Am I the only one watching Around the World in 80 Plates? My favorite show on TV right now is Revenge and I’ve now forgotten to flip to ABC to watch it TWICE because I was watching 80 plates. If you haven’t been watching you should be because it has pretty much every component of every reality show ever. First. it has Curtis Stone who I forgot to tell y’all was at that book party for Andy at SUR and the ladies said he was the hottest thing in a room that was already very hot. Curtis used to have this show where he would show up in a supermarket and volunteer to come home with you and cook you dinner. I honestly can’t imagine anything better than that especially if there was some sort of intimate dessert involved. I’m just saying. So there is Curtis and one of those female chefs from Bravo who are pretty and look like they have never eaten a thing they have cooked. Then there are a bunch of Chefs whose Mama’s have told them they are perfect little snowflakes all their lives. They do a lot of talking heads about how they are the only ones there that knows the difference between a bundt pan and a broiler pan.
Obviously they go from city to city and complete tasks sort of like The Amazing Race, well if everyone on TAR got drunk first. And they also cook like on Hell’s Kitchen and then there is a tribal council where everyone has to say their vote OUT LOUD which is awesome and then the Curtis and whatsherface pick someone to get immunity. It’s pretty magnificent. The other great thing is there is no Tom Colicchio. Actually, I blame Tom for always eliminating all the women on Top Chef but so far we are two eliminations in on 80 Plates and two women have gone. It’s always a vagicide on these things. The clear loser on the first episode was Nookie but he did a marvelous job at throwing some chick under the bus and she went home. On the second episode they sent home this female Thai chef who referred to herself on the first episode as more fuckable than Paula Dean and Rachel Ray (I disagree with both) and on the second episode referred to herself as the Asian Hitler .
My favorite chef is Chaz who is kind of a hot head and likes to take control, two qualities I find dreamy in a man, and he ain’t bad on the eyes either. Pookie, or Nookie or whatever the one from Boston calling himself is turning out to be fun in a devious sort of way and Keven or Cheven or whatever his name is needs to be taken out back behind the barn and put down.
Because this is a new show, the chefs didn’t really know how the game worked and are just now figuring out things like they need to drink less on the race course and pay more attention to the food that is part of the challenge. They also need to form some alliances so when they screw up a dish, their alliance can save them. And for the love of God stop pissing everyone off in the kitchen. Also, “allez moutons” is a phrase you will probably never need to use in your entire life, but if you do, you don’t need to repeat it all day long while giggling.
