Category Archives: Recap

The Real Housewives of Melbourne

RHOMELWe start with Chyka and her husband Bruce on a romantic date at the beach. They go to a beautiful steak house overlooking the ocean. They are a really cute couple and seem really in love.  Aw, Bruce rented out an entire amusement park for the two of them. It’s really a pretty little park. What a romantic date!

It’s Janet’s birthday. She has had her wedding rings melted down and made into a different ring. It still looks like an engagement ring, but it is really beautiful.

Jackie and Ben are working on a bottle cocktail line. Because, housewives. They had an artist paint a  picture for the brand label. And then they totally obscured it with some painting technique with flowers dipped in paint. Jackie gave a hippy dippy narrative of what I jus witnessed. I’m not sure how this giant painting covered with randomly splashed paint and live flowers is going to become the brand label. I suppose they will photograph it?

Andrea and Jackie meeting Chyka and Janet for drinks. Andrea begins planting seeds with Jackie regarding Gina’s inappropriate behavior.  Next Gina arrives. Is this Janet’s birthday party. Lydia went to her snow house and is missing the celebration. The cake looks amazing. It’s a real cake not the kind with all the fondant and froufrou crap. Andrea pulls Jackie aside and gossips about Gina again. I am not sure if Andrea is going to go in or if she is goading Jackie into doing it. Nope, it’s Andrea. She tells Gina she is too confrontational. Andrea says that she is bringing her court tactics into personal situations.  Andrea telling Gina there is a time and a place for everything. Which is some advice she take herself. She is ruining Janet’s birthday party by attacking someone in the middle of a lovely get together. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne : Snow Bunnies and Saber Tooth Tigers

RHOMEL Cast2So, if I don’t get up early enough to recap this in real-time on Sunday, it’s really hard to find a moment to watch it.  This week, Andrea, Lydia and Jackie are going on a ski trip. Jackie has never skied, Andrea hasn’t skied in years, and I think Lydia probably does ski. The snow house, as they call it, is not at all what I expected and I’m a bit disappointed.

Janet is getting ready for her first date in many years. Step one, book the Royal Suite at The Hotel Windsor that has triple the square footage of my house. It’s so expensive they don’t even list the price on the website. Thank God production has an arrangement to get the suite in exchange for promotional placement. Step two, invite two friends, Chyka and Gina over to hold your hand and talk you through the preparation process. Step three, have a glass of champagne to take the edge off. Janet’s last husband was 70,  she’s 55 the date is 35, raaaawwwwwrrr!

The snow bunnies go out to dinner. They discuss the kerfuffle between Jackie and Gina. Andrea and Lydia think it was rude of Gina to cause drama with Jackie at her housewarming. Andrea made fun of Gina’s style. Lydia stood up for Gina on that a bit. Andrea keeps going in on Gina’s hair and make up. Andrea says that Gina’s favorite movie is probably Priscilla Queen of the Desert. (For those that don’t know, it’s a campy Drag Queen movie) Continue reading

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Leann & Eddie Recap: Eating and Tweeting

Leann and Eddie

Let’s see if Leann and Eddie can actually do two interesting shows with no mention of Brandi in a row, shall we? The title of this episode is already Brandiesque so I am not very hopeful. This week the dynamic duo is having a couple dozen people over for a BBQ.  Since Leann in on tour, her publicist (Can we all take a moment and have a moment of silence for her poor publicist?)  has told her to keep a low profile. And out first Brandi innuendo begins within the first two minutes. Eddie and Leann agree that Leann never instigates the twitter wars she only reacts when provoked by stupidity. PUHLEASE. Could these people just block each other on twitter? Problem solved. I block people on twitter every damn day just because I don’t need even the slightest interaction with idiots and people I don’t like.

Eddie has a swimsuit photoshoot for Men’s fitness in two weeks. He must starve himself and work out twice a day. Meanwhile, Leann had just cooked him what she calls pancakes but look more like crepes made by some chef and they are planning a BBQ.  Oh and did I mention Leann tweeted the pancakes in front of a mirror with her in nothing but a bra, thong and apron? Accidentally of course. Please. Who cooks in that? No one. That is who. Not an accident and she did not make the “pancakes.”  Eddie suggests she delete it, but not a chance of that happening. Continue reading

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Leann & Eddie Go to The Grand Ole Opry

Leann and Eddie

Look, thirty minutes is just not long enough for a show about anything anymore. I realize in the olden days we had plenty of 30 minute sitcoms that worked. But back then, the commercial breaks weren’t nearly as long. In the present day, a 30 minute show is about 14 minutes long. It’s just not long enough for a decent story arc. Rant over.

This week our lovely couple goes to Nashville. But first, Leann and Eddie bicker about Leann’s over packing for a two-day trip. Eddie is intimidated by Leann’s father. Leann says she went coon hunting for the first time when she was two. Or four. Or Five. She killed a raccoon with a shotgun.

Oh I remember now. Leann sued her father, who was at the time her manager for mismanaging her finances or something. Leann has a tour bus parked on her dad’s property for her to stay in with Eddie. Leann has to go to an interview so Eddie is left alone with Leann’s father. Continue reading

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Leah Remini: It’s All Relative Recap: Earthquakes and Boob Jobs

Its All Relative Family

We start with Angelo in the kitchen. Have we discussed how hot Angelo is? Because, hot. I need Leah to come clean my house. Or anyone with OCD, actually. Leah is worried because there was an earthquake last night. She wants to do a home inspection to look for cracks and things that might be alarming. The maid is having trouble keeping a straight face for this scene. Leah’s mom likes earthquakes and think they are exciting.

The hurricane has Leah ready to become a prepper. She is starting with the government list of things to have on hand during a disaster. I did something similar, but I was preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I still need to get five hundred dollars in ones. I’d do that as soon as I have five hundred dollars for the zombie closet.

Leah has a British nanny named Trish. Trish has a business called Bling Gone Wild. She enjoys picking up treasures off the curb and blinging them to resell. Trish’s house is covered floor to ceiling with stuff she has found in other people’s trash and blinged. Continue reading

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Leann & Eddie

Leann and Eddie

Well, I can’t put it off any longer. I actually did some dishes as a better option than watching this show, but I am now out of hot water and my back is sore from bending over the sink, it’s 4:30 and I haven’t done a post all day so views are sucking ass. It must be done.  Thank the baby Jesus it is only a half hour show.

Okay, now my DVR has stopped working entirely. This is special.  After 20 minutes of trying to get the show to play, I’m noticing that the problem is specific to this show. Even my DVR refuses to cooperate with this shit show. It looks like I will have to do the recap based on just reading the description.

Leann goes on a weekend trip with her southern friends. Hmm, Leann has southern friends? Leann has friends? That must have been interesting. It seems that they went four wheeling or something. Perhaps she got injured and had to go to the ER. Perhaps the injury caused to be unable to speak or tweet ever again. My TV is trying really hard to show this recording but the screen looks something like a Picasso. Oh wait, it is playing now. Continue reading

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Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Finale Recap

marriage_boot_reality1-592x330

When last we left, we were hopeful that Tanisha had passed on to the great beyond so that Clive could escape her abuse. I think that we will be disappointed because there are shots of her getting the lie detector test and making her final decision. Sorry, Clive. We were all pulling for you. Tanisha and Clive return home that same night.  Sounds like a fake panic attack.

The final challenge is a lie detector test! YAY! The spouses get to choose the questions. Roger is the most excited about this exercise. If the questions are not tough enough, the counselors will ask some of their own.

Traci and Kevin are up first.

Traci goes first. Are you really able to believe in me? Will you really be faithful to me? Do you still resent me for cheating? She answered yes to all three.

Kevin was asked, ” Did you ever want to leave me?” (no) Have you been faithful in recent months? NO!!!  Traci walks out.

Kevine says he didn’t understand the question. lol.

RESULTS: They were truthful but Kevin admitted to cheating recently. He still says he did not get the question. Continue reading

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Big Brother Eviction Night Is Here!

BB16 Bronny on block

 

It’s time for another hamster to be released from captivity and returned to the wild. Some how, Cody has managed to put two of his most loyal minions on the block. Britanny, “the target,” was closer to him than anyone in the house, and Donny loves him.  He really should have sent Caleb home. Somehow, Derrick, the hamster whisperer, managed to convince him not to.

We start tonight basically with Cody sobbing alone in the bathroom. He says it really upset him to put up someone he didn’t think deserves to be there and someone who he told was not going up. Cody is beating himself for being a pussy and not putting up Caleb. Donny is suspicious of Derrick being the mastermind. He also knows that Cody was influenced by the alliance.

Britanny gets Caleb to talk to the alliance about keeping her. Caleb tries to sell it to the alliance. The alliance appears to be considering it for some reason. Probably just to placate Caleb. Continue reading

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Big Brother 16 Wednesday Night Recap: Greedy Beastmode Cowboy Causes Conflict

BB16 cast2I am so not watching the feeds that much and am instead staying up to all hours watching BBAD. I tape that and could just as easily watch it commercial free in the morning zipping through the boring parts, but apparently I am not wise enough to do that. If I am up when it is on, I get sucked in. Sigh. I need a ladysitter.

As you probably read here, Frankie’s grandfather passed away today and according to TMZ the family is not going to tell him. We are discussing that situation in comments here.  Also, everyone seems to be expecting next week to be a double eviction week. That will be fun. Okay the show is starting! I’m going in.

Britanny and Victoria are both whining to a guy about how they are in this game alone. I bet they wish they had listened to that blue haired chick and formed an all girls alliance. Or hell, any alliance. Duh. Continue reading

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Leah Remini: It’s All Relative

Its All Relative Family

I am super late with this recap, but I’ve been busy and sick. I’ve felt like crap for days and finally diagnosed myself with Fresh Ripe Cherry Overdose FRCO. Shut up! I looked on the Internet and it’s a thing. I am overly cranky.  I also may have just eaten a dog quesadilla. I feel like I am about to give birth to Rosemary’s baby. So this show better bring the funny, or there will be hell to pay.

On this episode, Leah’s mother wants a tramp stamp. My first reaction was I wonder how much money  Leah offered her mother to get a tramp stamp. Leah’s mom says she has no problem with it being called a tramp stamp because she was a tramp when she was young. You go, Leah’s mom!  It’s going down. The 64-year-old had a vision for her tattoo during one of her hot flashes. Wait, what? This shit is still going to be happening when I am 64? I thought my doctor said the sentence was 8-10 years? Why isn’t this bitch fat? 64 and still having hot flashes? Kill me now.

The tattoo is huge. It is the head of a jaguar with a woman carrying a jug of water on top. Because, she likes jaguars and she was born under the sign of Aquarius. The head of the woman is between the eyes of the jaguar head. Continue reading

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Watch What Happens Live! With Kathy Wakile and Rosie Pierri

WWHL Kathy and Rosie

 

First of all, Andy tweeted tonight that we should be patient for Teresa’s WWHL appearance, so hopefully everyone has cooled down.  With Rosie on, there is always the possibility she will say something inappropriate!  As usual, I will ignore most everything the non-Bravolebrity has to say because no one cares.

First off, they discuss the ceramic shoe wine bottle holder gift that Nicole got for Christmas. No Bueno. OH, I just realized this person is not from Game of Thrones, but from that pageant show on Bravo, Game of Crowns that I have already forgotten about. Now I have my 9-10 time slot on Sunday to watch Unforgettable on CBS and Reckless right after at 10. Even though I DVR them to watch whenever I can after I recap Big Brother.  Anyway. I don’t care about her either.

Also, Andy has begun to implement the whole, “first timers to the show get the first chair” rule. I think this is utterly ridiculous and he just started it because we were all on to the original seating method of who is the biggest deal to Bravo, or whoever likes best. That will still be in effect on nights with no virgins. Continue reading

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Big Brother Sunday Night Show: These Girls Will Not Be Replacing Vanna White

Photochop by UNC David

Photochop by UNC David

First all, shout out to Dallasmom for her very helpful updates on the Big Brother threads. I really appreciate them. I have so much going on I am not watching as much of the feeds as I would like to!  On to tonight’s show!

We are back at the HOH challenge where teams of two chosen by Big Brother are working to get a dozen eggs worked through a chicken maze to be come this week’s battling heads of household. Lots of eggs dropping. Lots of diary rooms where everyone says they have to win.  Donnie is pissed that Derrick is coaching Frankie and Cody. He feels like Team America should be the most important alliance.  Lots of egg puns about how much Victoria sucks eggs at every challenge. Britanny and Jocasta came in so close which means the boys will be sure to put them up. Amber and Zach move into second behind Frankie and Cody. This means Amber will be a target again. Cody and Frankie win!

Derrick says as far as he is concerned the bomb squad is over, but they will still work together as long as possible to keep their numbers.  Brittany and Donny eat ice cream together in the bee hive and worry that they are both going up. Donny says that Britanny needs to smile and not let them see her upset. Continue reading

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