By Guest Contributor Becky J.
We’re back in Mexico with the RHOD this week!
Everybody is getting ready for the beach. Cary is planning on wearing a teeny blue bikini. Kameron tells her it’s cute if you want to feel naked. Hater. Then she says it looks like her her daughter’s size. Kameron is winning the most annoying award for me this season. Brandi brought a big black dildo to slip into somebody’s purse. Stephanie thinks it’s hilarious and apparently the two are very familiar with this type of girls’ trip prank. We should consider ourselves lucky they aren’t trying to smuggle raw eggs in their vaginas like they did on their last trip to Vegas. Shudder. That can’t be healthy, right? Ugh.
The tequila and taco bar set up for them on the beach and looks fantastic! They knock back a few and Cary eats the worm, then almost barfs. D’Andra finds the giant dildo in her purse and thinks it’s funny. Kameron can’t handle it. Like beyond regular revulsion. She acts like she’s never seen a dildo, running away and screaming. She calls it disrespectful—like what did the dick ever do to her? Brandi can’t let it go and chases Kameron with the dildo, which is classic psycho leprechaun Brandi. Kameron makes the mistake of telling Brandi playing with a dildo makes her low class. The conversation culminates with Brandi saying Kameron is not her kind of fun. I feel like I need a t-shirt that says that.
Then they break up into groups and rehash. LeeAnne, D’Andra and Kameron huddle up in one of the rooms to talk shit. LeeAnne tries to cozy up to Kameron by throwing her “good friend” Brandi under the bus. Cary, Brandi and Stephanie get foot massages on the beach and talk about how Rich has a small penis. I choose their party.
Now it’s time to get ready for dinner. LeeAnne breaks the news to D’Andra that Rich proposed and shows her the ring. They have a tender emotional moment together. Dinner on the beach looks nice. Until Brandi starts picking on Kameron about the dildo again. Kameron takes the bait and slams Brandi and Stephanie for going to a strip club last season. Brandi says Kameron judges anybody who doesn’t have the right zip code. They are both acting ugly and I’m OVER it. Cary lets out a huge belch to shut down the conversation about what’s appropriate.
Now it’s LeeAnne’s turn. She shows the ladies her ring and recounts the entire fake carnival engagement story. D’Andra makes a tearful toast and this dinner is officially all over the place.
The next morning, LeeAnne and D’Andra have a private breakfast. Cary does some impressive yoga handstands on the beach. LeeAnne can’t handle a nice moment, celebrating with her friend, so she starts complaining about how Cary had the nerve to act happy for her about the engagement. This lady just CAN’T let herself be calm! She relives the whole thing about Cary talking shit about other doctors’ offices and just starts to go down the negativity rabbit hole. D’Andra yanks her back up and tells her to stop it. I like their friendship, but it makes me so tired to watch one person always be the sane one. Speaking of insane, Brandi and Stephanie take a bubble bath together. I know in my heart that at least one of them peed in that tub.
Now it’s time for the big night out. LeeAnne announces she is wearing Spanx with a caftan. Weird. Brandi arranged the dinner in a restaurant that is actually a cave. It looks cool. More tequila shots and Cary can really knock ‘em back while Kameron is a lightweight. Oh no! Now it’s Brandi’s idea to play “Two Truths and a Lie” which is just a fancy way of having another fucking Honest Tea in Mexico. Cary is a little drunk and decides to call out LeeAnne about the whole ridiculous knife hands comment from last week. Ugh. LeeAnne says of course she didn’t mean to threaten somebody’s life again. She seriously needs to stop it.
Then we merge drunkenly into territory where Brandi is confronting Cary for telling her that her doctor killed people on the operating table when she was preparing for her mommy makeover. Cary flatly denies this to Brandi’s face, then says it’s true in her interview. I hate this storyline so hard. Brandi is a shit stirrer! Move on. Everybody has experience with that one friend (like Cary) who works in the medical field acting like a total know-it-all when it comes to all things doctor. I really don’t want these two fighting.
Next time: Still in Mexico and there is some sort of physical challenge obstacle course on the beach, the black dildo makes an encore appearance and Brandi poses as LeeAnne to get a room key. For nighttime entertainment, Brandi outs LeeAnne for saying Mark gets his dick sucked at the Round Up. And tears. Vacation tears! It’s gonna be good.