Oh look, it is me back to recap a second episode of this drivel. The drinking word is “Country Day.” I’d like to point out that Savannah Country Day School is not particularly expensive or selective and they even have a program for the poors. NTTAWWT. I’m just saying it’s not like they went to Pace or Woodward.
I wonder how many people Nelson had to blow to get his coveted slot as the narrator.
“This is kind of a sobering experience,” one of the drunk girls manages to utter as one of the ladies from ladies night discovers that her child and husband nearly died in a fire. I admire her restraint.
But hey, let’s back up six hours so Ashley can chat with us about her sex life without it seeming weird. She and Dennis got married because she was knocked up. The marriage lasted a couple of years and they divorced. The a few years later they remarried for the sake of the kid, who they named Izzy. I believe Izzy identifies as male though I hesitate to presume. Ashley wants us to know she is unhappy and in a sexless marriage. Had I known all of this last week, I would have been happy because I sense an Ashley and Daniel hookup coming on. But it is episode two and I am already tired of seeing Ashley’s tits and asshole. Surely Daniel is as well.
The next day we learn that the fan caught fire in Izzy’s room. Dennis somehow burnt both of his legs in the fire. Ashley and I appear to have the same style of cleaning. Now I fear that some electrical cord on a pile of crap is going to burn this place down. If Banjo and I both make it out alive, I’m not sure how much that would bother me. Oh Izzy’s real name is Isaac. That makes more sense. The only Izzy I know is the girl from Project Runway Junior that wore a sprout on top of her head. Dennis is a hero. Ashley might even have sex with Dennis now. Ashley wants to move because the house is full of spirits.
Happy and Azam
Who are these people and why were they not on last week? Happy identifies as female. You will never guess where she went to school! Come on, guess! Azam is a Muslim guy from Atlanta. There are five generations of grandmothers clutching their pearls in their graves while her mother and grandmother still have breath to clutch theirs.
These two have Daniel and a female with very, very, very large breasts over to dinner. Happy’s mom used to date Daniel’s dad. Happy’s life is just soooooo hard. Her voice is …like… literally… annoying… A… F. Her mother won’t be coming to the wedding because she doesn’t approve of her marrying a Muslim. It’s just so hard!
Ashley, Daniel and Louis go to play golf. They are already improperly dressed but this is about to become strip golf. I cannot imagine how much they had to pay to get this course shut down to play a round while not appropriately dressed. Because there is not way this would be allowed when the course was open. Ashley wins so the guys have to do a drag show. Now THAT is a Savannah thing. I was so said when Lady Chablis died. She was a Savannah icon.
Catherine lives in the tiniest little garage apartment ever. Catherine’s parents come over so that she can tell them that she has decided to be an event planner. Catherine is the female Shep of this franchise. She drunk and irresponsible. My theory on this little apartment is that Big Cat did not want a bunch of filming in her gorgeous home. They were allowed to film out in the yard though, where production can pee in the marsh.
That second photo is Catherine and Lyle crabbing.
Hannah and Louis
These to seem somewhat civilized when they are on a date together and not reciting their family tree. Surely they are just making them do this for the first episode or two and we will not have to keep hearing about Louis’ yankee daddy. Louis is very excited about his socks. Hannah is not very excited to hear about strip golf. Hannah really needs Louis to try to be an adult a bit more.
Later, at NotSoHappy’s bridal shower things are going to get heated between Hannah and Ashley. Also, apparently Catherine is not familiar with the term “biscuit” in reference to one’s lady garden. Maybe that is an Atlanta thing. Hannah needs to school Catherine in many things.
Lysa, who is Happy’s mother is there name dropping Depak Chopra who personally told her that Azam is Happy’s soulmate. So apparently she is back in on the wedding situation?
When Ashley approaches Catherine and Hannah to come to a cleansing (which is not a cleaning, mind you) of her house, Catherine starts meangirling her. Later she makes a snide comment to Ashley about naked golfing with two guys. Hannah doesn’t want to start a scene at someone’s bridal shower and eases her way toward the champagne.
She does have Ashley over to her home privately though, as real Atlanta women do to have a bit of a chat with her about getting nekkid while golfing with her man. Ashley said she had more clothes on than she wears to the beach. The guys just took their shirts off and she doesn’t see it as a big deal. She is sorry if the situation upset Hannah, but she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong. She’d probably do it again in that situation. Ashley says she is learning to embrace the imperfections of her body. In her talking head, Hannah lets us know that Ashley has had more plastic surgery than Pamela Anderson and that running around on the golf course in a thong teddy is not a feminist statement. Back with Ashley, Hannah begins to very politely say that she respects Ashley and her beliefs….and Ashley gets snippy back as if she has said she is not a godly or religious woman. Ashley is not a very linear thinker. Had she been dressed, or undressed, the way she was at the beach, that would have been more palatable. But there are places where clothing is required and golf courses are one of them. And yet, next week, Ashley has it out for Hannah.
Oh Ashley, I really did try to like you.