When last we left the naked guests in Croatia, they were oblivious to the fact that the winds were picking up and the stern tie was no longer keeping the boat tethered. If the crew doesn’t do something fast, the prettiest boat ever on Below Deck will crash into the rocky cliffs. So Captain Sandy tells Max to get into the tender, which seems more like a fancy inflatable raft than an actual boat to me, and push the giant yacht away from the rocks. Neither Max nor myself see any logic in this at all. But Captain Sandy knows a lot more than Max and I do. I pretend to be a lot of things on the Internet, but a yacht captain is not even on my resume of fake Internet credentials. The tender is able to nudge the ship and two anchors are dropped to secure the boat.
With the latest crisis averted, the crew can go back to squabbling with each other about nothing. And the gross naked people continue to befoul the beds and furniture. So gross. Lauren has been doing nothing but ironing in a tiny room this entire crew.
Bobby tries to make friends with Hannah again by blaming Lauren for all the conclusions that he jumped to about Hannah. They hug it out, but we all know this truce is temporary.
The guests have invited Captain Sandy to dinner. Hannah is worried about dinner service. She finds a tearful Lauren ironing away and freaks out that she won’t be much help with dinner, so she asks Malia to be second stew for the night. I have a feeling that Captain Sandy is not going to appreciate that. Malia is a deckhand and just because she is female that doesn’t make her available to be a stew whenever one is needed. Oh and Malia is supposed to be on anchor watch. It’s her first time on anchor watch, and she seems to be spending most of her time in the kitchen flirting with Adam.
Thing with the dinner went very well. Thankfully, Captain Sandy excused herself before desert because it’s two boob cakes for each guest served by the crew in over sized T-shirts that make them appear to be in tiny bikinis or thongs. The cake was VERY late coming out, but a big hit. After dinner, Malia hangs around to wash dishes because she is up on anchor watch anyway, so she needs something to keep her occupied. Apparently, actually watching the anchor is not on her list of ideas to keep herself occupied.
Is it me are is there a dead child story on every reality show I’ve recapped since the Manchester attacks? It’s a struggle just to keep my mind off of the tragedy, and my personal concern for someone working over there. In this episode, Hannah shares with Bugsy, who is grieving the recent passing of her grandmother, that he brother died of an illness when we was ten and she was almost six. All those videos that I watched about parents whose kids are missing since the bombing are now rolling in my head.
So while Malia was serving boob cakes and posting for Instagram photos with naked people, the boat drifted and began spinning in the wind. The guests even pointed it out during dinner. So now the two anchors are all wrapped around one another. The only possible fix for this is for someone to dive into the water and manually unravel the knots. And by someone, I mean Wes. Because who else could even do this? As Captain Sandy explains the knotted anchor chains are a giant version of a knotted necklace. They decide to wake up Bobby to add to the clusterfuck. He makes things worse. Captain Sandy puts him in the tender to get him and his negativity away from her. But once in the tender he continues to argue with the Captain over how things need to be done. He would never do that with Captain Lee. So disrespectful.
Seven hours after the departure time they call a water taxi to take the guest on the two hour trip back to Split. They still can’t untangle the anchors so they may be forced to cut them off. Wow.
Meanwhile, Lauren apologizes to Bugsy for letting her minor problems with Bobby get in the way of her work when Bugs is going through a serious loss and struggling about whether to go home or stay the course. The Captain lets all the girls go for a swim.
Apparently, it is illegal to pull into port without anchors. If they have to cut the anchors the season is screwed. After over eight hours of trying to manually untangle the knots, we’re out of time. And the dreaded To Be Continued pops up on screen…
So I went running to the comforting arms of Captain Lee to see what he was saying. A tweeter asked if he had ever had anchors get twisted like this. He said, “I’m sorry. I am not going to comment on this. I hope you understand.”
This is bad. That said, even Captain Lee has made some mistakes on the show. I am confident Captain Sandy will get it worked out. I blame Malia.