It seems like every Wednesday night around 6:30 or seven all sorts of tea starts spilling everywhere, little fires pop up, and something exciting happens. So once again I am a little bit late in getting started. But I my mood has improved tremendously in the last few minutes. Anyway, let’s get started.
You know, if you name is Chris Brown, there is a bit of stigma with that name. So going around introducing yourself as Chris Brown instead of Chris and talking about yourself in the third person is a huge turnoff. Then, talking about yourself nonstop all day erryday to people who don’t know you? Well dude, learn to read the room. The final nail in the coffin is deciding to go sleep it off in your bunk while everyone is working.
Kate is giving the new stews a full day of stew training.The day ends with a dinner for Kate and Captain Lee who will be playing the role of high maintenance charter guests. Kate sums it up thusly, “With Bri there is a glimmer of hope. With Jen, there is a glimmer of nope.”
The new charter guests arrive and they want a sushi dinner with a tequila pairing for each course. That’s just stupid. Just do a sake pairing. Or just stop eating bait. Chef Matt feels the same way. He’s not a sushi chef so he has to google how to make sushi. What can go wrong here?
Kate seems to be back to her original heterosexual status after having her “Smith College” semester on land that ended very, very, badly. She met a hot Swede on the pier named morton who she calls hot Jesus. Within seconds a connection was made. Ah… vacation love at first sight. You go girl.
Bad news for Captain Lee. The first mate is too sick to work and it’s illegal to leave the dock without one so departure will be delayed until a replacement arrives. Well, that’s a new one. Captain Lee says he could totally get away with it, but not with the crew that he’s got. He tells the crew and Nico is devastated that it is his crew that is keeping them from leaving the dock. Captain Lee says that he does not under any circumstance want the guest to know they have an ill crew member. So of course, Chris Brown will blab. He’s a walking dead man anyway. I suspect he wants to quit and this is the production storyline. Kate seems to think this means she can go fuck hot Jesus. How does that work, she still has guests on board!
I missed the group description other than sushi, but I know a bunch of southern gay guys when I see them. I am confused about why they are having the sushi dinner the first night, I guess that is part of the storyline, but the weird dinner request usually comes at the end of the storyline. Maybe the first mate really is sick or had some other reason to leave. We did see a guy leaving with a suitcase, but after seeing the Atlanta promo trailer for season ten today, I can tell you not to believe everything you see. More on that soon. Soonish. It’s complicated.
So many things going on in my head, this reacap sucks I apologize. Captain Lee and Nico take a few of the guys out on the tender and two pairs take out the jet skis. It’s looks like the deck crew is doing a good job of keeping the guests happy. Though we saw a scene where my boy Bruno was told to make sure all the snorkel gear was on the tender and I feel he is being set up.
Magically as lunch service is gearing up hot Jesus is texting Kate. How did he get her number? Ah it is not a script change, lunch is not sushi, it’s a tenderloin over salad. They guys love it. And the first mate shows up. Okay I think only one or two of the guys is southern there rest are yankees. One of the yankee doodle dandies is saying he doesn’t believe there is a problem with the boat because they would have tested it. And what if the test failed, genius? As one of the other guys says, “Just relax.”
And we are at dinner still on the dock and it’s sushi time! Kate, who is oddly growing on me tonight because I am in a great mood, decides that due to Matt’s lack of sushi experience she needs a good platter. So she decides that platter should be Bruno. Fuck. Even I might eat bait off of Bruno. I feel like Bruno is good at at just laying there and looking cute. He does have to stuff his shorts though. To quote 45, “Sad!” Bruno seems to have loved being the sushi platter. And it was very well received by the guys. Great thinking, Kate.
Even better, Kate is punching out for the night leaving the girls to clean and handle late service, so off she goes to see hot Jesus. The girl ain’t dumb. I’ll give her that. She’s on a solo date on hot Jesus’ yacht. It’s her down time. Or her get down time. Captain Lee loves her to death and she didn’t even have to sneak out, and she’s like sight slips down the dock in case all hell breaks loose. Bravo, Kate. Bravo.
So there are half a dozen gay guys drinking tequila straight from the bottle and trying to be demanding but they can’t remember what they are trying to say and Jen has no idea how to handle this. So many options. Does the hot tub not work at the dock? Heat them up and then have Matt pull them out when they pass out. Put some Joan Crawford moves in the DVR? Start playing all of Cher’s sad songs? Have a who can put the condom on the cucumber with their mouth the fastest contest? Strip down Bruno an offer him as tribute? The possibilities are endless.
Jen is pissed because she knows that Kate is worshiping at the alter of hot Swedish Jesus and she is babysitting six drunk guys. Um, first of all she’s off the clock. Second of all, it is about time you understand that Captain Lee adores Kate. I know sweetie, it was a hard pill for me to swallow too, but Kate can do whatever the fuck she wants. And even more, if she doesn’t like you? Captain Lee will have you walk the plank. So quit your bitching and get to lulling the boy into their beds. At least a few of these seem to be the Andy Cohen tit loving kind, so whip those on out. Or just deal will the drama.
They were actually well behaved. Nothing was broken and they went to bed at 1 am. That’s like five hours earlier than me these days.
Bruno got a compliment from the Captain! YAYUS! We might get to keep my boy all season after all. I love that one of the guys was worried that Bruno felt sexually exploited and asked him if he was okay with being the sushi platter the night before. I also love that Bruno was fine with it. I just also love Bruno and the fact that Captain Lee isn’t going to give him the Rocky treatment. She’s still my favorite stew.
Matt is getting tequila pairing advice from Chris Brown. Chris Brown is apparently some sort of idiot savant and the savant pair is liquor. Apparently, Matt took the time to listen to an idiot and learned something. Which is the sermon I’ve been preaching all day in the Jedediah Bila comments. They are fascinating by the way, but it’s about politics so before warned your head might explode, snowflakes and deplorables alike.
Thank GOD I have a reason to rip on Kate. She just told two of the guys that Jen “sucks at her job, but she is hilarious.” True or not. That is unprofessional AF! And just like that, I have to be fucking Team Kate again. When Jen smarts off again as if Kate is her equal and Kate says in her talking head, “I feel like the more Jen raises the bar with her attitude, the more I need to remind her she shouldn’t.”
Jen, tells her potential soul mate, Chris Brown, that if Kate does something like that again she shall be sorry. And my money is officially on Jen for the first ticket home. Perhaps Chris Brown will be her seatmate. I promise fucking with Kate will come before a deckhand accidentally drowning a charter guest.
And just like that charter is over and Chef Matt has another perfect charter. The primary tells the Captain that despite the rocky start, everything was fantastic and gave a special shout out to my man BRUNO! YES! YES! YES! He has redeemed himself! The gay guys dropped $19K on the two fucking day charter. I really hope I am a rich gay man in my next life. That $1500 for two days work. I can’t imagine.
The crew hits the club and there is tension between Jen and Kate. Nico is pleased with Bruno. YES! And they can all dance. Like couples salsa dance. Well, except for Chris Brown. Sorry Chris, I am sure you are reading here, but you need to be more aware of your surroundings. You are very self centered and you need to learn about other people and what they may be thinking. It looks fun! Thanking Bri for helping you with your dance moves was a great move. Touching her bare leg not so much. You will learn. You are a bit over confident that’s all. Sometimes the shy, quiet type will attract the woman you want. She’s out there.
Jen drinks A LOT. Like almost as much as me. 🙂
And then…Jesus enters the building.
Okay, I have a problem with Jesus. He asks Kate who is dressed to kill if she is buying. I have no problem with Kate saying yes. Men do it all the time. Get yourself some Kate. He orders a beer.
Next week, my Bruno is in trouble again. Jen has a smart mouth and Matt and Bri start a…friendship.