By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Well, here we are at the end of season 2 of RHOP! I’m actually a little nostalgic because the season ended so much better than it started. It dragged at times, but overall I loved the addition of Monique to the cast and the Huger IRS thing is just too, too delicious.
It’s worth noting here that just because I said Monique was boring last week doesn’t mean I don’t like her. I just meant she doesn’t have an exciting role in the reunion cuz she’s not caught up in relationship drama and backstabbing mess like the others. I stand by the original assessment I made of Monique early in the season. “She’s everything I want in a housewife: pretty, sassy and actually rich, not just pretending for the cameras.”
Part 2 of the reunion picks up with Robyn still on a crazy “break time” rampage of cross-couch shit-talk directed at Ashley, but not actually TO her. So passive aggressive and cowardly. It’s pathetic to see a beautiful, adult woman acting this way. She’s obviously so hurt and embarrassed with the spotlight on her relationship with Juan, she’s just channeling all her negativity onto Ashley. Speaking of her shame, they flash to the guys getting ready behind the scenes and Juan says he’s going to be careful what he says backstage cuz he learned his lesson about being mic’d up. That’s right.
We’re back. The husbands have joined their (some ex) wives onstage. Andy welcomes Juan and Chris to their first reunion, making a point to emphasize that Juan didn’t really want to come. Then he turns his shade-blaster on Ray Huger. He immediately tricks Ray into making Karen look like a liar (which isn’t hard because SHE IS) by asking if Ray knew anything about moving into a big house in Virginia so Karen’s parents could come stay. He says no.
Karen looks very mad. Ray immediately backpedals, saying Karen probably just “orchestrated” that option unbeknownst to himself or her parents. Andy asks Ray how he feels about the women calling him broke and speculating about his finances. Ray has a prepared monologue about his humble beginnings and Charrisse pretends she only meant he was broke in relation to the real Bill Gates. Whatever. We all know he’s having money troubles now, so this scene is sad.
Now we’re finally at the part where Juan has to explain his comments to the producer about only living with Robyn for the sake of the kids. He says he didn’t mean to hurt Robyn and maybe he didn’t want to film that day (or any day?). He’s one of those people who looks like he’s smiling even when he’s not, so I have a hard time taking him seriously. Robyn is still steadfast in her defense of Juan.
Andy asks if Juan sees a romantic future with Robyn. He says they don’t have that conversation. Andy asks is they are avoiding it. Juan’s response is literally, “Who me?” That about sums it up, doesn’t it? Andy asks if Juan if he still carries guilt for cheating. Juan says he regrets the way he “handled” the end of his marriage, but that it wasn’t all on him. Robyn’s eyes are closed because perhaps she’s dying inside. Juan says there are two sides to every story. That means either Robyn cheated too, or Juan is one of those truly despicable men who blames his wife for driving him to stick his dick somewhere else. Or maybe, he wanted to work it out, but she insisted on the divorce. Either way, Juan defends their right to maintain ambiguous relationship status and says nothing is changing in their situation right now.
Now it’s time for Ashley and Michael. Bombshell: They’ve now been separated for three months. I called it! The women (on the opposite couch) are a bunch of heartless, gloating bitches. and Gizelle and Robyn are so thirsty for details, they’re panting. Gizelle at least tries to look decent by saying she never wants to see anybody break up and she has Ashley’s back—yeah right. Michael is quick to point out that he doubts Gizelle has Ashley’s back. Then he says BTW thanks to Robyn, Gizelle and Charrisse for their continuous shit-talk about Oz. The women are indignant, saying why can’t they bash the restaurant when Ashley is always trashing their relationships? Michael says they used the RHOP platform to attack Oz and it’s never okay to go after somebody’s business. What? He needs to look at people like Bethenny and Kandi and grow a pair of big girl reality TV businessman balls. People talk shit. You’re on TV, so nothing is “off limits” yo.
Michael blames the women for the big fight he and Ashley had prior to the new menu press event at Oz. He says he found out she invited them and he was pissed off because he didn’t trust them to act right. This actually makes sense, considering the fact Robyn and Gizelle came to Oz a few weeks prior to basically jump Ashley. Robyn is bloodthirsty and pushes to find out who moved out—it was Ashley. Monique is sweet and sympathetic asks if they are going to counseling—they are. Ashley doesn’t want a divorce, Michael wants to be happy. Looks like the age difference has caught up with them.
On to more lighthearted, but equally frustrating subjects. Andy can’t let Karen’s bizarre cleavage go. Neither can I, but I wasn’t trying to go for a cheap laugh by repeating my toddler’s ass joke from last week. So, upon further probing, it turns out Karen DID surgically alter her boobs. She’s so shifty and slippery, she tries to pretend that it was mostly weight loss and she already told us the truth, which is she had her implants removed. Fuck, she irritates me.
They roll a package about the opulent parties and the idiotic $92K sex free champagne room. Andy asks the ladies what their monthly allowances are. They all act shocked—Charrisse especially. Nobody owns up to having an allowance. Yeah right, you know they do. Andy asks the status of Charrisse’s divorce. She says it’s in process, makes it sound like Eddie has moved on but she hasn’t. Robyn is pleased with herself for correctly estimating the budget for Monique’s daughter’s first birthday: $25K. (Ridiculous.) Then Karen asks Robyn if she estimated the cost of her anniversary party. Robyn says she heard Karen didn’t pay for that party. Karen is pissed, she drags Andy into it, but he says Bravo didn’t pay for it.
Now, Charrisse vs Karen. They fight some more about “hosting” the Bermuda trip. Remember how mad everybody got about etiquette last season? Hosting is the new etiquette. Who gives a flying fireman fuck? Oh, apparently Charrisse does. There’s a flurry of crazy regarding something on Instagram and another compromising picture Karen has of Charrisse with a fireman. The pic that Karen threatened to post when she was mad in Bermuda.
Charrisse strikes back regarding alleged boyfriends, accusing Karen of having a lover called “Blue Eyes.” Oh fuck. It’s Mr. Chocolate all over again. Karen says Blue Eyes is her security guard. There is much talk of the “streets of Potomac” which makes me laugh because they all spent the whole season trying to act like they are so fancy and now all they can talk about is the shady-ass rumors in the “streets” where only TWO cast members actually live. So fucking stupid, I love it.
Karen says she doesn’t cheat and the “sports money” women all make excuses for cheating. Oh no she di’n’t! Looks like Karen thinks her “smart” money is better. That’s rich coming from somebody who owes millions of dollars to the IRS. The only difference between Karen’s money and everybody else’s is that Karen’s is gone.
That’s pretty much it. No group hug, no big resolution. As entertaining as they can be, I’m ready for this season to end because I’m so tired of these women constantly fighting, then acting like they aren’t. They just don’t seem to have genuine friendships or care about each other that much. I think Potomac is more annoying than other cities because none of the women really like one another. We’ll see if they make it to season three…
On to the next good thing on my DVR.