Category Archives: Dance Moms

Dance Moms Season Finale Recap: Everyone’s Replaceable!

Dance Moms No Maddie TeamWe begin with Mrs. Miller dying. For women, the loss of a mother is one of the most difficult experiences in life. It focuses your understanding on the finite nature of life and makes you reevaluate your priorities. And Abby’s priority is sucking the life force out of her dancers and belittling them at pyramid. So let’s get started!

This week the girls strutted in wearing team jackets and looking like a cohesive team. Abby says it’s okay the lost last week and that they should probably have taken the week off. Maddie cries. And it’s time for pyramid. Last week Chloe danced a routine that had all the choreographic intricacy of the hokey pokey. Thus, she came in fifth. Abby knows full well this is not Chloe’s fault, because it is part of her diabolical plan to crush Chloe’s soul. Next is Nia.  Because Abby hates Nia and doesn’t work with her individually. Abby’s feedback is a dismissive, “you still have a long way to go.”  That is the kind of critique she  is paying the big bucks for. Next is Kalani, because Abby has to hide her obsession with Kalani from Maddie. It’s like Maddie is Abby’s wife and Kalani is the exciting new side piece. That sounded a bit wrong. It was unintentional. Plus, if she places Kalani properly on the pyramid she will have to go against Maddie, and she would likely beat her. Abby will not  allow that. Abby tells Kalani, “You were beautiful in the group. You’re kind of just…there.”  Next is Kendall. Mostly because she did not win her solo. Then there is the chosen one. Followed by Mackenzie, because she did a video!  Did she even dance at all last week? It doesn’t matter. This pyramid has never been about the girls’ dance performance. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: Mama Drama

Abby LeeIt’s time for another episode of Dance Moms. I’m sorry, but I really am going to need for Mrs. Miller to die on this episode. I think it is fine to acknowledge her passing on the show as she was a part of Dance Moms. However, I simply can’t deal with the play by play of each moment of her death. We are already starting with Melissa coming in to let Abby know that she been to see Mrs. Miller. For the love of  God can we get on with the pyramid and the bashing of little girls?

Abby congratulations the girls on their 13 straight wins. Then she asks, “Is that time for your teacher to celebrate? Or time for your teacher to get tough?”  I think we all know the answer to that. When Maddie had a long winning streak, there was cake and unicorns. But since this is the group on a winning streak there will be gruel and dragons. Next week “the new team” arrives. Will we finally see Thalia? In other things I could care less about news,  Mackenzie is shooting her video for her song, Girl Party. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: No Bollywood For Nia?

Abby Lee

Before I start blogging I try to do the tagging and the categories (seen below each post, that y’all probably don’t ever even use) because once the blog is done I am so ready to just get it up. As I was doing that now I notice the tag for Thalia.  Remember how they did a weird pre-reunion show before this season? Kelly and her girls were on it. That now seems weird. And there was a girl named Thalia that got a solo on that show. That was also weird. Where the hell is Thalia on this season?

On to a down and dirty Dance Moms recap. I am actually starting to have A LIFE and need to get to that shortly! Let’s start with the soul crushing pyramid. There really wasn’t a pyramid. Kalani was on top for her winning solo. Everyone else is even because the all kept dancing when they could not hear the music. Peyton was dismissed from the group last week. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: It Was Fucking Stupid.

Dance Moms

It’s once again time for Pyramid after that debacle with the drag queen routine last week. I still cannot believe that dance won. I fully expect to see Mackenzie at the top of the pyramid where Peyton should be. Oh wait, Abby is announcing the permanent replacements for Brooke and Paige. Kalani and Peyton are both there so now we know. But wait. Abby can’t do anything the proper way. She puts Kalani on the team permanently (AKA for the rest of Season 4) but not Peyton who was the lead dancer last week and was told if they didn’t win all responsibility would fall on her. Peyton’s mom has a meltdown.

It’s time for pyramid, where Abby crushes little girls’ dreams and wounds their psyches. On the bottom is Kalani because she is new. Which is odd because Kalani is Abby’s little favored one, just below Maddie, and last week or the week before some new kid started in the middle of the pyramid. Next is Kendall because she did not save her tears for her pillow. Wait, Abby says it was because she was just going through the motions. Next, is Nia, because Abby hates Nia. Abby says she was outstanding last week, but she was the one with previous experience. What? Nia was a drag queen before? Who knew? Rounding out the bottom is Chloe because Abby has a voodoo doll of her mother at home and sticks needles straight through her heart on a daily basis. But she says it is because she got beat by a nine year old in the overalls. Mackenzie is next which shocks me because Abby was gaga over Mackenzie’s performance in group dance. Her reason? She was not Maddie.  Next up is Maddie! Is it possible Peyton will get the top of the pyramid finally? Could it be? Well, Peyton is next but it seems like that is everyone and it was not the top spot. Whatever, she is ahead of Maddie. She put Kelly on top of the pyramid as a joke, and as a way to crush Peyton’s soul. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: It’s a Maddie, Maddie, Maddie World

Abby Lee

First of all the Choreographer’s Cut stuff is ruining my ability to DVR actual new episodes, my Tuesday night does not have the room for two hours of Lifetime! Also, we are a full four minutes in to the recording and the show is just now starting after 3 different Next Week…Previously on..Coming Up on.. so I’m quite sure this will cut off before the winners are announced. There are supposed to be three minutes of commercial at the end of the show! This is so the DVR doesn’t get cut off before the end, and so everyone has a potty break before the next show starts. This is how we do it in America, Lifetime. Get with the program. /end rant

It’s time for the dreaded pyramid AKA squashing everyone’s self-esteem (except Maddie of course) right before learning a new routine. Let’s see who gets the brunt of Abby’s hormonal wrath this week… One the bottom was Mackenzie who didn’t go to the competition. I didn’t even notice that did I? Next up is Nia, her face was supposed to be envious, and it was something other than that.  Um, okay.

Next up is Peyton. WHO? What? When was the last time we saw Peyton. Now I wish I had not just deleted my four thousand copies of last weeks episode. I can’t recall the last time Peyton was there.  Mackenzie is last because she wasn’t there, but Peyton is above Nia who was there when Peyton hasn’t been there for WEEKS? IDGI. Am I just confused? I have a headache and maybe I am just not thinking clearly but this is the most bizarre thing in pyramid history to me.  Even more bizarre is Peyton bursting into tears and walking out because Abby called her a crybaby. She calls her that all the time because she cries a lot. Peyton is 16 years old. She should be used to it by now. Her mother goes after her and Peyton is pissed because none of the mothers stood up for her. She says if Abby talked to Maddie that way then the mothers would have defended her. Um, well, Maddie never cries and is pretty much perfect so Abby would never say that. Her mother says that she (Peyton) is the one who keeps wanting to come back to ALDC when she has tried to get her to go elsewhere. I am not buying this whole scene especially now that Abby is going after her rather than continuing with pyramid. Peyton sobs and tells Abby how much she loves dancing at her studio. And back into pyramid we all go.

Next up is Chloe, Abby says nice things. To Chloe. But of course then she tells her if she were home schooled like Maddie she would be improving a lot faster. /Heavy Sigh. Chloe smiles and nods. Next is Maddie. She was perfect in every way. Amazing. A shrine should be erected in her honor and her birthday should be a national holiday.  Kendall is on top of the pyramid. It’s a Christmas miracle! Kendall won the technique award and Abby liked that because Abby takes that to mean that she is doing something right. So, be thankful to Abby, Kendall that she taught you well. Aren’t you lucky. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Catch-up And Discussion

Dance Moms PreunionI haven’t posted about Dance Moms in a while, and I’m not sure I have a whole lot to say about the show now, but I thought y’all might have some thoughts to share.

Kalani seems like a level headed girl who knows how to play Abby’s game. She just needs to keep performing well and wait for Abby to get pissed at Maddie over something so they can battle it out head to head. He mother on the other hand has to learn that going behind Abby’s back with bring the wrath of Abby like she has never seen. So this week Kalani was not asked to participate.

Can we talk about the pre-reunion show this season? I assumed that was filmed after the season itself wrapped but since Kelli was there and Brooke sang a solo, maybe it was filmed before the season was? I thought the whole reunion BEFORE the season was weird. Where is that Thalia girl was on the pre show? We have not seen her at all yet. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: Hold On To Your Weave!

Abby Lee

On this week’s Dance Mom’s Abby Lee is in LA with McKenzie so that she can release her first single. Which would make sense if Abby was a manager and McKenzie could sing.  But let us put all of that aside and see how things go. Poor thing. Perhaps a lot of autotune will help.

Maddie is in LA because she booked a job of some sort. Meanwhile, back at the pyramid, Abby says she needs someone who can be her Maddie when Maddie is not there. Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid because her head piece slipped during her solo last week. Kendell is next. Her duet with Kalani came in second behind Maddie and Chloe’s duet that they had worked on since booty camp last summer. So, um that makes sense. Kalani is next on the pyramid. Chloe is next even though her duet with Maddie won. Because Abby hates Chloe and her mother, Kristi. Mackenzie is next because Abby said she was outstanding with the candy box. Whatever. And Maddie is on top of the pyramid because Abby adores her.

Mackenzie has a jazz/gymnastics solo this week. Kalani is getting a solo and so is Chloe. Abby has the girls to an improve dance off to see who will be “Maddie” in the group dance. Kendell wins because the Moms voted and could not vote for their own kid. Chloe came in second. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: Wingman Down

Dance Moms Hylands

Photo Credit: Lifetime

We begin with Abby Lee Miller letting us know that Kelly Hyland  and her daughters Paige and Brooke are out of the company. Abby doesn’t seem to think she has any responsibility for that went down in NYC. Despite Abby Lee still pressing charges against  Hyland,  last I heard so far nothing had happened other than one court appearance where both sides were granted restraining orders. Meanwhile, Kelly is suing Abby Lee and the production team for all sorts child labor law infractions, assault and a variety of other issues one of which includes Abby hiring a choreographer who forced the girls to learn a provocative dance and was later charged with child pornography charges. Allegedly. Maybe.

Nia is getting a solo. I’m worried for her already. Maddie and Chloe have a duet but they are not getting along after Maddie stole Chloe’s duet glory last week. Kalani and Kendall will be doing a duet against Maddie and Chloe. If they win, Abby will take that out on Chloe.

Melissa invites everyone over for wine and cheese. Christi says she is not going.  AlHl the ladies seem to think that Melissa lied. It seemed pretty clear to me last episode that Melissa did not know and begged Abby to not have the Maddie’s duet judged.  I don’t know why everyone is so quick to jump on the Melissa hate wagon. Continue reading

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The Dance Moms Episode We Have All Been Waiting For! (Recap)

Dance Moms She'll Make or Break You

UPDATE: Kelly is suing Abby for and production for 5 million Story on TMZ. (sorry I am too tired to do an interpretative dance explaining the issues with the TMZ story. Just go to the link. )

 

It’s finally time for the Dance Moms episode we have all been waiting for! It’s the trip to NYC where Paige and Brooke’s mom, Kelly Hyland, assaults Abby and she presses charges! The episode is officially called Big Trouble in the Big Apple. I can wait to see how it all goes down.

Pyramid begins as always with Abby Lee telling the girls how disappointed she is despite the group number coming in first place last week. Jill asks Abby if she regrets spending so much time with some random new girl rather than spending time with her actual competition team. Abby says know, she enjoyed working with the girl from open auditions. She also says she plans to build a whole new elite junior competition team. She will have two teams. She tells Maddie that she may put her on the new team .

On the pyramid Chloe is dead last. She came in fourth in her solo last week. Kendall and then Nia because their duet came in third. Then Mackenzie because Abby has been really pushing her to rise to Maddie’s level this season. Then Brooke and Paige neither of them get any love despite being very high on the pyramid because Abby hates Kelly. And of course Maddie is at the top of the pyramid. If I were any of the other girls I would be planning ways to gently kill Maddie in her sleep. Her constant domination is annoying. Abby put all of her instruction time into Maddie is annoying. Maddie getting the best choreography and costumes is annoying.  I have reached my limit. Continue reading

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UPDATED! Dance Moms Recap: Break a Leg!

Dance Moms

Leslie comes back with Peyton and Abby has a decent conversation with her. Jill arrives with a gift of silver hoop earrings for Abby to blunt the effects of Kendall getting fifth place with her solo last week. All the moms are nervous about going to Orlando for Open Calls.  Abby is taking Maddie and Mackenzie down early with her to set up. Leslie whines about her not choosing Peyton. Leslie will never learn. Abby is furious that she didn’t have an overall first place solo winner last week.  Pyramid goes as expected. Abby is not happy with Mackenzie’s performance. If Mackenzie doesn’t step up, she is going to find another Asia to dance with ALDC.  Chloe gets the number two spot, but no praise at all.

The group number is “Losing You” a blatant threat that one or more of them could be cut. There are two solos. One for Maddie  her number is called “Down My Spine” and Mackenzie gets the other “Take it To Go.” It’s a jazz/acro  routine.  Mackenzie is not in the group. Brooke is lead on a trio with Chloe and Paige called “Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil.”

Controversy continues over Chloe going out of order last week. Jill says that Chloe had an advantage in going last. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Recap: Number Two Tries Harder

Dancemomschloemaddie

Time for Dance Moms!  The girls are going to Ohio. Which means more drama with the Apple Cores. OMG at Peyton’s abs. You could do your laundry on them. She is in great shape.  She is still to tall to be with this group.

Abby is furious that the girls got third place last week. Abby’s hair is a disaster. Peyton in on the bottom of the period because she cried when her skull was pierced with barrettes.  Unacceptable. Your mother may be drilling holes through your skull with bobby pins, but save the tears for your pillow.  Next is Brooke. She fucked up the group routine last week. But at least she didn’t cry.  Then we have,  Nia. Sigh.  Mackenzie is next for acting her age in the dressing room. Then Paige, Kendall and Chloe. The trio that won first.  Abby is still not happy.  Maddie is on top. More talk about Maddie carrying the team. No solo for Maddie.  Solos go to Chloe and Kendall along with intense pressure.  The group dance is called “just another number” to show them they are all replaceable.

Abby says that Peyton stands out like a sore thumb. Um DUH. I have been saying that since last season. Continue reading

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Dance Moms Returns For New Season

dance-moms-season-4-jill-holly-kidsApparently,  Dance Moms is doing a reunion before the new season airs. That’s rather weird. It also amazes me how much these girl grow up in between seasons! Also, the makeup on the girls and the mothers is miles above the housewives of anywhere on their reunion shows. Mackenzie is apparently giving makeup tips on YouTube, I suggest all the housewives check it out for some lessons.

On the reunion, it was the same old same old.  Brooke sang her cute little song. I am not a huge fan of that. I don’t know why. I think it may have something to do with her sort of aging out of this show. She wants to be a Disney kid it seems to me and that might be a better place for her now.

It looks like Nia may have fallen into favor with Abby since she has been taking a lot of privates.  Abby seemed to struggle to find fault with her on the reunion show.

Chloe’s solo was amazing! I am still pissed that Chloe did not get to defend her national title last year. That was cruel.  Still I wish Christi would keep her head down and stop making things worse for Chloe.  Maddie’s solo had one huge bobble. And it was not her best performance. Kendall’s solo looked rusty. Which is odd because they have likely already filmed everything, right?

Ut oh,  Abby has brought in a ringer to dance on the team. Her name is Thalia and she is quite good.  Chloe and Maddie are going to have to up their game! Now on the premiere! Continue reading

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