Daily Tea (Open Forum)


Image Allison Brosh Hyperbole and a Half http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

Image Allison Brosh Hyperbole and a Half, who seems to have disappeared. 

It’s been a pretty hellacious week here. We all survived. Banjo is fine. I’m dealing with a multitude of issues and moods. So no funny story this week.

Talk amongst yourselves.


Filed under Daily Tea

98 responses to “Daily Tea (Open Forum)

  1. Coco

    Tamara, I hope you feel better. I’m glad to hear Banjo is fine. I love the picture you posted.

    Fall has definitely come to Pittsburgh. It’s absolutely beautiful here with warm days filled with cloudless, blue skies and cool evenings. The Pirates made another valiant effort this year. The Steelers are off to a good start. The Penguins are just starting their preseason games after winning the Stanley Cup last season. All is well here!

  2. Deirdre

    Anyone have any experiences to share (pos or neg) on muscle testing/self muscle testing? I have a friend who swears by it to find lost objects & guide decisions but I don’t seem to get any “no’s”.

  3. Crazy true story. A year ago I spent a lot of time and effort helping look for a woman’s pitt mix who went missing when her motel room was burglarized. I put up 100s of posters and trail cams, etc. I ended up adopting a pittbull after someone called it in thinking she was the lost pitt mix. I named her Bella because when she was found, she had been living in the woods and was a skeletal 38 pounds (I was hoping she could be made beautiful). I never could find her a good home so I kept her and found out why people love pitts so much. They are amazing dogs and Bella is the greatest, sweetest dog ever. Last month, I loaned her to my mom because we’re having a terrible family crisis (thanks, in no small part, to my sociopath sister). Anyway, last Friday, Bella escaped. People searched. I refashioned the posters I had left over and put out flyers. Misty, the girl whose pitt mix is still missing, happened to be in town (we’re still looking for her dog, Phoenix). Misty was with me when my mom called and told me the terrible news. Two days later, on Sunday afternoon, someone saw a pitt run under some shrubs in the same area we had first searched for Phoenix a year ago. There was still a tattered Phoenix poster on an electrical pole in front of that house. They called the number thinking they might have spotted Phoenix. Misty drove over and discovered it was Bella and coaxed Bella into her car. She called me and I drove as fast as I could crying all the way. I don’t believe in miracles but it’s hard to explain this one.

    • Lolagyrl

      I’m so glad she’s found!!!

    • Dee

      Jane, thanks for sharing such a heartwarming story. It is a miracle!

    • Margarett

      Oh, Jane, how wonderful!!

    • Sliceo'pie

      So happy for you Jane-so glad it all turned out ok for you. What a happy day and such a relief! lately I’ve been thinking about my dog Chelsea-who passed on years ago. I got her two years after I got sober, 23 years ago and she was my best friend. She was the one constant in my life-she asked for so little and gave me an enormous amount in return. – including a lot of laughs! She had very unusual expressive eye brows that actually arched up and down..I still miss her though she’s long gone.

      I’m so happy this story had a happy ending! I hope the same for Phoenix for some day.

    • Kiyoshigirl

      That is just a remarkable story! I truly believe life is about connectivity. Each action we take, and most decisions we make ( I don’t count deciding to buy the white or black T-shirt) affects others. Most of the time we’re not cognizant of the connection. Every once in awhile something like your experience happens and it reminds all of us how things work. So glad you found your pup Jane, and my sympathies to your friend. I have a Shiba, and they’re notorious for being bolting. She’d run 100 miles if it meant she could catch a rabbit. We can NEVER leave her off the lead, and I can’t leave her with friends or even at a kennel because of her drive to run, run, run.

      • Joanplus2dogs

        Agree on both things. I also have a Shiba – they are well known escape artists with extreme prey drive. He was how I finally got rid of my rat problem. Even at almost 15 yr half blind & deaf( not that he ever listens anyway) he would still take off, just not fast or really knowing where he was going. He went thru several homes before I adopted him due to people not doing their research into breed.

        We are all attached to each other in one way or other. Six degrees of separation

        Glad Jane you got your dog back. Be sure dog tags & chip info are all current.

        Thank goodness temps in Atlanta finally dropped to tolerable levels for now at least!

      • AmyinLasVegas

        Aw I’m a shiba owner too! So many TT’s fans have such good taste in bloggers and dogs imho!

    • Misha11

      Jane, i ‘m so happy for you! Yes it is a wonderful miracle. I believe someone “on the other side” was looking out for you and Bella. Take care and make sure she doesnt get out again!

    • Kimoe

      How very wonderful for you!

  4. Dee

    Hey there! That looks like me. I love the way the site looks!😉

  5. Margarett

    I’be been watching for an update about Mr. Banjo and you. That you’re both doing okay is wonderful news ! Rest as much as you can. I do realize that’s easier said than done for you -your business and all. You are probably tired of my saying to rest.

    On BBCA is “Sherlock” . There will be 2 or 3 episodes more and then the new season will start. I love it, and think these two are the best since Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. Yes, yes I am old.

    It’s been a tough week here, too. I am pretty sure it has something to do with Saturn. If you want to come over, I will share my green beans, new potatoes, ham, and cornbread. We could have some wine, too. I’m ready for a whole bottle myself!!

  6. SamT

    This week has been pretty bad. My tween daughter suffers from OCD and has been having a terrible time with it. She now has bronchitis to add to the fun. My teenaged son has been in a horrible mood and taking it out on everyone. He’s allergic to the family dog, something we discovered about a year ago and it seems to be getting worse. I can’t fathom getting rid of our dog. He’s 11 with health problems. Someone tried to steal my identity and every day brings another surprise in the mail. I tried to go clothes shopping and I’m really fat. It’s depressing as hell. I knew I’d gained a lot but it snuck up on me and I’m a stress eater to boot. Sigh. I hope next week is better.

    • ingrid

      My son has OCD, it is such a mess. I feel you. There are so many layers to it.

    • Erica

      Do you bathe the dog regularly? Does your son see an allergist? If his ractions are also getting worse, check his thyroid. I’ve had bad allergies.. the shot therapy worked WONDERS 12 years ago, and Im thinking about doing it again (especially since my parents are getting a puppy that they will bring to work – I work with them) But you are born with allergies, and if they drastically and suddenly get worse, that can sometimes be a sign of something else like your thyroid coning out.

      If you can – create a “safe haven” for your son – think about making his bedroom carpetless and dog free, and get him a free standing HEPA filter. In your family areas, he should have a chair or something that is “dog free”. When she lived closer, my cousin came to visit – she was allergic to my cat (well, still is, but she hasn’t seen him in years). I vaccumed the shit out of my most comfortable chair at the time, put a washed in hot water cover on it, plugged in the HEPA right next to it, and when she wasn’t in it, but something on the chair that prevented the cat from jumping on it (a box usually) I didn’t bathe my cat, but I brushed the shit out of him before she came over, then wiped him down with these aergy wipes.

  7. Skeeter

    Feel better TT and everyone who had a rough week! Mine wasn’t exactly a walk in the park but it’s over and time to start another one!

    I was wondering about Allison and her Hyperbole and a Half stories. I really enjoyed them. I was just to the website about 2 weeks ago and there’s nothing new :( . I loved the dinosaur costume story. I reread that while I was there LOL!

  8. Sam

    Yay! So glad to hear Banjo is doing well.
    I’m in Florida which is still HOT, no such thing as fall weather and I’m so jealous of the people getting cool weather. I ventured out in the world yesterday and besides the heat, my anxiety and dealing with idiots made me miserable. So happy to come home to cool air, my dog and TT, probably staying home the rest of the weekend.

  9. LisaPat

    “Talk amoungst yourselves” I may have to make you an honorary Yenta lke myself! Open forum so I’ll just vent about what has me so upset I can hardly sleep. B.S.L. People in Montreal, including a relative, are being forced to give up their dogs that have been part of their families for years because they are Pits. Pits can be the most loving and sweet dogs and also savage killers. Now, the ones who kill or bite have been raised horrifically, taught to fight and, at times, used as bait. I feel they could of at least Grandfathered in the law for people who have had Pits for many years; dogs who have never bitten anyone or anything. I can’t imagine turning my dog over to authorities. In fact, I would probably move.
    I also want to vent about one other thing. This is NOT a political post but all this talk about a woman with a fabulous body being considered “fat” is infuriating me. I am only an inch taller than Alicia Machado and I can’t even imagine being 118lbs. At my thinnest, I was a size 7 and I weighed 138lbs. I am now 160lbs and a size 10-12 which is NOT fat. I am average and so is the majority of women everywhere. It infuriates me that people still have a 1971 mentality that “skinny” is still something that everyone aspires to be. The new generation have no desire to be skinny. These kids want butt implants the day they turn 18 if they feel they aren’t big enough. They want to be curvy because this is what the boys find attractive. Skinny is a quest of a bygone era. The modeling industry and Hollywood haven’t adopted the strong body over skinny body yet, but they are coming along and things are changing. I hope that the average woman who is the absolute majority in this country can start to see more women who represent who we are. I see a lot more women in commercials who have womanly bodies than I did in past years and I can only hope that the standard of beauty continues to evolve and unattainable body images become the thing of a bygone era.

    • My thinnest was 105 even after 3 kids. Never thought I would gain weight my 30’s showed me different. 46 and 160 and my doctor says I’m over weight. I’m 5’6. I feel very uncomfortable clothes shopping. Too lazy to work out and I love food!

      • DJFL

        @Siohban – Your doctor is full of shit. Your BMI is 25.8, which is normal for your height.

      • LisaPat

        DJFL is right, you are not overweight and I’m surprised your doctor told you that. I cried to my doctor about being 160 and he told me that being 5’8″ I can weigh anywhere between 135-175 for a normal BMI, depending on bone structure, body type, etc. He also told me the BMI Index for men and woman is the same. I did not realize that.

      • LisaPat

        My husband was/is having an affair with a boni-maroni hillbilly named Whitney. What kind of name is Whitney? If your name is Whitney, your last name better be HOUSTON. This ball of filth is 27 years old and she can’t weight more than 105lbs., truckload of kids, Im not judging! But, I am done with him so he probably is still seeing her. I dont know because I won’t speak to him an he will be penniless when I’m done with him. Penniless.

      • Calipatti

        LisaPat, You have the fight to judge him and her. Judging s persons behavior is acceptable, it what s court of law does.
        Girlfriend is scum and your soon to be ex is a scum sponge. Blare revenge music, dance, scream, laugh and roar.
        Living well is the best revenge, go for it girl, you got this!

      • LisaPat

        PENNYLESS I mean. he could be Penile-less too.

      • Miguel

        Although i’m sorry for my pain this has caused you, I’m loving the double entendre, LisaPat – go get ’em!!! :)

      • LisaPat

        Thanks for the support Miguel!

      • LisaPat

        Thanks Calipatti !! :)

  10. Pamela nichols

    Soo sorry Sis ! But everybody wants to shoot the messenger! Lol ,

  11. Spunky2015

    Speaking of modeling, was so proud of Gigi elbowing that jerk then tried to go after him.

  12. Brittany

    I quit my Lexapro about 3 weeks ago. No funny story here either. Kind of hoping the serious pissed off-ness goes away. And, at the same time, wishing someone would yell at me so I could yell back. 🤔

    • Toni Lee Gildea

      Brittany- We are here for you. Yell at me. Better yet, yell at my husband. I was a hot mess after stopping Lexapro for a bit.
      I am better ON it.
      Feel better, TT.

    • Misha11

      Congratulations! Don’t take any of that shit poison! Watch your diet, eat clean foods, try to avoid chemicals and food additives. Take a ride in your car and sing out loud as loud as you can and laugh at yourself! If no car go some where you can yell! Exercise, run walk whatever you can do. Keep busy. And be good to yourself!

      • Sam

        Misha11, please be careful using such a harsh response to medicine that some people need. No amount of good clean living and car rides etc help with some forms of depression. Meds literally saved my life and after years of trying to get off them only to be suicidal and hurting every time I stopped, I learned I need them, I’m not ashamed I take it and it works for ME. Sometimes being good to yourself means take a pill, in addition to the good suggestions you made. I do not want to start a argument, just wanted to share a different perspective.

      • Misha11

        Get Sam, this reply is for you and I hope you get this. I’m new to commenting on blogs and actually I only watch and comment tamara’s blogs because I think she has great insight on the subjects and the commenters are wonderful. But let me apologize as I never would want to disparage anyone that finds certain meds are good for them. Of course do what is best for you. I have just found, in my experience, pharmaceuticals did not help me but research and holistic and energy medicine did. I find doctors give antidepressants too easily, do not monitor their patients and too many people get addicted to prescription drugs and lives are ruined. I just suggest to you to look into holistic approaches to what ails you, and I wish you a healthy life.

      • Misha11

        Sorry, I wrote “Hey Sam” auto correct turned it to “get” Sam.

    • JoJoFLL

      Brittany, my husband went off it a couple of years ago cold turkey and had about six months of nuts and is now amazing. He said it was the best thing he ever did.

      Hang in there.

      He was on it from a post surgery issue.

      • Brittany

        Thanks Everyone. MIsha, I agree with your thoughts on pharmaceuticals. I just don’t want to take something everyday. I just don’t. I completely understand Sam’s perspective though. I have done this numerous times. My family wishes I would just start taking it again, because I really do better with is. But, I was so sick when I went off of it that it makes me wonder if it’s even healthy. Who even knows? But, I do want to be clear that I would never think less of someone else because they had to take medicine every day.
        JoJo, 6 months seems like forever!!

  13. Margaret Shepard

    Be so so careful on fat-shaming. My father innocently told me I was getting kinda chubby at age 15 and sent me on a lifetime of eating disorders. Society adds to it. Never tell your kids they are fat. Words can and do hurt and have consequences. That old saying about sticks and stones is bull-shit. Wounds hell, what people say to you as a kid stays with you . I still remember a prick male teacher telling me how dumb I was in 6th grade. It was in private school , they can get away with a lot more than public. Well in the 70’s anyhow.

    • Minky

      From what I’ve seen, people who engage in fat-shaming, or any kind of shaming for that matter, have serious issues within themselves that they should deal with. Whenever I see or hear someone I know making even a slightly negative comment about a person’s appearance I make a mental note to keep an eye on that person. I can no longer trust them after that.

      And in many cases it’s a “look who’s talking” kind of thing. People who look or dress oddly are the first to make comments about the way others look. Like, seriously? SMH.

      • Dee

        Minky, I agree, thank you. I hate hearing people judging another person’s body or age. You are so right, they usually have no room to talk.

      • Calipatti

        or when fat shaming, name calling, etc. others it’s because people have no importance to them. They are superior to others, our feelings don’t matter, we are not equal to them.
        We are of no importance other that how we can be used for their gain.

    • SamT

      My dad used to tell me I was getting fat too, at various points in my childhood and teens. I was bulimic as a teen. I have gained, lost and regained weight so many times. I agree, I’m so careful around my daughter. I try so hard not to talk about my weight or being fat. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say I’ve been unhappy with my body most of my life. Now that I’m 46 I’m about ready to give up and just fucking eat what I want. It’s absolutely exhausting.

    • Sliceo'pie

      I was a cross country/track runner starting at 14 – it’s a very competitive sport. The coach would make comments about our weight and some of the mothers as well! It was very hurtful – I was a vulnerable kid and I really took it to heart. The coach’s comments were bad enough but the other mothers? I never understood how they could do that – maybe to erode the competition’s self-esteem? Fwiw, these women were the mothers of my teammates!
      I came back one to school one fall-16 or 17 years old and a mom said, “Wow, you gained weight over the summer but you’re big boned – I guess you can carry it” I was 5 ft 11 and 135 lbs. It was all muscle – I was probably a six 6. I started taking diet pills that year.

      • Patricia

        What a beeotch! I’m sure she was envious of you. More than likely, she took your height and muscles as a threat to her daughter so she lashed out at you. As an adult and mother, she should have known better. It breaks my heart to know she hurt you that way. It’s abusive. Be thankful she wasn’t your mom.

  14. Margaret Shepard

    Wounds heal.

  15. Emma_Bovary

    Hi TT,

    I’m a long-time reader and a first-time poster. I want to first thank you for creating this lovely space (more than a space, a community), and given a number of comments posted yesterday, for curating its content, maintaining its integrity. I lost my mother, my best friend, last year, and I’ve since come to count on your site as a place I can return to for a few moments of relief—of humor, wit, and entertainment—while giving my heart time to heal. And as a writer, I know how much this work demands of you, not just time, but emotions, particularly those posts and comments in which you’ve allowed us glimpses into your life.

    I thought, given this hellacious week you’ve had, that YOU perhaps might need some relief! If you haven’t already, you should watch episode three of the HBO series High Maintenance. It’s an anthology series, each episode its own entity with few tethers to the rest. The single constant between them is “The Guy,” the weed dealer around whose customers the series revolves. I was a fan of this show when it was a web series on Vimeo, and I’ve been impressed with its transition to a network; the DNA of the series is essentially unchanged. Episode three is called “Grandpa,” and for all of the animal lovers out there, I think you’ll enjoy this thoughtful glimpse into the emotional life of a dog.

    I watched it with my dog curled up beside me. Just a recommendation.

    • Patricia

      Due to what seems to be a never-ending shitload of problems, I’ve been having much difficulty lately trying to watch TV. I’m too Restless. I can’t concentrate. However, I received a 30-minute reprieve while watching this week’s High Maintenance. I feel bad for those of you who do not have HBO, especially for the many dog lovers here. It’s an adorable story of a dog named “Gatsby” who must learn how to do deal with the pressures of culture shock and the ability to acclimate himself to life in NYC having come from the Midwest. As much as I’d like to go into detail, that would just spoil it for those who have HBO. As stated, the story is told from Gatsby’s eyes. I was thrilled to see someone else on this forum saw as well. Thanks for letting everyone know. And thank you Gatsby for making my day.

      • Emma_Bovary

        I was so excited to read your comment, @Patricia! That episode absolutely made my week! The writers/director so successfully entered Gatsby’s point of view–without words, they managed to convey a tremendous range of emotion. So thrilled to share my appreciation with someone else!

  16. cheychey

    I always try to find some beautiful quality in everyone I meet. I think physical beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, ethnicities. The things that make you different from everyone else is also what makes you unique. I’ve heard many women especially but also men on here and elsewhere that are reality stars and in the entertainment business be called everything from a beast and a slut to the ugliest person on the planet. I’m ok with calling people out on their fowl attitudes but belittling someone’s looks because you don’t like their tv show character or behavior is just stooping to their level. Nene probably gets the worst of it and I can’t figure for the life of me why people concern their selves so much in dogging her hair,body size and clothes. There are plenty of bad behaviors by her that could take the brunt of insults. As women I wish we would stop breaking each other down and spend more time building each other up. Before you type,text or say that nasty comment about someone take a hard look in the mirror and do some work on yourself.

    • Lawstangel

      Here, here…..THANK YOU!! Some times I cringe when there is a post like that, I agree NeNe has lots of behavior issues to discuss, but sometimes it gets a bit carried away on her appearance.:Last night when I was standing in line at Target I read an article on Kim Z & Brielle, the whole thing was about their appearance.

      Once, when I was overweight I was telling a friend about hoe men talk to me in a negative way and comment on my weight. She did not believe me, we were at a store and were in the process of parking, this guy shot in front of me and took our space. I saw another space and parked.we ended up exiting our cars at the same time, I said something to him about waiting his turn, he turned around looked at me and said “shut up you fat fucking bitch and then unleashed on me about my weight (forget the parking issue) I turned to my friend and said “see?” She was horrified and even though he was a jerk….it just does not feel good.The Alicia issue just brought that all back around, it is just sad.

  17. Lolita

    What lovely posts. This is a great place to escape and find some much needed laughter at times. Thanks for all you do Tamara and I pray you have a peaceful Sunday. I do believe in energy and it’s relation to “episodes ” having to do with the universe and people. It’s been a strange week here as well. Spent the evening at an emergency room with my daughter, had a hell of a week with an elder I take care of, our neighborhood lost power for 6+ hours. The ER doctor said FIVE children showed up with the same ailment Wednesday night…she actually said…”Must be something in the air”… October is here!!! New beginnings..it’s going to be a great fall…full retrograde over by the 15th. NAMASTE

  18. Friday my cute little Buster got his first “big dog” shot, he’s not a puppy any more. He loves to watch Tv and for some reason barks at close ups of people. I am glad Banjo is ok, love the name Banjo by the way. I am curious as to how you came up with the name.

    • Sam

      I’ve wondered about Banjo’s name too. I have a rescue dog that was named before I got him so I have no idea why he has a weird name, that I would have never picked but I get asked about it all the time.

      • Lawstangel

        I adopted a beautiful Cocker Spaniel a few years back who came with the name “Biff” I hated it. I had another name picked out, he didn’t like it or any other name I attempted to call him, so Biff it was. I decided he had most likely had his name changed moire than once and just wan’t having it any more.

      • Patricia

        So now you have me curious, Sam. What is your dog’s name?

      • Sam

        His name is Wizzy, and about a dozen other terms of endearment.

      • Patricia

        Hmmm . . . Perhaps you should be thankful that you don’t know where his name came from. LOL

  19. Pitypat

    I am so affected by elementary school shootings. I was much worse with Sandy Hook than 9/11. This past week, our county had 5 school lockdowns. When I heard the little boy had died yesterday I had to stand in the shower (my way of crying and coping) for a long time and break into the special meds. Hope you and Banjo are ok.

    • Patricia

      PityPat, in response to your comment I responded by adding my own post. I only had two or three words left and poof, it disappeared. Well its 5:44 in the morning and I haven’t slept yet so I guess I’ll have to wait till another time. Otherwise it may just sound like blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

    • Patricia

      PityPat, in response to your comment I responded by adding my own post. I only had two or three words left and poof, it disappeared. Well its 5:44 in the morning and I haven’t slept yet so I guess I’ll have to wait till another time. Otherwise it may just sound like blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

  20. puravidacostarica

    It is definitely Saturn. It is hitting us really hard. Glad to hear Banjo is okay. Thinking of you and sending you as much positive energy as I can muster (my supply is on life alert).

  21. Dee

    Tamara, glad to hear things are better. Thanks so much for sharing with us. You can see the Daily Tea gets a lot of posts.

  22. Kimoe

    I’m sorry your week was so bad. I’m glad Banjo is ok. Hoping is week is much nicer to you.

  23. Cheryl B.

    So, I’m going to comment briefly since I am seriously trying to accomplish set goals. I have really bad social media anxiety and just don’t think anyone would give two shits what I say. Please, I’m going on 57, so I am not looking for sympathy. I don’t have friends by choice due to usual bullshit, but have a bff of 20 years I talk to and see once a month. I have read here since I was 50 and found that these women here are one’s I would like to talk to. I now have accomplished a very long time goal .(I emailed TT this past week and thanks to her answering, I’m going to soldier on :)

    • Katherine 2.0

      Excellent! You did it. And you’ll do it again. All around me I am seeing women reach out way beyond comfort. It’s infectious. And inspiring.

      • Cheryl B.

        Thank you Katherine 2.0, months ago I promised myself that if Tamara recaps 60 days in (since I thought no one else knew about, but me) I would comment. I failed that and thought this is really a challenge.

  24. LisaPat

    That is a big step Cheryl. Way to go and welcome. No one gives two shits what I say, and I say it anyway. Happy to meet you, dear Cheryl !

  25. Cheryl B.

    Thank you I.Just.Can’t! :)

  26. JoJoFLL

    So I just left a boozy brunch with two of my childhood girlfriends and their hubs and it was AMAZING!! They are crazy successful, one couple are both oncologists with thriving (unfortunately) practices and the other couple are both civil engineers.

    Sort of felt weird at first being the ‘hostess’ but hey, time stood still.

    I feel quite blessed.

    That’s all.

  27. Cat

    I’ve had a horrible last few days. I’ll spare you the “organ recital”.

    On the good side, my sister is now out of the hospital, and back home. 6 weeks of recovery from the hysterectomy. But, no sign of cancer.

    I’m trying to stay positive about my own life. But, it’s getting harder. I’m frustrated. BUT– I need to remind myself that this has been 2 1/2 years I might not have had.

    So….I will try not to whine.

  28. Sliceo'pie

    It’s been a month now, since my husband decided he wanted a divorce, packed his bags and moved out – leaving me here, frightened, with my 12 year old son. In the past month I’ve learned I’m a lot stronger than I ever realized. I decided early on that I couldn’t do this alone-I’m a chronic isolator with anxiety issues – I don’t have the luxury of locking myself in my room and pretending none of this is happening. I’ve reached out (scary!) and people have been great.
    I felt really strong and positive for several weeks but the past week has been really hard-I suddenly feel really depressed or have bursts of anger or feelings of deep hurt over what my husband has done. I try to be present for my son but my mind wonders. Our house was in the middle of a renovation when he left (we lost the contractor) and now I’m scrambling to get it all done by myself. I’m making all these decisions by myself that I thought we’d make together. I’m so stressed that I’ll make a stupid or costly mistake.
    I’ve done everything I can to make it as easy for my husband to see my son – I feel good about that -my son loves his dad and he’s 12 – an important time- on the cusp on becoming a teenager. My son likes it when his dad stays here for a few hours and they watch movies/play video games. It’s not easy having him in the house. I have so many questions – Why’d you do this? Why didn’t you warn me? When did you stop loving me? How can you just walk away from our home, knowing it needs all this work and think it’s ok to dump on me? What kind of example are you setting for our boy? And on and on. I’ve realized the worst thing one can wonder is Why? I wake up wondering, “Why?” Well, why not? Why can drive me crazy. I’m never going to get an answer I like anyway -so screw why-I just gotta move on but the questions still come, especially late at night and early morning when I wake up and feel frightened and vulnerable.
    My son, who’s the most chill kid and asks for so little (except computer equipment!) said one day, “Can you and dad be friends please?”. How could I refuse him that? I love this boy more than life. I think that if I work myself up into a rage and hate this man, who I’m deeply disappointed in, I can never be friendly with him. It’s too hard to come back from hate-I learned this lesson years ago. I have trouble looking him in the face sometimes-I’m so ashamed of him. He’s relaxed and has already gone away with friends since he left. Unbelievable.
    I’m rambling – this is so long – I’m not sure if I should post it. It sounds full of self-pity when on the whole I’m doing ok. I just felt sad the last few days-the weather is dreary on the East Coast-I know that this black mood will pass and the sun will shine in a day or two and I’ll feel better..but today is just hard and I feel sad and alone.

    • JustJenn

      I’m sorry. It’s not wrong to wonder why..maybe it’s still too soon to ask him directly? But I really admire how strong you are being for your son. Broken hearts can last far too long, but the fog will lift and then you’ll be excited by what’s to come. Just give it time and yourself time.

      • Sliceo'pie

        Thanks so much for your kind words. From everybody – it’s not easy for me to reach and share how I feel but I frankly I need help – and I’m grateful for people’s support here. It keeps me going.
        I feel bad that I sound so full of self-pity when there are people who are suffering in ways I can’t even imagine. I need to learn to process my anger and hurt-I find it confusing but I’ll get there. I’ve always been a late bloomer! I’m trying hard to look for things to feel grateful for each day – even the smallest thing-a sweet text from somebody, seeing my favorite bird (cardinal)-it reminds me to be grateful. I’m eternally grateful for my son.

        It’s hard to imagine the future now- but I’m going to try hard to believe everyone here – that it will get better! It can’t get worse (God, I hope not! Lol!)

        Btw, I’m incredibly grateful for this site and how TT has given us this special page to talk.

    • Dee

      Oh Sweetie_Pie, I’m so sorry. Your post was just right. We are here for you. What a jerk to leave in the middle of renovations.

    • Margarett

      Oh, I wish I had some words of wisdom. You sound as if you’re moving forward. If you need a day in your room, hand your son a computer and a pizza and take it.

      I might have a talk with my son about how hard it is for you right now. Maybe they could get together somewhere else at least part of the time.

    • Minky

      You sound like a very wise person, who realizes that you can only control your reaction to events, and not the events themselves. Of course you’re going to be full of questions. It would be weird if you weren’t. If you just said “Oh well, que sera, sera!” to a situation like this that would be odd.

      Also, it seems like you’re ultimately going to come out of this better and stronger than your ex will ever be. He’ll realize he make a horrible mistake by leaving you when it’s too late for him to turn back, and you’ve moved on and you’re having a beautiful life. I can’t say when that’s gonna happen, but happen it will. Know that, honey!

    • Omgomg

      You’re very strong. I discovered TT and this is my escape and light moment out of hectic days. I would be seething. It’s good that you are handling it well. That will serve you well in healing. Once you get your feet under you, you can try to understand what happened. Maybe you could just sell the house and start over? Renovating is so stressful.

    • Calipatti

      Why diesnt matter now, not really. Someday after you are in a better place and ready to do a relationship self-examination, maybe then. It won’t fix your pain today.
      Most men, its a version of feeling under appreciated, sexually or friendship. Or he is just a ass!

    • Cat

      I think you are doing great!

      This is still very new to you. You have to find your wings. Sounds like you already are. You just have to get used to it. And learn how to believe in yourself. It’s hard, I know. But you will do it.

      Give yourself time. Enjoy your victories, no matter how small. And don’t worry about whining. Heck, we all do that from time to time.

      You have friends here.

      • Shae

        Slice o’pie, I think you have an incredibly admirable attitude going right now. I am very sorry for what you’re going though, but you sound wonderfully capable and like an excellent mother. You’ll get through this, one foot in front of the other.

      • Sliceo'pie

        Thanks Cat – I really appreciate it.

  29. Dee

    I’m on the East Coast, it has been bad this week. It will be better this week.

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