I have a confession to make. I haven’t been watching Bravo on Sunday nights since Celebrity Apprentice started. My Sunday nights are reserved for The Amazing Race and Celebrity Apprentice. Last night both shows took some time to highlight women behaving badly. I could rant on that, but I’d rather rant about how much I hate Aubrey O’Day.
Hate is a strong word. It’s also a very accurate description of how I feel about Aubrey. If there is a word that goes beyond hate, that too would be appropriate. The term ‘hater’ has made its way into the lexicon of Internet users and other seedy realms lately as a term that intertwined with jealousy. ‘Hater’ has become a term people use to dismiss the validity of disliking someone by shrieking that the person doing the disliking is in some way jealous of the person with the vile behavior. For example, many times while watching the Real Housewives, I’ve suggested that nearly all of them, except Phaedra, need to buy a decent bra. When this suggestion is made about Nene a certain element of Nene fans comes screaming into comments to call me a ‘hater’ and suggest that I am jealous of Nene. In fact, I don’t particularly have feelings for Nene as a person one way or another. She does lots of things that are impressive like getting legitimate acting roles and she does a lot of things that are reprehensible. So to be clear, this feeling I have for Aubrey O’Day is pure, unadulterated hate, not to be confused with disliking someone on a reality show.
I knew that I was going to be driven out of my mind by this moron when she used the word ‘creative’ as a noun with the first two minutes of the show. Traditionally, the word ‘creative’ is an adjective. While it is used in the advertising field as a noun, it’s a disputed usage that most find ridiculous. It’s the type of word people say when they are attempting so sound educated. In other words, it’s something Sheree might say. And it irks me. And she says it at least a dozen times per episode. And she doesn’t consistently use it correctly as advertising jargon. It seems as though Aubrey learned the term on a Word of the Day calendar (advertising jargon edition) in an effort to appear intelligent. And it has worked. At least when it comes to Lisa Lampanelli who thinks that Aubrey should be welcomed to the next MENSA meeting.
If you don’t watch Celebrity Apprentice, chances are good that you are wondering who the hell Aubrey O’Day is and how she got on the show. I have no answer for either really. A few years back P.Puff.Diddy.Daddy got a show on MTV where he was supposed to put together a girl band. The band was eventually formed and named Danity Kane they has a one hit wonder then broke up. The majority of that show focused everyone’s hatred of Aubrey. On last night’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, we found out that Trump didn’t even know that Aubrey sang. The teams were asked to make a jingle and Trump pointed out that the team with Clay Aiken on it had an advantage because he was a professional singer. When Arsenio pointed out that Aubrey was a singer as well, Trump replied that most people just think of her as being in Playboy. It was, without doubt, the best thing Trump has ever said on TV.
Last night Aubrey managed to suggest that Arsenio Hall is a gay, or at least a cross-dresser, while working for her charity GLSEN, which is a foundation whose mission is to eliminate bullying directed toward gays, and well probably cross-dressers too. She had to know this because she gave a supportive interview about the charity where she said something like “I’m trying to help those poor unfortunate gays because, like, lately a whole bunch of them have been killing themselves and that makes me sad.” When Arsenio dared to question Aubrey’s brilliant idea that since the company had a mascot, then a cheerleader theme was the way to go Aubrey told the cameras, “Arsenio is the biggest girl on this show, so I don’t know why he doesn’t like tap dancing or wearing cheerleading outfits. We all know he does it at home.” Sadly, Arsenio was stuck in the unfortunate position of having to let Aubrey do her thing or risk Trump saying he didn’t listen to the “musician” so he allowed Aubrey to don a slutty cheerleader outfit and bounce around without putting up much of a fight. That didn’t stop Aubrey from constantly insulting him to anyone who would listen, from Teresa to Don Jr. At one point she told the camera that maybe “he has become senile and is suffering from the age he has become.” Arsenio is fifty-six. I looked it up and was surprised because he seems younger to me. Let us all hope Aubrey never has to suffer from the atrocities of reaching that age.
So Aubrey changed the entire choreography and structure of the jingle and placed herself right in the center bouncing all about. She should have been thrilled. But when Don Jr. showed up she pulled him aside to explain that she was the only person “with any creative” and if it weren’t for her “there wouldn’t be creative at all” and that her teammates were imbeciles and horrid, horrid people. After the presentation she told the camera that Arsenio and Teresa sucked (they were fine) and that it’s hard to deal with other people not being good at things like she is. Despite all of that, Arsenio
I am spending the week praying to the TV gods that Trump goes back to men against women for the remainder of the season and that it somehow comes down to Arsenio and Clay with an Arsenio win. Because in case I didn’t make it crystal clear, I hate Aubrey O’Day. That little quote in the box there is one of Aubrey’s favorite things to say (as if she created it of course) in interviews when asked about why everyone in Making the Band hated her. So at least she owns being a self-important twat. Meanwhile, I’m taking a shot next week every time she says the word ‘creative’. It’s the only way to keep my head from exploding.