Since I am already in a funk today, I’m going to finally peek at the two Mob Wives episodes sitting on my DVR. I’m not sure if I will continue to recap Mob Wives after this. We’ll see. I’ll be ignoring the two little new morons in my recaps regardless. I prefer to stick with the morons I know, thank you very much.
We begin with humor! Karen, Renee and Carla are at a baseball game where the national anthem is being played. Or the Star Spangled Banner. They are not sure. Because, idiots. They are also not sure whether or not they are supposed to put their hand over their hearts. Which is a bit trickier. It used to be that you simply stood at attention. I just looked up the changes in etiquette (like a real housewife of Potomac) and it seems this change occurred in 1998. This is why young people do it and old people don’t always. #TheMoreYouKnow #Rainbow But either way, Renee was adamant it was the Nation Anthem and Karen was adamant it was the Star Spangled Banner. Then, when the anthem got to words “star spangled banner” it seems as though Renee admits she was wrong, it was not the National Anthem.
Anyway, Big Ang shows up in the owners box of the Cyclones follow by Drita and the blond moron. Big Ang is going through some anxious waiting for testing and is looking forward to having a good time. There is indoor and outdoor seating. This looks like a great way watch a game. Continue reading
Last week on Mob Wives, we had the big sit down where everyone discussed the meaning of friendship and agreed not to be such giant cuntsicles to each other. They didn’t exactly hug it out, but they seemed to at least make an agreement to try to stop talking so much shit about each other. Spoiler alert, it didn’t work. In fact, last week, Carla’s online trashtalking on Twitter about Drita to one of Drita’s former employees led to Drita showing up at the former employee’s doorstep and things turned violent resulting in Drita being arrested for simple assault (misdemeanor).
Oh, I forgot, we have to watch the two new idiots fight. I normally skip over their scenes, but let’s see if they are all talk or if someone actually gets a blow in. Well, by my observation the brunette got in a punch to the forehead (um… that must have hurt her hand) and a cunt punt. The little blonde bimbo just got a lot of yelling in. What I don’t understand is why they go to all the trouble to force these little twats into a fight for our amusement and then edit it so that we can’t see the whole fight. The whole thing probably lasted for two minutes. It was three episodes of hype. Show the fight it you are going to put two morons in a bucket and set them at each other. Otherwise what is the point? Would people still watch racing if the cut the tape on the car crashes? NOE. No the would not. It’s the same thing.
Drita and Big Ang go to a restaurant that is in the space once used by a strip club that used to be popular with the mob. This is supposed to be about Drita remembering times gone by for her book. This show should have ended last season. It’s really bad this season. But I want to watch for Big Ang. She was tweeting a bit during this episode despite feeling bad and said it was a hard episode to watch. I will probably just flip through to her scenes.
Before we start this recap, I need to share some very sad news. Big Ang has been hospitalized with stage four cancer. She was on heavy chemotherapy that is not working. The lung cancer has moved into her brain. It’s not good.
We start in a warehouse where Big Ang has set up a meeting. These days the term OG is thrown around willy nilly. It’s being used to describe TEEN MOMS these days for fucksake. Tonight, the real OG all sit down to clear the air, once and for all. We hope.
Drita is the last to walk into the lioness’ den. Everyone is out for Drita. I hope she is packing. Carla starts off talking about how Drita was not happy when she came back. Carla goes through her whole list of grievances. There is a whole lot of discussion about friendship. What is the definition of friendship? Youse is all horrible friendses! Drita says if she said that Renee was the cause of all the problems, she was wrong. The Renee apologizes! We are making progress. Drita apologies to Carla. Everyone agrees not to shit talk each other. And they leave on a good note. Carla didn’t apologize for anything that I saw. Just Drita and Renee. Continue reading
We’re back home on Mob Wives this week and hopefully we can get Drita reintegrated into a least some of the posse because I’m tired of watching her type at home alone with her cute kids. I need to see some action here.
Big Ang comes to meet Drita for dinner at a gorgeous restaurant. Big Ang is really pissed that the Feds closed her bar, and she wants Neil to step up and pay the bills. Well Ang, you married a garbage man. I love Neil and I think he is a great husband but she can’t expect Neil to make more than he was when she was working just because she lost the bar. He makes what he makes which is a perfectly acceptable salary for most people and it was probably HIS insurance that paid all your cancer bills and kept you from losing the bar over medical bills.
Big Ang is having a Big birthday party (so she can’t be that broke, okay I know production pays, but still she has a job where production pays). All the bitches are going to be there so Big Ang fills Drita in on all the trash talking. Carla is pissed because Drita told Big Ang that he boyfriend was beating her. Drita says she only told Big Ang because she was worried about Carla. Drita does a lot of trash talking she unfortunately will not follow through on. It’s sad when Bad Girls Club has more violence than Mob Wives. I wanna see some people get whacked!
Drita meets with a publisher, because that is so easy to do. I’ll just guess she gets a book contract and skip through this part.
Mob Wives started last week with two brand new episodes. I recapped both of them but the posts didn’t seem very popular. I thought I would post this weeks and see if this is something you guys are still interested in. We start right where we left off with Marissa an Britanny spouting off at each other and me hoping for a mutual beat down. They are both so annoying.
Oh wait, we don’t start there. Apparently nothing happened, because all the women are going to some poor unsuspecting sole’s posh garden party. It’s merely a change of scenery for Brittany and Marissa Jade to argue some more. I guess I am going to have to swap ponies to Brittany because it seems lie Big Ang and Drita are going to pick her up for their side. Somehow, everyone manages to get wasted on the free liquor and is hungover as hell in the morning.
Carla invited a Yoga instructor to come over at the crack of dawn. Amazingly, everyone except Renee actually comes to the yoga class. She does show up late to watch though. Big Ang drops out pretty fast herself. It’s amazing how hard yoga really I, honestly. Overall the women had a decent trip.
Big Ang wants to apply to have her rights restored after losing them due to her felony drug conviction. I hope she does. They didn’t take much out of the Drunken Monkey. Maybe she gets it back. I dunno. I forget about these women in the off season. Continue reading
I am back in the swing of things with Mob Wives now and remember who I like and hate. I like Drita, Renee and Big Ang and I hate anyone they hate. But Drita is my ride or die. I love how at the end of the previews you here Renee or somebody casually saying, “who’s getting whacked” in the same tone one might say, ” what do you think of this dress?”
I wish they would have gone back to their old theme song for this final season.
Drita meets up with Renee so she can get downloaded on what she missed at the Mermaid parade. What she missed was Love selling her out to fucking Carla. Drita is pissed that no one stood up for Drita. Drita goes off at the mouth like a gansta at Renee. Renee should not be hanging with fucking Karen and Carla anyway. “Youse are all fake ass mother fuckers!” Drita says. And my mad crush on Drita escalates. “See this is what happens when dumb fucking hoes for a crew!” Swoon. Drita is totally playing up the accent, and I’m okay with that. Drita cusses her way out of the restaurant. Her talking head is full of suggestions that people go suck a dick.
While the dicksuckers and Big Ang are in The Hamptons, Drita works on her book. I don’t like to see sad Drita. Drita says something about not having Lee by her side right now. Where the hell is he?
You know who has probably sucked a lot of dick? Brittany. How is that for a segue? Why do they always have to bring some stupid little girl with a loud mouth on to be a punching bag? It would be great if they would finish her in an episode or two but they always dragged it out for the whole fucking season. Continue reading