I’ve been working on a Below Deck post for a few days. I’m not sure it will ever get published. There are a lot of things to consider regarding that post. Let’s just say the bloom is off the rose for Below Deck. For that reason I am begrudgingly recapping this. I’m zipping past the abysmal behavior of the crew on the last episode. I just can’t watch that anymore.
They have a one night charter with 6 locals which should be easy. Kat is still being a cunt to Amy. Jennice’s boyfriend seems ready to dump her. Jennice says she is not sure she wants to continue it. The boat gets a new deckhand, Logan. Kate knows him. Ugh. Somehow Logan is rooming with Kat.
Oh Sidenote: Since the show, the boat has changed its name from Ohana to Rhino, presumably to distance it from the show. Can’t say as I blame them. Oh and the boat apparently started driving itself away from the dock while it was still tied up. I actually heard about this accident when it happened. Continue reading
The team is in LA in a studio getting ready for pyramid. Abby is talking about how great she is and all of the opportunities the girls have when the B team and their obnoxious mothers waltz in. Holly is already asking WTF is going on.
Chloe is on the bottom because she did not dance due to injury. Her foot in miraculously healed. Next is Mackenzie! Abby has been upset with her lately. For several episodes she was the clear favorite, even above Maddie. Next is Nia, because Abby is a moron. Next is Kendell. She lacks confidence. Next is out ringer, Camryn, no idea who she is or where she came from but she is on the main team at nationals and will probably take a solo from someone who deserves it. Then the seas part and the angels sing as Maddie is announced as the top of the pyramid.
Both teams are doing a group dance. Kendell got a solo! Chloe gets a solo! I guess Abby thinks her foot will keep her from beating Maddie. Oh no, Maddie is not doing a solo because she is doing Jimmy Kimmel and other stuff and won’t have time to learn a dance. Abby gives Nia’s solo to Camryn.Because, bitch. Maddie and her mother leave to go to Kimmel but not before Melissa kisses Abby on the cheek and says she wishes Abby could be there. Abby says she will be there later, so she is clearly not planning on rehearsing this team. You know Maddie has a routine ready for nationals and will be dancing. Continue reading
I am so saddened to hear this news. It was just a couple of weeks ago that a friend of mine who lives in Orange County said she was out to dinner and sat at a table where Amanda Bynes was having dinner with someone who gave off the “gay best friend” vibe. She said Amanda looked good and seemed to be doing a lot better. It seems that her conservatorship was ended a bit too soon though because apparently yesterday she was arrested for DUI after she stopped her vehicle in the middle of an intersection. Continue reading
I don’t think I have ever recapped Nashville before, but someone asked and I’m about to watch it so we shall see how this goes. Also, I am trying to lure y’all away from Bravo. We really need to get some sort of 12 step program to get off of that network.
We begin with Rayna James who has several men trying to claim her, but I believe on the finale last season she accepted a proposal. It looks like she is conflicted because she is not wearing the ring and instead just sort of looking at it. I think we all sort of feel like she will end up with Deacon eventually. Oh wait, I think both Luke and Deacon proposed. Decisions, decisions.
Meanwhile, I’m not sure what Juliette is melting down about, I think her boyfriend found out she cheated on him and it has made her go all Britney Spears crazy. One of her stupid female assistants actually helps her find scissors. What kind of woman does that? All women know that there is a point in the crazy meltdown if it gets bad enough that you want to cut off all your hair. I’m sure there is some sort of psychological term for that. And when it gets to that point getting institutionalized and incoherent writing on the walls with your own feces is only a hop skip and a jump away.
Teddy and the oldest daughter have a spat. She wants her mom to marry Deacon. Don’t we all, Deacon’s kid. Don’t we all.
Will is playing the Bluebird and dedicates a love song to his wife, who he told he was gay on the finale of last season. She’s a bit confused. Outside Luke walks up to Deacon and punches him right in the face and says “Why can’t you just let her be happy?” And Deacon replies, “Why can’t you?” Continue reading
Filed under ABC, Nashville
I’m irritated as hell by that episode of RHONJ. I feel like I almost have to defend Jim Marchese. Sure he was being a little bitch but he sent Bobby into the bathroom to hide for the whole episode?
I may not say much about this episode. But I wanted to give you guys a place to comment.
Andy points that the new Wakile house has a turret as do most of the RHONJ homes. This seems to be a real housewives thing. Chateau Sheree’s is pretty much all turrets are not many rooms in the whole monstrosity that are not circular. And Kim Zolciak’s house is a turret fest as well. Clearly these people have never tried to decorate a round room. It’s a PITA. One round room is fine. 17 round rooms is a problem. See my walk thru of Chateau Sheree here.
Filed under Amber Marchese, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Bravo Housewives Disorder, Jacqueline Laurita, Jim Marchese, Joe Gorga, Natalie Napolitano, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL
Last week’s RHONJ episode was one of my favorites. I loved the girls in Florida. Everything was light up until the last few minutes. Today? The shit hits the fan.
The girls go to the alligator farm and Dina falls in love with a tailless alligator because she is obsessed with defective animals. The girls race in swamp boats and go looking at gators. The girls seem to be having a blast. But I’m a died in the wool gator hater and I don’t like gators of any species.
Time for another PR shot of future prisoner 983-0939 spending quality mother time with her daughter, Audriana who is of course coloring pictures of mommy and Daddy. Juicy shows up to let us know that Chris Laurita wants to make up with Juicy over a bottle of wine. Teresa reads a text from Jacqueline and cries in her talking heads. Teresa is still skeptical about getting together with Jacqueline. She’s not over all the trash that Jac talked about Joe at the reunion. Joe helps Tre with her coloring. Seriously.
I am fast forwarding through the exploitation of Nicholas. Sorry.
Wait, is that Kevin Jonas who is the builder for the Wakile house? WTF? I think he actually does have a construction business but I didn’t think he was so hands on. I think Kevin built his huge home he lives in. Rosie arrives and explains that she is done with her fake Bravo girlfriend. That chick or someone pretending to be her was shopping around a story about how she was roped in to pretending to be Rosie’s girlfriend. I’m not really interested enough to care. Continue reading
Filed under Amber Marchese, Jacqueline Laurita, Jim Marchese, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, Natalie Napolitano, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice, Teresa Napolitano
This week, Jenna had to hand her bitch crown over to Nikki for the week. The entire show was about Nikki screaming and cursing at production. For someone who doesn’t want cameras on her, she sure knows how to get all the screen time. I don’t think that is accidental. Maybe she learned it from Jenna last week.
Cicely and Treach
In group, Cicely is upset by all of the attention Treach gives his fans. She doesn’t feel valued.
Treach rants a lot about Cicely accusing him of cheating. Jenna tells Treach that his tone is scary and aggressive.
Jenna and John
We are back to Jenna and John . Jenna is on something and it makes her think she knows what condescending means.
In group, Jenna talks about all the people coming after her man. Continue reading
We start this week with Jackie and Ben auditioning burlesque dancers for their beverage launch. There were nipple tassels. There were but tassels. Jackie and Ben disagreed on which girl to pick so they hired them all.
Gina is having an event and calls Janet to make sure she is coming . It’s a benefit for cancer. They seem to have reconciled and Janet is coming. Andrea and Lydia are out at lunch when Gina calls Lydia to see if she is coming Lydia declines with a flimsy excuse and asks if Andrea is invited. Gina says she doesn’t think Andrea would be interested. It’s Gina’s ten-year anniversary as a cancer survivor. Andrea and Lydia are pissed that Janet is going. They are calling her to try to talk he out if going. What a bunch a bitches. Janet says she doesn’t want to bash Gina anymore. The two bitches are strong arming her into cancelling. Janet holds steadfast and Lydia an Andrea trash Janet when they hang up. They rehash the whole apology crap.
Andrea does a cover shoot for the book that no one wants to publish. She spouts the same ridiculousness in her talking heads. She hopes the photographer can transform her into another person who is not a mom and an accountant. What now she is an accountant. Her looks include angry and dismissive. Those are her words not mine. Because, a book for working moms should always have an angry dismissive cover. She can’t be serious about this. Lydia crashes the cover shoot. They mock the other housewives in the shoot. Of course they do. Continue reading
This is Phaedra’s house.
It’s time for a round-up of several cases involving Bravo personalities… We may even have a few more charges coming for some new ones! Um Yay? This is really starting to bore me actually.
Yes, there was a trial date set for last week in Phaedra’s case against Angela Stanton. And no it didn’t happen. As much as you and I would love for there to be a trial, that was never Phaedra’s intention. This is the second time a date has been set and the second time a flurry of motions have been exchanged by the attorneys on both sides. Eventually, Phaedra will get tired of this game and a settlement will be reached. I have a feeling Phaedra will not like the settlement.
In other Phaedra news, she is busy whitewashing things. Literally. Phaedra’s peach house was completely repainted white (with gray trim) last week. She’s still working on getting the new gate installed. That project seems to have stalled. A white stucco(ish) house is not really a grand idea in Georgia. You may have heard of our red Georgia clay. It manages to find its way onto all sorts of things. Besides, I really liked the peach color.
Anyway, Phaedra is off on a two state book tour. Because, apparently, casual followers of the show still buy in to the whole “southern belle” routine. Her fans were never very bright to start with… Continue reading
Filed under Bravo, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Melissa Gorga, Phaedra Parks, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHOA, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice
I’m already irked by the Below Deck people. Just because I know Andy is not paying enough attention to this show.
And there are a lot of Bravo people on so click through. Continue reading
Was the Gone Girl product placement because the movie is coming out? Or just a pop culture connection to Olivia being on an island and a “gone girl’?
Did we really need to see the finger banging?
How did Olivia get her hair straightened between the island girl do and the car ride, which appeared to be from the airport?
Who leaves an island with expensive wine deliveries by boat with no one there but your horny finger banging boyfriend to go back for a funeral when you just decided to leave that life forever?
Someone who wants to fuck the POTUS again, that is who? WTF is wrong with Olivia or whatever her dumb name is now? Continue reading
Filed under ABC, News, Scandal
Okay, here is my take on things so far. This may be useful down the road, or not. Your opinions may vary. Please share with me. And forgive me, I’m writing at 5 am because I went into the world yesterday and got hit by one of my narcolepsy things when I got home. I hope I am making sense. I know this will be the water cooler talk for the day and I wanted to have something up.
Setting: Philadelphia, Middleton Law School, Courtrooms, Good Places to Dump Bodies.
Annalise Keating (Viola Davis) Keating is a law professor and practicing criminal defense attorney. Keatings opening line is “I don’t know what terrible things you’ve done in your life up to this point, but clearly your karma is out of balance to get assigned to my class.” There is an age-old rule given to new teachers, “Don’t smile until Christmas.” It’s generally thought to be a bad rule, but I say from about 7th grade on, it can be useful, if not a bit excessive. You don’t have to wait until Christmas, maybe just Halloween. The point is to be firm and in control until rules are set and behavioral expectations are being consistently met. Only then can you lighten up. I took Keating’s comment to be her version of that. Oh was I wrong. As it turns out, being assigned to her class can be life-altering, and making her short list of five interns can ruin your life.
Sam Keating (Tom Verica) Annalise’s husband who is a psychology professor. Sam is interviewing for a job a Yale.One of his female students has gone missing and is found dead in a big water tank of some kind that is connected to a sorority house on the first episode. What the heck kind of water tank was that? It was huge and made no sense. It seems like Sam could be connected to the dead girl, Lila Stangard’s, death. When the couple watch the news of Lila’s death on TV Annalise says, “I betcha the boyfriend did it.” It wasn’t said as a casual comment. The two stare at each other and Sam say, “I guess we’ll see.” Continue reading