Category Archives: Recap

Catfish Recap: Devan & Rylan

Catfish with Todrick

I just can’t stop watching this messy show because you just never know what sort of fresh stupidity you are going to get. I can only remember one or two happily ever after shows and even they were suspect. I will never understand why reality shows  simply must get faker and faker as the seasons progress. I’m pretty sure there are enough legitimate online idiots out there without resorting to manufactured ones. And yet.. here we go.

Is that Kanye West on my TV screen? Please make it go away.

Max is not there AGAIN this week. Instead we have Todrick, the guy who sings and dances and makes videos and was on Dance Moms. I sort of love him.  Tonight we have a random looking white guy named Devan who delivers pizzas and a white lady, who seems much older to me than the 23 years she claims, called Rylan. They are both in Texas.  They’ve been “online dating” for over a year and they have never video chatted with each other. Um, duh.  Devan seems like he could be the bonafide idiot I am looking for. Todrick is very into all of this and totally up to the job of being Max.

The boys go to meet poor naïve Devan whose heart will soon be stomped on for all of us to see. Devan says that he went to meet her at her aunt and uncle’s house before she moved and they told her that no one by that name lived there. Rylan played it off by saying the uncle didn’t know who he was so he just lied. Welp. Rylan is a big ole Liar McLiarpants.

Nev and Todrick to a quick search and all the Rylan’s they find are guys.  They trace the phone and find a girl named Cassie who is 18 and has a criminal record for car theft and evading police via a car chase, debit and credit card abuse and a not very pretty mugshot. They do a photo search and find that the picture belongs to someone named Savannah who seems to be engaged.  Is he talking to the crimimal? Or the cheater? Continue reading

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Manzo’d With Children: Mama Manzo’s Day

Manzod with children

It looks like the theme for tonight’s Manzo’d will be very similar to this week’s Don’t Be Tardy. Mamas that don’t want to let their little girls move out.

Oh dear GOD. Chris in the bubble bath with a million little rubber duckies lined up on the side of the tub as he says, “Previously, on Manzo’s with Children,” is ERRYTHANG! Moving on…

I still find it hard to believe that Hoboken is a real town. Let alone a cute one.  Lauren wants to buy a house. Caroline wants Vito and Lauren to live with them and save money so they can buy a nice place. It really is a good idea. Caroline wants to take Lauren to look at houses. I’m gonna bet she makes a down payment on one for them.

Chris arrives in a blue onsies to pick up Albie and Lauren for some project. Chris says Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching and they are going to give their mom, “the gift of time travel.”  I love this show.  Chris pulls out some photos of the kids when they were little. Chris and Lauren were in blue onesies. He apparently want to recreat the photo. I love this idea.  The kids set about recreating multiple photos from they childhood. It’s hysterical. Continue reading

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Filed under Entertainment News, Manzoed With Children, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Manzo’d WIth Children Season Premiere Recap: Chris Has Flown The Coop

Manzod with children

It’s almost a bad idea for this show to follow Don’t Be Tardy because DBT is chock full of cute kids and this show has always been scripted. The fact than anyone ever believed the kids still lived in the house when this series started was ridiculous. I do like the show though. I just think it could be less..ridiculous.

The season previews look amazeballs! So funny.

We begin with Albie doing his daily positive affirmations in the bathroom mirror.  Lauren waking up Vito, her finance who is sleeping over in Christopher’s rules. Caroline will not let them sleep together in the house until they are married.

Albie has apparently given up on the BLK water in order to sell plant fertilizer to pot growers in Colorado. This is making the nude girl car wash business plan sound like the best out of the bunch.  I thought the boys opened a restaurant. These boys are the Sonja Morgan of New Jersey. #ToasterOven  Albie is going to test his product on a veggie garden in the back yard.

Chris has a new apartment in Hoboken, that looks a lot like the one they boys have always lived in. I think we are supposed to think this is a new one though. He seems to be interviewing a new roommate named Rob. Or else they are just getting down the important rules like “no fucking chicks with the door open and have them out before morning.”  Oh wait, this is a new apartment. Continue reading

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Dance Moms: Nia Takes on Kalani

Dance Moms Nia Kalani

 

It’s been awhile since I’ve recapped this. I keep trying to take the summer off because it’s hot and I am burning up and burning out on recapping. But someone sent me an email about Dance Moms last night which I have yet to open but I am assuming something good happened. Then I got my ad revenue check and realized I needed to try and get back with the program. Plus my DVR is filling up with stuff because if it something I might recap, I just push it to the end and secretly watch The Bachelorette, or  Bachelor in Paradise, or the Big Brother feeds with a couple of cold ones, or some pistachio Gelato, or my new favorite a chilled tortellini salad. I’m as big as a house.

Speaking of fat, let’s see if Abby shows up this week. Did we know Kira was pregnant? I may have missed an episode. Abby even gets a seat for Kira at rehearsal. It looks like we have sane Abby.  Abby claims her studio is opening next week. I’ll believe it when I see it. Abby tells them they are not in any physical shape to win at nationals.

Yep, it looks like a missed a week, I have three shows at 9 on Tuesdays and I have to go in by hand to move one to a later time. It seems that Jo Jo screwed up in the group dance, Kendall dropped her prop in the solo knocking her out of a shot at a solo for nationals. Nia must have been fantastic because Abby said she was decent. Kalani, Mackenzie and Maddie all did well.

Okay, I see how this is going to go. It’s Nia and Kalani head to head for a spot at nationals and it’s at the competition where the judges are kids. So they are likely to pick Nia’s routine “Bye Felecia” over Kalani’s same old, same old contemporary. Then Abby will say that Nationals is judged by adults so she’s ignoring the results and picking Kalani. Also she is not letting Nia dance in the group dance because she is filming her second music video this week. Oh and the group dance has umbrellas for everyone. Disaster looms. Continue reading

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Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Entertainment News, Recap

10 Things I Hate About Secrets & Wives

Secrets and Wives

 

1) Yankees

2) Yankees cooking in disposable aluminum. Aluminum is Satan. Alzheimer’s, Carcenogic, and most importantly, tacky.

3) Vapid fake blondes.

4) A VERY long infomercial for the cosmetic surgeon.

5) If you are going to be a fake blond, on a reality show, GET YOUR ROOTS DONE before filming.

6) You don’t have to be smart or pretty to be a gold digger on Long Island, it seems.

7) I’m Bored.

8)  Horrific wardrobes. Hot pink dresses and black nail polish?

9) Tacky. So Tacky.

10)  Yankees. Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Not a Recap, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Recap, RISE UP!

mbc cast

Someone doing some PR for this show drove me batshit for a week or so. I kindly agreed to promote it and hoped that I could get some good pictures that would help me preprepare. I asked for no compensation.  Then suddenly I felt like I had a boss. I am the boss. I might have sent someone a stern letter. I really don’t do well with some of these collaborations. :) Bless her heart.

Anyway, I love these shows. And I have some strong feelings about the “stars.”  Let’s get too it. The first paragraph of each couple is From the PR for the show.

Kendra Wilkinson & Hank Baskett
Life was perfect for Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett until a tabloid scandal tainted their happy household. They had a beautiful child with one more on the way, when Hank made a decision that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Now, Hank is trying everything in his power to get their lives back on track. Marital troubles can be hard on any couple but add the constant pressure of the tabloids and social media and that’s a recipe for disaster. Will Kendra be able to forgive Hank and move on with the rest of their lives?

I loved The Girls Next Door with Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends.  But at that time Kendra was not my favorite.  She was very young and that was part of it. I have watched all of her shows afterward and come to have a soft spot for her and Hank. That said, they have dragged the transgender affait thing, all over their own show. There is no need to keep televising this shit. They are doomed to fail. They are the only married couple on the show. I have a feeling this was taped BEFORE their show. But it is kind of hard to say.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino & Lauren Pesce
Long before reality TV came into the picture, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and Lauren Pesce were college sweethearts. The couple took a hiatus from their relationship and went their separate ways. Mike found fame in the blockbuster reality TV series Jersey Shore and the acquaintance of many, many women. Unfortunately, the dark side of stardom got the better of him as addiction reared its ugly head in the process. After getting clean and sober Mike and Lauren rekindled their relationship, however Lauren is struggling with the possibility he could relapse. Can a bad boy really change or will old ways and bad habits leave her to pick up the pieces?

Lauren needs to RUN from Mike. I think that Lauren my just be humoring Mike and they are not really dating anymore and just there to get a paycheck. Continue reading

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Filed under Aubrey O'Day, Entertainment News, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap, We

Southern Charm Season Finale Recap: Dysfunction Junction

Southern Charm Cast

 

Well it’s been an interesting season on Southern Charm. Maybe now that the season is over, Patricia can come on down and sue me for calling her a Yankee. The lawyers all look very dapper in their baby blue seersucker  this time of year.  Let’s see what sort of shenanigans these folks can get up to for the finale. Shahs has set a very low bar, so I’d be ever so grateful for the mildest bit of entertainment.

I had totally forgotten that Cameran got so wasted at the campaign headquarters party the night before. Then again so was EVERYONE else.

Interior designer Mario Buatta is at Patricia’s pretending like he is deciding where to hang decorative plates. The plates have been in the same spot for eons as noted by the fact that the hooks are already in the wall where they belong. Patricia says her interior design style includes discreet collections of things as the camera pans to a hideous display of ceramic dog figures.

Whitney walks in an Buatta makes fun of his pants. He says they look like a cheap hotel. No ballroom. /groan. Patricia doesn’t get it. She says,” knowing Whitney those pants aren’t cheap!”  No, that’s was in fashion in WeHo where Whitney lives. One of my spies had the misfortune of being in the locker room with Whitney at the gym in WeHo recently. I know I have spies everywhere but that is one place I can do without them. Ew.

Patricia begins to explain to us how Kathryn lost the election for Thomas. Because Patricia is a Yankee moron who is reading a script that Whitney wrote. #ShallowGenePools  All this Norman Bates Pair ever talks about is Kathryn. Oh! And how rich they are. #amused Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Recap, Southern Charm

Catfish Recap: Chitara and Priscilla

This is Chitara

This is Chitara

Tonight it is a Lesbian Catfish! Chitara is the one who wrote in because she has a catfish named Priscilla. Priscilla dumped her. Priscilla is supposed to be a nurse who also lives in her town of Durham.  Priscilla dumped her and said it was all lies and she never loved her. Priscilla is SUPER hot. So it’s most likely that Priscilla is not the chick in the photo. I’m guessing Priscilla is a big fat dude with a two-inch penis. Chitara is bisexual so ….perhaps there is still hope. Oh wait. They talked on the phone every night. It was a six month relationship. Priscilla claims her mother passed. Then she said she was into a guy.

So off Nev and this Alex dude go to Durham, North Carolina. The south seems to have a whole lot more catfish. I’m just saying.  Chitara is really pretty and Priscilla’s online photos are like modeling photos. Alex is a goober. Being Max is not as easy as Max makes it look.

SIDE NOTE: Finding Carter Season Two Premiers next Tuesday at Ten on MTV. I strongly recommend binge watching season one. The first episode is sort of meh but it gets really good. And season two looks amazeballs. The truth is going to tear me apart? I don’t want to be told apart. BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS!  FYI Finding Carter is a scripted show about a twin girl who is kidnapped very young and is eventually reunited with her real family in high school. She loves her mom the kidnapper but comes to accept her new family….UNTIL….

The boys figure out that Priscilla has another fake profile where she talks to herself and pretends like they video chatted. Chitara is such a nice girl. I’m glad that Tee Cee is not reading this because I can think of 20 mean things she would say about Chitara’s name. But she is the mean yankee and I am the nice demure southern girl. Continue reading

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Catfish Recap: Daisy & Marcus

Max, you better come back for your man!

Max, you better come back for your man!

The guest host is Tyler Oakley is an LBGT advocate on Instagram. Nev says that makes him the best choice for this episode. This leads me to believe that Marcus ain’t a man already because they have already shown us Daisy. They are giving us way too much information on these episodes this season.

Daisy writes in and says she “met” a super hot guy on Instagram who helped her throw some hard times. But they have never spoken on the phone. Well, I haven’t talked to a lot of my Internet friends on the phone, but I’m pretty sure about their gender. Daisy is an odd duck. She has had two close deaths in her family. Her eyes seem to be crazy.  Nev says he is pretty sure already that Marcus is a chick. So when the guys get there to find out her story she says she had a sister die in a car accident. Then she starts talking about how her dad died by telling a story about her dating a girl.  The family had a fit because of the same sex relationship.  Apparently the father “dropped dead from a stroke and an aneurism” at home when the rest of the family took her to see her girlfriend.  This all seems like a sack of horseshit to me. I say Marcus will be the girlfriend and they are both in on the con. Daisey doesn’t have the right demeanor for the story she is telling. Tyler on the other hand looks like he is so sad listening to this story he may open a vein.  I think Daisy may have drawn her eyebrows on with a magic marker. Daisy is cute enough but she has some major issues and none of them have to do with dead family members.

Okay, now the mother and one sister is on camera, they are really odd. The mother is Colombian and let’s just say she is not very loving to her daughter. Now I am feeling sorry for her. Then Nev and Tyler tell her that she is probably texting the dude’s mother. Nothing is going well in this poor girls life. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: False Piety and Fake Therapy

RHOA Therapy Times

Here we are back for episode seventeen of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Is it me or does it seem a lot longer than that. I guess it is all of those Sundays off for awards shows and football games. I am so read for this season to be over.

Phaedra

We start with Phaedra bitching about having to drive all the way to Duluth to film with Porsha. That is Phaedra’s own damn fault. Since Nene and Phaedra will only film with each other and possibly each other, Phaedra is stuck driving out to the boondocks. It does seems like a long ride for Phaedra to do a recap of Phaedra’s meeting with Cynthia. Phaedra implies that CYNTHIA is a plus sized model. Read that again. Phaedra calls Cynthia fat. She also talks about Cynthia having fibroids and dry vagina. Phaedra calls the other women hyena and Satan’s spawn. Then Phaedra and Porsha “pray” over sme “food.”

Kandi

Todd and Kandi are talking about Kandi’s grandfather Tituss Burruss. I guess this means she is related to Tituss Burress the Broadway actor from Georgia who is going to be on WWHL tonight.  Interesting.  Todd and Kandi try to do their therapy homework but it doesn’t go well.

Claudia

Claudia goes over to visit Gary With The Tea from Dish Nation. Gary lives in a nice building downtown. In fact I think I know someone who lives there. Claudia goes to ask him about doing stand-up.  Claudia is feeling a little stifled as the straight man, so to speak, on Dish Nation. She wants to be able to do a little unbridled comedy on her own at a comedy club. Later, Claudia goes to meet with Luenell to discuss her comedy routine. Continue reading

239 Comments

March 15, 2015 · 9:18 pm

Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap: Murder Mystery Party

RHOMel Season 2 cast

Well, fuck. I was just watching last night’s idol and doing a bit of hormonal singing and crying. VOTE FOR QUENTIN!  We have 3 great black guys in the top 12 and the black guy vote is being split and Quentin is on the bubble. I loves me some Quentin!  And also vote for Joey with the green hair and the Ukulele! #StayWeird!  Anyway, I was doing that and eating tons of stuff from Trader Joe’s (currently sliced pear with goat cheese) instead of recapping so I am off to a very late start  with Real Housewives of Melbourne but am all ready to go now!

We start with PetitFleur at a fancy car dealership. Please forgive me if I FF though this. Then I FF thought Lydia shopping for dog clothes or whatever. Then I FF through Gamble doing something with her dog. I think Gamble’s rich husband, Rick, is very good-looking.  Win-Win!

Gamble and Rick are hosting a murder mystery party. I am excited by this. It has a witches theme. That is rather odd, but whatever.  Janet doesn’t need a special outfit for this potty. Pettifleur is a cunt.

Two lunches occur. Lydia is stuck with Pettifleur, who is bashing Gamble. She calls Gamble stupid. And when Lydia asked what she thought of her she said she found her pretentious. She would be the expert on pretense. I’ll take Lydia over Petti any day. Lydia asks if Petti is from Indian origin. She says no and that she is Swiss, and a bunch of other things. I think she is Indian.

At the other lunch, Janet is bashing Pettifleur for being rude and well, pretentious. Gamble called Petti Nouveau Riche and says she is only interested in money. Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Recap

Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 2 Premiere Recap: Potty Time!

Here are the season two cast.

Here are the season two cast.

 

I am so behind on recapping this week. I promise Dance Moms and Catfish and more are in the pipeline. Things are just a bit busy around here today. But first let’s go to those lovely ladies from down under, the Real Housewives of Melbourne.  NOW IN PRIMETIME!

They are only doing the previews and I’m already thrilled with this episode!

Lydia

We start the season with Lydia driving her convertible down by the water.  I forget why we don’t like Lydia. I think perhaps she was too pretentious last season for some of you. I have to say, she won my heart by flying to a cheese shop. If there is anything worth cranking up the private jet for in my book, it’s good cheese.

Chyka

Everyone loves Chyka. Can she do any wrong this season? I love Chyka, her husband Bruce and their cute hospitality business. Continue reading

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Filed under News, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap