Category Archives: Reality TV

Catfish Recap: Chitara and Priscilla

This is Chitara

This is Chitara

Tonight it is a Lesbian Catfish! Chitara is the one who wrote in because she has a catfish named Priscilla. Priscilla dumped her. Priscilla is supposed to be a nurse who also lives in her town of Durham.  Priscilla dumped her and said it was all lies and she never loved her. Priscilla is SUPER hot. So it’s most likely that Priscilla is not the chick in the photo. I’m guessing Priscilla is a big fat dude with a two-inch penis. Chitara is bisexual so ….perhaps there is still hope. Oh wait. They talked on the phone every night. It was a six month relationship. Priscilla claims her mother passed. Then she said she was into a guy.

So off Nev and this Alex dude go to Durham, North Carolina. The south seems to have a whole lot more catfish. I’m just saying.  Chitara is really pretty and Priscilla’s online photos are like modeling photos. Alex is a goober. Being Max is not as easy as Max makes it look.

SIDE NOTE: Finding Carter Season Two Premiers next Tuesday at Ten on MTV. I strongly recommend binge watching season one. The first episode is sort of meh but it gets really good. And season two looks amazeballs. The truth is going to tear me apart? I don’t want to be told apart. BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS!  FYI Finding Carter is a scripted show about a twin girl who is kidnapped very young and is eventually reunited with her real family in high school. She loves her mom the kidnapper but comes to accept her new family….UNTIL….

The boys figure out that Priscilla has another fake profile where she talks to herself and pretends like they video chatted. Chitara is such a nice girl. I’m glad that Tee Cee is not reading this because I can think of 20 mean things she would say about Chitara’s name. But she is the mean yankee and I am the nice demure southern girl. Continue reading

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Catfish Recap: Daisy & Marcus

Max, you better come back for your man!

Max, you better come back for your man!

The guest host is Tyler Oakley is an LBGT advocate on Instagram. Nev says that makes him the best choice for this episode. This leads me to believe that Marcus ain’t a man already because they have already shown us Daisy. They are giving us way too much information on these episodes this season.

Daisy writes in and says she “met” a super hot guy on Instagram who helped her throw some hard times. But they have never spoken on the phone. Well, I haven’t talked to a lot of my Internet friends on the phone, but I’m pretty sure about their gender. Daisy is an odd duck. She has had two close deaths in her family. Her eyes seem to be crazy.  Nev says he is pretty sure already that Marcus is a chick. So when the guys get there to find out her story she says she had a sister die in a car accident. Then she starts talking about how her dad died by telling a story about her dating a girl.  The family had a fit because of the same sex relationship.  Apparently the father “dropped dead from a stroke and an aneurism” at home when the rest of the family took her to see her girlfriend.  This all seems like a sack of horseshit to me. I say Marcus will be the girlfriend and they are both in on the con. Daisey doesn’t have the right demeanor for the story she is telling. Tyler on the other hand looks like he is so sad listening to this story he may open a vein.  I think Daisy may have drawn her eyebrows on with a magic marker. Daisy is cute enough but she has some major issues and none of them have to do with dead family members.

Okay, now the mother and one sister is on camera, they are really odd. The mother is Colombian and let’s just say she is not very loving to her daughter. Now I am feeling sorry for her. Then Nev and Tyler tell her that she is probably texting the dude’s mother. Nothing is going well in this poor girls life. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 2 Premiere Recap: Potty Time!

Here are the season two cast.

Here are the season two cast.

 

I am so behind on recapping this week. I promise Dance Moms and Catfish and more are in the pipeline. Things are just a bit busy around here today. But first let’s go to those lovely ladies from down under, the Real Housewives of Melbourne.  NOW IN PRIMETIME!

They are only doing the previews and I’m already thrilled with this episode!

Lydia

We start the season with Lydia driving her convertible down by the water.  I forget why we don’t like Lydia. I think perhaps she was too pretentious last season for some of you. I have to say, she won my heart by flying to a cheese shop. If there is anything worth cranking up the private jet for in my book, it’s good cheese.

Chyka

Everyone loves Chyka. Can she do any wrong this season? I love Chyka, her husband Bruce and their cute hospitality business. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Favorite, Gina Liano Hospitalized for Stress After Season One!

RHOme Gina already won As the Real Housewives of Melbourne prepares to return for a second season, Gina Liano opened up to New Idea Magazine exclusively to discuss the reality of Reality TV.  Despite being a huge fan favorite when the first season aired, the filming was particularly difficult on Gina. It seemed that lost of the ladies thrived on ganging up on Gina because they were intimidated by her superior intellect. Things got pretty ugly on the show.  All the stress took a toll not only on Gina but her two adult sons as well. Because of her previous fight with cancer, the boys were very concerned that the stress might trigger a relapse. Thankfully, last season’s nastiest cast mate, Andrea Moss won’t be back for season two. Two new cast member are being brought in and Gina has previously told the media that while there is a lot of drama in season two, but that she is not in the center of the storm. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Jax Reunites With His Miami Sugar Daddy!

Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

On this episode of Vanderpump Rules, we finally get some intel on the rumors about “Jax” that have been swirling since the very first episode of this series.  Since the show began I’ve gotten emails from gay men informing me that Jax used to be a male escort and had a sugar daddy who took care of him in Miami. Though interesting, I didn’t have any real details that could be verified.  I did have a few pictures sent to me that are sadly not on this laptop. I was also told that he left Miami “in disgrace” and moved to Los Angeles where he changed his name to “Jax Taylor.”  I can’t wait to see what happens tonight when it appears from previews that the sugar daddy comes on the show!

We begin with everyone being hung over from the party the night before in Miami. Lots of people claiming the don’t remember. Including Vail who I suspect may have already gotten Jaxed. Ariana is very bothered by Kristen. This pleases me. Schwartz says he is having sex with Katie now. Stassi is blowing off Katie’s texts.

Stassi and her Sur minion have a scene that contribute nothing to the show. Basically, Stassi is butthurt everyone left her for Scheana’s party, especially Katie. Continue reading

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Couch Potato Conversations

couch-potato-785271

I thought since there was not much interesting in the news, I could either make up a really funny story about interns crawling through Teresa Giudice’s secret trap door or we could just sort of free ball it and pretend we are all out at happy hour somewhere talking about crap we watch on TV.

So last night, was the finale of Survivor (SPOILERS AHEAD). First of all I have watched every single episode of every single season of Survivor. This was one of the most boring seasons ever. I was NONE TO PLEASED to see those annoying Indian twins on this episode. I could not stand them on The Amazing Race. (which I think ends tonight. Don’t spoil me.). But once they got split up, I started to really like Natalie all by herself. She was very good at endurance challenges and fairly crafty.  Did you watch? What did you think of the season, and the winner?

Also, last night was The Taste I mostly watch for Anthony Bourdain. We had Master Chef Junior, (just ended), were you surprised who won? Also Hell’s Kitchen (also just ended) same question , and Top Chef all at once.  I’m pretty sure there has been a Branzino on each one. Same with cauliflower puree. There must have been a dozen recipes that were done on all the shows. Anyway, I’d like to talk about Nigella Lawson.  She got into some troubles in the tabloids recently, Go here to read it looks like a Jodi Arias post but it isn’t. Just skip the first paragraph.  At the time I sort of didn’t believe the allegations but after watching her on The Taste for a couple seasons, I’m curious what y’all…especially my UK readers…have to say about her. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: PUMP’s First Gay Pride

Pump Rules Pride

Stassi is such a cuntsicle. Sorry for the lack of introductory commentary but MY GOD this woman is vile. She’s basically telling Katie to tell Schwartz to dump his friends for her, when Schwartz walks in with flowers and Stassi lays into him. I am thinking Katie should just nailgun Stassi to the wall at this point and be done with her. It’s not like anyone would come looking for her. Sorry that was harsh but good LORD.  Why doesn’ anyone want to be around Stassi?

Katie wants to go in on Schwartz for Jax screaming at her and saying vile things and for him not defending her. Stassi calls Katie a lesbian for dating Schwartz. I guess that makes Stassi the gay top in her relationship. I can’t imagine her man being anything but a little pussy boy. Who else would want to be with Stassi? Seriously? I can’t imagine a scenario where a man says, “Ya know what? I’d like to be emasculated and ridiculed by the chick….” Oh wait. I actually can. It’s all becoming clearer now. Nevermind..

Wait. They are at Stassi’s house? Why is Schwartz showing up at Stassi’s house to bring Katie flowers? I agree with the commenter from last week who said Schwartz is likely a trust fund baby that Katie doesn’t want to lose. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Part 2

RHOMELI’ve been wanting to watch this but had to wait so I had time to recap. I’m still a bit under the weather. So I’m just going to do a quickie. I’m a bit sleep deprived and cranky so don’t expect much.

Jackie talks about her psychic abilities. And we get a montage of the stupid Shine, Shine, Shine crap. It’s fucking annoying.

Oh God. Now it is Lydia’s turn with her Wows and illiterate comments and butchering of the English language. Lydia is trying to explain her stupidity. The dumb host keeps saying how cute her nonsensical blatherings are.

We’re back and the little troglodyte is on the couch next to his psychic wife. I could care less what he is saying. They play a montage of Jackie talking about how much everything costs.

Lydia’s dog came on the set. WordPress magically shut down. I took this as a sign I could lie down, but decided to power through. We’re almost halfway through and nothing has happened. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Reunion: What Language Are They Speaking?

RHOMEL Cast2This reunion seems a bit cooler than US reunions in the beginning. They show all the ladies coming in to the dressing rooms with out make-up. What was on Janet’s face. Why is their hair wet? Janet talks about how bad things have gotten in the press. The announcer says something like  “And now the reunion that the whole of Australia has been waiting for…” And then we see the gaudiest set ever.  It’s like a living room with way too much crap in it and the Australian Andy Cohen is a bald dude of ambiguous ethnicity wearing sunglasses on his head.  Gina clearly scored the best designer to dress her. Her dress is stunning and her makeup is of a color found in nature but her legs remain orange. Janet’s dress looks like she forgot to bring anything to wear and tied a tablecloth under her arms and went with it.

Chyka says she loves everything about filming the housewives. Janet says that she lives in some boondocks area or something and is sheltered from all the public recognition. Jackie has not been doing as many reading because she is busy supporting Ben’s career now. Um, didn’t Ben’s career end in like 1984? The host asks about her reading in the first episode about someone cheating and they seem to be talking about Gina’s boyfriend, sorry, Potnah, already. Gina seems to be deflecting to the other couch where Lydia and Andrea are seated next to Chyka.

Lydia’s face is twice as wide as it used to be. I’m not even sure how that is surgically possible. Andrea is asked about how she is dealing with the press, AKA the fact that everyone hates her. She rambles on about Twitter and how she talks to trolls to enlighten them that they have their facts wrong and most everyone loves her once she does that.  That sounds exhausting. Does Twitter not have a block button down under? Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Finale Recap

RHOMEL Cast2We start this week with Jackie and Ben auditioning burlesque dancers for their beverage launch. There were nipple tassels. There were but tassels. Jackie and Ben disagreed on which girl to pick so they hired them all.

Gina is having an event and calls Janet to make sure she is coming .  It’s a benefit for cancer. They seem to have reconciled and Janet is coming. Andrea and Lydia are out at lunch when Gina calls Lydia to see if she is coming Lydia declines with a flimsy excuse and asks if Andrea is invited. Gina says she doesn’t think Andrea would be interested. It’s Gina’s ten-year anniversary as a cancer survivor. Andrea and Lydia are pissed that Janet is going. They are calling her to try to talk he out if going. What a bunch a bitches. Janet says she doesn’t want to bash Gina anymore. The two bitches are strong arming her into cancelling. Janet holds steadfast and Lydia an Andrea trash Janet when they hang up. They rehash the whole apology crap.

Andrea does a cover shoot for the book that no one wants to publish. She spouts the same ridiculousness in her talking heads. She hopes the photographer can transform her into another person who is not a mom and an accountant. What now she is an accountant. Her looks include angry and dismissive. Those are her words not mine. Because, a book for working moms should always have an angry dismissive cover. She can’t be serious about this. Lydia crashes the cover shoot. They mock the other housewives in the shoot. Of course they do. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne: Bitch Party

RHOMEL Cast2“When life throws rocks, I melt them down into diamonds” Is possibly the worst tagline ever.  Janet and Chyka go on a high-end shopping trip with a personal shopper. Janet still want Gina to apologize. For something. Maybe calling them cunts?

Gina is going to see an elite matchmaker to find her a man. Did Gina just say she has children? Were we supposed to know this already. She has an interesting list of attributes that turn her off, men with saliva problems (gross when eating) and men whose thumbs stick out(indicates they are stupid).

Lydia is fascinated that her housekeeper  can peel vegetables with a knife. Lydia is impressed by her skills in picking out her dresses and pretty much making all the decisions for her.

Jackie and Chyka meet to talk about Jackie’s imaginary cocktail line.  Well what do you know, it is a thing after all.

OMG Chyka rents the coolest limo ever. The doors open upward and the interior has pink leather accents. Sadly, he good ideas end there as the plan is to take Lydia, Andrea and Gina shopping together to try to make peace. Why on earth would Gina agree to this?  They are shopping at a West Elm which has not officially opened to the public yet. Gina invites Chyka and Lydia (???) to a cancer charity event she is having and one of them asks her if she is inviting Andrea and she said the last time she shared with Andrea about her cancer experience she was quite ugly so she is not sure if she wants to invite her. Lydia runs straight to Andrea and tells her that Gina said she wasn’t going to invite Andrea because she is not sure she could behave appropriately at the function. Which is not what Gina said, but also true. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap: To Moving On!

RHOMEL

It’s time to head back down under to see watch these witches are doing. Melbourne truly is a beautiful city. Too bad is it so far away. Lydia goes over to some idiot woman’s house to gossip about the girls. But first, Lydia completely misses the woman’s joke about not having carbs since 1964. It completely goes over Lydia’s pointy little head and she takes it literally and is baffled. I often say I haven’t cleaned my kitchen since the 1970’s but it would seem obvious that I didn’t even have a kitchen to clean in the 1970s. Are there really many people out there as stupid as Lydia? Apparently the woman’s name is Lisa.  Lisa says never to thin, never too rich and Lydia tosses her head back and laughs hysterically. In her talking head Lydia talks about Lisa’s hilarious one-liners.  Clearly, she is not familiar with the Duchess of Windsor.  I suppose that would require some sort of reading on her part.

Anyway, Lydia goes on to tell Lisa that Gina totally deserved the treatment that she and Andrea gave her at Mission Beach. When Lisa asks who she is closest to in the group she says no one. Then for some reason we hear about Lisa’s life, which we care about not at all.

Poor Andrea is still trying to hawk her book on parenting. She says she knows it is what working mothers want to read, even though he focus group hated the book and looked at her like she had to heads. Undeterred, Andrea goes to speak with a publisher. The publisher suggests that she start with a blog to begin developing a readership base. Andrea keeps saying she is a journalist. I thought she sold face creams out of her husband’s plastic surgery office on days that did not end in “y.”  The publicist is kindly explaining in many different ways she has no interest in her book, but Andrea is hearing none of it. Andrea says that she is writing the book solely to get back at someone who told her she didn’t love her children because she works. The publisher is visually appalled and suggests that building up conflict is not the way to go. In her talking head, Andrea basically says “I don’t need no stupid publisher!”  Because, delusional. Continue reading

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