By CJ Bomb
As you know from my past anger with the producers of this show, I am sick of the gimmicky challenges that don’t empower many of the contestants to show their best work. Last week gave me bright hope that Project Runway Junior would be different. After watching this episode those hopes grew dim.
We begin the show with Hannah and Tim sitting by a pool drinking champagne. The camera pulls back to reveal a pool filled with toys of every size, shape and material. My left eye begins to twitch and I’m hoping they are inviting the kids up for some inspiration for a cabana look. My hopes are dashed with Tim wonders if the designers are expecting the unconventional challenge this soon. NO!! I”M SICK OF THIS SHIT. I have an idea! Why don’t you morons (producers) create a show called Project Gimmick, Project Hobby Lobby, Project Glue Gun, and the rest of us who really do love and appreciate fashion can have our old Project Runway back. The kids are excited until they realize what they will be working with all the cheap shit around and floating in the pool. Chelsea sums up how I feel by chanting, “crap, crap, crap.”
The mad five minute scramble begins. Tieler grabs everything resembling greenery, Allie says she might have to push someone in the pool. Hawwaa grabs a bunch of leis and then turns around realizing most everything else is gone. Mollie and Lucas grab pillows “because they are made of fabric” and also will ensure that they are in the bottom three.
Lucas, who designed the beautiful gown last week, is having a bit of a hissy fit. This is not something he does. This is a kid who longs for elegance. He asked for a sewing machine and a dress for from Santa for goodness sake. In this moment I’m sure of one of two things. He’s going to make it work and be in the top, or he will be the one going home. Since the trend recently has been kicking off the people who make beautiful garments, I’m worried for Lucas.
Cartier only designed with unconventional materials until a year and a half ago. She made her first ever dress out of old telephone books, which must have seriously endeared her to the producers. She explains that she didn’t have access to a lot of materials where she is from and she feels as though she doesn’t have a lot in common with the other kids in her town. I give her a hug through the TV.
Tim comes in and says the room looks like “Beach Blanket Bingo crossed with Gilligan’s Island”. He receives blank looks as no one knows what the hell he’s talking about. Chelsea and Izzy think Gilligan’s Island is a book, perhaps by Charles Dickens. Almost at that level of intellectual property girls.
Tieler, who I’m liking more and more, tells us he designs for powerful women. He knows powerful women as he’s being raised by two powerful moms which he says is awesome. He is making a powerful Astroturf dress. A’kai is also going for a powerful girl look, like someone in Taylor Swift’s girl squad. Damn I am old. Mollie is designing shorts from the pillows she took apart and Hawwaa points out one of the Project Runway rules: Don’t use material that looks like fabric.
Izzy, having nothing to lose, has gone super creative and cut up pool noodles, turning them into discs and painting them. She is also smashing up shells to make a top. Tim is astounded by her creativity and tells her to carry on. Tim actually rolls his eyes when he see’s Lucas’s outfit. Lucas has made 10 different things and only come with a basic circle skirt and crop top. Tim tells him it looks like a vinyl he could buy at Mood and that it has “send me home” written all over it. He needs to transform the material. Lucas starts over yet again. Tim is worried that Teiler’s garment is draping like a “great big piece of sod” and advises him to break the structure holding the bottom of the skirt. Tieler does so immediately, et voila! Problem solved.
Tim is thrilled that Cartier is transforming her materials, not once, but twice! I think the only problem she might have is time. Molly has a Lucas problem. Tim tells her that unless she does something transformative she’s headed to the bottom three. He tells her to embrace the fringe that she has made her top with and apply it to the rest of the garment. He just saved her butt. A’kai is making a dress from fans and Tim tells him he’s not gone far enough as this has been done before. With fans. Because we are running out of unconventional ideas, right Project Runway? A’kai starts appliqueing flowers. Tim loves the detail work on her garment and thinks her watermelon jacket is cute. I don’t think it goes together. I like the top, but hate the shorts.
Just before Tim exits, Lucas calls him back and shows him yet another garment. Tim tells him it looks like a costume from Alice in Wonderland. So Lucas scraps yet another look. Tieler’s model asks him how old he is. He tells her he is a 16-year-old who looks like a 32-year-old. Everyone is in panic mode, especially Cartier. Chris notes that this is, “Just the hot glue gun challenge.” That was most of last season, Chris.
The Runway Show.
I guess we have the same judges each week? Ms. Leslie is still on vacation, so I’m flying solo tonight. I’m warning you now, I don’t have much left in me describing this unconventional crap. I used to enjoy it. Now I feel as though it’s a crutch. Moving on.
Tieler’s dress comes out a Kelley says “WOW” and it is a wow dress. I like the pattern of the greenery on the front and the shoulders.
Cartier’s dress is fun and flirty and I like the ombre effect, but it seems a little basic for something a person who only works in unconventional materials would do.
Lucas is in deep trouble. Chris has made a ladybug dress. It’s cute. Chelsea has also made a cute dress. I like the cut-outs, but it doesn’t really move. Hawwaa’s look is giving a Tahitian dancer vibe. The little coat doesn’t go with the rest of the outfit.
I think A’kai is in trouble his dress is too short. I like the banding on Rene’s dress and think it looks chic. Allie made a toucan float into a poodle skirt, but with a toucan. Christian says that Mollie’s dress is “Tina Turner” and now that’s all I can see. This is not a bad thing as Tina is cool. She transformed the material where Lucas did not.
Top 3: Cartier, Tieler and Rene. Tieler to win. Bottom: A’kai, Lucas and Allie.
The Judges Top Three
Cartier: Aya said their mouths dropped open when this walked the runway and she loves the ombre effect. Kelly thought pattern on the skirt was a smart way to break up the garment. Hannah though she looked like a fish with scales. Christian says she took a fabric that could have been bulky and heavy and made it look like real clothes.
Tieler: Christian says that this is fabulous and sent him into a dream world. Kelly loves the shoulders and can see it on many different girls. Aya says it is a simple shape, but so strong.
Mollie: (huh?) Christian loves the gold and shimmer and says it has great balance. Kelly says it could have gone tacky quickly, but it was great. Aya says she showed just the right amount of skin.
The Judges Bottom Three
A’kai: Aya says he looked like he was fighting with the materials and the garment seems unfinished. Hannah says the proportions are off. Kelly is confused by the difference between A’kai’s dapper personal style and his model’s “sex bomb” aesthetic. Is it cool to say that to a 13-year-old? Christian says he wishes he had taken it way further.
Lucas: Christian notes that Lucas made the fabulous and amazing gown last time and that this feels like a Disney costume. Aya says that they know he has a high taste level and that this doesn’t reflect that. Uh-oh.
Hawwaa: Hannah thinks it was too costumey. Aya thinks the jacket doesn’t go with the outfit. Kelly wished the shorts were an a-line skirt. Christian tells her that if right before a show if something doesn’t work, like the jacket, take it off.
Tieler wins the runway with his Astroturf dress. Mollie, Hawwaa and Cartier are safe. Lucas and A’kai are up for elimination. A’kai is crying. I virtual hug him. Lucas is auf’ed. I am pissed. Yes his garment sucked, but I would have loved to see what this kid could have done. Let’s get rid of the talent with crafting challenges! I’m mad. Are you mad? Happy New Year everyone!!!!