We start with Chyka and her husband Bruce on a romantic date at the beach. They go to a beautiful steak house overlooking the ocean. They are a really cute couple and seem really in love. Aw, Bruce rented out an entire amusement park for the two of them. It’s really a pretty little park. What a romantic date!
It’s Janet’s birthday. She has had her wedding rings melted down and made into a different ring. It still looks like an engagement ring, but it is really beautiful.
Jackie and Ben are working on a bottle cocktail line. Because, housewives. They had an artist paint a picture for the brand label. And then they totally obscured it with some painting technique with flowers dipped in paint. Jackie gave a hippy dippy narrative of what I jus witnessed. I’m not sure how this giant painting covered with randomly splashed paint and live flowers is going to become the brand label. I suppose they will photograph it?
Andrea and Jackie meeting Chyka and Janet for drinks. Andrea begins planting seeds with Jackie regarding Gina’s inappropriate behavior. Next Gina arrives. Is this Janet’s birthday party. Lydia went to her snow house and is missing the celebration. The cake looks amazing. It’s a real cake not the kind with all the fondant and froufrou crap. Andrea pulls Jackie aside and gossips about Gina again. I am not sure if Andrea is going to go in or if she is goading Jackie into doing it. Nope, it’s Andrea. She tells Gina she is too confrontational. Andrea says that she is bringing her court tactics into personal situations. Andrea telling Gina there is a time and a place for everything. Which is some advice she take herself. She is ruining Janet’s birthday party by attacking someone in the middle of a lovely get together. Continue reading
Let’s see if Leann and Eddie can actually do two interesting shows with no mention of Brandi in a row, shall we? The title of this episode is already Brandiesque so I am not very hopeful. This week the dynamic duo is having a couple dozen people over for a BBQ. Since Leann in on tour, her publicist (Can we all take a moment and have a moment of silence for her poor publicist?) has told her to keep a low profile. And out first Brandi innuendo begins within the first two minutes. Eddie and Leann agree that Leann never instigates the twitter wars she only reacts when provoked by stupidity. PUHLEASE. Could these people just block each other on twitter? Problem solved. I block people on twitter every damn day just because I don’t need even the slightest interaction with idiots and people I don’t like.
Eddie has a swimsuit photoshoot for Men’s fitness in two weeks. He must starve himself and work out twice a day. Meanwhile, Leann had just cooked him what she calls pancakes but look more like crepes made by some chef and they are planning a BBQ. Oh and did I mention Leann tweeted the pancakes in front of a mirror with her in nothing but a bra, thong and apron? Accidentally of course. Please. Who cooks in that? No one. That is who. Not an accident and she did not make the “pancakes.” Eddie suggests she delete it, but not a chance of that happening. Continue reading
Look, thirty minutes is just not long enough for a show about anything anymore. I realize in the olden days we had plenty of 30 minute sitcoms that worked. But back then, the commercial breaks weren’t nearly as long. In the present day, a 30 minute show is about 14 minutes long. It’s just not long enough for a decent story arc. Rant over.
This week our lovely couple goes to Nashville. But first, Leann and Eddie bicker about Leann’s over packing for a two-day trip. Eddie is intimidated by Leann’s father. Leann says she went coon hunting for the first time when she was two. Or four. Or Five. She killed a raccoon with a shotgun.
Oh I remember now. Leann sued her father, who was at the time her manager for mismanaging her finances or something. Leann has a tour bus parked on her dad’s property for her to stay in with Eddie. Leann has to go to an interview so Eddie is left alone with Leann’s father. Continue reading
We start with Angelo in the kitchen. Have we discussed how hot Angelo is? Because, hot. I need Leah to come clean my house. Or anyone with OCD, actually. Leah is worried because there was an earthquake last night. She wants to do a home inspection to look for cracks and things that might be alarming. The maid is having trouble keeping a straight face for this scene. Leah’s mom likes earthquakes and think they are exciting.
The hurricane has Leah ready to become a prepper. She is starting with the government list of things to have on hand during a disaster. I did something similar, but I was preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I still need to get five hundred dollars in ones. I’d do that as soon as I have five hundred dollars for the zombie closet.
Leah has a British nanny named Trish. Trish has a business called Bling Gone Wild. She enjoys picking up treasures off the curb and blinging them to resell. Trish’s house is covered floor to ceiling with stuff she has found in other people’s trash and blinged. Continue reading
Well, I can’t put it off any longer. I actually did some dishes as a better option than watching this show, but I am now out of hot water and my back is sore from bending over the sink, it’s 4:30 and I haven’t done a post all day so views are sucking ass. It must be done. Thank the baby Jesus it is only a half hour show.
Okay, now my DVR has stopped working entirely. This is special. After 20 minutes of trying to get the show to play, I’m noticing that the problem is specific to this show. Even my DVR refuses to cooperate with this shit show. It looks like I will have to do the recap based on just reading the description.
Leann goes on a weekend trip with her southern friends. Hmm, Leann has southern friends? Leann has friends? That must have been interesting. It seems that they went four wheeling or something. Perhaps she got injured and had to go to the ER. Perhaps the injury caused to be unable to speak or tweet ever again. My TV is trying really hard to show this recording but the screen looks something like a Picasso. Oh wait, it is playing now. Continue reading
When last we left, we were hopeful that Tanisha had passed on to the great beyond so that Clive could escape her abuse. I think that we will be disappointed because there are shots of her getting the lie detector test and making her final decision. Sorry, Clive. We were all pulling for you. Tanisha and Clive return home that same night. Sounds like a fake panic attack.
The final challenge is a lie detector test! YAY! The spouses get to choose the questions. Roger is the most excited about this exercise. If the questions are not tough enough, the counselors will ask some of their own.
Traci and Kevin are up first.
Traci goes first. Are you really able to believe in me? Will you really be faithful to me? Do you still resent me for cheating? She answered yes to all three.
Kevin was asked, ” Did you ever want to leave me?” (no) Have you been faithful in recent months? NO!!! Traci walks out.
Kevine says he didn’t understand the question. lol.
RESULTS: They were truthful but Kevin admitted to cheating recently. He still says he did not get the question. Continue reading
Instagram via TMZ
Here is a post for my 41 favorite commenters, the ones that read my Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars recaps. You many remember on last Friday’s episode, Tanisha got a all the parts she ever wanted in all the shows there ever were! I told you at the time, “These phone calls with Tanisha give me the distinct impression there is no one on the other end of the phone. First she says she auditioned for something and they said she is “pretty much hired.” Then she tells the group she auditioned for a lot of stuff and got it all. Never once did she say what this role, or all of the roles are. It’s all fake.” Continue reading
I am super late with this recap, but I’ve been busy and sick. I’ve felt like crap for days and finally diagnosed myself with Fresh Ripe Cherry Overdose FRCO. Shut up! I looked on the Internet and it’s a thing. I am overly cranky. I also may have just eaten a dog quesadilla. I feel like I am about to give birth to Rosemary’s baby. So this show better bring the funny, or there will be hell to pay.
On this episode, Leah’s mother wants a tramp stamp. My first reaction was I wonder how much money Leah offered her mother to get a tramp stamp. Leah’s mom says she has no problem with it being called a tramp stamp because she was a tramp when she was young. You go, Leah’s mom! It’s going down. The 64-year-old had a vision for her tattoo during one of her hot flashes. Wait, what? This shit is still going to be happening when I am 64? I thought my doctor said the sentence was 8-10 years? Why isn’t this bitch fat? 64 and still having hot flashes? Kill me now.
The tattoo is huge. It is the head of a jaguar with a woman carrying a jug of water on top. Because, she likes jaguars and she was born under the sign of Aquarius. The head of the woman is between the eyes of the jaguar head. Continue reading
It’s time for the penultimate episode of this ridiculousness. Roger caved and went with Jenni to her event. Tanisha gets a phone call from her manager saying she got a part. She is screaming and crying and Clive asks her what is going on. She walks right past him and says nothing. So this whole communication workshop stuff is going well. She goes out to the kitchen to tell everyone the good news. These phone calls with Tanisha give me the distinct impression there is no one on the other end of the phone. First she says she auditioned for something and they said she is “pretty much hired.” Then she tells the group she auditioned for a lot of stuff and got it all. Never once did she say what this role, or all of the roles are. It’s all fake.
Speaking of fake, Gretchen and Slade bicker in bed. Slade is emotionally exhausted.
The stupid exercise of the week is called Release Me. They are supposed to think of the person for whom they have the most resentment. Slade says his resentment is toward God. He is angry that God let his son have brain cancer. He gives a crappy performance of crying and whining.
Tanisha is up next. Her resentment is her “caretaker” that abused her as a child. Tanisha sort of freaks out. She wants to hit the girl pretending to be the caretaker. She actually asks Clive for support! Jim steps in as the caretaker in case Tanisha does decide to knock a bitch out. Jim provokes Tanisha to hit her. Tanisha is melting down. Jim asks who is forgiveness for and the female therapist whispers, “Yooooou, it’s for you sweetie…” in the most hysterical way possible I don’t see how Gretchen or someone did not just bust out laughing. Soap opera music swells. Tanisha forgives! Continue reading
Here is Bravo’s latest press release regarding their upcoming shows. Is it me are they really pumping out new programming like crazy these days? It seems like I read somewhere they are now in the number three slot among cable stations with advertising. That’s huge! It seems like they are throwing everything out there to see what sticks. The good news is all the boys from Million Dollar Listing New York will be back for another season. That’s not much of a surprise considering the episode with Fredrik’s wedding got an Emmy nomination recently. The franchise will increase with the addition of Million Dollar Listing San Francisco. I think San Fran is a great choice with some beautiful real estate for us to drool over.
A bit more surprising is the return of Southern Charm. I might even watch that series now that Thomas Ravenel is off the show. Ravenel is a former politician who already disgraced the fine state of South Carolina once when he was convicted of drug trafficking while holding a state office. Ravenel officially filed to run for U.S. Senate as an independent against two-term Republican incumbent Lindsay Graham. Good luck with that. #eyeroll
Once again the new shows look very promising. But we have learned not to get our hopes up. Game of Crowns anyone? Click through for all the details. Continue reading
Is this show over yet? I love having something to recap on a Friday night but I must admit this show is a bit, okay a lot, ridiculous. Yet, I can’t stop watching. The fact that I know almost all of these people from other shows makes it interesting. We pick up where we left off with Roger and JWow arguing about some leaked tabloid story. Roger tells Jenni she should have listened to him and kept her mouth shut. Roger who up until now was getting a somewhat decent edit is throwing a fucking tantrum about there being a camera guy and them being miked. Um, Roger, that is what you signed up for. The story is the one I suspected about Jenni being pregnant. Apparently, they had not told their family yet and they will be finding out from the media. I understand that is pretty crappy but so is Roger’s violent outburst around his pregnant wife. I really think this marriage is doomed.
The white Oprah has already figured out that Jenni is pregnant because she has not had a drop of alcohol since she entered the house. This of course left more for Traci’s breakfasts. Jenni and Roger are both furious. Roger is furious with Jenni and Jenni is furious with the house. Jenni says the person attempting to sell the story is someone in the house. Maybe another participant, or perhaps production. So far that point is unclear. No wait. Jenni is blaming production. I guess she told them to explain why she could not drink. The producer comes out (always a sign of good drama) and says he was only made aware of the medical condition 17 minutes ago. All sorts of production crew and the therapists come on camera to deny saying anything to anyone. They have not told either of their families because she is not that far along but Roger claims she has told several people “in the industry.” That is the exact sort of crap that pisses Roger off. Therapist Jim gets Roger to continue to participate in the next ridiculous exercise. Continue reading