Category Archives: Lifetime

Dance Moms Recap: Sacre Bleu!

Dance Moms New Season

This week Jade is back to dance for a week . Not much chit-chat before we go straight to pyramid. We have Chloe on the bottom because Abby openly despises her. Chloe came in second. For this she must be emotionally flogged.  Next is Nia. Nia came in fourth and was in my opinion robbed. If she had done that same routine in a civilized costume and not encumbered by a fucking dog leash, she could have won. Next is Mackenzie. This shocking as she is the favorite.  Maddie is next. Kendell actually gets the top of the pyramid! She had the overall high score last week.

This week is a very large competition. Studio Bleu will be there and they are major competition. Abby has decided to save the dance she originally wanted for nationals. She doesn’t think they will win at this competition. This is a strange move even for Abby. They have no group choreography ready to go for one of the biggest competitions of the season.

Chloe and Jade both have solos. Abby is only working with Jade. Chloe rehearses alone.

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Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms Recap: Give Me Face Like Maddie!

Dance Moms Gypsies

I really need a break from race wars and suicides and felons by bravo so I thought, “What better than to recap Dance Moms, a lovely little show about crushing the souls of little girls?” This week Maddie is in LA doing the Ellen show and doing the dance she did for the  SIA video.  So who will be able to step up to the plate and win in Maddie’s absence?

Pyramid time. Maddie on the bottom because she is not there. Chloe is next because she fell in the group dance. Nia was next because Abby hates her and because her ballet needs work. Next was Sarah. Abby said she was a beat behind. Dumbass CHRISTy had to pipe up and say, “not true.”.  Mackenzie was “too short.” lol So somehow Kendall gets to be on top of the pyramid.

Abby needs a lead for the group dance but she hasn’t decided who it is yet. Three solos are available. One for Kendall, Nia gets a jazz route called “underdog.” Chloe gets a contemporary called “I should have known. CHRISTy goes off on Abby for Sarah not getting a solo. Abby threatens to cut Sarah from the group routine.

The group routine is Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves. It seems dumb already. Kendall seems to get the lead, but we all know that when Maddie comes back, she will probably take it. Yep. Abby is already threatening that very thing. Maddie is back and Abby is going to have Maddie assist the three soloist by critiquing them and giving feedback. Abby threatens to give Maddie Kendall’s solo. Maddie already learned the solo before leaving for LA. How convenient. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms: Kiss or Get Off the Pot!

Abby Lee

I am so behind on recapping lately. Mostly it’s because I have been SOFA KING tired lately. I blame the weather. It’s been either 100 degrees or 85 and rainy. Also, Big Brother has really thrown my sleep schedule, if I ever had one, off.  I am going to try to get through Dance Moms without nodding off. I just made coffee and am going in.

Oh my god from the previews alone I am excited. This week the stupid B team has been allowed to go back to wherever they actually live.  But since Sarah and her nightmare mother CHRISTy are local, Sarah is going to be allowed to dance with the elite team. IF CHRISTy can keep her big mouth shut. At pyramid, Abby lays into the girls for losing twice in a row. She said they were poor losers.

We begin pyramid with Chloe on the bottom. She had some bad turns. But really at the very bottom Abby? Next is Maddie, this should not be nearly as surprising as it would have been last season. Maddie is not longer Abby’s favorite. Mackenzie is.  Christi is a bit giddy to see her on the bottom. Abby says Maddie is the team leader and when things go wrong everyone follows her lead. Next is Kendall, Abby searches for something to say about her. She goes with the fact that she was in the trio with Chloe’s sloppy turns. Because that is Kendall’s fault? Nia is second from the top but Abby tells her she is not flexible. Then her darling Mackenzie. Mackenzie had all sorts of issues last week. I started to wonder if this was a reverse order. Then I realized that she is being mean to all of them and putting all of them on the bottom so she can put stupid little Sarah alone on the top because she was in the winning group number. Oh, Abby. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms Season Premiere Recap: Too Many Moms

Dance Moms New Season

Oh crap. The stupid other team is back. If we have two teams all season, I will be pissed. I don’t like the other moms. I don’t like change. I only care about the girls I have been following for years. The Fat Bible Thumping Ogre Woman  (FBTOW) really needs to go. She ran her mouth to get her kid taken out of the comp last season and she clearly hasn’t learned a thing. Send her packing for good, Abby.  I can’t take a whole season of her.

It’s time for the focus on Maddie’s accomplishments portion of the show. Abby has Maddie explain she shot a video for Sia.  If you missed it check that link, it’s worth a view.  Kalani was not asked back? I am SHOCKED. Kira must have really pissed off Abby. Since Kalani is gone, Maddie is back on the original team.

Pyramid time. Kendell is on the bottom because she and Kalani got beat by two of the B team girls in the last competition. Next is Nia because Abby hates her. Next is Mackenzie, yet all Abby can say is how great she is as a pop princess, but her dancing needs work. Maddie is next.  CHLOE IS ON TOP OF THE PYRAMID!!!  Yay! But of course Abby has to say that two of the judges had the B-teamer higher than Chloe. Christy says there is a rumor going around that Abby confronted the judges and demanded to know how Chloe beat the B teamer. Just be quiet Christy. This will get you nowhere. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime


true tori

Oh Lord. I don’t know why I feel like I must do this. I feel like I have seen the train wreck and I might as well look. Why is Tori always in bed? She is going to narrate the whole show from her bed. UGH. She is trying to use her sexy voice, or her hosting voice, or some voice that is not her true Tori voice.

In this unseen footage therapy session, Tori basically accuses Dean of lying. Tori wants us to know they were having lots and lots of very kinky sex. She rages about it to her therapist. But she whisper yells to us that she doesn’t want to divulge their specific kinks because, “A lady never tells” but that “Donna Martin definitely graduated.” I’m going to need someone to admit to watching 90210 to explain that inside comment.

Tori is crying the ugly cry because Dean went out for a hamburger when he had filet mignon at home. They are literally discussing that quote.  Next up, “sometimes a haircut is just a haircut.” Oh wait, it’s not about the haircut, it’s about Canada.

Tori just called yelling, “using her big voice.”

I am not sure I can go on. Continue reading


Filed under Lifetime

True Tori Reunion? The Caboose of the Train Derails…

true tori

Well, it’s time for the much anticipated True Tori Reunion. Okay, I know you guys probably didn’t watch and I was up until the wee hours binge watching The Face (I picked the winner in the first episode, btw.) trying to take a little down time. Plus, at least one of you is relentless about the “midget housewives show” so I know what you were doing last night. I’m sorry. I have to draw the line somewhere and mini housewives is below the line. Please drop that campaign. I realize all too late that I should have drawn the line above True Tori as well But now, I shall suffer through the show, for you, my faithful readers.  First of all, how is this a reunion? There are two adults on the show who are married and live together.  Are they reuniting after hair and make-up? I’m already mocking this shit.

Tori says that things are getting better with her situation. But first, let’s replay a montage of all the angry crying and stupidity some of us actually watched on this season. This show only seems watchable late at night after half a box of wine. It’s actually a comedy in the harsh, sober light of day.  All of these whisper conversations are hilarious.

Tori says that she didn’t have any other choice but to film the spectacle that is her marriage because the tabloids would not stop talking about her situation. Really? I had never even paid the least bit of attention to this hot mess until the show was publicized.

The mean people on Twitter say that Tori is getting a taste of her on medicine. Tori says she just accidentally found her soul mate. Well, honey, what if Molly Goodhand, or whoever thinks she has accidentally found her soul mate now. Continue reading


Filed under Lifetime, Reality TV

Dance Moms Recap: Mama Drama

Abby LeeIt’s time for another episode of Dance Moms. I’m sorry, but I really am going to need for Mrs. Miller to die on this episode. I think it is fine to acknowledge her passing on the show as she was a part of Dance Moms. However, I simply can’t deal with the play by play of each moment of her death. We are already starting with Melissa coming in to let Abby know that she been to see Mrs. Miller. For the love of  God can we get on with the pyramid and the bashing of little girls?

Abby congratulations the girls on their 13 straight wins. Then she asks, “Is that time for your teacher to celebrate? Or time for your teacher to get tough?”  I think we all know the answer to that. When Maddie had a long winning streak, there was cake and unicorns. But since this is the group on a winning streak there will be gruel and dragons. Next week “the new team” arrives. Will we finally see Thalia? In other things I could care less about news,  Mackenzie is shooting her video for her song, Girl Party. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms Recap: No Bollywood For Nia?

Abby Lee

Before I start blogging I try to do the tagging and the categories (seen below each post, that y’all probably don’t ever even use) because once the blog is done I am so ready to just get it up. As I was doing that now I notice the tag for Thalia.  Remember how they did a weird pre-reunion show before this season? Kelly and her girls were on it. That now seems weird. And there was a girl named Thalia that got a solo on that show. That was also weird. Where the hell is Thalia on this season?

On to a down and dirty Dance Moms recap. I am actually starting to have A LIFE and need to get to that shortly! Let’s start with the soul crushing pyramid. There really wasn’t a pyramid. Kalani was on top for her winning solo. Everyone else is even because the all kept dancing when they could not hear the music. Peyton was dismissed from the group last week. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms Recap: Hold On To Your Weave!

Abby Lee

On this week’s Dance Mom’s Abby Lee is in LA with McKenzie so that she can release her first single. Which would make sense if Abby was a manager and McKenzie could sing.  But let us put all of that aside and see how things go. Poor thing. Perhaps a lot of autotune will help.

Maddie is in LA because she booked a job of some sort. Meanwhile, back at the pyramid, Abby says she needs someone who can be her Maddie when Maddie is not there. Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid because her head piece slipped during her solo last week. Kendell is next. Her duet with Kalani came in second behind Maddie and Chloe’s duet that they had worked on since booty camp last summer. So, um that makes sense. Kalani is next on the pyramid. Chloe is next even though her duet with Maddie won. Because Abby hates Chloe and her mother, Kristi. Mackenzie is next because Abby said she was outstanding with the candy box. Whatever. And Maddie is on top of the pyramid because Abby adores her.

Mackenzie has a jazz/gymnastics solo this week. Kalani is getting a solo and so is Chloe. Abby has the girls to an improve dance off to see who will be “Maddie” in the group dance. Kendell wins because the Moms voted and could not vote for their own kid. Chloe came in second. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

Dance Moms Recap: Wingman Down

Dance Moms Hylands

Photo Credit: Lifetime

We begin with Abby Lee Miller letting us know that Kelly Hyland  and her daughters Paige and Brooke are out of the company. Abby doesn’t seem to think she has any responsibility for that went down in NYC. Despite Abby Lee still pressing charges against  Hyland,  last I heard so far nothing had happened other than one court appearance where both sides were granted restraining orders. Meanwhile, Kelly is suing Abby Lee and the production team for all sorts child labor law infractions, assault and a variety of other issues one of which includes Abby hiring a choreographer who forced the girls to learn a provocative dance and was later charged with child pornography charges. Allegedly. Maybe.

Nia is getting a solo. I’m worried for her already. Maddie and Chloe have a duet but they are not getting along after Maddie stole Chloe’s duet glory last week. Kalani and Kendall will be doing a duet against Maddie and Chloe. If they win, Abby will take that out on Chloe.

Melissa invites everyone over for wine and cheese. Christi says she is not going.  AlHl the ladies seem to think that Melissa lied. It seemed pretty clear to me last episode that Melissa did not know and begged Abby to not have the Maddie’s duet judged.  I don’t know why everyone is so quick to jump on the Melissa hate wagon. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Lifetime

The Dance Moms Episode We Have All Been Waiting For! (Recap)

Dance Moms She'll Make or Break You

UPDATE: Kelly is suing Abby for and production for 5 million Story on TMZ. (sorry I am too tired to do an interpretative dance explaining the issues with the TMZ story. Just go to the link. )


It’s finally time for the Dance Moms episode we have all been waiting for! It’s the trip to NYC where Paige and Brooke’s mom, Kelly Hyland, assaults Abby and she presses charges! The episode is officially called Big Trouble in the Big Apple. I can wait to see how it all goes down.

Pyramid begins as always with Abby Lee telling the girls how disappointed she is despite the group number coming in first place last week. Jill asks Abby if she regrets spending so much time with some random new girl rather than spending time with her actual competition team. Abby says know, she enjoyed working with the girl from open auditions. She also says she plans to build a whole new elite junior competition team. She will have two teams. She tells Maddie that she may put her on the new team .

On the pyramid Chloe is dead last. She came in fourth in her solo last week. Kendall and then Nia because their duet came in third. Then Mackenzie because Abby has been really pushing her to rise to Maddie’s level this season. Then Brooke and Paige neither of them get any love despite being very high on the pyramid because Abby hates Kelly. And of course Maddie is at the top of the pyramid. If I were any of the other girls I would be planning ways to gently kill Maddie in her sleep. Her constant domination is annoying. Abby put all of her instruction time into Maddie is annoying. Maddie getting the best choreography and costumes is annoying.  I have reached my limit. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, lawsuit, Lifetime

Eight Dirty Little Secret TV Shows

REal World Explosion

I’ve been watching, but not blogging quite a few good shows lately so I thought it was time for a top ten list.  Only I only have 8 shows. So, a top eight list. Lets get right to it.

Number 8: Kim of Queens  Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on Lifetime.

Kim Gravel is the owner of The Pageant Palace.  She collects misfit girls and attempts to make them her “pageant pros.”  It’s NOT Toddlers and Tiaras.  The girls are older and Kim and her sister Allisyn  Varalla  make most of the costume choices for all of the girls.  Then pageant moms are almost as bad as the Dance Moms but there is less conflict between the moms and more berating of their own child. Kim and Allisyn are hilarious. It’s much more light-hearted than I make it sound. The major negative aspect of the show is that the “misfit girls” they pick up are obvious plants for the most part. The “hillbilly girl” is actually a pageant pro for example and is playing a part. Still, it’s a fun show to DVR and watch on  a Saturday morning.

Number 7: Dance Moms Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Lifetime

I actually do try to recap this show when I can. It has been around long enough that you have probably made a decision about it already. If you think Abby Lee is a horrible person (I love her) then don’t bother giving it a second look.  This show is one of the more “real” reality shows out there.  Abby really dislikes most of the dance moms. This season Kelly (Brooke and Paige’s mom) actually attacked Abby at an open audition for “replacements” in NYC.  Abby pressed charges and they recently went to court. It remains to be seen if Paige and Brooke are still on the show.  Meanwhile, Nia is rapidly advancing her team rank with great performance.

Number 6: Real World EXplosion  Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on MTV

My obsession with reality TV began with the very first episode of the Real World. I love people watching and this was a great glimpse into the lives of people who were at the time in my age group,  living I NYC. More than 20 years later, I can’t stop watching.  This season the show returns to San Francisco with a twist. After the seven strangers move in and start hooking up, their exes arrive to move in to the house.  There is a lesbian couple that didn’t really seem broken up in the first place. They should be fine. But the token hot head guy hooked up quickly with a brash blond as “friends with benefits” and neither of their exes is happy with the relationship.  The exes arrive in the next episode, so it’s a good time to start watching. Continue reading


Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Lifetime, MTV, OWN, Reality TV