Xanadude, Guest Contributor
The bitch is back. (It’s like he doesn’t even read my recaps!) I don’t mean Stassi. I mean me. After a week long reprieve from the radiator, I’m back at my post and ready to talk some Vanderpump Rules.
But first – couple of random things from last week, which was recapped wonderfully by our Mistress of the Malcontents, Tamara Tattles – James committed one of the most cardinal of cardinal sins in my eyes, which was to wear a shirt with no sleeves to the dinner table. Seriously, it’s gross. No one wants your hairy pits in their face while they’re eating. Wear a damn shirt with sleeves. Second, Lala gets massive points for being able to function in those HUGE hoop earrings. Lastly, just when you think Scheana is a horrible self centered narcissist, here comes Stassi to remind you what a true horrid self centered narcissist looks like. Scheana immediately gains both credibility and likeability simply by being on the same show with Stassi.
Which brings me to the giant elephant in the room: Stassi. Here’s the thing – one of the reasons I love VPR is because the cast, no matter how unlikeable and immature, are in many ways relatable and, more importantly, redeemable. Even James. They all have some spark of humanity in them, and, hopefully, like all of us, they will wake up one day in their mid 30s (or, for Jax, his mid 50s) and realize that, this, was indeed, a small stupid period of their lives and they are ready to grow up, put down the booze, get a real job, and “adult.” Stassi, however, I have no such hope for. I think she is just irredeemable to her core. On a DNA level. If you put a sample of her DNA in a petri dish, with other people’s samples, it will arrogantly slither to the center of the petri dish and look for the microscope lens to preen into, while either knocking over or absorbing all the other little DNA samples on the route. I’m going to gloss over Stassi parts because I don’t like spending time, even virtual time, around her.
Stassi is basically Farrah Abraham with better birth control.