I stopped watching Watch What Happens Live eons ago. I just can’t with Andy Cohen anymore. But when Tamara Tattles asked if I wanted to recap the RuPaul episode, I had no choice. You don’t say no to Mama Ru. It’s the first rule of Drag Fight Club. Originally, Camille Grammer was scheduled for the second chair. She mysteriously canceled but her loss is our gain. Filling her spot is the diva of divas, the one and only Naomi Campbell. Maybe her bff Annabelle Neilson will be in the audience. I imagine we’ll cover Drag Race (which starts March 24 and has moved to VH1), Lee Daniel’s Star (Naomi Campbell’s new show since she got killed off on Empire) and general eleganza but this duo causes quite a conundrum for Andy Cohen. Which glamour puss deserves the first chair? It’s a tough call. Either way, Andy better be on high alert tonight. You never know what’s going to set Miss Campbell off.
Andy starts things off with, “She’s a supermodel, and so is she.” Naomi gets first chair. RuPaul tells the story of how they met. Picture it: NYC. 1990. RuPaul walks by a Steven Meisel photoshoot and Naomi Campbell calls him over to ask, “Hey Ru! Where’s the party tonight?” Classic. The bartender is the guy behind the Missing Richard Simmons podcast. Andy calls it the new Serial. I’m definitely listening to that. RuPaul thinks Richard Simmons is just taking a vacation from showbiz. “He’s given so much to the public. And you know what it’s like when you just give and give and give until you ain’t got nothing to give no more!” RuPaul is on fire tonight. Oh, RuPaul has already appeared on WWHL (season six) so that explains the second chair. Way back then, one of his Plead The Fifth questions was, “Naomi or Tyra?” He unequivocally answered Naomi. She’s like a pig in shit. There is no love lost between those two.
We get clips of Erika complementing Dorit on her hair and their awkward hug at Villa Rosa. Naomi Campbell claims to be a huge RHOBH fan. She’s also a longtime friend of Boy George but that doesn’t stop her from being Team Erika. 93% of watchers agree. As if there was any other option. Then we get a sneak peak of the ladies confronting Dorit about starting the Lisa Rinna Xanax rumors. Naturally Dorit can’t remember saying it. Well, Naomi remembers. She said it. Twice.
Andy asks Beverly Hills superfan Naomi her thoughts on the series. She doesn’t care if Lisa Rinna wants to add Xanax to her smoothies. She thinks Eden had good intentions with Kim Richards but she was led astray by Rinna. She calls Rinna’s Mexico memory loss convenient. RuPaul loses his shit. Man, there’s nothing better than RuPaul laughing hysterically. She doesn’t understand why it was any of Dorit or PK’s business if Erika went pantie-less but if they were going to buy her underwear it better not be the cheap nylon stuff they gave Erika. Slay. Even Ru was impressed with that shade.
Moving on to Atlanta, Naomi thinks Porsha’s lies about Kandi are too much. “And she knows her mother’s going to be coming after her now. Does she know that?” Apollo is trying to torture Phaedra by contesting the divorce while he’s engaged to someone else. Bob just wants to move into Chateau Sheree. And Matt broke Kenya’s windows because she left him.
They play Oh No She Weaven’t. Andy shows celebrity hairstyles and Naomi and RuPaul comment. Katy Perry’s shaved sides. Naomi: Miley Cyrus. RuPaul: She was wearing a lace front wig before and this is her way of keeping the blonde. Kim Kardashian’s waist long black extensions. Naomi: “Well, I’m the inspiration so I love it.” Halle Berry’s “natural” curls at the Oscars. Naomi: Uh uh. RuPaul: It needs to be pulled out a little bit rounder. Michelle Williams’ ice blonde pixie. RuPaul: Over it. Naomi: She needs to go shorter like Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby. Uh, she’s already there, Naomi. Ariana Grande’s high ponytail. Naomi: JLo does the best high pony. RuPaul: She needs to change it up. Hillary Clinton. RuPaul: Hillary can do no wrong.
A fan calls in and is so excited to talk to Ru and Naomi that his voice gets too high to hear. He asks about their favorite beauty products. RuPaul is all about Lemieux serums right now. Naomi can’t live with a stem cell serum called Rescue. I guess that explains why she looks the same as she did in the 1990’s.
We get a little clip of RuPaul’s Drag Race season nine (Friday, March 24 on VH1). I can’t wait. Andy asks Naomi what she thought of RuPaul’s Drag Race season eight competitor Naomi Smalls (who named herself after Miss Campbell). She loved her, naturally. She was gorgeous and she adore Naomi Campbell. That’s enough to win her over. RuPaul tells the story of the time he performed at a party Aretha Franklin threw in 1995 and she paid him with a check made out to Ruth Paul.
Rihanna and Naomi recently unfollowed each other on social media. Andy asks if everything is okay between them. She assures him it’s all good. And then she smirks. “I’m an actress now, Andy.” Erika tweets a thank you for taking her side.
RuPaul shoots down the rumor that Donald Trump tried to kiss her when she was in drag. “That man would not get in ten feet of me. I would not let him. No.”
Naomi avoids giving an opinion on celebrity daughters like Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner modelling. But she definitely thinks it must have been rough for Lisa Rinna’s daughter to walk in Gigi’s show after she bad mouthed her mother. Yeah, Naomi Campbell knows her RHOBH ish. Both Naomi and RuPaul think Sheree’s son Kairo is stunning and has a shot at a real career. “Cynthia will guide him.” I bet mom-ager Sheree won’t like that quote.
A caller asks for Naomi’s housewife tagline. She needs to think about it.
RuPaul has a new album out and Andy wonders why she doesn’t tour anymore. She claims she doesn’t want everyone’s cameras in her face but I think she’d just rather spend time with her young, hot boyfriend at his ranch in Wyoming. She’s paid her dues on the road. Leave that to the newbies.
Naomi tells the story of Whitney Houston performing at Gianni Versace’s memorial. Onstage she said, “I heard I was Gianni’s favorite singer but I never met him.” And then she winked at Madonna. Shady boots.
They show a clip of Naomi on Star. Her character calls RHOA trash. Priceless. While the clip is playing, RuPaul is huddled up with Naomi. Either he’s comforting her because she got upset talking about her friends’ deaths or he’s giving her her tagline. It’s probably the latter because she’s ready. “I’m Naomi. Don’t trust me because I’ll snitch on you all.” Andy loses it. He asks if RuPaul helped but Ru claims it was all her. RuPaul’s choice was, “I’m Naomi. The world is my runway.”
Andy asks if Naomi would rather be on Beverly Hills or Atlanta. She pauses and finally answers BH, because she films her show in Atlanta.
The Jackhole of the day is White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer for going “full housewife reunion” by bringing props to a briefing.
Sorry for the ridiculous length of this recap. This was my favorite WWHL of all time and I couldn’t cut out a single word these icons uttered. Carry on, squirrel friends and don’t forget that RuPaul’s Drag Race is returning Friday, March 24 on VH1.