Project Runway: No One Wants The Drama Of Labia On The Runway

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By CJ Bomb

Hello everyone and welcome to Project Runway week four! May I start by saying I hope everyone and their loved ones are safe tonight in the path of the oncoming storm. My own parents arrived just awhile ago from Florida and I am thankful that they are safe and sound and riding shotgun tonight for this show. Prayers all around for everyone affected by Matthew.

The Challenge

Heidi walks out onto the runway and my mom immediately says, “That is NOT a good look for her.” Oh Mom, just wait. Heidi says that the contestants are going to have to DIVE IN to the next challenge and Tim walks out in a bathing suit and swim shirt with a pocket square. His legs are blinding me with their whiteness. I love Tim, but I’m sorry,  I never never never EVER want to see him subjected to this look again. He should be in a dapper suit from Barneys at all times. Even at the beach.

The designers have to come up with a swimwear look. Bathing suit and cover up please, and the winning look will be sold in the Heidi Klum line! How many lines does HK have? And is this just a way to get free design? And a swimwear challenge, yay? The good news is they have to design their own textile and have almost NO time to complete it! YAY!!

Roberi is happy. Being from Venezuela, he gets beach wear. MJ loves a woman’s body, so he is definitely on board. Cornelius? He is terrified. As is most everyone else. They design their fabrics and head to Mood to pick fabrics for cover-ups and wish Swatch a happy birthday.


















The Workroom

Erin is designed a geometric pink print which she will fashion into a low-cut “sex bomb” suit which hopefully will keep her out of the top three tonight so she can get a rest from being praised.

Alex is focused on designing for the everyday woman. He created a print inspired from one of his tattoos and says he just wants a suit that will work for all body types. As a mother of two whose 11-year-old recently told her she looked “kind of pregnant”, I will sell said 11-year-old for such a suit. (He also told me my stomach was “squashy”)

Dex is doing a snake pattern. It’s very spring breakish/panama beach-ish. He points out that if your print sucks you still have to work with it which is akin to eating shit and “No one wants to eat a poop sandwich.” Truer words Dex.

Jenni designed a mandala print. I am a yoga instructor. That is not a mandala print. It’s a My Little Pony print. Tasha wants to do a rasta-inspired print. Rik loves his black and white harlequin print so much he wants to make a speedo for himself. I love the print but do NOT want that image in my head. Brik has made a brick pattern. Way to think out of the box dude.

Sarah doesn’t go to the beach that often (I’m shocked), but designs a very literal retro print of an illustration of a girl in a bikini. She says it is for the girl hanging out at a pool party by the smoked meats platter. She said this. My mother asks, What did she just say? My head explodes from too many jokes trying to make themselves heard in my head all at once. Dex points out that designing a swimsuit is harder than a dress because you are covering up private parts. Hopefully in a flattering way. Truer words Dex.

Project Runway 2

Tim and Heidi’s Critique

Alex: They think his suit looks like a gymnastics leotard. OUCH. He ditches the blue panel to make the entire suit in his print. Smart.
Cornelius: Heidi asks him if he has ever seen boobs. My guess is no. He has the logo between the boobs which she hates and she tells him his high-waisted bottoms are unflattering. He beings to freak out as he has no extra fabric. Dexter: Dex is wearing his lucky bell necklace which falls all the way to his, um, private area which Heidi quickly points out. He has designed a mock turtleneck alligator suit. They tell him to go back to the drawing board.
Mah-Jing: MJ has designed a swimsuit in denim. Tim and Heidi are confused. Nat makes my favorite statement of the night, “Not even Rhianna would wear a denim bikini, and she’s the queen of trying new things!” Thanks Nat. You are right, not even Rhianna is that bat-shit crazy!
Roberi: He has made a print of feathers from birds from his home country. They love it.
Laurence: She has created a bulls-eye fabric of which Tim is concerned about placement of bulls eyes on the garment. Heidi promptly puts it on her boobs, because, Heidi.
Erin: They really like it. Shocker.
Sarah: Heidi says, I feel as though we have never met. Eek. She shows them her retro girl bikini. It does not go well. Tim says the work is sloppy. He tells her to fix it and amp the look up.
Brik: I hushed my mom here so I missed Brik on Bricks. Don’t think it matters.
Nat: They are concerned it’s too juvenile.
Jenni: WHOOOOO boy. They hate it. Hate the print, hate the color, hate the shape. Not good. She says she’s going to stick to her guns and own it. Good luck with that Jenni. That always works on this show.
Rik: They love it. Heidi says it’s easy but sophisticated. Tim calls it smashing. Nice turnaround from last week Rik!

The workroom gets very, very quiet. Who knew that swimwear would be so challenging? Sarah and Cornelius are losing their shit. Jenni decides to change her look because Heidi hates it and Jenni is not that stupid after all. Tasha is having underboob problems and Erin says what everyone is thinking, “No one wants the drama of labia on the runway.” Truer words. (and third favorite line of this episode) Laurence tells Cornelius not to freak out and Cornelius utters my second favorite line of the night, “I have to recalibrate my thong.” without a hint of irony or sarcasm. I’m just going to start randomly say that in public places to freak people out. Alex wonders why Jenni didn’t study the HK swimwear dossier like he did as her colors are so far off of the mark. Jenni wonders why Sarah didn’t do the same.

The Runway.

Heidi walks out on the runways dressed in a Jolly Green Giant hooker outfit. I’m trying to imagine Nina’s inner monologue right now. tasteleveltasteleveltastelevel….My mother says, “Good heavens! What is she wearing? I thought this was a fashion show?’ Lucky Blue Smith. That is our guest judge. Why? Why? An 18 year old Mormon model. My mother asks who he is. I pour her another glass of wine.

Rik: I have notebook I write in while I watch the show. Two words I wrote in all-caps: AWESOME and more importantly, SLIMMING.
Erin: I don’t think she has to deal with the top three as this seems safe. The boobs are REALLY far apart though. Cornelius: Saggy boobs and a plain sheer skirt? For once Cornelius will probably be happy he’s in the middle. Nathalia: This is a basic good swimsuit with a nice shape.
Brik: While I love me a boyshort, I hate me a uniboob.
Jenni: Her pants detached into a mermaid tail. She revamped her granny bottoms into something hootchie and the print still sucks. Jenni is in trouble.
Laurence: I wrote Bain du Soleil seventies. Perhaps because it reminded my of my mom.
Alex: One piece suit is beautiful. Coverup is boho-fabulous.
Tasha: teeny tiny ill-fitting bikini. She thinks she should be good, I’m not so sure.
MJ: Oh MJ with the denim! You are lucky there are so many other trainwrecks this week, my friend!
Dex: He transformed it into something less cheesy, which is saying something considering that print.
Sarah: If you are going to go retro, go RETRO. This was just sad.
Roberi: A monokini with a cool print. Elegant cover-up in awesome color.

My Top 3   Roberi, elegant and simple. Rik, elegant and simple. Alex, elegant and simple. Sense a trend?

My Bottom 3  Tasha, I love you girl, but your rasta suit? Not so much. Jenni, I hated this. Brik, I hate saggy boobs. Maybe I just think Brik needs to go and let the adults move along in the competition.

prswimsuts-4Judges Top 3

Roberi: (Thank GOD) Zak says it’s simple but effective. Nina wished the print were larger but loved it. Heidi thought it was flattering and modern.
Alex: Nina would buy this and wear it all the time. Presumably not to the office. The Ken doll says he has three sisters who would love this.
Rik: Zak says he “nailed it”. Heidi thought it was a string print and the suit was flattering. Nina said it was super-polished and the model looked ready to get on her yacht.

Judges Bottom 3

Tasha: Heidi said she should have owned the print and taken it further. Nina said it looked like the menu of a Japanese restaurant and the cover-up looked like the tablecloth.
Jenni: Nina said print looked like a yoga mat. Zak said it was Miss Piggy meets Golden Girls and I believe the phrase “granny stripper” was used.
Sarah: Heidi says, it’s ok, but not great. Everyone thinks the print and shape is too junior.

Winner: Rik!! Yay! I want this suit. I want this suit to make me look thinner! My mom agrees with this decision. I hope not about the thinner part.

Auf’ed: Sarah?? WTF?? As my mom says, “Hers wasn’t the worst, but it was the most boring.”  And sometimes that’s all it takes in PR world! So do you agree??

Again, sending thoughts and prayers out to anyone affected by the Hurricane. Stay safe..xoxoxo.


Filed under Entertainment News, Project Runway

23 responses to “Project Runway: No One Wants The Drama Of Labia On The Runway

  1. Liza

    Great recap! I must be getting old I liked jenni’s, I dint think it was as bad as they said. I too have no idea who the gust judge was, he was the most boring of all.

  2. Katherine

    Your recaps are so much fun. Love your mom piping in, drinking her wine. She and I are on the same page with Heidi’s outfits this week. Oy!
    Loved that B/W suit, too.
    Jenni needed to be scared. She did NOT make it work.
    Cornelius needed a boot in the ass, too. So satisfying watching him meltdown.
    Sarah, we hardly knew ye. But you bored the shit out of us anyway. 😉

  3. Happy gal

    Lmao as I read this recap !! Spot in w your analysis !! For me I loved Ric’s suit the best and Alex’s coverup the most so I was so torn who should win.

    As to who should have lost I think he suit that did lose was bad but several others were equally as bad so I’m not what pushed one over the edge to make that person be eliminated. Perhaps they see more potential overall in another designer?

    I’m in Virginia and while we not not suppose to get smacked w the storm we r surrounded by large trees and high winds and soaked ground usually lead to prolonged power outages – so hoping for the best here

  4. tamaratattles

    I watched this episode starting around 2 or 3 am, because my schedule is fucked. I always forget as I decide to sleep a bit longer on Fridays that I have two great recaps to get up. Then, today I tried to learn new stuff with the photos. I don’t know why by the PR runway pics can be hard to find (Thanks so much CJ for finding them for me! Such a huge help) and also extremely narrow and long AND no two snowflakes are the same odd shape. So I finally took the time to figure out some new graphics stuff. I was in a good headspace to get it done and it made my whole day when it actually worked!

    One thing about the pics is that I think all the suits look at least “fine” in the photos. In other words they don’t always represent what we see on the show. Somehow in photos they at worst seem “not bad.” IMHO.

    I hated the monokini and would NOT have put it in the top three. I’d probably have put Erin in it again. CJ cracked me up with her Erin commentary. It’s week four and she is already exhausted from all the winning. Winning is tiresome.

    I LOVED the winning look. I was about to type that it was the only one that REALLY fit well. This gave me a flashback to working on the post and I feel like CJ may have suggested a title…I may be wrong or perhaps it was the name of the actual episode that was something about hungry butt cracks or something. Anyway, there was a lot of that.

    Finally, I would like to stick up for Brik. I think there are people who suck worse still in the game. I feel as though his manbun may be a major source of our dislike for him. And more finally, I started out loving Tasha, but she needs to go. Same with Mah Jing who I also like personally but seems out of his element. I think the first few episodes they should send two home and then have a few episodes where they decide in a surprise move not to send anyone.

    Great job once again, CJ! Thanks!

  5. cheychey

    I really like Rics print. Totally agree this would be a slimming suit. What I didn’t like about it is the bottom it looks rather granny to me and I’m old so if I thought it was to granny then hmmm. If it was cut just a bit higher around the hips. But as it is many women could wear this shape. It was still my pick to win. Problem is I didn’t think he had a lot of competition. I think Erin should have been top 3. While I didn’t hate the feather suit it wasn’t a favorite and the design I’ve seen 1000 times. I don’t see any woman under 40 wearing this print. Maybe the over 40 crowd. But I can’t see a younger woman feeling sexy in a bird feather swimsuit. Now not for a grown woman but both my daughters loved the print of Sarah’s. it would make a cute preteen or younger suit. Now I lived for that cover up in top 3 as well I’d wear that everywhere but thought the suit was ok but boring.

    • SJ

      I found Erin’s to be a little too S&M. All the straps on the back and neck does not a cute swimsuit make.Might be fun in the bedroom

  6. Happy gal

    I am dying for a gown challenge please let me see a gown challange !!! I live for the red carpet gown looks !!!

    • SJ

      Me too! IMHO that is where the designer’s soul is revealed. So it is goodbye to Sarah as she wings her way back to her yummy hubby and Grizzly, that adorable French Bulldog. Sorry to see another”older” woman designer to go home.

  7. Pitypat

    This was unintentionally a funny episode. I don’t understand how these people have not tried making a bathing suit. Don’t they watch the show? Always a lingerie or swim suit on each season. I would have practiced all kinds of designs and tried many fabrics. Tasha’s top was so tiny. Sarah’s smoked meat platter comment. I loved your recap and input from your Mom. Thanks!

  8. Kiyoshigirl

    Tasha could’ve just as easily be sent home for that garbage bikini she created. They must think she has more potential because in my opinion, that triangle top and sloppy bottom were garbage.

  9. Kiyoshigirl

    “been sent home”

  10. Mickey

    Hahaha Jolly Green Giant hooker. I was like WTF?

  11. Lol and LOVE the recap! How Tasha did not go home amazes me. I was ok with who went home tho – that was awful also. Didn’t get the hate for the lavender (sorry, haven’t retained most of the names yet) – guess cuz the gal went against The Klum? I liked the reptile eye one – esp in its finished form. OCD (Alex?) has been my guy since the audition, but could see why the winner won. Really enjoying this Season.

  12. I’m excited that I’m loving PR again. It really went off the rails for a few seasons but this one seems like the old days.

  13. Great recap! I actually liked Dexter’s look but I was pretty happy with the top 3. Agreed with the elimination but boy was Tasha’s look terrible. Love her though so I’m glad she’s safe.

  14. alp

    As much as I like her as a designer, I thought Tasha should have been sent home this week; her bathing suit was the weakest design. While I did not like Sarah’s print or her cover up, I thought her bathing suit was well made. As for Jenni, while I loved her bathing suit top, her print was weak and the bottom was off and I think the pant coverup would have been better in a different fabric — of course the color was the real problem.

    During the workroom scenes, there was one suit I liked a lot, and was surprised during the runway to discover it was Erin’s design. I also like Dexter’s finished design very much.

    I am happy Rik recovered and pulled off the win, I would have liked to see how that cover up is put on however because it looked like that may be awkward.

    I agree this season is great so far. Next’s weeks team challenge looks dramatic for sure.

  15. MochaQueen

    I believe that right designer/swimsuit won. I did not like Alex’s print and hated the cover up. It looked like what we used to call a house dress. Was surprised also that Sara was sent home. her suit was not that bad. Great recap!

    • Katherine

      @Mocha, it really WAS just like a housedress, but a little floatier, a bit more romantic. Like sheets. 😉 I said the same thing about the housedress, but I still want it. And 10 more like them. There’s a reason housedresses were popular.

  16. alp

    I am so confused by Roberi’s swimsuit — I just don’t think it fits his model well. Most of these young ladies have small busts, but Roberi’s design acuatlly makes his models boobs look droopy (in my opinion). I think based simply on that, he should have been safe and maybe Dexter (or Erin) in the top with Rik winning.

  17. I quite liked Roberi’s monokini and his pattern of feathers on it. Rik’s did deserve the win, and I’m glad he got it. I don’t think he’s the best designer (don’t know who’s my favorite yet), but I do find him dreamy.

    Sarah went home cos she was forgetful. Like literally forgetful. Her suit fit fine, but she’s never been in the top or the bottom. She’s been unremarkable, and the only time noticed it was for boring. I think she suffered the exact opposite of Brik — awful to okay; so at least he gets the guise of improvement.

  18. Limerent

    First time I read your blog. You’re very funny! I will be back to read your weekly Project Runway reports! :)

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