Well it is back to the Berkshires and I understand that we will stay in the Berkshires for three episodes. I told you guys a LOT happens on this trip. Click the link for what I heard about the Berkshires filming as it was happening.
But before we get there, we start off in NYC. It’s raining, and yet Tom and Luann are taking the dog for a walk in Central Park. Luann asks Tom what he has planned for the honeymoon. He says either South Africa, or back to someplace warm. Spoiler Alert! They went to the Bahamas. Luann gushes about living with Tom and how in sync they are. It’s sweet.
In very good news, Fredrik has shown up to talk about listing Bethenny’s newest apartment and what she needs to do to prepare it for sale. Is it different moving when you are very rich? Does someone just come in pack up all your crap and move it to the new place and unpack it all for you while you vacation in Miami? Because part of the reason I don’t abandon this hell hole that I live in is because I HATE MOVING SO MUCH. Fredrik says that she needs to declutter her house. Bethenny has a small aneurysm over that word. I agree with her. She’s a neat freak. They agree on the term “depersonalize” instead. They are making a list on a chalkboard in the living room. The chalkboard definitely needs to go along with the hideous whore house lighting fixture and the tacky bar. Miraculously, they agree on the price of $5.25 million.
Ramona drops in on Carole and immediately starts asking why there are so many pairs of reading glasses on her coffee table. I either have twice that many or none on mine. Reading glasses are like lighters. You either have a dozen or you can’t find one anywhere. Then they talk about Luann and Tom. Carole says she left the party at the same time and Tom could not have been nicer. Carole can’t stop trash talking Luann. Now she is repeating the gossip from Barbara the lady who tried to get her scene pulled. Carole says in her confessional that she just wants to do the right thing for Luann. Girl, please. You have always hated Luann. Neither you nor Ramona are friends of Luann.
So Ramona pulls out a text that someone just sent her. Ramona says that Tom tried to stick his tongue down his ex’s throat when he ran into her the other day. Carole asks what she means by attacking her, was it like Donald Trump? Ramona then says that Donald Trump is a germaphobe and does attack women. Then Ramona says she is sure of that because she knows him. Um, okay. She reads some texts that basically say that “Ann” a fake name for Tom’s ex was in a car with Tom recently and he tried to kiss her and groped her. These two decide to try to maximize the damage to Luann by talking to Dorinda about it in the Berkshires.
Later Carole goes Christmas shopping with Adam’s parents to pick out things for Adam. They bond well as they all graduated from high school in the same year. Kidding. Probably.
Production Dorinda has decided to send the girls up in shifts this year. First to arrive will be Sonja, Ramona and Tinsley, followed by Bethenny and Carole the next day. Finally, on the last day Luann will arrive. This insures that all the witches and cuntsatchels can plan their attack on Luann. Also, Luann was in Palm Beach doing wedding planning and didn’t have three days before her big day to be called a whore and be screamed at. Not this year bitches. My girl is getting married and the rest of you can suck it.
Ramona and Sonja arrive together and Ramona starts right off complaining about the temperature of the house. Then they talk about Tinsley. I love that Dorinda has the ceramic Christmas tree like my mother had that my oldest brother made. When my father died, my brother never closed out the estate and never once went into my father’s house where the dying sister and her son lived to do an inventory. Mostly it was because our sister was dying. But after she died, he still never distributed anything from the home and essentially her son has all the family heirlooms, Christmas decorations, art, china, paintings etc. It is making my blood boil as I type. It’s like when your home gets burlarized. You don’t know everything that is gone for quite a while and then you start having moments of, whatever happened to my gold hoop earrings sort of moments.Let’s move on.
Tinsley goes to meet her mother for lunch before showing up at Dorinda’s house. Her mother is a complete lunatic. Apparently, lunch is a vodka cran. The point of the scene is to set up tension between Sonja and Tinsley. They are apparently round one of the catfights this weekend.
When Tinsley arrives, Sonja seems pissed that she wasn’t invited to the luncheon with her mother. When Dorinda goes to open her cake it is on its side and all smushed because someone labeled the box wrong.
Kevin, Bethenny’s intrepid driver took Bethenny and Carole to the Berkshires. Bethenny is putting him up in a hotel and tells him not to get any hookers because they could be peeling out there at midnight. Dennis sent crappy straight guy flowers to Bethenny in the Berkshires. Bethenny and Carole pretend like they have not been talking in the car the whole way there so Carole can tell her the Luann gossip as soon as they get there. Bethenny says that her same source from last year says Tom is having an affair. Bethenny’s black sweater is gorgeous. It’s a plain black cashmere but you can just tell it is expensive.
Sonja and Ramona begin their mission to destroy Dorinda’s house by starting a fire in the fireplace with news papers and without opening the flue. It’s a gas fireplace. Dorinda already showed them that you start the fire by pushing a button.
Carole and Ramona begin to ambush Dorinda with everything they think they know about Tom. Bethenny adds her story. Dorinda is not really buying it. I can’t keep typing it out over and over. Bethenny has the nerve to pretend she is trying to save Luann when this time last year she spent the entire time at the Berkshires demeaning and screaming at Luann about what a whore she is. Maybe they are both whores and made for each other. Just mind you business, all of y’all.
Dorinda now feels obligated to tell Lu, which is just what the bitches wanted. Dorinda is nervous and Bethenny is gleeful.
Sonja is already day drunk. Tinsley and Sonja get in a huge fight because the other day Tinsley was leaving the house and told Connor she was expecting a package and he could please sign for it for her. This pissed Sonja off. Sonja says she doesn’t understand why Tinsley thinks she can just use her assistant. Sonja, WTF? Sonja screams at Tinsley like a lunatic.
Dorinda and Luann chat about the rumors. Luann says she trusts Tom. She doesn’t need to check up on him, she doesn’t care about the rumors. She can’t wait to marry Tom. She is 100% sure. Luann wants to know if these bitches don’t have anything better to do. Ramona calls Tom’s friends looking for dirt…
Next Week: The sloppy drunks get sloppier.