Category Archives: Dumbasses

Vanderpump Rules Recap: The Bitch Is Back

There were some faults with the radiators last week, but EVERYONE is secured now.

There were some faults with the radiators, but EVERYONE is secured now.

Xanadude, Guest Contributor

The bitch is back. (It’s like he doesn’t even read my recaps!)  I don’t mean Stassi.  I mean me.  After a week long reprieve from the radiator, I’m back at my post and ready to talk some Vanderpump Rules.

But first – couple of random things from last week, which was recapped wonderfully by our Mistress of the Malcontents, Tamara Tattles – James committed one of the most cardinal of cardinal sins in my eyes, which was to wear a shirt with no sleeves to the dinner table.  Seriously, it’s gross.  No one wants your hairy pits in their face while they’re eating.  Wear a damn shirt with sleeves.  Second, Lala gets massive points for being able to function in those HUGE hoop earrings.  Lastly, just when you think Scheana is a horrible self centered narcissist, here comes Stassi to remind you what a true horrid self centered narcissist looks like.  Scheana immediately gains both credibility and likeability simply by being on the same show with Stassi.

Which brings me to the giant elephant in the room: Stassi.   Here’s the thing – one of the reasons I love VPR is because the cast, no matter how unlikeable and immature, are in many ways relatable and, more importantly, redeemable.  Even James.   They all have some spark of humanity in them, and, hopefully, like all of us, they will wake up one day in their mid 30s (or, for Jax, his mid 50s) and realize that, this, was indeed, a small stupid period of their lives and they are ready to grow up, put down the booze, get a real job, and “adult.” Stassi, however, I have no such hope for.  I think she is just irredeemable to her core.  On a DNA level.   If you put a sample of her DNA in a petri dish, with other people’s samples, it will arrogantly slither to the center of the petri dish and look for the microscope lens to preen into, while either knocking over or absorbing all the other little DNA samples on the route.   I’m going to gloss over Stassi parts because I don’t like spending time, even virtual time, around her.

Stassi is basically Farrah Abraham with better birth control.

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Filed under Bravo, Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules

Marriage Boot Camp Recap Season 4 Premiere Let The Fighting Begin!

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And we are off on another season of Marriage Boot Camp. I am not sure I will be recapping this one unless y’all REALLY want me to, because I have no interest in any of these people, most of whom I have never heard of.  And all of these fools need to take a good look at themselves and realize they are drawing the same paycheck for the same show as June and Sugar Bear. That should cause a deep and through personal inventory.

Benzino and Althea

First to arrive are Benzino and Althea. These two are from  Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, a show I’ve never watched a single episode. I have read that he has anger issues and I think she might be pregnant.  She shows up trying to redefine cootchie cutters. They are shorter than the crotch. They are fighting before they even get in the door. Oh they are engaged! That sounds smart. I think someone quits on the first day. I hope it is these two.

Sean and Catherine

Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici are from The Bachelor.  They have also already done Wife Swap where Sean appeared to be a supreme asshole.  They are not as happy as they pretend to be. Sean is appalled by all of the other couples. He thinks he is better than Catherine let alone Mama June or Benzino.  Maybe this is the couple that leaves. Continue reading

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Filed under Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Honey Boo Boo, Marriage Bootcamp, We

Comments From The Window Lickers

Dumb people

 

This is just a small random sampling from the window licking section (WLS).  The Porshatards are out in full force. I didn’t want you to miss it all. You’re welcome.

rena (in RHOA ) dumb ass bitches KIM WTF u could write a book if u need coin. Dish the dirt on facts of life 4 gods sake, u lowered your standards joining this group abd Nene looks like an ass for quitting amazon 7 foot size 16 shoe horse toothed looking sista

rena (in RHOA she posts all the time) Porsha, clise your legs grow up, your obnoxious, tge sound of your voice pisses ne iff, no wonder your divorced, your ex was a refined man trying to teach a freak how to be a lady. YOUR LISS

ms wonge (in RHOA) Cynthia was wrong for kicking porsha, she was callin porsha dumb and all other stuff, people have the rite to react. Cynthia needs to take he anger out on miss petra.

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Cock of the Walk

Vanderpump rules pump rules

 

I totally for about Xanadude taking these recaps  over until  about an hour before the show. I tried to find out if he was good to go but haven’t heard back. I having some weird kind of health issue today, but I shall forge ahead and if Xanadude turns in his paper, I’ll be sure to post his.  UPDATE!  Xanadude’s recap is coming.  I’ll post ASAP. Tonight, it looks like Jax and James will duel over first dibs on Lala’s  vajayjay.  Loser gets sloppy seconds I suppose.

Am I the only one who saw all the drops of tea all over the outside of the cup that Scheana served to Lisa? Because I can’t believe Lisa didn’t yell. “CUT!”  Lisa seems to understand something that Scheana doesn’t.  And that is scrambled egg whites don’t cure addiction.  Jax says he has milk that has a longer shelf life than Scheana’s marriage.

James has told Lala that he and Kristen are broken up. They’ve already had a drunken make-out sesh and made a future dinner date. Kristen shows up to the back door of SUR where production has placed Lala and asks her to let James know she is hanging out in the shadowy alleyway out back waiting on him.

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Vanderpump Rules Aftershow Recap: Xanaduuu…..de

Pump Rules Kristen Karma

 

By Xanadude

A couple of brief notes on the AfterShow, which you should be watching:

It’s a comedy show and recapping it would be like describing porn to someone who just masturbated, so just some points –

Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman are the hosts. They are amazingly funny. They aren’t taking the show or the cast seriously, a point which the cast seem to not understand. The hosts will ask hysterically inappropriate and/or sarcastic statements, and the cast will answer as if they were UN Ambassadors. Surprisingly, Sandoval and Shay are the ones who get into the spirit of it and play along. I like “sober” non castrated Shay-he’s pretty funny and quick.

Watch Julie and Brandy’s facial expressions and eye rolls.
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Shannon Beador Never Shuts The Fuck Up!

RHOOC Shannon STFU

Shannon Beador rarely goes a full day without address her fans on Facebook via live feed. She is quite convinced that she is winning and that last night episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County validated her turning away from Vicki and jumping on the cunt satchel sofa to eventually become even more disgusting that Meghan and Tamra. Because, delusional.

We begin with her picking through her kids Halloween loot and admitting she is a sugar addict.  So vinegar is the devil because it has sugar in it but eating a pile of Twizzlers is just something that must be done. Got it.

Can she ever forgive Vicki? She doesn’t even know. There was a lot of stuff we didn’t see. They started off the season knowing exactly what they were doing (Vicki and Brooks).

David shows up and they pause to get their daughters in the picture. Continue reading

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Filed under Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Orange County, RHOOC, Shannon Beador