Daily Tea: (Open Forum) In Case of Emergency Click This Link!

iced tea

 

It’s a bit early for another Daily Tea, however there are some housekeeping things I need to address. Next November, will be the fifth anniversary of this site.  And they said it would never last! lol.  There have been many changes in the site over the years and new commenters coming and going over time.  Many of you have been here since the very beginning and for reasons unclear to me, continue to stick around for the wild ride on a rollercoaster through crazytown that is me. I really appreciate all of your support both old and new.

When I first began there were some sites out there that I did NOT want to be like. I had a different vision for this site. I wanted the comments on my posts to be, for the most part ON TOPIC.  This does not mean that you cannot share your similar experiences that relate to the topic we are discussing. That is actually the best part of the comments. Sharing similar situations that are related in some way to the topic. For example, in a post about the RHOBH or Melbourne going to Dubai, I love hearing about the time you went to Dubai.  Not so pleasing comments are off topic comments. Often the commenter will say, “This is off topic but….” I’m going to do it anyway.   Or “I know this is a post about your hot tea on RHOA but when are your going to recap Teen Mom OG again?”  (Answer: when and if I can, things are hectic at the moment.)

Eventually, we all got to know each other through this site. We wonder how a commenter’s kid is doing their first week of college. How someone’s dog is feeling.  How the new job is going? How people are coping with being blindsided with divorce (which has been happening heartbreakingly often lately!) .  In short, we care what is going on in each other’s lives. That was why “Daily Tea” was invented.  These posts are the appropriate place for such conversations. I try to post at least one each week, usually on the weekend when I have more time to do so.  When the Daily Tea post falls off the first page, we are still in there talking.

mikenothappycamper

I searched my site for happy pics and this came up and made me laugh

 

So please, consider this a gentle reminder and not an admonition, do not drop your personal updates into other posts. Not only does it disrupt the post, but not everyone is going to be looking in every post for an update on your life.  Also, the posts on this site regarding TV shows have been very heavy. I try to put in comic relief posts periodically. A funny video or hilarious photo.  There are people here who are trying to avoid the heavy stuff because they have enough of it to deal with in real life. It is unfair to those readers for someone to drop a tragic personal situation into the “happy place” posts and bringing down the mood of those posts.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY CLICK THIS LINK

So, if you all could, please BOOKMARK THIS LINK.  It will take you to the Daily Tea posts. The most current one will be right on top for you. If your entire community is dying off due to the Zika virus? This is your spot. If you got a promotion from work? Let us know here. If it is four am and you are looking for someone to chat with? Comment there and see who is awake. It’s an open forum for anything you would like to share with us.

But please, please, don’t drag your daily life events into comments.  Oh and if I could ask one more thing. If you see something so gross and disgusting that you want to bleach it from your mind, don’t fuck up an entire comment sections so that I am no longer willing to read and moderate it by discussing said act. I have a weak stomach.

Please, don’t fill the comments with apologies or hurt feeling about this reminder. No one is angry. It’s merely a housekeeping reminder long overdue and not caused by any one comment or poster.

Thanks.

~tt

95 Comments

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95 responses to “Daily Tea: (Open Forum) In Case of Emergency Click This Link!

  1. therealdeb

    In the last year i have lost both parents and you were so amazing, you didn’t want to upset me with Vicki’s mom passing on oc and that was so very thoughtful of you. Whether we agree on everything you post, or your opinions on all the shows we know you treat every last one of us as a sort of fun dysfunctional family. Thank you for that. I read this place multiple times a day, don’t always comment but in a strange internet way i think of the regulars as friends… My baby boy, first born is a senior in high school this year and it is killing me! I so wish my dad could see him now, he was ever so proud of him and all he has done. My son was diagnosed bi-polar last year and it has been a struggle but he is doing pretty good now. My daughter is almost 13, hates girl drama and would rather hang with the boys, I am cool with that because she sees the housewives and shakes her head. Says she knows girls don’t change! love my girl to pieces. have an awesome day all

    • Jrleaguer

      @therealdeb, So truly sorry about your parents. May their memory always be a blessing. When my guys were seniors, I just kept repeating the phrase, “Roots and Wings”…..hang in there.

      • therealdeb

        Thank you, really, I am actually doing better than I had thought I would. My sister has gone off the deep end but I am ok. Besides my husband and kids she is all I have left as our step family has cut all ties and I worry so about her. I keep telling myself that I am my fathers daughter and I got this shit, it helps.

    • @therealdeb so sorry to hear about your parents. My youngest daughter a junior in HS has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety….it is so SO hard as a parent to want to help but not know what to do! After finding the right therapist (we went through a few) and the right meds (we tried a few of those too) I think we are on the right path :)

      • I can just tell from your post that you are a loving and concerned parent – that’s so important for a kid suffering with depression. Unfortunately, mine were frightened and ran away..it made it very hard. My son is showing the signs of the same illness at 12.

        It’s a lonely dark tunnel when you’re in it but there’s a light at the end – it’s just hard not knowing when it’s going to get better. Having parents there to support her is such a blessing. I’m sure it’s very stressful for you-nobody ever looks at their baby and dreams that they’ll be suffering with this illness. Hang in there. She’s very fortunate she has you. I’ll be thinking of you.

    • Miguel

      I’ve always enjoyed you, therealdeb!!! Congrats on all your family achievements; especially, raising what sounds like a well-adjusted, modern family! And, trust every time you recall your dad, he sees your son – you are a part of him, as your son is of you & so on… and, vice versa. Have a great weekend :)

  2. Drankge

    Hi Tamara! I really love your blog. It’s the only showbizz-related blog that I read and I check it at least 2 times a day. I’m from The Netherlands and everything is fine over here. Actually it’s extremely warm for september, but I like it! I have a question: Last year you did a “Ask Tamara”-post in which your readers/commentors/fans could ask you all sorts of questions. I really liked reading every comment, question and answer in that post. Will you be doing that again one day?

  3. Lovie

    It’s been a really rough few months at our home, too. I’d gotten away from television and the Internet because we’ve just been trying to cope. The other day I randomly thought…Tamara Tattles! I’m not caught up on any of these shows, but I’ve totally enjoyed reading through the recaps. Thanks for providing a lovely community, TT.

  4. mzjulesaz

    Thank you for the link, much easier!

    PS Happy almost 5 year anniversary :)

  5. Cat

    My sister is driving up on Monday, so I will be offline for the next week.

    I’m actually looking forward to seeing her this time. I realized the anxiety I felt was my own doing. So, I slapped myself a couple of times, and said “STOP!”

    The worst part of the visit will be cooking. She wants ME to cook. What is she thinking? Hopefully, we will survive the week without any food poisoning. :)

    I just hope I have enough money to cover everything she wants to do. I’m tired of her paying all the time.

    • Cherry Bomb

      Hey Cat….I’m going to miss your thoughts during your hiatus however I’m truly happy you are going to have some sister time. My favorite sister passed away two years ago from cancer and even though I have one sister (the evil one… Lol ) I still would give up everything for one more day with my favorite sis. Enjoy your time and don’t stress over the cooking … Make simple meals and have fun… And if you need a break just come back here.

      • Cat

        Thanks. Yes, although she still treats me like I’m 9 years old, I’m finding that these visits are more and more special as time goes on. She is 75. I am 61. We are both having health issues. So…time is running out. We have to appreciate each other while we still have time.

      • Cat, have a great time with your sister! You sound very excited to see her and I am sure you’ll have a great week together. If you have a BBQ, grill them or make hamburgers on the grill. They are both pretty inexpensive and always taste good! Enjoy!!

      • Cat

        I am very happy.

        I went to the store with a long list and only $38. Lo and behold, EVERYTHING on my list was on sale. I was able to fill my cart with everything on the list, PLUS a few goodies not on the list.

        All good stuff: Nutritious, unprocessed, and local.

        I now have enough to feed both of us for the week, plus food for myself until the end of the month.

        My total bill: $38. :)

        It makes me think of the bible story of the loaves and fishes. :)

        Someone is looking out for me. And, I am grateful. <3

    • Jill

      Ooo, so what are you cooking? Always like to hear about other people’s fave dishes to eat or make!

      My sister is one of my best friends too and we spend a lot of time discussing what we’re cooking for the week ahead or for holidays and such. So enjoy!! It’s hard to want to cook for just yourself or just a spouse or a small family.

      I also have a couple sisters I have a “barely speaking” relationship with. Sometimes you just have to cherish the people who love you & wanna spend time with you & too bad with the rest. Their loss. So I love hard on those who put the effort in. All relationships are work I guess, right? Have a good week!

      • Cat

        I’ve decided to make chili and cornbread. Temps are cooling down here,( YAY Fall!) And it sounds like she’s going to be rather early (around noon). So, I want to have something homey and ready.

        I’ll cook it in the crock pot. That way, I can keep plans loose. She likes to plan events. I’m more spontaneous. So, if she insists on going out, we can have the chili for later. I’ll buy hot dogs and buns, too, in case she would rather have chili dogs.

        If we never eat the chili, that’s ok, too. I’ll just divide it up into my mason jars, and have it for the rest of the month.

        I’m really limited on money. So I can’t make anything fancy. And I’m not much of a cook. I live alone, so usually fix quick meals, sandwiches, salads, smoothies, etc. Unless I use the crock pot. I also have a sensitive stomach from chemo, so I have to watch out for fancy sauces and heavy meals. My sister loves the all you can eat places. I don’t. I can barely eat one plateful. But I will go, anyway.

        Just going to play it by ear. And let her call the shots.

    • Miguel

      Safe travels & happy visit with your sis, Cat!!!

      • Cat

        Thanks, Miguel! We are transferring title of the car, and registering it here. My sister…..she is giving me this car, free and clear. She is so generous.

        We have to go to something like 3 different places in town to get this all done. And none of these places are close together. So, I WILL be travelling…into the city. EEK! Out of my comfort zone!!!

        Once that is over with, I can relax and enjoy the rest of the week. Title, inspection and registration are less than I expected…so I will have enough money left over to play with.

        That is such a relief. I was worried about her paying for everything.

      • Miguel

        Everything you’ve planned & the unplanned will be fantastic, Cat – once the drive is done & even then, with your spontaneity, savour the week!!!

  6. WhyOWhy

    I ♥ you, TT! This is such a great forum for everything… from TV shows to personal things, I love coming here to learns about you all and to stay updated on everyone’s lives.

    Happy 5th Anniversary (soon)!

  7. Jrleaguer

    Thank you for doing all that you do and again, I apologize for my post yesterday. I hope that did see my first apology….and yes, the whiney, bitchy did provide a most welcomed distraction last night.

  8. Dandy Lion

    Hi all,
    I normally am very reserved and don’t share much. It’s just who I am. But I wanted to express my gratitude for this site. It brings me a much needed escape from daily life, connects me to great people and makes me smile.

  9. Margaret Shepard

    I am pretty new here but I really enjoy this site. It really is unique and the first one I go to. So happy anniversary and many more!!

  10. spk

    Well duh, it’s all because of you and your filthy potty mouth that we return like lemmings 😉 That and the north vs south fun that always rears it’s head is good for a giggle.

  11. MamaZ

    I’m from Minnesota. A boy who has been missing for 27 years was found today. His name was Jacob Wetterling. All due to a plea agreement with a sick monster. It changed all our lives here forever. I was 13 at the time and now I have a child just one year younger than Jacob when he was abducted. Life can be short. Appreciate and love who you have!?

    • I am also in Minnesota. The Jacob Wetterling story has been part of the lives of all Minnesotans. I hope his family can find some peace and closure in all of this.

      • MinnesotaFamily5

        I am MINNESOTA too.
        The details of Jacob’s last hours were horrifying. I wish I could unheard them because my heart is broke. I have three boys and I’m not far from where it happened. That sick bastard will hopefully get what he deserves in prison.

  12. Rose

    I lurked without commenting for about a year and a half before getting up the nerve to comment. I was scared but thrilled when I got my first and only TT smack down to reread the commenting rules! That made me feel part of the club. I don’t often have time to read the comments but just love your snarky and witty recaps and the escapism. Happy soon to be 5th anniversary TT…. and many more!

  13. Mamacita

    Tamara.. congrats on your milestone! I appreciate all your work keeping us informed. Your wit and commentary are really just some of the things that make your blog so good. Also a shout out to fellow commenters. You all encourage me and make me laugh. Thanks for sharing your lives. Love to you Tamara and fellow readers.

  14. Mamacita

    Tamara.. congrats on your milestone! I appreciate all your work keeping us informed. Your wit and commentary are really just some of the things that make your blog so good. Fellow readers you all encourage me and make me laugh. Thanks for sharing your lives. Love to you Tamara and fellow readers.

  15. JoJoFLL

    Congrats TT! Nothing to add except that the hubs went out of town for two days and I lived in my Christmas pajamas, ate crap food, slept a zillion hours, and watched bad tv.

    My cats and I rule!

  16. Calipatti

    Hello all, glad to read that most of you are doing well.
    Enjoying my first Grandchild, what a hoot.
    As aging comes on stronger each year I have to decide to accept life as it is or do I do a drastic life change?
    Scary to sell a home and move thousands of miles away to where I am a stranger to all.
    Hope each of you enjoy your journeys.

    • tamaratattles

      Welcome back, CaliP! Stop being a stranger to us! I’m going through something similar and I’m excited about finding a new place where I don’t know anyone. :)

      • rainidaze

        TT, you’ve expressed a desire to leave your present neighborhood and find more peace, quiet, and better neighbors in the past; I’m happy to know you’re putting a plan into action. When you’re ready and if comfortable doing so, please spill some of the tea about where you might be headed, etc – so we can all celebrate with you and cheer you on. I’m excited just thinking about you looking for a new place to settle and be happy.

    • SJ

      Calipatt. I just did the moving thing last year and I’m still working through finding out where I fit in the new surroundings. My health is so much better being out of the mid west cold and I’m really enjoying the Georgia sun, especially during winter. Finding new doctors brought a better way of dealing with health issues and I just love the southern way of life. The best thing I did though was to get use trying to post on this site more. TT, you do so much good for my mental health issues and you are very good at getting me to think in kinder ways. Thank you TT and Good luck Calipatt. Change is good!

    • Matzah60

      @Calipatti, I have not seen you here for a while and I am glad to hear you are well. Congrats on your new grandchild. Such wonderful news.
      As the saying goes, the only constant in life is change. Moving is a bit scary, but it is also exciting. Sometimes we leave a job or get laid off and start working somewhere new. We find the new job is a place where we have more support, less drama and we wonder why we didn’t leave that other job years ago. When we change jobs or move from our home, we start with a clean slate. We find friendships with people with common interests who are unaware of our history or past. We start anew. I think this sounds like a great adventure and I hope the move rejuvenates your life! I wish you nothing less than the best experience.

      • Calipatti

        Thank You TT, Congratulations on your site anniversary🎉🎈
        I lost those extra pounds, medical check up, walking my 10,000 steps, began reading again, given respect from my Grandchilds Mom, yet depression snuck back in.
        I took time off to deal with it.

        SJ & Matzah60, thank you both. You both actually have a better way, a different way of looking at my life move. Appreciate the comments!

      • tamaratattles

        I’m so glad you are back, Cali but sorry to hear the reason for your time away. My little shack is finally regaining some of it’s lost value and I’d love to cash out and move. I think a lot of my hormonal stuff has been exacerbated by the fact that I was raised a nomad and will always be a nomad and I have been in the same place ALMOST TEN YEARS. I just kind of got stuck here with a job with a pension and the very low monthly expenses. It’s just been easier to sit here than move on to the next exciting location. I have no idea where I will go next, but I am starting to look around. The primary feature in the new location is to move at least closer to the ocean. I probably can’t get right on it, because of Banjo (condos don’t work for us, we need a yard for him to pee in and me to plant in) but hopefully close enough to drive over for a few hours without needing to stay overnight. I’m planning on about a year from now. But open to sooner or later. I’d also like to move somewhere that I can afford health care. Because I am getting old and all those years of partying and crappy nutrition are creeping up on me. :) Time for a brand new set for the next phase of my life.

  17. Jill

    Can I just say how delicious that tea pic looks? Thanks, TT for the pic, the link for bookmarking and congrats on the anniversary! Big milestone! You should be proud! You really have quite the following but you don’t need me to tell you that.

  18. Tara

    I love TT and all you TT’ers! Thank you for giving us a place to laugh, cry and debate over crazy reality shows. The shows give us an escape from our own stress.
    With that said….
    I know there are many here who are parents, teachers, aunts, uncles etc. Here is my question- when do boys start thinking about sex? My son, 10 yo 5th grade – has recently been introduced to words such as sex, porn, pussy, and other terms. This was at the end of last week. Tuesday he asked a 5th girl “show me yours, I will show you mine”. OMG!!! I thought he still believed in Santa! WTF! I have ever type of block on his IPad, but he was able to look the terms up. I spoke with his principal and guidance counselor, both said this was normal. It is normal for a 10 yo child to know about sex?? This all started from a movie trailer, “Storks”. He wanted to know where babies came from so he asked a buddy at school, who is in the 4th grade. His principal, who adores my son, told me that it is best if he has correct information about sex. I am not ready for this. I am making out emails from his elf concerning our holiday scavenger hunt at the library.

    • tamaratattles

      As a former elementary school teacher I can assure you he was introduced to most of those words if not all in first grade.

      First of all, you might want to take a stroll down the fifth grade hallway. Take a look at the girls. How long has it been since you have seen a fifth grade girl. It’s nothing like when you were in fifth grade. You need to find male to talk to him. He is going to have to have all the proper info to fend off the promiscuous girls. And if he is making sexual advances at school a few sessions with a male therapist might be worthwhile. He will be able to talk about what is going on much easier with him.

      • Tara

        Last nigh his dad and I sat down and had a talk with him. Which was very nice because my x husband can be a bitter man.
        I never want my son to feel that sex is bad and or unnatural. We went over the proper terms. When he asked the girl to show him hers, he said “May I see your Virginia?” I was so devastated I couldn’t even laugh but today it is a little comical. He is with his father this weekend, thank goodness! I so need a break.
        Thank you for everything!

    • anna

      Tara, Tara Tara . … I have 2 sons, 21 & 15. Yessssssss it’s normal being curious about sex at 10. What I did,was ” have the talk” at a very young age with both. And I mean, the TALK. I used real words, terms, & circumstances . I never experienced either one asking a girl to ” show me”, but my advice would just be to sit him down & just be honest & tell him that’s a no~no. You’d be surprised how much more informed they are ( or at least want to be) than we were. Open communication is the key. I remember my cousin , who is gay brought her then fiance ( now wife) to a family gathering when my oldest was 6, when we got home he was full of questions , & I answered each & everyone . The next day his teacher called me in & said , I admire the fact that you’ve taught your son the meaning of being gay & how it’s normal, & that’s how people are born…etc. but please tell him not to discuss it with other students . Apparently he had asked another student if he was born gay cause he wasn’t & he likes girls. So my point is, WE MUST have open communication with our children , but with a side note of not sharing to much info with fellow students .
      I’m sorry I rambled on, this topic just hit home.

      • Calipatti

        Yes, talk to your boys while they are young, army middle school. I started early and kept it simple. I became detailed as they aged about why some young girls start young (not their choice) & not to abuse those girls. About AIDS/HIV, pregnancy, (lifetime commitment) and how sex was great but not a competition.
        Their 1st question was what is a BJ and I almost lost it. -4th grade-
        Those little shits thought they were being cute. I took a deep breath, kept the smile off my face and proceeded to tell them in depth. (Pun intended)
        Way more info than they wanted, little brats got embarrassed.
        I never stopped talking about sex.

        My oldest and I compared notes according to age, what he and his best friend were up to. My three sons and I still can talk sex except we don’t want to know details.
        Never had unwanted pregnancy.

        I did not put the gay talk with sex talk, for me they are different subjects.

  19. LightinDarkness

    Thank you TT for all that you do. Bless you.

  20. TT are you going to watch Finding Prince Charming on Logo (and VH1)? It’s the gay version of the bachelor and YAY for equal rights because it’s just as cheesey & ratchet & trashy as straight dating shows. The first episode aired tonight.

  21. Coco

    Tamara, thank you for all you do for us! I know I appreciate you and your readers so much. Thank you all for your peri-menopause advice, crop and harvest tips, children advice, great recipes and everything else everyone has going on. If we all got together in one room, we could rule the world!

  22. blooshter

    All if you haven’t see it and if it is available in the US (if not u can find it online ahem) I recommend Poldark, season 2 has just started here in UK and it has some lovely eye candy in terms of location and Poldark himself, just the thing for cosy autumn nights

  23. Jackie

    I have been reading your blog for several years and have never commented. Now I am. Thanks for all the daily tea and sharing it with others. Yours is the first site I try to visit everyday. Something about your blog today made me want to send my first comment. Thanks for all you do and the time, energy and humor you put into every blog.

  24. Matzah60

    Tamara, thank you for all you wild, witty, and hysterical posts. You are a master of the English language and have turned your amazing writing into a full-time vocation that provides me a haven of happiness when my own life is spiraling out of control. Congratulations on your fifth anniversary of your blog. You have succeeded at putting up a blog that is unique, insightful, and brings much joy to me and your many followers.

    Tamara Tattles is my happy place and I love connecting with all my friends on this site. I know I’ve never met you in person, but I love reading all your comments as much as I enjoy Tamara’s wonderful posts. The banter is great and I appreciate some of the wonderful, kind responses when I post. I tear up when I read about your sadness because I often can relate to your pain.

    To @therealdeb, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. I think no matter how old we get or how old our parents get, it is still heartbreaking when a parent dies. Even at 63, I often feel alone wishing I could call my mom on the phone and ger take on my dilemmas. My father passed away when I was 9, but I still see his warm eyes when I look at my oldest son and his protectiveness in my younger son. He always lives on in my heart and the many pictures I look at often from days gone by. I don’t think we know our own strength until we meet adversity. There is an Eskimo quote that gives me peace.
    “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” From strength to strength, each generation passes on a legacy to their children which you too have passed on your own children. 🌜🌟☄

  25. I really don’t think I can face another weekend all alone. Does anyone else dread the weekends?

    • Coco

      Justanothermary, do you like to volunteer? Perhaps there are people that really need your company so you won’t be alone. Please share yourself. You’d be surprised how good you will feel…

      • Cherry Bomb

        Coco that’s a fabulous idea…. So NOT justanothermary… If you like gardening maybe there’s a community garden that gives to the needy that you can work with or if you like knitting or crocheting there might be a group that knits for homeless or soldiers / troops. My sister makes quilts for veterans for quilts of valor and makes some for people grieving or going through illnesses. Hospitals have people that visit patients …. Some even have volunteers that hold premies that need to be in the hospital and the parents can not be there 24 / 7. There are animal shelters and food pantries…. Those are just some ideas. What do you enjoy doing or what have you always wanted to try and haven’t for whatever reasons…. Or if you just want to express yourself just write away. Try to enjoy tomorrow and know you are not alone. Tomorrow and Sunday are HUGE for me (and not in a Donald Trump way ) FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL !!!! Cougars, Texans Aggies and Sooners …. Baseball…Astros !!! Just so excited.

    • tamaratattles

      Mary, I’d like to see you have a date night. And each week you are your date. I have a feeling you are one of those people who feels weird doing things by yourself. When I am not isolating, I like to take myself out on a date. There is a restaurant near my movie theater that I like and sometimes i go there but it’s pricey these days to go to the movies so if I make it to see a matinee of Sully this weekend, my dinner will be movie popcorn and a soft drink. Which will be a scandolous deviation from my healthy eating. lol

      You need to go somewhere every weekend and do something. Drive over to an antique store in the next town. Stop for an ice cream cone sit and watch the people go by . Throw out all your undergarments and go buy all new ones. Go for a hike. Stop in a department store and have them give you a makeover at the makeup counter. (leave your credit card in the glove box for that one. :) Take yourself to Sunday brunch and bring a good book or the Sunday paper. Go to one of those cheap chain hair places and get a shampoo and blow dry. Go buy a new shirt. Or a new fall sweater. Go to a farmers market. Buy a sunflower plant and plant it outside your kitchen window. My Whwhole foods had them for $5 today. Go t oa museum. The zoo. To a tourist place near you. Spend a night at a bed and breakfast. Check out some garage sales. Pretend you are house hunting and go to some open houses. Browse a bookstore. Buy some sage and cleanse the aura of your house of past emotions. Paint your bedroom a new color. Go rescue a puppy.

      You can’t just sit ther and wait to feel better.

      Volunteering is great down the road. But I’d rather see you navigating the world on your own a bit and doing fun things. I know you probably think those things might be scary or no fun to do alone. But I think you will be surprised.

      When I first started going to the movies by myself, I loved the feeling that no one knew where I was right now but me. It was kind a of a delicious secret. And it will also give you some things to talk to other people about. You need some activities to talk to those grandkids about next time you see them.

      • Cat

        I agree. One of the best times I’ve ever had was celebrating my birthday…by myself. I could do whatever I wanted. I could change my plans on a whim. And I didn’t have to worry about whether or not someone else was entertained.

        I went shopping, to the movies, and out to eat. When I got home, I had birthday cake.

        It was fabulous.

      • I’m feeling inspired – thanks. There’s a local festival going on in the next town over “Defeat of Jesse James Days”. Apparently Jesse and his gang were captured in Northfield, Minnesota, who knew? I’ve never been and I am going. I’ve got some money in my jeans and my comfortable shoes on so I’ll let you know how it goes.

      • Cat

        That sounds like fun! Have a great time!

      • tamaratattles

        I am so excited to hear this. Living well is the best revenge. Always be prepared to run into people. Especially “him.” Practice your “I couldn’t be happier” face. Have a prepared statement and reaction for running into “him.” Something like ” Oh hi! So nice to see you out having fun! Isn’t this just the best? Have fun! (big smile) quick exit.
        In the event that he is with someone say “oh hi! You must be Carol! (make up any name and hope it is not her real one. ) I’m Mary, great to meet you. Gotta run. Have a great day!

        You might have noticed here that nothing pisses people off more than someone else being happier than they are. :)

      • Dee

        Mary I hope you have a great time!! Enjoy every moment!

      • Katherine 2.0

        Wonderful advice, generous and inspired. Mary, there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Enjoy your weekend – and yourself!

      • I went to the festival. I ate all the foods that he hated and I loved, so we never had. I ran into a lot of people I hadn’t seen in months and drank a beer. I didn’t realize most people had no idea what was going on with me but how strange is that? Why would they know? I smiled and said all was good and didn’t speak to anyone for very long. For some reason I cried when I got home and I’m exhausted, but I survived. I think I’m just going to take a nap and plan my next outing. There are great farmer’s markets around here this time of year. I’m going to start looking for a 2nd job too. I’m ok financially but it will force me to get out of the house and maybe I’ll meet some people who never knew me when I was part of a family.

      • Coco

        Justanothermary, I am so proud of you. Reading your story made me cry. I’m so glad you had a good time. Please remember you are your best company. Go out there and live!

      • tamaratattles

        I just got in Mary and came straight here for your report. I am so proud of you! I was thinking with you in TJMaxx today hoping you were having a good time. It sounds like your trip went perfectly.

        Crying when you get home if fine and normal. It took tremendous courage to do what you did today. The shopping center I went to had TJMaxx, Marshall’s The Dollar Store, Ross and World Market and back when I did a lot more shopping, I would hit them all. I was literally forcing myself just to “complete the mission by the time I got to Ross and World Market where I bought nothing. and exited quickly as I was looking for t-shirts in Ross and found none, and drinking glasses at World Market and realize they stopped selling the good stuff long ago which I remembered once inside discovering the last time I was there, probably over a year or perhaps two ago. I spent over 2 hours in TJMaxx, Marshalls and the Dollar Store, it was very crowded but I still did a full sweep of all three stores. I am not so exhausted I can barely move, and if I had the energy for a good cry, it probably wouldn’t hurt. :)

        I did not find a single plain tee shirt. Not even one I didn’t like. As Tim Gunn said recently, it’s nearly impossible to find fat girl clothes that don’t have ruching or some giant floral thing, or bizarre seams. I did buy some good shampoo and conditioner, TJ is great for that. and the only place I spent money was at the Dollar Store. I went over my $20 dollar budget there by five bucks but they had a lot of things I needed like kitchen scrubbers and clips I use to keep the trashbag on the trashcan, and snack/sandwich bags that I use way too many of and ankle and knee support thingies, because old and JuJuBees and Mild Duds in case I make it to a movie in the next few days.

        So I am exhausted and proud of myself. And your report made me happy right up until that last sentence. You are still part of a family. You are just not part of a marriage. I remember thinking as I watched wives with complaining husband’s asking how much longer, and how much are your spending on that… I can’t wait for Mary to experience shopping and exploring without having to go at someone else’s pace.

        It sounds like you did just that. I’m glad you got to eat the food you like and have a beer. I told you there were silver linings to your situation. And it only gets better.

      • Thank you so much TT – it makes a big difference that you care and I appreciate all the good advice. I go to JC Penny for plain fat girl t-shirts, they’re on sale this time of year. I think I’m going to hit up a farmer’s market tomorrow and get green peppers. I love them -he hated them!

      • tamaratattles

        Perfect plan! See? weekends are fun!

      • Cat

        Great job, Mary!

        TT has already said what I wanted to say, so I won’t repeat. Just keep on being YOU.

        Another saying is: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

        And: “Practice makes perfect.”

        And finally: “Time heals all wounds.”

        It really does. You just have to find yourself again. And be the best YOU that you can be.

  26. T D

    Shame on NJ, no legal ground for bias intimidation? Tears?

  27. ok…so here goes..it is fairly late..and …I just wanted to share….I don’t garden..and I am happy in my relationship…and here it is…with the millions..of dollars that all the RH…have..this..is what they do with their downtime…RH shows..it has always bugged me that the creation.. of RH (andy) must hate women..to the hightest degree…look what he allows RHNY to turn into..a crew of shrews…comparing dick sizes…and on RHOC…hard working women…assertive and confident women..allow themselves to be duped by Vicki and Brooks….all that money..all that access to helping people with less…and this is what the women do…I have failed…I have recovered from failure..and a number of years ago..I stumble onto RHONY…and i wonder..wth…wow..then I start telling my buds..and we do RHONJ bar-b-ques…to watch and laugh at these entitled women..screw up their lives…then we start watching..and we are hooked!! and as the years go by….it becomes less important..that these women implode each episode…and don’t seem to appreciate their lives.

    I’ve noted this before..RHOC..is the RH with the least fundraising or mentioning any charity they support..until…meghan…I know I am grouping everyone into one lump…but holy smokes…these women are so bitter and angry…yet they have homes/family/friends/money…end of rant…sorry everyone.. but this is exactly how I feel right now,…

    • tamaratattles

      There are also a lot of poor people with very little who are very happy and giving. One of the infuriating things about the HWs of everywhere is when they travel to a foreign country where the standard of living is well below what they think is necessary and they meet all these happy people who don’t seem affected by the challenges in their daily lives.

      Your journey in life is to make your own happiness. Based on your observation happiness doesn’t seem to be related to homes/family/friends/money. So you need not compare your situation to theirs. Be present in your journey. You will have a lot less time to watch the miserable housewives and be frustrated by what seems to be rewarding bad behavior. And if you start thinking life isn’t fair ask yourself again if they seem happy to you. Your job is you. And things to make you happy.

      xo

      tt

      • Thanks TT…I’ve always had respect for people that have a public platform..to use it for good and to help people in need…so disappointing to see the platforms that the RH never choose..this isn’t something I think of all the time..just wanted to share..I know the RH or hollyweird for that matter…do not split atoms or cure cancer ( I am not being facetious) …but I did hope that one use of their D-level status would occur to them..that people and countries they visit are in desperate need…would have been nice to see at least one RH help..instead of bartering for products they could easily afford…sorry rant over…and thanks TT anc Cat

  28. PeachyKeen

    TT loved your comment about each of us need to be happy in our own journey.. Paraphrased..but true. My joy was installing a new shower head…Little things make a difference.

    As for RH’s giving back to others…think that more do than is filmed. In LA area think are more so than Ny or NJ.

  29. tamaratattles

    I really need to take my own advice. I think I will run over to TJMaxx. I am on the hunt for cheap solid neutral t-shirts made for women with a deep vee or scoop neck.

    I SHOULD recap RHOMelbourne or something first, but if I don’t go now, I won’t go. Wish me luck! I try not to spend over $10 on a tee and at TJ’s at this time a year, I’m hoping for five dollar ones. #Frugal.

    • SLM

      Did you find any good t shirts there, TT? I have THE WORST time finding t shirts. I never think they fit right. When I do happen to come upon any that DO fit correctly, I usually buy a dozen or more of the same, just in different colors. I REALLY need to lose some weight and I’m short waisted, to boot, so it’s a challenge with clothes for me. 😑 We’ve spent all summer without a kitchen, which has made me so anxious I’ve had hair loss. Back in May our dishwasher basically exploded and destroyed our kitchen. Insurance said they would cover a complete gut and renovation, but they’ve been giving us a hard time and taking forever, so it was gutted and dried out, but no rebuild started until this week. Then I found out today that the insurance company never paid the bill to the disaster clean up company, which was supposed to be covered a hundred percent, and now the company is trying to send us the invoice to pay. I spent half the day on the phone trying to get any info on it from the customer service line of the insurance company and got nowhere. I’ve just been really stressed about it. Thanks for listening to me vent.

      • UGH – dealing with insurance companies can be the worst. I feel your pain, we went through an issue with our water heater blowing out the basement a couple years ago. At least it wasn’t something as important as a kitchen – I would go nuts without mine. I hope you get the answers you need very soon.

      • SLM, that is exactly what held up my repairs after this storm called Derecho hit NJ. The adjuster from the insurance company sent a company to my house the next day. Two trees had fallen on the house and literally punctured the roof. They brought these huge fans and came daily to measure the humidity in the house. They had to pull down the ceiling and Sheetrock in the room.

        The insurance companies now have these call centers. You never speak to the same person each time. They told me as well that it was covered 100%. I think the adjuster got the money. They told me I wouldn’t get a check until I paid the disaster team. I paid it because my house wasn’t livable, but I went on to the State of NJ homepage and filed a complaint with the Dept of Banking and Insurance. In two weeks, my insurance carrier called to tell me I was getting a reimbursement for 4 grand and that I wasn’t supposed to pay the disaster team. They got caught and I got email correspondence from the state saying how much the insurance co. owed me.

        By the way, you can probably fill out the complaint online and upload pictures of the bills in question along with any pictures you took the day the damage occurred. You can also look online for your own adjusters. They take a percentage of what you get, but they bump up the bill to ensure you get all the money you need for the job. You never pay them a cent, per se. It is deducted from your payment from the insurance co, before they send a check to you. You won’t have to deal with the insurance company and waste hours on the phone.

        You will get nowhere on your own with the insurance co. The whole industry is corrupt IMO, especially after a natural disaster which happened in my case.

        I wish you much luck and hope the kitchen project is a huge success!

      • SLM

        Thanks SO MUCH for the advice and sympathy on this insurance issue Matzoh. I’ve actually been losing hair over the anxiety of it for the last three months, and then stress eating and gaining weight I don’t need! Add to that, I’ve been trying to cook for our family of 7 on a plug in double burner and a toaster oven set up in our living room. I know what you mean about insurance – I call their claims number and can’t talk to the same person, EVER. Plus, our dishwasher explosion happened right around the time of a natural disaster, so our homeowners’ told us they had NO ADJUSTERS available to oversee our claim and had to assign our ASSESSOR as stand in….but, of course, he’s out in the field all the time, never answers my calls, or when he does pick up, he says he’s busy on another claim, can’t talk and doesn’t call back. It’s d maddening. And that’s exactly what happened to us, too – insurance sent a disaster team to clear up the immediate flood and damage for weeks, to the tune of several thousand dollars, and said this service was covered a hundred percent in our policy and they would be paying them direct. Only I found out the disaster clean up was never paid and now they are hounding me. I’m going to look into what you said about filing a complaint with our state if I don’t hear back from an insurance rep this week. In the meantime, though, I’m NOT paying this disaster service bill.

      • SLM

        Sorry about the above typo on your name, Matzah ^

  30. Sliceo'pie

    I have felt like a YoYo all week – still in shock and blindsided by my husband’s demand for a divorce last Wednesday. He wants to move things along VERY quickly – my family is also urging me to do the same. It’s been 11 days since he left and I’ve seen a lawyer -I found out what I thought to be true, my pre-up entitles me to very little and he receives so much it’s breath-taking. {For reasons to complicated to go into, the pre-nup can’t be contested.}
    I received bad advice but I was in love and I trusted people. I can’t go back in time so I’m trying hard not to walk around kicking myself and saying how stupid I am – it won’t help me or my son.

    He’s willing to give me more than I’m “entitled to” in order to move it along quickly and find a a small place for my son and I to live. {which means he’s giving me back some of my own hard earned money-lol}

    I found out he’s been lying for some time-I just feel raw. I see him when he gets my son -Grrrrrr.

    I live with depression/anxiety issues that have gotten a little better in the past few years but my go to is to isolate in my bedroom. I can’t do this – I must push myself. I keep telling myself that this is the darkest part of the journey and I will move on and this will make me stronger. I’m just so sad for my 12 year old son-he’s my great love — in my heart i know this will be a long scary road for him.

    I’m sorry for all the emotion – I’m surrounded by very pragmatic people who don’t have time for emotions, “He doesn’t want you – so move on- you’ll be fine!!” “You’re only 53 and still attractive-you’ll meet someone” accompanied by pat on the hand. People mean well.

    I appreciate being able to write this and I’m sorry it’s so long. I appreciate the messages of support and kindness that people have sent – its truly meant the world to me.

    • SLM

      I’m so sorry, Sliceo’pie. I wish I was there to offer you hug, a shoulder to cry on, a big glass of wine or a mug of tea. I know it wouldn’t make anything better, and you’ve been handed the rawest of deals. Just know that I’m hoping with all my heart out here in cyberspace that everything turns around for you very, very soon and better days are just around the corner for you.

      • Sorry that you are going thru this, Sliceo’pie. I have been thru something similar and its all very traumatic and exhausting. Fight for what you can. Don’t do anything just too make if fast for him, unless its good for you. Some states have pre-alimony, which can be granted and its for a higher amount than alimony is, to help cover legal and getting re-adjusted. You should at least be getting child support and alimony granted, right?
        Take care of you. I never thought I would get thru it, looking back now, I wished I would have done it earlier because my life is much improved, mentally.
        Big hugs and if I can help in anyway let me know.

    • Cat

      So sorry, Slice, I don’t have any clue as to advice on the legal issues.

      All I can do is offer the support of friendship. I believe TT gave you my email address. Feel free to rant any time. I’m not much of one for conversation. But I’ve been told I’m a great listener.

      I have been there. I was blindsided, too. My ex announced his plans about 2 weeks before Christmas. That was in 1992. I thought my life was over. Now, I can’t imagine why I stayed for so long. It took me about 6 months to feel comfortable again. And a couple of years to stop doubting myself. After 6 months, he wanted me back. It was very gratifying to tell him he blew his chance. And to tell him to buzz off.

      By the way, this is a great place to express yourself. I think we have all done so at one time or another.

      Hang in there. Divorce is very much like a death. You have to grieve in your own time. What I mean is, there is no strict timeline. Take the emotional healing at your own pace.

      Time does heal all wounds.

    • tamaratattles

      Slice, this is the place to let it all out with no apologies. There are a lot of people here who have been in your position.

      I might suggest going to one more lawyer for a second opinion, I’ve seen people get out of pre-nups before.

      I find it very interesting he is in a hurry, for those reasons I’d drag my feet, the longer it goes the more he will offer.

      That said, I’m not a lawyer, I’ve never gone through a divorce, and you might rather leave quickly with less. But this is something you have to decide. You are not obligated to operate on his schedule. Sounds like he wants to return to the house, and that’s his problem.

      What should not be delayed is asking for and immediate temporary child support and alimony order.

      And keep us updated. BOOK MARK THIS LINK that will take you to the most current Daily Tea and someone will always be around.

      Now get up, go wash your face, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together. DO NOT lay down and die and let this jackass walk all over you. You need to have your warrior mask on.

      xo

      ~tt

      • I just read TT’s post. TT is absolutely right. I think a second opinion is in order. I wouldn’t rush either. Basically, listen to everything Tamara wrote above. She is very wise and truly concerned. I believe she has offered better advice than I have. I wouldn’t do anything on his timetable. Tamara, you should have been a therapist. I wish I had someone around like you when I went through all of this. It’s so important to get help through the divorce from a psychologist, social worker, or counselor.

        Godspeed!

      • tamaratattles

        Matz, I just read your post below and thought it was excellent and heartfelt advice. It’s just so sad that so many people here have such great words of wisdom from experience. :(

    • Slice, It does seem we were/are in very similar situations, though I didn’t have a prenup. Since my ex hid so much money and because he was in practice with my sister’s husband, my brother in law, it was very difficult to get much out of the divorce. My sister tried to help me, but she was protecting her/her husband’s money as well which was still tied up in a practice. Like you, my ex’s income was and still is break taking. I ended up with 1/10th of his salary for five years. I could have gotten permanent alimony, but being tied to him for so many years was something I couldn’t mentally afford to do.

      I felt very raw like you. The first time i suffered depression and anxiety was when my first son was born in 1983. I now know I had postpartum depression, but at the time, that word wasn’t even out there. I was too embarrassed to approach anyone about it because I felt terrible for not feeling excited about his birth. It took a while, but I did get past that sinking feeling. By the time I got divorced, my ex had already detached himself from me and my two sons, one six and one 12. He was actually introducing my kids to his paramour on the weekends, introducing them to her son. She was a secretary in his office. I don’t know what they saw or what they thought. My oldest son who was 12 when my ex finally left the house turned on him. It wasn’t immediate, but he resented him and apparently was holding secrets that he didn’t want to about his father.

      Anyway, I crashed completely. Like you, when I am depressed and anxious, I flee to my bedroom and sleep. I hide in there, but I was working full time and with two kids, I still had to do carpool, get the kids to their activities and go back and forth to work. I did feel that my boys were what kept me afloat. If not for them, I think I would have fallen into a dark hole.

      I am sure you are beautiful inside and out, but even though people mean well, I think moving on takes time. I had to really push through a lot of crap to make myself get out of my room and get involved. I did the best I could, but didn’t even think about dating for three years. I don’t know why, but the thought of dating, having another person touch me all seemed repulsive to me. It took me several years. I also didn’t want to put my boys through any more turmoil.

      All that said, my way of handling it doesn’t mean you should handle it the same way. I did force myself to go to work. I am shocked I wasn’t fired, because I could hardly concentrate, but in about a year, I started enjoying going to work because it kept my mind focused and distracted from my problems. My ex came to my place to pick up the kids. I asked him not to come to the door, He would honk and the kids would go to the car. Part of the reason for that is that he punched me in the face a week before he left. He never hit me in the 20 years we were married, but he would eviscerate me with his words. Once he hit me, I wanted nothing further to do with him. I didn’t talk to him. I put in a separate landline for my boys so he could call them directly. That was before cell phones for the most part and at the time, kids didn’t have cell phones at that age.

      It initially feels like death. I went to a counselor because I don’t think I would have made it without help. There are many places with sliding scales or even free service. If not, find a group of women that are recently divorced who get together to talk about things. It may not sound enticing, but it gets you together with other women in your same situation and brings a new perspective. It also gets you out of the house. It is so important to vent here, but also to someone neutral. Your family is looking out for you. They are being pragmatic for your sake. I promise you they are concerned about you and they want you to move on and away from your husband. That is really good advice. A long drawn out divorce wears you down and erodes your mental health.

      You will come out the other side. That I can assure you. Generally change is good, but in this case, you were blindsided by a change you didn’t want or expect. Don’t beat yourself up or try and figure out what happened. It doesn’t matter. In most cases, the husband lies or has been lying for years while you were busy raising your son and taking care of the family. You were too busy to notice. He took advantage of that knowledge.

      Just focus on one day at a time. Finding a new home for you and your son, getting what is due to you and your son; those are the only important things you need to focus on now. I know I don’t know the situation with your prenup or why it can’t be contested, but if you are able, it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion. You have been married quite a long time and it seems worth it to find out if there is a way around it. Make sure that in the final divorce order that it is written that your husband will provide for his college education, expenses at school, a car to get back and forth to car, insurance for the car. Everything that is written in the final decree holds true every time you need to return to court in the future. Make sure he has health insurance and perhaps he can pay for two or three years of health insurance for you as well. I am sure he take it as an exemption at his business.

      I could write a book and this is already too long. If you want to email, let me know. If not, I certainly understand. I pushed a lot of people away who wanted to help. I regret that I did that. Time may not change what happened, but it changes your perspective on things and that is what helps you move forward and you will. That, I am sure.

      • Sliceo'pie

        Dear Matz – Please excuse the long delay in responding – for some reason, my computer kills this site and it crashes constantly – my son has promised to look into it for me. Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with me and to offer me suggestions. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I’m doing remarkably better-I reached out and asked a few women for help and I’m so grateful for their kindness. I survived alcoholism and a horrendous depression in my twenties – I don’t think I could ever get that low again. I”m trying to be positive, upped my therapy (thank God for insurance) and continue to attend my AA meetings (24 yrs sober in November!). I’m hurt and disappointed by my husband’s choices but I’m trying hard not to let myself get too angry. My son has asked only a few things of me – one of them being-Could his dad and I be friends. I can’t refuse him that after the mess we’ve created-I figure if I get too mad than it will be hard not to form resentments and get to a place where I can be friendly. Everything I do, I do for my boy. I was raised to behave and act in a certain way – not to fight in the mud and I want to maintain my dignity and not let this drag me down. At this point, I”m trying to get some of my money back -he’ll walk away with the lion’s share but I’ll have to, “Let that go”. and suck it up-I signed the documents.
        I’ve told myself I’m 52 – I don’t want to live the next 30 years bitter, resentful and angry -“it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. I’ve spent so much time thinking over the last 3 weeks, it’s a joy to come here and laugh and escape. Thank you again-I’m so touched by your openness and kindness.

    • Dee

      Sliceopie, I am so sorry. Something similar happened to Another Mary, she stayed in her home despite her husband’s wishes. I hope you can find good counsel. Don’t let anyone rush you. You are in shock, move as slow as you please . Everyone has good advice. Dee

    • Dee

      Your pragmatic People do mean well but your world has been turned upside down, he has had time to plan it, you just found out. You do things on your timetable, your son’s timetable. I’m so sorry, so hurt for you and your son. I could cry at the cruelness this man has dumped on you. Don’t let anyone rush you. I.wish I had words of wisdom. Dee

      • Matzah60

        Dee, that is a critical point you mentioned above. The one leaving, in this the husband has been planning and plotting his exit for some time. He has had the time to move money, hide cash, and so on. The ex husband knows how he wants to proceed, what he expects to keep and what if any he intends to leave for you and your son. His desire to move swiftly tells me he is ready to move out of state of move in with someone else. Make sure you are adequately compensated and your son is protected until he finishes college. In most states now, 18 is no longer the day of the end of child support. It is presumed that most children will and need to complete college in order to secure a job.

        Great points, Dee!

  31. Is anyone watching Queen Sugar? I have only seen a bit of it but it seems like it has potential.
    Wondering if its worth keeping on the DVR.
    Thanks!

  32. I do feel like this is an emergency. I spent the day yesterday with a dear friend who found out last week that he has cancer and is has spread to the point that there is nothing that can be done. They told him to get his affairs in order because the time he has left is more likely to be weeks than months. I am heart broken. He’s 47 years old and just married another very dear friend of mine 5 months ago. They were so happy. I made up a boat load of food to take to them then just sat and listened to them talk. I just realized I brought them a casserole, among other things. I guess I should give Vicki G a call.

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