One of my snapchat watchers let me know that Scheana was snapchating (shocker) yesterday around 1:30 pm from a bar with Shep where they were downing Moscow mules. So the chances of one or both of them being either wasted or hungover by 11 pm last night is high. For some reason WWHL doesn’t seem to care anymore about posting photos for us anymore. One of the reasons I started waiting until the next day to recap was because the used to post them between 1 and 2 am EST. Now it seems they just don’t give a fuck. So neither do I. Shep asked Andy if he could do the show in his hotel bathrobe. Andy nixed that idea but said he could do the promos in it. You know, the promos that they don’t post anymore.
“She didn’t need no pre-nup and speedos hold his peen up.” is the opening line for this episode. That pretty much sets the tone I’d say.
The first poll question is about Drew. Landon’s boyfriend for hire. The consensus is he’s a six. So she’s still out of her league. Also, he’s supposedly 25 so I don’t even know why she is faking with that. She’d rather go with 65 or 85 in my opinion.
Next week on Southern Charm, Shep and Landon argue over some business deal. Um, wow are we really going down the Landon has a head for business storyline again? Do even the normals believe that?
James Kennedy got a whole montage about how funny he was on the reunion. Andy seems to be having a change of heart about him. And so are we it seems in comment here.
Poll Question: Do you think Lala and Katie’s truce will last? Scheana says absolutely not. And 85% of viewers agree.
Poll Question: Who’d you rather? Austen or Shep. Scheana says Shep and 75% of voters agree. If there were of third option of voluntarily killing yourself to avoid either, I think that would have won.
Andy and Scheana loved this tweet…
vanderpump rules is the best show in television history and if you disagree you are garbage
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 4, 2017
Scheana explains her sudden friendship with Lala started when she heard Lala on a podcast saying that she was going to start working on music with Shay. Scheana was pissed and contacted Lala to tell her how shady she was. They got in a huge fight, made up, and tweeted each other Merry Christmas. Since they are neighbors, the started going to the gym together and hanging out together. Now they are great friends.
Next up we have caller “Ellen from North Carolina” last night as I was trolling the #SouthernCharm pushing my recap like low-level drug dealer pu
shes crack, tons of people were talking about Ellen reading Shep for filth. Ellen goes in on him for how he treats Craig and says, “if it wasn’t for yo mama’s tit you are sucking on you wouldn’t have money to do anything either.” Shep’s mouth drops. She eventually gets cut off because the rant about him spending other people’s money goes on so long. Shep says he thinks she needs a Xanax. Shep says he is fortunate enough to be able to do his own thing but he if needed to he’d beat the street for a job. He’s done lots of things, he’s worked in Dubai… Andy and I both get our what the fuck faces… he says he lived in Dubai and sold real estate. Say what? Did we not see him not knowing how to show a house when he “worked with Cameran?” He says he is happy being the bon vivant these days.
Andy doubles down on his claim that part three of the reunion with Shay is the most awkward thing he has ever been a part of and that is saying something.
Shep says he just doesn’t have feelings for Landon that would be the foundation for the relationship. Shep says that he believes that Thomas and Landon banged in London even though they deny it. I think they have banged more than that. Which is a gross visual.
Andy parades out some hot gay guys to play beer dong. I can’t even. Scheana is the best at getting it in.
Shockingly, they didn’t seem drunk at all.
Andy’s Jackhole goes to Simone Biles on #DTWS for not knowing who Elvis is. I have to admit that made me feel old.