We start with Sonja and Ramona screaming at each other. I find them so annoying but the more I think about the possibility of splitting these two bitches up, the less I REALLY want it to happen. I love that Bethenny starts off with, “Wine tasting is for bitchasses, our group goes straight to tequila tasting.” Every RHOA who is watching is now outraged! Bethenny says they are The Hangover meets the Golden Girls. Ramona continues to claim she is happy. Oddly, Ramona is sitting next to Bethenny who is defending her from Sonja.
Tequila makes Sonja horny, and she sets her sites on Luann. In fact, Sonja stops sucking Bethenny’s leg (literally!) to roll over and spread em wide for Luann. Luann is not drunk enough for that game tonight, she learned her lesson the night before. Everyone else is totally wasted and they are all on one lounger. Bethenny is even letting loose. It’s a much less captivating version of the Isle of Lesbos.
Bethenny starts talking about how she has the best boobs ever, strips down butt nekkid and jumps in the pool. Then Ramona and Carole all tell each other they have better boobs. Ramona flops one out. Tinsley says hers are real and not cute and she’s keeping hers covered up. We are four minutes in and I am tired of talking about their bodies. They are way more obsessed with them than I could have ever imagined.
Out of the blue. Sonja stands up starts drinking margarita’s straight from the pitcher, strips down and joins Bethenny in the pool. It’s actually starting to look like a good idea to me to. I’d do it, but not on camera. Bethenny says this day is a ten! Ramona and Bethenny start talking in the pool. Bethenny starts trying to get Bethenny to own what she said about her movie and Bryn. So this is how tequila works with me as well. One minute, the day is a ten, and the next minute I am sobbing with Ramona over why she is such a bad friend. Tequila is bad. Ramona is sobbing too about why she is such a horrible, miserable person and promising not to do it again. Bethenny wants her to SAY IT. Say what she did that was so horrible. They break down in sobbing hysterics. Ramona is sobbing that she is not evil. Then, suddenly they are so happy again. Tequila makes people bipolar.
Meanwhile, Dorinda picks up Sonja’s bikini and struggles to put it on her. As it turns out it was Bethenny’s. Bethenny puts it on her correctly and tells her she can have it. Sonja tries to have sex with her. As one does.
These women need some food. Bethenny is the first one to dinner again and she’s furious. Dorinda is pissed because Bethenny has screamed at them every night to get to dinner. It’s Mexico. It’s vacation. We are not in NYC anymore trying to make a reservation. There are private chefs catering the dinner. They will wait for you to get there. Dorinda picks up a steak knife and stabs the table but her hand runs down the knife and gets sliced open. She’s so drunk it takes her a minute to see she is gushing blood. Bethenny helps Dorinda with the cut. Dorinda lectures Bethenny about always having to have everything perfect. Dorinda is not drunk, because it is officially time to be drunk. She is making sense telling Bethenny basically she needs to learn to unclench her asshole a bit on vacation. But really, she must have missed both dramatic sexual encounters in and out of the pool.
For a moment I thought these two were going to make up but they get into it again back at the table. Two old bitches fighting ain’t pretty. As Yolanda would say, there is nothing uglier than a drunk woman. I’m sitting here trying to get uglier right now, but it’s hard for me because I’m so damn good-looking to start with.
Sonja passed out and missed dinner entirely. Tinsley realizes that it was Sonja who was to blame for Page Six post about Tinsley. She apologizes to Ramona. Then suddenly the Manhattan women think they are underseige. Is it gunfire? No dear, it’s fireworks. The girls pile out to watch. Ramona, Carole and Tinsley are loving it. Bethenny is disgruntled about this happening during the dinner she wanted three hours ago. Drunk Dorinda stumbles out to tell Bethenny she cut her hand. She’s apparently so drunk she doesn’t remember anything from half an hour ago. She screams at Bethenny, says something about Skinnygirl and calls Bethenny a mean bitch. She runs back into the house saying “Thank you for your day at Skinnygirl.” Bethenny is hurt because she thinks Dorinda is harboring ill feelings toward her and her business too. And I am sure all the women are like that a little bit. I don’t fault Bethenny for putting her brand all over every scene. The issue as I have come to understand it is that they all have to go to her Skinnygirl promotional filmings but she doesn’t show up to theirs unless she feels like it. Dorinda storms off again. Bethenny really is emotional and hurt about Dorinda’s comments. Carole and Tinsley tell Bethenny that Dorinda really does like her and has never said anything except nice things.
The next day, Ramona catches Luann up on what happened at dinner. I didn’t even realize she missed it. She says she laid down in bed and called Tom and then fell asleep. Tensions are still high with Dorinda and Bethenny the next morning. I’m actually shocked that Dorinda is still so bitchy the next morning. I really felt like she would wake up feeling like crap and at least if nothing else wondering what the hell happened. Bethenny tells Dorinda she has a real nasty side to her. Then Dorinda goes to bed and cries. Carole goes in to talk to her.
Sonja Facetimes with Frenchie. It’s kind of sad.pathetic.grim.
Dorinda and Bethenny makeup in a very mature fashion. Bethenny talks about how hard it is to be successful and how she feels like she has to hide successes because other people are not really that supportive. I totally believe her. I’ve been in that situation before and had those feelings. When I used to teach I would go on fabulous vacations over our breaks. These women knew exactly where I lived in a little crappy house right next to the school. Alone. They lived in McMansions with husbands, and wives, and children and dogs and lives. But they were broke. So I had to just stop mentioning I went anywhere. Everyone has things in their lives that others are jealous of and Bethenny having a gajillion dollars that she worked her ass off for and not parents who care, no siblings who care, no close relationships with people has to take a lot of shine off of her success. So I know a lot of you are going to mock Bethenny for this scene but I see it as very real. And Dorinda talking about her vulnerabilities was also very genuine. This was one of the most moving scenes on any real housewives franchise in my opinion.
Tinsley, Carole and Ramona are the only three who go on the boat trip to whale watch and or fish. I would pick that any day over massages and manicures. THEY ARE IN MEXICO! Get a massage in NYC! Ramona hits on the captain and then insults him.
Tinsley says she is going to Vegas from Mexico to be with Scott. Sonja is SOFA KING jealous that Tinsley and Luann both lived in her house and met the man of their dreams. I am over the bitches getting massages. There is a lot more gossiping than relaxing. I hate this whole group.
The trio on the boat is having a great time swimming with the whales fishing and enjoying Mexico. They didn’t catch any fish, so they are going to buy a fish and pretend that they caught one. These girls will never be able to pull this off.
On the last night, Countess Luann emerges and tells Tinsley that they are at a public restaurant and her foul mouth dropping F-bombs all night is unacceptable. I see her point. Tinsley counters by saying Luann is always talking about Palm Beach when she is really in West Palm. Luann asks where her house is there, is it her mama’s house in Palm Beach? I’m really not sure where this animosity from Tinsley is coming from. Girl, you are the one with the mugshot and Luann is the one with the slightly expired title. Don’t come for The Countess, little girl. But then, everyone is telling their rose and thorn from the trip. And Luann says her rose is her husband. OH LUANN. It’s about the trip, girl friend. Just stop. She says she didn’t realize they were talking about the trip. Maybe it was edited out-of-order.
OMG! OMG! OMG! We get another episode with Mexico in it! I could not be happier about that! On the finale, Tinsley hosts the finale party for Sonja thanking her for putting her up (on camera) for the season. They make it seem like Sonja is not coming. But it is the all cast finale filming. She will be there.