I love Thomas’ house on Edisto. I got a new listing on Edisto notice today. I should probably unsubscribe from that since Tax Season sort of set my plans back a few more months at least. I just wish the Island wasn’t so dolphin friendly tonight. Thomas’ bullshit monologue on dolphin life is mention for one purpose and that is to take a dig at the mother of his children on national TV.
Speaking of fake relationships, the Austen, Chelsea, Shep triangle is totally made for TV. Completely fake. As is Cameron’s quest to set Shep up. She just needs a storyline.
The bad simile count is up to four in the first two minutes.
We see Thomas playing with Kensie, and then later, he is hot and sweaty and the nanny strolls by with both babies and Kensie yells out to her daddy. Thomas lets them go right on by, he’s sweaty and getting ready for more polo. Craig decides this is proof positive that he is a crappy dad. Really, Craig? That set Thomas off when he saw the episode the other day. I don’t blame Thomas for being pissy about it. Craig is an idiot. He’s basically saying that Thomas doesn’t love his children. Please, he was about to get on his horse again. Craig’s condemnation of Thomas is just ridiculous. Craig just kept walking up to random people condemning Thomas at his own event trying to find someone to agree with him. No wonder Thomas was so pissy with Craig during filming.
I was told Whitney would not be a main cast member this year, but he hasn’t lacked for face time at all so far. It’s time for Shep’s 37th birthday. Kathryn is invited to the party. Whitney is the bone carrier between Austen and Shep. Austen is such poor casting. I actually prefer Whitney to Austen. SHUT UP! I KNOW!
We get a great scene with a sober Kathryn and Craig. I just wish I didn’t know what was to come. At, Craig’s bullshit behavior makes sense now. His job is to bone carry to Kathryn any dirt he can find on Thomas. So the whole “Thomas didn’t pick up Kensie when he was a hot sweaty mess” drama was part of his storyline. Again, I hate that there are storylines and we know them. I liked reality TV back before we all knew the real story. Why does he keep telling the story like the kids were leaving? The kids were not going anywhere, THEY WERE AT HIS HOUSE. They were not going anywhere but inside out of the heat.
Kathryn passed her first drug test after rehab so she has supervised visits with the kids every other weekend. But if you read the link below, her last clean test was in November. This scene was filmed in late October. There is a lot of time shifting tonight to get scenes with Kathryn in because she didn’t sign on until weeks after filming began. The first all cast scene was in November for Saint’s birthday. If that scene airs. In this scene, Kathryn says she is going to meetings. In recent interviews she has said that her rehab mentors told her she really didn’t have a problem. Sigh. You will see her drinking to excess on camera by the end of the season, even though at this point she made a point of drinking water so Craig ordered a diet coke.
Chelsea is hair stylist, so Shep shows up to get a hair cut for his birthday party. Shep tries to deny he is the village bicycle. Shep tries to torpedo Chelsea’s “relationship” with Austen. Off to the birthday party on the Carolina Girl. The boat is packed. The dolphin arrives with Drew from central casting. Shep said he invited Kathryn, but when this was filmed the bitches were still refusing to film with her.
I’m purposely ignoring the fake Shep triangle but I must point out that Cameran is right when she points to Thomas alone on the boat at age 55 or whatever. You don’t want to end up like Thomas, Shep.
The cruise goes under the Ravenel Bridge. I must say my life improved dramatically when that bridge opened in 2005. I am not sure if the old bridge is still there but is scared the living shit out of me. I went to Wild Dunes to play interference for a friend of mine in college and it was the old bridge or no bridge. I borrowed her Jeep to go a few miles down the road to front street bars to stalk my first love of twenty years ago at that time I thought I would not make it home. When we left IOP she pulled over on the bridge unable to continue and I had to drive. I still have memories of that horrific bridge crossing. I think the last time I went there was an Interstate spur that takes you right to IOP. Which is incredibly sad on the one hand but so much less anxiety producing. My oldest sister still talks about learning to drive when we lived in Charleston and crossing that old bridge. The Ravenel bridge is beautiful.
Shep tries to extend the olive branch to Landon. She acts like she doesn’t care. But the Instagram picture on the right tells the real story. Then Thomas tells the fake story. He acts like Landon is some socialite he would marry. That would never happen. She’s a gold digger from Georgia with the refinement of Nene Leakes. He is deliberately bating Kathryn in every scene.
Thomas winks at the dophin and says she is “OC” our class, referring to himself and Shep. No she isn’t and she knows it. AND HE KNOWS IT! Her first season she lived on a dingy in the harbor that belonged to some friend of hers. If it weren’t for Bravo she would not have a roof over her dim little head. She has gone through at least four fake jobs on her short tenure on the show. Thomas would not wipe his ass with her if he wasn’t trying to drive Kathryn back to drugs. And oh hey, Thomas! Great job! It worked!
Meanwhile, the dolphin is deadly serious about Thomas. She wants him like her body wants air. What, I had to throw my own bad simile into this recap. His interest in her and her lack of interest in him are the total opposite of real life. She even chased him down when he was out in Palm Springs this winter. She just happened to be in the neighorhood.
I just noticed that Austen is wearing red pants. Welcome to 2009, Austen. Cameran things Shep is lying about not wanting a woman in his life. Maybe he is just not ready. But Cameran, darling, winding up alone with a fridge full of beer and only being responsible for yourself is not such a bad thing. Some of us actually like it.
Next Week: A very pregnant Jennifer Snowden agrees to film with Kathryn. I should point out that Jennifer is well aware that her child is going to be born with a very serious illness. Wait what? Haven’t we already had the birth of her baby? Maybe that was a shower. Surely they wouldn’t fuck up editing this badly. I get confused between real life time and things I know there and this. But Kathryn sitting down with Jennifer in her condition and making it all about her is reprehensible. This must have been after the drug test in November. Naomie and Craig fight. And some other stuff.