy writing my own. But for obvious reasons this week’s RHOBH has me dying to hear EVERYONE’S explanations. So please indulge me a few extra blogs on the topic. I was concerned before the season aired because I did not want to choose between Brandi, Lisa, and Yolanda as I knew we all would. I was terribly disappointed in the behavior of all three during this trip. Lisa was rude and dismissive to Kim and clearly from The Richards Sisters Publicity Tour 2013 their situation doesn’t improve. Ms. Vanderpump shows how a lady smoothes ruffled fan feathers in her blog. Yolanda explains why she supports Brandi, in a way that reflects well on her. And Joyce ever so kindly points out Yolanda’s shortcomings as a guest at someone’s vacation rental. Continue reading
Category Archives: RHOBH
Because Brandi does not know when to shut up, or how to apologize, it was with bated breath that I awaited the blog. I knew it would be a shit storm. I was not disappointed. Join me as I dissect the mind of Brandi.
First, if you follow me on Twitter, much like Brandi, I’ve been known to drunken tweet once or twice. Fine. I admit it. I am the QUEEN of over sharing on twitter. Something about that third glass of wine too many makes it seem like a really good thing to share your every thought. I get it. But I am not on a popular reality show. And more importantly, I don’t have a kids. I certainly don’t have a twitter profile extolling my virtues as a mother and friend. By the way, Leann Rimes must be having THE BEST WEEK EVER!
Click through for my breakdown of Brandi’s blog…
We begin with Brandi Glanville talking with a group of friends in order to research for her next book, which apparently is about her vagina. I’m gonna pass on this discussion.
Joyce is such a happy person. She’s packing for Palm Springs. Kim is shopping for Palm Springs. Kyle and Carlton are also shopping for new clothes. Well Kyle is shopping and Carlton is sucking the life out of the experience. Carlton has a list of grievances she airs on the shopping trip. Kyle says there is a Mexican expression for Carlton’s list of grievances. She says “she is looking for tits on an ant.” I like this expression. Kim has packed everything but the kitchen sink, including her own juicer. This trip is “planned by Joyce.”
There is the usual bickering about who gets what room. Which I will never understand. And Yolanda is disappointed that the sheets are not ironed. What? She did not bring her personal assistant in charge of sheet ironing? How will she survive 2 whole nights at a beautiful resort with unironed sheets? The horror! And apparently, the ladies had no idea Palm Springs is hot.
Brandi keeps calling Joyce, “Jacqueline.” Around the pool everyone pretends to be shy of their anorexia. Carlton has sever Wiccan tattoos. Kim’s talking heads are adorbs. Brandi brings up kissing Carlton AGAIN. And these grown woman behave like 10 year olds. Now everyone is pressuring Joyce to get in the pool. Why? It seems they think that because she is hosting the pool party she MUST get in the pool first. Is this a Dutch thing because Yolanda is the ring leader of this one. Yo says that Joyce can’t swim. Joyce says you are right, I can’t swim and Brandi says….wait for it…..
As you may or may not have heard, the ratings for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has started off poorly. So Brandi hypes her upcoming misbehavior on Youtube, Kyle goes on Wendy Williams to talk about Lisa and Brandi, and now Kim is on Bethenny. They are trying to get the word out about the three episode Palm Springs trip starting tonight. I have a feeling it is working. Also, Bethenny is tanking in the ratings hard and has been trying to counter this by dragging on any housewife or Bravolebrity who is willing to show up. It’s a match made in PR heaven I suppose.
Kim’s segment begins with a flashback to the reunion where Kim called Lisa out on talking about her behind her back when arguing with Yolanda. Yolanda was offended that Kim would “lie” about Yolanda saying Lisa was not her friend. You know what I mean, forgive me I’m a bit off today due to some minor medical issues that have me foggy headed. ANYWAY, Kim looks great and is all energetic.
Bethenny actually has ties to the Richards sisters from way back. She met Kyle when she was hostessing at a restaurant in California and Kyle hooked Bethenny up with a job with Kathy Hilton where she basically drove Kathy’s kids to school and ran errands. Nice work if you can get it. Continue reading
First of all, Kyle has added extensions to make her hair longer than Joyce’s. I find this hysterical. She does look fantastic, but it is so transparent. Wendy starts by asking about Baron Hilton getting his face bashed in while at the same party Lindsey Lohan attended. Kyle says that she was not there so she can’t say but she implies that her family has told her Lindsey was behind it.
Moving on to Brandi’s alleged alcoholism. Brandi has made some public statements lately that when the boys go to Eddie’s house, it’s still very hard for her and that is why she drinks. Or the show makes or drink. Or whatever the excuse of the day is. I have my own list of excuses. Yours may vary. Kyle is skirting around that issue too.
Wendy says that Lisa Vanderpump is meaner than ever this season. Kyle says it has been rough. These are things she has seen before but the audience hasn’t. Everything gets softened with an English accent. Continue reading
Brandi Glanville would like to apologize in advance for being and asshole and a dick and a drunken mess in the next three episodes of RHOBH. She swears she is not a bitch for no reason. This is expected to cover her upcoming “bullying” of Joyce Giraud de Ohoven who she barely knows and has done nothing to her. She “has her reasons.”
Oh um, hi. Sorry. I was totally mesmerized by Yolanda Foster’s home and infinity pool. I totally had to sit there and gawk at the view. Yolanda’s brother and mother have flown in from Holland for the reveal of David Foster’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!
The editing on RHOBH makes recapping a PITA. You get a tiny little clip of nothing from Brandi, and a tiny little clip of nothing from Kyle…. Basically, everyone has dogs and everyone is discussing whether or not Mauricio is a dog. Well, everyone except Carlton. Carlton is a witch, so she has a black cat, who she is taking in for acupuncture treatments.
Kyle and Joyce go to get weirdo Beverly Hills facials. Joyce wants to take everyone to Palm Springs but she is a bit wary of Lisa. Continue reading
The bottle she is holding his her new line of Sangria. Um, thoughts?
I am for some reason voluntarily submitting myself to the torture of Vanderpump Rules as penance for some past or future sins. We begin with Jax doing a photo shoot for Kitson. Isn’t he a little old for all of this nonsense? Ah, Jax acknowledges this and says he wants to make contacts to work behind the camera in the future.
Um, what is on Katie’s face? First of all she is not the blond type, and secondly she has more hair on her face than an Armenian grandmother! Why don’t the others tell her this is not a cute look? And really sneaking wine into a fast food joint? Really? Continue reading
Brandi wants to dump JR now that she got the house she wanted. She is having this conversation with Jennifer in the bathroom as she runs her bath. She made sure to flash her entire ass at the cameraman which I thought was a bit too…um “cheeky” and then she strips naked and gets into the tub with a full camera crew in her bathroom! Sigh.
Joyce runs a pageant called Queen of the Universe. I wonder how Trump feels about a former Miss Universe naming her pageant that? She has two adorable little boys and they have a mini putting green in their back yard. How cute. Will they be the next Tiger Woods?
As much as I want to call Carlton Morticia and violate my own rule against stupid names, I won’t. Carlton is planning a luncheon at her home for the ladies.
Yolanda is receiving daily in home visits from a holistic nurse. Gigi is leaving at the end of the summer to go to school in NYC. That should be a great place for her modeling career as well. She is studying criminal psychology. I wish I had focused my undergrad on that rather than general psychology.
JR seems like a nice guy, who is about to be blindsided. He is trying to be nice. But Brandi is pissed that he went on a couples trip to Texas without inviting her or even telling her. She seems like she is trying to dump him before he dumps her. Continue reading
Taylor Armstrong is SCREAMING for relevancy and BEGGING to be on any reality show she can get. So she will be on the upcoming season of Couples Therapy with John Whatshisname with the likes of the other John Whatshisname from John and Kate Plus 8 and that one Teen Mom who makes butt sex porn. Only she will be appearing solo, because well, most guys don’t really want to openly date a butt sex porn chick.
Anyway, Check this out. It’s kind of awesome.
Brandi Glanville’s Bravo blog has some interesting things in it this week. She begins by talking about her parents and how during the first part of filming she had not been on speaking terms with her Dad. That whole part of the blog seems to be an excuse for some of her upcoming behavior (i.e. falling down drunkenness). It’s all because she was depressed over a fight with her dad you see. We know that Joyce suggests Brandi has a drinking problem during this season and that causes pretty much the same type of rift as she had with Kim when she said that Kim needed rehab. Full circle. Continue reading