Category Archives: Recap

Lindsay Recap

Linsay Lohan

We’re back with Oprah at Dina Lohan’s house. Oprah wants to talk to Dina alone. After a brief chat, Oprah lays down the law for Lindsay. She is to keep her schedule or Oprah is pulling the show.

Thankfully, Matt is agreeing to stay because frankly, he makes the show. The apartment is still an utter shit hole. It’s like a hoarder house with clothes and shoes and handbags stacked sky-high in every room and hallway. Lindsay is not up yet, but Hollie, Matt and her trainer are already slaving away trying to get things together. Production has purchased a ton of hangers and clothing racks to try to get everything organized. Continue reading

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Filed under Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, OWN, Recap

Dance Moms Recap: It Was Fucking Stupid.

Dance Moms

It’s once again time for Pyramid after that debacle with the drag queen routine last week. I still cannot believe that dance won. I fully expect to see Mackenzie at the top of the pyramid where Peyton should be. Oh wait, Abby is announcing the permanent replacements for Brooke and Paige. Kalani and Peyton are both there so now we know. But wait. Abby can’t do anything the proper way. She puts Kalani on the team permanently (AKA for the rest of Season 4) but not Peyton who was the lead dancer last week and was told if they didn’t win all responsibility would fall on her. Peyton’s mom has a meltdown.

It’s time for pyramid, where Abby crushes little girls’ dreams and wounds their psyches. On the bottom is Kalani because she is new. Which is odd because Kalani is Abby’s little favored one, just below Maddie, and last week or the week before some new kid started in the middle of the pyramid. Next is Kendall because she did not save her tears for her pillow. Wait, Abby says it was because she was just going through the motions. Next, is Nia, because Abby hates Nia. Abby says she was outstanding last week, but she was the one with previous experience. What? Nia was a drag queen before? Who knew? Rounding out the bottom is Chloe because Abby has a voodoo doll of her mother at home and sticks needles straight through her heart on a daily basis. But she says it is because she got beat by a nine year old in the overalls. Mackenzie is next which shocks me because Abby was gaga over Mackenzie’s performance in group dance. Her reason? She was not Maddie.  Next up is Maddie! Is it possible Peyton will get the top of the pyramid finally? Could it be? Well, Peyton is next but it seems like that is everyone and it was not the top spot. Whatever, she is ahead of Maddie. She put Kelly on top of the pyramid as a joke, and as a way to crush Peyton’s soul. Continue reading

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Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Recap

Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Ineptitude Abounds

Gordon Ramsey

I don’t usually blog this show but I thought I would throw one up and see if y’all are interested. So far this season I have been less than impressed with the chefs this season. They seem dumber than usual and I don’t have any favorites so far.

As usual, on every reality show, the women are bickering and the men are inept. Neither team has managed to complete a service, and much swearing from Gordon Ramsey has occurred in both kitchens.

The women win the challenge (making potato side dishes) and go on a fabulous sailboat to watch the dolphins.

The women have someone who appears to be certifiably crazy on their team, Simone. Simone appears to be hallucinating. Another team member is physically quite ill. One of the guys cut his finger pretty bad on the mandolin. They are all going in at less than 100% Continue reading

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Blood Sweat and Heels Reunion Recap

Blood Sweat and Heel Girls on WWHL

This photo is from WWHL not the Reunion.

It’s the Prouds on one side and the Louds on the other. I am TOTALLY Team Proud let’s see if the reunion changes everything. I am a bit behind so I am just going to give some general comments and try to avoid a blog transcribing every detail. I still have WWHL to recap tonight!

Well, Daisy got a new wig. It is better but super long. I just can’t see her as the long-haired sultry type. Her dress is a blinding pink with parts of a purple chandelier as a necklace.  For the record, everyone seems to have missed the mark with their outfits tonight, even the always on point Demetria, who looks fine, but has looked better.

Demetria and Melyssa seem to have a friendship beyond the show and are working out a few little things the other said that hurt them on the show and apologize. Everyone says everyone is different when the cameras are not rolling. I believe that. This is season one when people still think they can make a good impression. Brie says she is the same on and off camera. The Prouds gang up on Daisy.

I love Geneva, but the girl NEEDS bangs. If you crossed Geneva’s forehead with Teresa Giudice’s forehead they would both benefit.  I don’t understand the arm pads in Geneva’s dress. At all. Continue reading

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Filed under Blood Sweat & Heels, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Recap

Scandal Recap: Kiss Kiss Bang! Bang!

James and Cyrus Scandal

And just like that my favorite Scandal couple is no more. I really wasn’t expecting James to die. I know the signs were all there, but I thought they were just trying to make us worry about it. So I didn’t worry about it. I was blown away. I tried to recap last night as I was watching and I just couldn’t do it. After James was murdered, I really couldn’t pay attention to anything else. I wish they would have killed him last week and given me a week to get over it. I kept hoping it was all an elaborate ruse. Then came the final scene, and I was up before 8 am this morning because that scene gave me nightmares. I was shoring myself up for the episode to end with a despondent Cyrus rocking the baby. The actual ending was even worse.  If I am taking things this badly, I am not sure Cyrus is going to make it. I thought he seemed suicidal before this all happened.

Two odd things: Why did the lady cop uncover James for David to see. He had been identified and David was his friend. It seemed unnecessary and thoughtless. Secondly, the hole that Jake dug was perfectly rectangular. That has to be done by machine, not one guy with a shovel.  And why is he burying his own bodies? Continue reading

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Flipping Out is Back! YAY!

flipping out

I love Flipping Out! It’s one of the few “reality shows” left that is actually fun and funny!  No table flipping, no wig snatching and no federal indictments and yet, we still watch!  On the down side, Andrew is there. He is the person everyone picks on BECAUSE HE IS AN IDIOT!  But rather than fire him, Jeff likes to grind his organ (see what I did there?) while Andrew dances in a paint can outfit.

Because Jenni is knocked up and about to pop, we needed a new Jenni. Jeff has chosen Megan. I hate Megan within ten seconds because she is not Jenni. This is never going to work. Hopefully one of two things happen before the end of the episode, either she quits or Andrew poisons her. Whatever it takes works for me.

Jeff is buying Vanina a set of boobs because he ruined her relationship and the guy dumped her. Andrew is jealous. Jenni is perplexed. Jeff is shopping for the best deal. He’s found a doctor that has tits on sale. It’s all perfectly normal for this show.

Rats in the attic. National Geographic boobs. Let’s move on. I am particularly sensitive about both of those issues. We shan’t speak on this further.

Gage and Jeff are still together. This displeases me. Gage is kind of a goober. Continue reading

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Scandal: A Quotes Only Recap

I must CONFESS MY SINS!

Where the hell do you summon the audacity to accuse me of dirty politics while you’re the one slathered in mud fornicating with whatever slithers by while dining on your own filth until you’re too fat to stand? Well guess what? Time for the slaughter piggy piggy! Time for the slaughter you filthy cloven beast!  I see the signs of the devil branded into your flesh!  We all see them!  Time to serve your master! Time to make the bacon! Judgment is upon you and on that day you will no long ruin the temple soiling this nation’s hallowed ground,  for you will be frying in the frying pan (inaudible) for your Satanic master to snack upon. Yum, Yum crispy piggy! Yum! Yum!  ~Sally Langston

I must confess my sins to the world so he will take me back into his flock. So that he will speak to me once again. So that he will show me a sign of his love. Thou shalt not kill, Leo. I must confess to the world the breaking of his commandment. It is the only way I will hear his voice again. ~ Sally Langston

If this debate happens, you are going to jail. ~Leo Bergen

What would Olivia Pope do? Somebody needs to put that on a bracelet. ~ David Rosen Continue reading

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Scandal: Dirty Little Secrets

Kerry Washington Scandal

Sorry for the delay, gladiators! I’m sort of all over the place these days and focus is not my long suit at the moment. I am dying to talk to you about the return of Scandal though! It seems that everyone has a dirty little secret. If you haven’t read my friends chart, you can read that here.

Let’s start at the end with Andrew Nichols, the current choice for the vice presidential candidate. The gladiators and Olivia all came up with a pretty clean background on him, yet Olivia still has a gut feeling that he is a really bad choice. In the end we find out that his dirty little secret is, Mellie! Mellie is apparently the one who got away over a decade ago. Mellie is the reason for his superficial dating history with models and celebrities.  Next week, Olivia finds out and confronts Mellie.

Speaking of Mellie, she really didn’t need another dirty little secret, did she? I mean one would think the whole rapey Father-in-Law  secret would be enough for one person.  Speaking of that, rumor has it that Mellie and Fitz’s children will be seen and heard from very soon. Will Fitz find out that his eldest son is really his half-brother? Continue reading

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Watch What Happens Live With Kenya Moore & Wayne Brady Recap

WWHL with Kenya Moore and Wayne Brady

I am so looking forward to this show. With Phaedra cancelling and Kenya filling in, this will be delicious. Plus I love Wayne Brady! LOL At Andy’s intro, “It’s one shady lady and one Wayne Brady.”  OMG the bartender is Artie Thompson the crazy gay event planner from Chef Roble! I love this episode already!   I hope everyone votes in the poll that Nene started all the dayum drama. It should be a landslide of votes against a handful of dumbasses. Andy says the ladies all blamed Kenya for charging Christopher. Let’s put him in the dumbass category too. They said she charged Natalie, which Kenya carefully explains didn’t happen either. Do we need to roll tape again?  Andy says that Nene said she was wearing a diaper and Kenya retorts. “At least I can fit in a child’s diaper, not an adult diaper like some of us.”

Andy says that last week Kenya tweeted that Brandi Glanville was an ass clown. Really I missed that. Kenya says that “Well she’s an idiot really. She went after me in her blog after I said how ignorant her comments were about black people not being able to swim, so that’s why she is an ass clown.” Has Wayne Brady really never heard the expression ass clown? Weird. Continue reading

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Filed under Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Kenya Moore, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, RHOA, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

Shahs of Sunset Recap: Return To The Homeland Part 1

shahs-2-600I am so excited for tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset for so many reasons. For one, I love Turkey and am dying to see where they go. And for another, while they are in Turkey this group will not be wasted the entire time and hopefully we will see them more civilized with less liquid courage coursing through their veins. And finally we likely will not be distracted by the women’s breasts hanging out for all to see. It should be a fun, more conservative show.

Already Reza is pretending like he cares about his heritage. He doesn’t but my home for him is that he will when he returns from this trip. GG wins the best luggage award with some Gucci looking roll-on with a leather flip top. Crap I forgot about them getting wasted on the flight over. MJ is standing up during take-off. What is wrong with these people? Have they never been in a plane before?  It looks like they are in Lufthansa’s business class and are sort of spread out so that may be a good thing. Wow! It’s only 12 hours to Istanbul from the west coast.

Did they actual bring champagne with them? The first thing they do when they get to there van is drink. They toast to being in the middle-east. Well close enough to the middle east I suppose. Istanbul is primarily in Europe.

MJ and GG begin arguing on the first night out in Istanbul. This is not what we want to see Bravo. Why do we need to fly them half way around the world to hear them rehash their stupid arguments in front of a foreign audience? /sigh Yet somehow they end up apologizing and making up. Continue reading

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Filed under Asa Soltan Rahmati, Bravo, Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mercedeh Javid, Mike Shouhed, Recap, Reza Farahan, Shahs of Sunset, Tehrangeles

Blood, Sweat & Heels Recap: Pappa Can You Hear Me?

Blood Sweat Heels - Season 1

And now for something a little bit tamer, I hope, Blood, Sweat & Heels. Can’t Bravo have just one nice show? I’m hoping for lots of tranquil screen time from Demetria.  But no, we start with the three I could do without. Mica and Melyssa go to Daisy’s apartment for a fashion swap. Wow! They all have the same shoe size!  They do more sipping than swapping, but it seems like they had a good time.

Until the three start talking about their fathers. Melyssa’s  father died when she was 16. Mica starts crying and tells them that her father has pancreatic cancer and is refusing treatment and could die very soon. The girls tell Mica she has to go see her father and say goodbye.

Demetria and Geneva meet again. This time there is much less tension. They talk about Mica’s drinking issues. She is falling down drunk at every function. They wonder if she needs an intervention.

Daisy is interviewing for an assistant. I can’t say anything nice about this scene, so I will not say anything.  It’s not really part of the storyline this week.

Mica is struggling with the fact that her father is dying. Terry’s boyfriend is very good at comforting her. I’m not really comfortable recapping such a personal situation.  I really don’t think this is something she should have made “a storyline.” Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: How the Hell Am I on Kenya Moore’s Side in All This?

RHOA Faces

I’m so excited to see Dwight back on my TV on tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta! Phaedra is planning a “blessing” or an “inauguration”  for Mr. President. She sold the story to the tabloids as a “traditional African naming ceremony.”  Whatever she calls it, it can’t possibly be as offensive as Ayden’s televised fiasco.  At least she is not doing whatever this is in a church. She has rented a house for the party. Why not just have it in her house? I guess because of the renovations. Phaedra is in full put on mode. It’s a presidential theme, natch. You know, just like all the other traditional African naming ceremonies you’ve been to.  Red, White and Blue champagne?

Cynthia is telling Peter about the dinner with all of the girls the other night. Cynthia is a bit irritated with Kandi for saying that Peter has a past. I really didn’t think it was a big deal or that Kandi meant anything by it. She just said we all have a past and that doesn’t necessarily dictate the future. Well, unless we are talking about Apollo. Allegedly.  Cynthia is telling Peter this because they are planning to go to a couples pajama party at Nene’s and she wants him to be up to speed. But really, this is just going to make Peter go after Kandi at the party.

Kenya is still pretending to be trying to have a baby. I’m not sure these scenes even need to be recapped. Basically the doctor tells her that her eggs are still too damn old. Um, duh.

Kandi and Todd and Don Juan are talking about casting for the play. Don Juan is throwing shade about Porsha singing in the play.  Kandi has confidence in Porsha.  Did any of y’all go see the play? Todd brings up Christopher Williams and Kandi gives him the side eye. Don Juan knows what is coming and excuses himself. Then Kandi tells Todd about Christopher’s wife, Natalie,  calling him an opportunist. Todd is not feeling a pajama party.

More Kenya silliness.  Kenya and Miss Lawrence try to pick up a sperm donor at the sperm bank. Continue reading

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Filed under Apollo Nida, Bravo, Cynthia Bailey, Filming Real Housewives of Atlanta, Gregg Leakes, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore, Marlo Hampton, Miss Lawerence, NeNe Leakes, Peter Thomas, Phaedra Parks, Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recap, RHOA, Todd Tucker