Category Archives: Recap

10 Things I Hate About Secrets & Wives

Secrets and Wives

 

1) Yankees

2) Yankees cooking in disposable aluminum. Aluminum is Satan. Alzheimer’s, Carcenogic, and most importantly, tacky.

3) Vapid fake blondes.

4) A VERY long infomercial for the cosmetic surgeon.

5) If you are going to be a fake blond, on a reality show, GET YOUR ROOTS DONE before filming.

6) You don’t have to be smart or pretty to be a gold digger on Long Island, it seems.

7) I’m Bored.

8)  Horrific wardrobes. Hot pink dresses and black nail polish?

9) Tacky. So Tacky.

10)  Yankees. Continue reading

111 Comments

Filed under Bravo, Not a Recap, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Recap, RISE UP!

mbc cast

Someone doing some PR for this show drove me batshit for a week or so. I kindly agreed to promote it and hoped that I could get some good pictures that would help me preprepare. I asked for no compensation.  Then suddenly I felt like I had a boss. I am the boss. I might have sent someone a stern letter. I really don’t do well with some of these collaborations. :) Bless her heart.

Anyway, I love these shows. And I have some strong feelings about the “stars.”  Let’s get too it. The first paragraph of each couple is From the PR for the show.

Kendra Wilkinson & Hank Baskett
Life was perfect for Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett until a tabloid scandal tainted their happy household. They had a beautiful child with one more on the way, when Hank made a decision that will haunt him for the rest of his life. Now, Hank is trying everything in his power to get their lives back on track. Marital troubles can be hard on any couple but add the constant pressure of the tabloids and social media and that’s a recipe for disaster. Will Kendra be able to forgive Hank and move on with the rest of their lives?

I loved The Girls Next Door with Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends.  But at that time Kendra was not my favorite.  She was very young and that was part of it. I have watched all of her shows afterward and come to have a soft spot for her and Hank. That said, they have dragged the transgender affait thing, all over their own show. There is no need to keep televising this shit. They are doomed to fail. They are the only married couple on the show. I have a feeling this was taped BEFORE their show. But it is kind of hard to say.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino & Lauren Pesce
Long before reality TV came into the picture, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and Lauren Pesce were college sweethearts. The couple took a hiatus from their relationship and went their separate ways. Mike found fame in the blockbuster reality TV series Jersey Shore and the acquaintance of many, many women. Unfortunately, the dark side of stardom got the better of him as addiction reared its ugly head in the process. After getting clean and sober Mike and Lauren rekindled their relationship, however Lauren is struggling with the possibility he could relapse. Can a bad boy really change or will old ways and bad habits leave her to pick up the pieces?

Lauren needs to RUN from Mike. I think that Lauren my just be humoring Mike and they are not really dating anymore and just there to get a paycheck. Continue reading

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Filed under Aubrey O'Day, Entertainment News, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap, We

Southern Charm Season Finale Recap: Dysfunction Junction

Southern Charm Cast

 

Well it’s been an interesting season on Southern Charm. Maybe now that the season is over, Patricia can come on down and sue me for calling her a Yankee. The lawyers all look very dapper in their baby blue seersucker  this time of year.  Let’s see what sort of shenanigans these folks can get up to for the finale. Shahs has set a very low bar, so I’d be ever so grateful for the mildest bit of entertainment.

I had totally forgotten that Cameran got so wasted at the campaign headquarters party the night before. Then again so was EVERYONE else.

Interior designer Mario Buatta is at Patricia’s pretending like he is deciding where to hang decorative plates. The plates have been in the same spot for eons as noted by the fact that the hooks are already in the wall where they belong. Patricia says her interior design style includes discreet collections of things as the camera pans to a hideous display of ceramic dog figures.

Whitney walks in an Buatta makes fun of his pants. He says they look like a cheap hotel. No ballroom. /groan. Patricia doesn’t get it. She says,” knowing Whitney those pants aren’t cheap!”  No, that’s was in fashion in WeHo where Whitney lives. One of my spies had the misfortune of being in the locker room with Whitney at the gym in WeHo recently. I know I have spies everywhere but that is one place I can do without them. Ew.

Patricia begins to explain to us how Kathryn lost the election for Thomas. Because Patricia is a Yankee moron who is reading a script that Whitney wrote. #ShallowGenePools  All this Norman Bates Pair ever talks about is Kathryn. Oh! And how rich they are. #amused Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Recap, Southern Charm

Catfish Recap: Chitara and Priscilla

This is Chitara

This is Chitara

Tonight it is a Lesbian Catfish! Chitara is the one who wrote in because she has a catfish named Priscilla. Priscilla dumped her. Priscilla is supposed to be a nurse who also lives in her town of Durham.  Priscilla dumped her and said it was all lies and she never loved her. Priscilla is SUPER hot. So it’s most likely that Priscilla is not the chick in the photo. I’m guessing Priscilla is a big fat dude with a two-inch penis. Chitara is bisexual so ….perhaps there is still hope. Oh wait. They talked on the phone every night. It was a six month relationship. Priscilla claims her mother passed. Then she said she was into a guy.

So off Nev and this Alex dude go to Durham, North Carolina. The south seems to have a whole lot more catfish. I’m just saying.  Chitara is really pretty and Priscilla’s online photos are like modeling photos. Alex is a goober. Being Max is not as easy as Max makes it look.

SIDE NOTE: Finding Carter Season Two Premiers next Tuesday at Ten on MTV. I strongly recommend binge watching season one. The first episode is sort of meh but it gets really good. And season two looks amazeballs. The truth is going to tear me apart? I don’t want to be told apart. BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS!  FYI Finding Carter is a scripted show about a twin girl who is kidnapped very young and is eventually reunited with her real family in high school. She loves her mom the kidnapper but comes to accept her new family….UNTIL….

The boys figure out that Priscilla has another fake profile where she talks to herself and pretends like they video chatted. Chitara is such a nice girl. I’m glad that Tee Cee is not reading this because I can think of 20 mean things she would say about Chitara’s name. But she is the mean yankee and I am the nice demure southern girl. Continue reading

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Filed under Catfish, Entertainment News, MTV, News, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Catfish Recap: Daisy & Marcus

Max, you better come back for your man!

Max, you better come back for your man!

The guest host is Tyler Oakley is an LBGT advocate on Instagram. Nev says that makes him the best choice for this episode. This leads me to believe that Marcus ain’t a man already because they have already shown us Daisy. They are giving us way too much information on these episodes this season.

Daisy writes in and says she “met” a super hot guy on Instagram who helped her throw some hard times. But they have never spoken on the phone. Well, I haven’t talked to a lot of my Internet friends on the phone, but I’m pretty sure about their gender. Daisy is an odd duck. She has had two close deaths in her family. Her eyes seem to be crazy.  Nev says he is pretty sure already that Marcus is a chick. So when the guys get there to find out her story she says she had a sister die in a car accident. Then she starts talking about how her dad died by telling a story about her dating a girl.  The family had a fit because of the same sex relationship.  Apparently the father “dropped dead from a stroke and an aneurism” at home when the rest of the family took her to see her girlfriend.  This all seems like a sack of horseshit to me. I say Marcus will be the girlfriend and they are both in on the con. Daisey doesn’t have the right demeanor for the story she is telling. Tyler on the other hand looks like he is so sad listening to this story he may open a vein.  I think Daisy may have drawn her eyebrows on with a magic marker. Daisy is cute enough but she has some major issues and none of them have to do with dead family members.

Okay, now the mother and one sister is on camera, they are really odd. The mother is Colombian and let’s just say she is not very loving to her daughter. Now I am feeling sorry for her. Then Nev and Tyler tell her that she is probably texting the dude’s mother. Nothing is going well in this poor girls life. Continue reading

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Filed under Catfish, Entertainment News, MTV, News, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: False Piety and Fake Therapy

RHOA Therapy Times

Here we are back for episode seventeen of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Is it me or does it seem a lot longer than that. I guess it is all of those Sundays off for awards shows and football games. I am so read for this season to be over.

Phaedra

We start with Phaedra bitching about having to drive all the way to Duluth to film with Porsha. That is Phaedra’s own damn fault. Since Nene and Phaedra will only film with each other and possibly each other, Phaedra is stuck driving out to the boondocks. It does seems like a long ride for Phaedra to do a recap of Phaedra’s meeting with Cynthia. Phaedra implies that CYNTHIA is a plus sized model. Read that again. Phaedra calls Cynthia fat. She also talks about Cynthia having fibroids and dry vagina. Phaedra calls the other women hyena and Satan’s spawn. Then Phaedra and Porsha “pray” over sme “food.”

Kandi

Todd and Kandi are talking about Kandi’s grandfather Tituss Burruss. I guess this means she is related to Tituss Burress the Broadway actor from Georgia who is going to be on WWHL tonight.  Interesting.  Todd and Kandi try to do their therapy homework but it doesn’t go well.

Claudia

Claudia goes over to visit Gary With The Tea from Dish Nation. Gary lives in a nice building downtown. In fact I think I know someone who lives there. Claudia goes to ask him about doing stand-up.  Claudia is feeling a little stifled as the straight man, so to speak, on Dish Nation. She wants to be able to do a little unbridled comedy on her own at a comedy club. Later, Claudia goes to meet with Luenell to discuss her comedy routine. Continue reading

239 Comments

March 15, 2015 · 9:18 pm

Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap: Murder Mystery Party

RHOMel Season 2 cast

Well, fuck. I was just watching last night’s idol and doing a bit of hormonal singing and crying. VOTE FOR QUENTIN!  We have 3 great black guys in the top 12 and the black guy vote is being split and Quentin is on the bubble. I loves me some Quentin!  And also vote for Joey with the green hair and the Ukulele! #StayWeird!  Anyway, I was doing that and eating tons of stuff from Trader Joe’s (currently sliced pear with goat cheese) instead of recapping so I am off to a very late start  with Real Housewives of Melbourne but am all ready to go now!

We start with PetitFleur at a fancy car dealership. Please forgive me if I FF though this. Then I FF thought Lydia shopping for dog clothes or whatever. Then I FF through Gamble doing something with her dog. I think Gamble’s rich husband, Rick, is very good-looking.  Win-Win!

Gamble and Rick are hosting a murder mystery party. I am excited by this. It has a witches theme. That is rather odd, but whatever.  Janet doesn’t need a special outfit for this potty. Pettifleur is a cunt.

Two lunches occur. Lydia is stuck with Pettifleur, who is bashing Gamble. She calls Gamble stupid. And when Lydia asked what she thought of her she said she found her pretentious. She would be the expert on pretense. I’ll take Lydia over Petti any day. Lydia asks if Petti is from Indian origin. She says no and that she is Swiss, and a bunch of other things. I think she is Indian.

At the other lunch, Janet is bashing Pettifleur for being rude and well, pretentious. Gamble called Petti Nouveau Riche and says she is only interested in money. Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Recap

Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 2 Premiere Recap: Potty Time!

Here are the season two cast.

Here are the season two cast.

 

I am so behind on recapping this week. I promise Dance Moms and Catfish and more are in the pipeline. Things are just a bit busy around here today. But first let’s go to those lovely ladies from down under, the Real Housewives of Melbourne.  NOW IN PRIMETIME!

They are only doing the previews and I’m already thrilled with this episode!

Lydia

We start the season with Lydia driving her convertible down by the water.  I forget why we don’t like Lydia. I think perhaps she was too pretentious last season for some of you. I have to say, she won my heart by flying to a cheese shop. If there is anything worth cranking up the private jet for in my book, it’s good cheese.

Chyka

Everyone loves Chyka. Can she do any wrong this season? I love Chyka, her husband Bruce and their cute hospitality business. Continue reading

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Filed under News, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Sister Act

RHobh CastIt’s time for more RHOBH! Are you ready? I’m not. So this recap will likely be later than usual. Still setting up. Is that a new opening ? Has Eileen’s always been in an blue evening gown with her hair up? What are they trying to do to her?  Are all of those evening gown things new? I normally zip through but tonight I was uploading pictures.

We are back at the gay mixer. Which reminds me I so wanted to do a post in favor of the whole “my gays” thing but I’ve been busy and hormonal. It could still happen. I think the new younger politically correct gays are being ridiculous.* (* except for @NewJerzeyBoy  who I love despite his PCness on this issue.)

Anyway. I hate when Kyle gets all up in her whining crying voice as much as the next person but I think she is being genuine in those moments. Kim’s talking heads on the other hand are such a put on.  Kim is crying in one corner. and Kyle in the other.  Brandi and her gay roommate finally get the hint and take Kim out of there.

Kim is clearly on something again and Brandi is clearly enabling. We don’t need to keep pointing this out.

Kyle is crying to Lisa and says that Brandi is always spewing wrong information. Vanderpump, in an attempt to commiserate says, ” Now you know how I felt last season.” and Kyle misplaces her anger onto Lisa and yells “This is not about you!” Oh Kyle, people can agree and share a similar sentiment and experience and that does not mean they are making it about themselves. It’s called sharing a similar experience. Lisa is trying to console Kyle despite the misplaced anger. Bravo production decides to play the creepy sepia (ish)  scenes with Kim and Kyle at Kim’s house. Why do they waste so much time reshowing footage like it’s a daytime soap?

Kim, Brandi and the dude, don’t really leave. They sit outside and film some more.

Lisa says that everyone is enabling an addict. Kim has everyone scared and no one wants to deal with it. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Vanderpump Rules: Miami Vices

Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

 

YAY! Let’s get this party started! It’s time for my weekly dose of Kristen Doute! OMG! We start right away with AnneMarie (Miami Girl) meeting up with Kristen! Kristen orders a bottle of wine and gets AnneMarie to spill the entire story for the cameras. AM was hanging out at the pool at the Mondrian and Jax was there talking about himself. Because, Jax.  AM said all the guys said they were single. Tom took a liking to her and was very sweet, holding her hand, etc. They talked for hours. AM tells Kristen she still thinks that Tom is in love with Kristen. He talked about her a lot and how he cheated on her. Oh this is going to send Kristen straight to 5 alarm crazy with no stops along the way. YES! Kristen starts crying. Kristen sees an opportunity to get Tom back. AM tells Kristen to go there and confront him. It’s going to GO DOWN at SUR tonight!

Schwartz says he was premed in college and his parents were not thrilled her ran off to Hollywood to pursue a modeling and acting career. Katie and Schwartz rehash the breakup with Stassi. Katie is still hoping for a reconciliation with Stassi. No Katie, just no.

Kristen and her friend Rachel go to SUR to party. And stir up trouble. AnneMarie shows up to confront Tom and he is freaking out. He leaves the bar and has someone else take over the bar. Tom completely flees the bar. Tom is calling AM a crazy, stalking, psycho in his talking heads. Ariana also flees her job and they both get in an Uber. Oh, Lisa is going to love having two staff members bail on their shift. Continue reading

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Filed under Recap, Vanderpump Rules

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Road Trip!

Clearly in Puerto RIco Kandi was still friends with Phaedra.

Clearly in Puerto RIco Kandi was still friends with Phaedra.

Nene

On tonight’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies arrive back home from their trip. Nene’s personal valet picks her up at Hartsfield. Nene talks to Gregg about being around all those negative girls. LOL. Nene explains her version of the fight to Gregg. At that was all we saw of Nene. Expect to see less and less of her as the season goes on. This episode was also Porsha and Demetria free.

Phaedra

Phaedra and Derek J continue the fake storyline where Phaedra is representing  Derek who is accused of stealing used weave.  In the office that is not hers. I am so over this show and all it’s fakery. Phaedra’s momma comes in to talk about Apollo leaving for prison.

Meanwhile, Apollo takes the boys out for frozen yogurt and tries to prepare them for his departure. Apollo seems genuinely remorseful. Or at least sad that he has to leave his boys. Continue reading

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Filed under Apollo Nida, Claudia Jordan, Cynthia Bailey, Demetria McKinney, Gregg Leakes, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore, Kordell Stewart, NeNe Leakes, News, Peter Thomas, Phaedra Parks, Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recap, RHOA, Todd Tucker

Dance Moms Recap: Oh No! It’s Jo Jo With The Bow Bow, AND CHRIST(y)!

Dance Moms Jo Jo

Holly is still acting like the new Christy. She wants the moms to talk to Abby right before a class. This is so not smart and not like Holly I can only presume that production is pushing Holly to be the new shit stirring mom.  Holly is not cut out for that. And it’s just weird. So Abby is now all riled up because she feels like the moms are questioning her decisions.  Abby starts the class lecturing the girls when in fact she is really lecturing the moms. You know. The usual.

The group won last week. Maddie is not going to be at the competition she is off to LA to work with SIA.

Time for pyramid. In a classic Abby move,  she puts Kendall on the bottom for crying when Abby was mean to her last week. Save the tears for your pillow. Kalani is next for coming in fourth over all. Nia is next because her favorites must place about Nia. Then Mackenzie, then Maddie. She won her division but came in second overall.

The group routine is about “diversity in religion.” Oh God.  I’m calling it now. Nia will be a Muslim in this dance.  Solos got to Mackenzie (Jazz/Acro),  Abby sets Nia up in the introduction to the second solo to make her think it is her. But it’s not! It’s Jo Jo with the Bow Bow! UGH. Jo Jo asks if she can take Chloe’s spot on the team. Abby says if she works hard enough, she can replace anybody. Except her favorite. I hate how these scenes are so scripted now.  Let’s get to the dancing part. Or at least a mom brawl. Continue reading

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Filed under Dance Moms, Lifetime, Recap