Category Archives: Bravo

Below Deck: Bitchy Resting Face & #PenisGate2014

Below Deck Season 2 Cast

We’re back on the Charter where Kate found her Charter Soul Mate in the primary charter only for him to devastate her by pointing out she never smiles and comes off as a bitch that doesn’t want to be there. Kate gets her revenge by folding his throw blanket into the shape of a penis. Or more of a spotted dick actually. It actually an amazing fold for someone who doesn’t even know many napkin folds. There is a distinct head, shaft and ball sack. Where did she learn to do that? Kat takes a photo to show everyone. Amy is so adorable when she sees it.

Ben is mad because Katie is jeopardizing everyone’s tip. Kate says that the crew is valuing money over her in her talking head. No Duh, Kate. It’s called their livelihood and until you are paying their bills, that is the way it is. Amy is unhappy that it is still on the bed and goes to undo the penis. I hope she wears a condom. If that thing blows….

The deckhands are angry because they are a man down and the stews keep asking them to pitch in and help with their work. Perhaps is they were as good at prioritizing tasks as one of them is a throw blanket origami, there would not be a problem. Eddie tells Jennice she is not to help the interior crew anymore. Continue reading

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WWHL Guests Updated Through September 18th

andy cohenBravo announces the guest line-up through mid-September. I’m down with Tyson Beckford and Connie Britton and Craig Ferguson.  It’s kind of odd that the only Bravolebrities for the next two weeks are from MDLLA.  Why no RHONJ after the Florida trip? Continue reading

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Filed under Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

Real Housewives of Melbourne Goes Into the Toilets

RHOMEL Cast2So we are back to Everyone Hates Jane-uh.  I had homework for this article sent by Michael but alas between Frankie, Apollo and the Giudices, I didn’t have to do it this week. Incidentally, Frankie, Apollo and the Giudices would be a good name for a band if anyone is looking. Just envision that collaboration on stage for a moment, would you? Little Milania playing the tambourine. It would be like a Tamara Tattles version of the Partridge Family!  Okay. Sorry. Moving on .

By the way, the LBGTQRSTPC folks are on my twitter squealing that I called some old, um, comrades “one flamer away ” from being able to access Frankie’s Facebook page.  This is fabulous for ratings. Forgive me if I attempt to rile them up further in this post. Thank God for Gina, she will be the unfortunate target of my anti-gay remarks. Sorry Jane-uh, controversy is money.

YAY we’re going to Mission Beach!  They have already frankenbited in “Mission Beach” a couple of times. Seems like the city itself has bought a promo not just the resort.  What does “When he’s out step out mean in Aussie?” Because here is translates into a hall pass to fuck around on your rocker husband.

Andrea’s daughter is adorable despite her mother with no maternal instincts. Andrea on the other hand goes into details about her C-section for Bud’s birth. Of course, Lydia yammers on about taking a helicopter to the beach. And Jane-uh is late, probably trying to flame things up a bit. (see what I did there?) Janet is more annoying than usual. I feel less bad about setting up Gina for the gay jokes this episode because she is wearing a dress with one shoulder. The entire housewives franchise has put me off such monstrosities forever. But, I must say, she wears it better than most and the blue is lovely.

Andrea is a brunette? Is this new? How did I ever like Lydia. She is Sofa King annoying. Jackie, Gina and Chyka are all in one helicopter which means it’s fine with me if the other one crashes for the purposes of great TV.  The resort is gorgeous. I would never leave it. They rented out the whole thing! Wowsers! Continue reading

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Filed under Bravo, Real Housewives of Melbourne, Reality Show, Reality TV, Recap

WWHL Guests For Upcoming Week

Andy and Wacha Enjoy the Hamptoms

Andy and Wacha return from a summer break in the Hamptons Sunday night to fire up WWHL again. After getting several A listers  on the show recently, this line-up seems like a bit of a dud. I don’t know who half these people are. Please let me know who some of the guests  are, and if I should be watching!

Continue reading

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Filed under Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

Real Housewives of Melbourne: Gina Becomes the Outcast

RHOMEL Cast2Because my crappy cable box has to be turned off a lot to reset or it gets all squirrelly, I shut it down late Saturday night and went to bed. I didn’t turn it back on until 12:30 the next morning. So I only have the tennis event to blog about. Perhaps y’all can fill me in for a change on the first half. :)  Bravo doesn’t seem to rerun this show much if at all!

Gina was quite late at arriving and everyone started off being irritated with her when she did arrive. What the heck is Andrea wearing?  No one seems to bat an eye. Gina excuses herself from the table for a moment and everyone is outraged. Why? Lydia asks Gina why she was cranky. The ladies are trying to goad Gina and Andrea into a conflict. The basis of the issue is Andrea’s rude comments to Gina about her aggressive behavior with the girls. Continue reading

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Million Dollar Listing LA Recap: Gay or European?

MDLLA CastI missed the premiere of MDLLA because I just wasn’t paying attention. I have a new cable company and have to program my shows into the DVR to record and even then they sometimes don’t.  So I am going to check in now with episode 2 and see what I think about the two new guys, James Harris and David Parnes joining the cast with Josh Flagg and Josh Altman. I have a feeling I might miss Madison a little bit.

We start with Altman. The two new guys are British and partners. Apparently, last week everyone went after the same listing and Altman got it. The Brits are mad. Are they all out of real estate to sell over in jolly old England? I dislike these two and they haven’t said two words yet. They have come to the brokers open house to cause trouble it seems.  Flagg is enjoying the pissing match between David and James and Altman.  Altman is pleased with his open house.

The ever popular question, “Gay or European?” is seemingly answered by James’ wife and two daughters  but then his enthusiasm for tea parties seems to belie the initial response. After seeing the clubbing montage, where he knocked his wife up while they were dating, I suppose he is just European. David just walked in and the two both don tiaras and chat over pretend tea about a major business deal. Continue reading

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Below Deck Recap: Mo Mojitos, Mo Problems…

Below Deck Kelly

We start at the point where Kelly cracked his skull on the concrete after falling off the swing. Amy takes her brother to the ER.  Everyone else goes back to the boat where Kat and Ben continue to flirt with disaster, by flirting with each other on national TV when both of them are involved with people on land.  Ben takes it upon himself to tell Eddie he needs a backup plan for Andrew because Andrew sucks. It’s not a casual thing, it’s more of a drunken directive that crosses the boundary into telling the brand new bosun he is not doing his job correctly. Seriously, Ben.  Eddie has enough to deal with without you adding to the situation. Go back to cheating on your girl friend. Kelly shows up at 3:30  am and gets into bed. Ben denies Kat her request for a kiss. Tomorrow is a new charter.

Andrew’s ineptitude is highlighted once again. He is tired and clearly he has no clue what he is doing. He’s not even wearing shoes which causes him to get splinters in his feet. Just then, Captain Lee walks by and says, “What do you think? Deck shoes?” and keeps on walking. Priceless. Eddie asks him to take some things to the starboard bosun locker. Andrew doesn’t know what any of that means.

Kate didn’t seem to take to the down home silliness of the first group of guests, so this new group with black  truffle  on their provisions list should make her happy. Right? It’s an anniversary trip and their first trip without the kids. They are hot and rich and Kate is already jealous.  She is already complaining about making mojitos. This speaks more to her bartending skills than their taste in beverages. Continue reading

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Guess Who?

Below Deck Captain Lee 2

 

Go support his blogs here.

Sadly, I think that is his lovely wife of eleventy billion years with him. I mean you know, sad for us, lucky for him.

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Manzo’d With Children Premieres October 5th !

Caroline Manzo

I’m so excited for Manzo’d With Children! Even if it is going to be scripted as hell with all the kids pretending to live in the house during filming, including Albie’s girlfriend. I don’t care. I need me some Caroline Manzo. And for the love of God I hope that the press release below will stop the madness about Jacqueline coming back to RHONJ and all the bullshit stories saying she is coming back to save the show. She was LET GO FOR A REASON. She’s boring. Her legal dramas are dragging out so it may take years for her to be a #FelonByBravo (allegedly) and if there is a God there will be no RHONJ by the time she’s wearing orange with the rest of them.

Anyway, here is the official press release… Continue reading

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Filed under Albie Manzo, Bravo, Caroline Manzo, Chris Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita, Real Housewives of New Jersey

Below Deck Recap: Hex on The Beach!

Below Deck Season 2 Cast

We begin Below Deck with dumbass Andrew trying to vacuum up the water from the porthole incident, only the vacuum is set to blow and not suck. So essentially Andrew sucks at everything. Even sucking.  Amy is telling a sob story to Kat while drying the same glass for half an hour. Kat couldn’t care less. I am not really feeling Amy yet.

Georgia wants some “beefcake” so Andrew is sent to do a little pole dancing. They are provided with fake money to throw at them. Georgia and the girls are happy and Andrew is kept out of everyone’s hair.

Kat and Ben are both trying not to cheat on their significant others with each other. They have hooked up in the past.

Amy and the southern guests get along well with Amy. The accents really come out when you are in a room with just southerners. It’s not deliberate it just happens.

Jennice and Kelley are having a flirtmance. Kelley has a girlfriend of a month and a half before charter season began. I don’t think he is that into her.  Jennice has not mentioned to Kelley that she has a boyfriend. Continue reading

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Below Deck Recap: Shut Your Porthole!

Below Deck Season 2 Cast

I love the opening of the show. Nice to see Bravo giving Captain Lee the “star” treatment!  We begin 31 hours before sail with Captain Lee sitting on the dock waiting for the crew to show up. Everyone appears to be in high spirits.  Ben, Captain Lee, Eddie and Ben are all ready to go. I hate Kate already. Andrew is not much better. He lives at home with his parents and only works when they start to annoy him. Or something.  Jennice seems great. I love that she is a deckhand. I have a feeling she will out work Andrew.  Amy is a new stew. She’s a southern girl and she has brought her brother Kelley along to work the cruise as well. Amy seems okay, but I am not sure about Kelley.  Kelley’s package refers to his troubled past. I’m thinking these new crewmates, with the exception of Jennice are going to be problematic.  And, as much as I love Captain Lee, he is old school and could go either way with the female deckhand trying to break into the boys club. Ben and Kat both seem a lot thinner.

Some of the crew are sent shopping with Ben for provisions. Andrew is an abject moron. I don’t know if he will even make the first sale. He is supposed to get water. He doesn’t know what kind to get. Ben tells him some low-end and some high-end. Andrew is confused. Water is water. Water is definitely not water Andrew. Have you ever had Deer Park bottled water? It tastes like dirt. Evian tastes lovely.  SmartWater is the best for hydration and hangovers because it has electrolytes. Then there are the fizzy waters like San Pellegrino and Perrier. I case of canned La Croix is great for drinking in a raft on the ocean. Don’t be stupid Andrew.

This years ship is a lot bigger. The boat is trashed. Why would the boat be in such condition?  Kate and Ben are bunking together. Oh Ben, just say no.  Jennice already has the hots for Kelley.  Kat is rooming with Amy. They have some sort of old beef between them so clearly they need to bunk together for our amusement. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Melbourne Recaps: Chinese Whispers and Mexican Fiestas

RHOMEL

Okay, I have already forgotten who these ladies are and which ones I like and don’t like so forgive me if I contradict everything I said last week.

Janet is off to get some Botox. Jackie is along for moral support. Janet is very wrinkly. How old is she? Jackie tells Janet about Gina’s comments about not believing she is psychic and that if she is she is going through demons.  Jackie is inviting Gina and all the girls to a housewarming party. Because housewives always make nice at parties.

Andrea and Lydia go shopping in a funky little shop to buy a housewarming gift. Lydia invites Andrea and perhaps Jackie to go to her snow house for a few days.

Lydia is going to do the interior design for Gina’s new apartment. Actually, the apartment is for Gina’s boys I think. They discuss the situation with Jackie. Gina tells Lydia that she has broken up with her boyfriend. I’d like to point out that is exactly what Jackie predicted. Gina adamantly states that it has nothing to do with Jackie’s psychic abilities.

Jackie and Ben are hiring party planners for their housewarming party. They would like a Mexican theme. But they don’t want it to look like a cheesey theme party. Jackie wants to use her psychic ability choose the staff.  Jackie seems to be no better at world geography than the average American.  I don’t think she knows South Africa is a country. These two are a party planner’s nightmare. I cannot envision what their vision of the party is.

Lydia and her husband fly to a nearby island to buy some produce, or cheese or something. Because apparently there are no grocers in Melbourne. I don’t think the produce means the same thing in Aussiespeak. They bought a ton of cheese. I was shocked it was only $274. RHOMEL Cast2

Chyka! I love her and her catering store. Jackie and Ben want to make a drink line so Jackie goes to Chyka to mentoring. Jackie seems to think she can have something bottled in a month. Jackie seems clueless about how business works.  It may turn out it takes more than vision boards and angels to run a cocktail line.

Gina is chatting with one of the ladies…Andrea maybe? Gina explains that when she had cancer she became very spiritually hungry (I love that phrase) and that spiritual quest led her to the conclusion that psychics were not speaking from a godly place and were communicating through demons. Oh this party is going to be loads of fun.

The party is very festive and everyone is dressed to the nines. To me, Chyka’s gifts were the most appropriate for a housewarming. She gave them a ton of stuff from her catering line for their new kitchen. Gina gave Jackie a necklace ???,  And Lydia and Andrea gave them each an Indian headdress. I thought a housewarming gift was something for the home, or the kitchen, or a piece of artwork, of a bottle of wine. Silly me.  Andrea and Lydia said that Chyka’s gift was self promoting.

Drama begins over Jackie’s profession. Jackie and Ben confront Gina. Ben walks away and the two continue to rehash the entire situation over and over. Gina adores the term “Chinese whispers.” Lydia confirms in front of both girls that Gina said that she didn’t believe anything Jackie says. Jackie tries to explain that she meant that she did not believe her man is cheating. Gina is mad at Lydia for repeating what she said to Jackie. It’s the same argument over and over.

Next week: We get to see an Aussie ski resort.

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