Married At First Sight: For Better or Worse

 

MAFS header
Because I wanted to see Bachelor in Paradise and recap the three hour finale, I lost the first four minutes of Married At First Sight because BIP went until 9:03.  I chose the show I actually wanted to watch over this one that I also like and was rewarded with my first ever post with ZERO comments. Looks like no one wants to admit to watching BIP with me. :( Or perhaps y’all don’t share my love of Ashley I.  Whatevs.

Nick and Sonia

So I am starting with Nick talking to Dr. Pepper about the dog issue. Because Nick has a hard time picking up on nonverbal cues, and because Sonia is super needy yet has trouble expressing her feelings clearly, Nick has no idea if Sonia is afraid of dogs or just doesn’t like his. I can tell you that if someone didn’t like Banjo that would be a deal breaker. Nick has agreed not to have the dogs in bed. However, we do not see Dr. Pepper encourage Sonia to tell her childhood dog attack story. Is it possible she doesn’t know about it yet?

Dr. Pepper is also concerned about their lack of physical intimacy. Again, that is a Nick issue. I don’t understand how a licensed therapist can sit with Nick and not be aware of his challenges in the social cues and physical intimacy department. There are ways to encourage growth in those areas that teachers with children on the autism spectrum use all the time.

MAFS Nick and Sonia

 

Nick’s mom and her boyfriend come over so that she can teach Sonia how to make Italian meatballs and have some family time. The boyfriend teaches Nick how to peel garlic and help out.  When Sonia talks to his mother alone she mentions that Tom’s aunt (her sister-in-law recently died in a car accident. She assumed Sonia knew but Nick shared nothing with her. Neither of thee two are very adept and sharing information with each other. The boyfriend is also talking to Nick about how important communication is.  The boyfriend asks if he thinks the relationship will work.  Nick has a hard time expressing himself and finally just gets to “Yes.”  He says he has a hard time putting sentences together.

At dinner Nick and Sonia are very quiet. Nick can’t even express a full sentence to his mother. I do not understand why this situation was not addressed in the school system. I’m expecting to find out he was home schooled because of bullying, to be honest. His verbal communication is extremely delayed.  His mother really likes Sonia for him. Sonia is right though, they are both poor communicators and both very shy and reserved.

Dr. Pepper gave them some physical touching homework. For one thing they are supposed to hug or kiss each other when the leave each other and when they return.  Also, they are supposed to put their hand on each other’s heart and answer two questions. Nick announces as he attempts to put his hand on her heart that he is not going to touch her boob. She should have just taken his hand and put it on her boob so he would know he would not die if he accidentally touches a boob.  The guy is mortified by physical intimacy.  He basically puts his hand on her neck. Even Sonia admits this is weird but she doesn’t do anything to teach him what to do.  Instead, she cracks up and moves his hands away. He apparently inadvertently grazed her breast, and says,” You’re making me touch boob!” Okay. I’d have to send this guy to a hooker or something before proceeding. Because I could not deal with this level of lack of sexual skills.

Sonia says in confessional that her patience is running thin. All of the sudden he busts out with, “I’m not in love with you!”  He sort of misunderstood what being open about his feelings and just wanted to know if he loved her. He is mystified about why she is mad and is also mad at her for her reaction when he in his mind finally opened up. I cannot stress enough if this guy doesn’t get some intensive therapy to teach him basic interpersonal skills, this marriage is doomed. Nick is not emotionally prepared to date let alone be married. That’s not a judgement, it’s just a fact based on observations.

MAFS tom and lillian

Tom and Lilly

Lilly is worried Tom doesn’t want to have kids. Tom is concerned about her use of the words “deal breaker.” Lilly is committed to the marriage and ready to plan their life including when to have kids.  Tom is also committed to the marriage but feels like Lilly is rushing past things without taking the natural progression where they learn about each other more deeply.

Lilly is brings her niece Emma over for them to babysit. Wow, Tom really may not want kids. Tom says little kids are “a-holes” and he doesn’t know how to do it.  Tom taught Emma how to make fart noises. Because, male. Tom seemed to really like Emma. Emma is adorable. Lillian’s sister, Rosa finds out that Tom lives in a bus. Rosa’s advice to Tom is never to wake up “the sleeping beast.” They family time goes well.

MAFS Derek and Heather


Heather and Derek

It’s time for Heather to decide if she wants to forfeit her stipend and violate or contract, or whether she is going to suck it up and do what she agreed to do. I think she will stay for the paycheck and this will cause further harm to Derek, who remains hopelessly optimistic.

Derek’s optimism continues with the therapist. Derek remains all in. Heather continues to be non-responsive toward Derek.  Derek’s fear is that he will look back and think they didn’t try hard enough.

Heather’s attacks on Derek continue with the therapist. She says that Derek’s name calling is the problem.  Newsflash Heather, everyone with a functioning brain is “name calling you” watching this show. Derek didn’t resort to name calling (which was wrong) until after you berated him about every little thing for a full week.  The pastor suggests the possibility that she is going to lose out on a good thing.

Finally, they get together with the pastor. He seems at wit’s end with Heather. He asked when things started to break down. She said the smoking. He said he never touched it again after she brought it up. Pastor asks Heather if that was true. She said yes. And yet we heard her bitching about it the entire trip. Then it was the surfing thing.  Derek did make a big deal out of her flirting with the surf instructors. However,  the footage shows her off with the instructors and him alone. Just like with the bike riding. And the caving. It was the constant rejection that pissed him off. Not the 19-year-old surf instructors.  Derek tells the pastor that in hindsight he “should have let that one go” but at the time he thought communicating his feelings was the best thing to do.

Once again, Derek says that he wants to focus on the things they have in common. The unspoken part of that is Heather never shuts up about what she doesn’t like about him long enough for anything positive to occur.  Derek says he wants to work on the marriage and the don’t give Heather’s answer until next week. Seriously? Just let her go. I realize this has never happened before, but you picked a bad egg with Heather. We know she is contractually obligated to stay, but good grief. Just get this part over with.

Next Week: It appears that Lilly gets some bad news about her health. Or perhaps she lost her job? I think based on her thinning hair that it may be a health issue. She is scared that Tom will be obligated to take care of her. Whatever it is it was bad enough for Dr. Pepper to come to her bedside.  Sonia and Nick get some tantric therapy. Dear God. It’s like sending them to the intimacy Olympics when he is afraid of boobs!  And Heather finally gives an answer.

45 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Married At First Sight

45 responses to “Married At First Sight: For Better or Worse

  1. Ellis Scarlett

    I absolutely HATE Heather. She is vile. I asked this last week, but I am asking again–why did she want to be on this show if she wasn’t going to make an effort??

  2. Southerndrawl

    Your recaps are always spot on!

  3. Karen

    I need to catch this show. It’s fascinating.

  4. Alexa

    Heather is horrid. As a confirmed bitch myself, she even makes my skin crawl! I’ll marry the guy, we can smoke together 😜!!!

  5. Rose

    Heather is way worse than Ashley last season! I don’t see Nick afraid of boob but of moving too fast. He does need to learn to express himself. The niece visit with Tom and Lillian seemed way too forced to me.

  6. Dancing Matisse

    Oh, Nick. He’s so emotionally stunted that he is like an elementary school boy who thinks he’ll get ‘cooties’ from touching girl. I have to wonder if it is a mild Asperger’s or if he’s got some soul searching regarding his sexuality. He seems like a good person, as does Sonia. I want the best for these two, just not sure what that would be.

    • Illinigirl

      I agree completely. As I watched him with her, it made me think he was either on the spectrum and possibly not 100% honest with himself and his sexual preference.

  7. Nick is so frustrating to watch. He has no idea of how to relate to another person, even his mom. If I were Sonia, I’m not sure I’d be pushing for sex with him at all. I get the idea it would be a very uncomfortable and unrewarding situation – anyone that repressed could’t become a good lover, and Sonia could end up feeling that it was because she wasn’t attractive enough. She’d be better off buying a large quantity of AA batteries. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    • By the way, Tamara, I LOVE Bachelor in Paradise. One of the best shows ever. I haven’t seen the finale yet but thanks for all the updates. Don’t give up on it.

    • Todd

      Sonia is just as frustrating! Her needy insecurities and the way she’s constantly projecting them and leaping to conclusions are the worst things the “experts” could’ve dumped onto a guy as reserved (and by reserved I mean socially oblivious) as Nick. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship, most especially marriage, and these 2 are polar opposites in how they communicate and what each needs from their partner.

      The way Nick is, he will just go along assuming everything is fine unless he’s told otherwise. Sonia is the exact opposite. She’s insecure so if Nick doesn’t constantly tell her she’s pretty and that he likes her she’s stuck in a self-inflicted loop of doubt and uncertainty. That’s just not the way Nick is and if she wants him to try to be she needs to knock it off with the subtleties and non-verbal cues which go right over his head and tell him straight up exactly what she wants from him without pulling any punches. I don’t know how she’s expecting anything better when she does nothing but speak in vague generalities like, “I want you to open up” but then when he tries she shuts down and is upset. “Why are you telling me you’re not in love with me? Have I ever told you I’m in love with you?” Stop projecting Sonia! Did he say you were in love with him? No. Stop jumping to conclusions and searching for hidden meanings in his words and just listen to what he’s ACTUALLY telling you. When she acts like that what’s his motivation to try to express himself more in the future?

      It’s ironic though, all the things she says drive her crazy about Nick she’s pretty guilty of too. She assumes he doesn’t think she’s pretty unless he gives her compliments, yet I’ve never heard her tell him he’s handsome or give him any other compliments on his looks. She says more than anything she wishes he would open up yet she’s being completely vague and non-communicative about her own needs and then blaming him for failing to meet them. A guy like Nick won’t figure out your needs and how to meet them unless you tell him what and how. It’s not because he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t know.

      I don’t think Nick is gay either (and I could be wrong), but she said she didn’t want to consumate their marriage until they had a strong emotional connection. I think Sonia isn’t the type Nick would typically pursue to try to hook up with based solely on looks and physical attraction, so that just makes it convenient that she didn’t wanna have sex right away cause there’s no pressure to rush things sexually. The way he sees it, by not initiating physical contact he’s just being consideration and respectful of what she wanted, and he can just take things a day at a time and give attraction time to develop. Unfortunately for him, Sonia sees this too as a problem, she thinks this is yet another sign that something is wrong. She doesn’t realize that unless she nudges him forward, he’s gonna assume she’s fine where they’re at.

  8. Kara

    Regarding nick and Sonia, I think both of them have trouble expressing themselves. When she’s asked to speak or to say what she wants, her voice gets all high pitched and she says “like” every few words, and her voice gets quiet. Personally, I honestly wouldn’t be able to be with someone that doesn’t like my dogs… I know it’s crazy and the key word this episode was “deal breaker”, but that would be a HUGE deal breaker for me. I hope he doesn’t consider getting rid of them, but the way things are going for them right now, I doubt it.

    I talk about my annoyances with Tom and Lillian every week. I think they moved at warp speed and Lillian gets dumb everytime he talks to her. There’s just something about her that rubs me the wrong way.

    I think that heather has completely checked out. From personal experience, once you get that disgusted feeling toward someone (which you get from her based on body language alone), it’s hard to go back… I think she’ll stay simply due to contractual obligations and then divorce at the end. I don’t really have a feeling about Derrick, he just seems desperate and boring that this point.

  9. Chris

    I still am in the camp that Derek is just as bad as Heather in that relationship. Did you notice the difference in his eyes and speaking last night? last night for the first time his eyes were open and his speech was clear. Please go back and watch to check it out. He has been stoned most of the time thus far. Ugh.
    I am starting to question the casting and the integrity of the show all the way around. They are looking for drama and differences while playing with peoples lives while they keep saying- this is a real marriage, you will have divorce on your record etc.
    As someone who also has a genuine fear of dogs I feel for Sonya so badly and there is no way that stuff would not come up in the thousands of questions they ask and also Tom acting like having a family is a maybe.
    Really? that has got to be top of the list whether having a family is a must have. They really suck if they put people together who both don’t feel the same about wanting kids or not.

    • Mik

      I’ve been thinking the same thing!! They put people together that have major hang ups with each other. There had to be better matches among the 30k people they love to talk about having had applied for the show. The one thing that kills me though is Derek’s optimism and constant smiling- If that doesn’t melt The Ice Queen then nothing will…

    • Teresa

      Yes! Thank you! How could they match Tom with Lillian if she clearly wants kids and he mostly doesn’t!??? And I agree that this show has become about drama and ratings rather than really trying to match the right people. Why would they even pick Nick to be on the show if he “has trouble putting sentences together”!!!???? I am so disgusted I don’t think I can watch anymore. It is painful!!!

    • Amber

      FUck off Amber.

  10. Teresa

    TT the pic you have for Derek and Heather from their wedding says it all! Lol! It looks so forced and awkward!

  11. DarkThoughts

    For the life of me I can’t read Nick. I would have to put him in the possible serial killer category if I knew him in real life. I do not see anything that suggest he is even slightly attracted to Sonia. I have never seen such a weird entanglement between 2 people.

  12. I really like Sonja and Nick together and I hope they can make it work. Sure, she is incredibly needy and he is socially awkward but I think Gavin a camera crew around while you are trying to start a marriage with a stranger is exacerbating both of their weaknesses.

    I like Tom and Lillian but I have been getting a weird feeling about him lately.

  13. Zoemonster2

    BIP is 5 star entertainment. It was less fun this season cuz ABC ruined the suspense by announcing the new bachelor b4 the finale.

    Do keep up recaps. I have my fingers crossed that you will recap The Bachelor in January too;)

    • Jeanine

      I love BIP so entertaining for me since I’m recouping from a horrible surgery. I love all of your posts. I do hope that you give us a recap of the Bachelor and I’m wondering what everyone’s thoughts are that Nick is the new Bachelor. I like Nick I was just really looking forward to the possibility of Luke Pell he is sooo hot! Oh and I think Heather from MAFS Is awful and judgemental, just yucky.

  14. Naike

    Thank you for detailed and spot on recap.
    Heather is all about control, it’s her way or not at all. I’m not sure she ever liked Derek, whatever she envisioned the man she’d marry would look like; he’s not it. Also, she said something to the effect about her being classy, so I think she believes because Derek smokes pot; he’s not classy and beneath her. From her body language their marriage is heading for divorce if even she remains married for the six weeks. I’m not sure why he would want to remain in a marriage with someone who can’t say anything positive about him.

    Nick and Sonia, are sooo awkward it’s painful to watch. I can’t begin to imagine them being sexually intimate. Seriously! Sonia speaks like a little girl at times (nervous I guess) so it’s challenging *for me* listening to her. Nick rating their relationship a 7/8 compared to Sonia’s 5 shows how clueless he truly is. Nick needs therapy before he can even think of dating, much less being married. Sonia should seek therapy learning to state her needs, wants, and become more self-confident. She’s really too needy and unsure of self.
    Tom and Lillian: I do not like or trust Tom. I think he’s playing house, enjoys having a sex partner, but does not want the responsibilities that comes with marriage. In six weeks he’ll be more than happy to return to life on his bus claiming he tried, but Lillian did ‘something’ wrong.

    As for the professionals, they missed the mark with the coupled they paired together, e.g. Sonia being afraid of dogs. Tom uncertain about having children. Heather wanting a clone of herself. lol. I’m serious re Sonia and Tom.

  15. Agree that Tom is seems a little sketchy ~

    • He seems like a classic “beach bum” to me. I think I know him from somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it. I used to live on South Beach, maybe it was from there. I don’t know. But Lillian seems sweet and earnest and desperate for marriage and babies. I hope they don’t rush things because in the long run, I think he is looking for a mother and not a wife.

    • Teresa

      I liked Tom until this episode. He seemed a lot more cocky. Lillian is cocky too but I think she is all in. Not sure about Tom. I am now worried for Lillian.

  16. This show is definitely taking on a different flavor than the previous season. Can’t put my on it though.

    • Observer2, you are indeed correct about the show being very different this season. I surmise that the differences will possibly bring all of the couples closer together in the long run. Blame it on me loving happy endings!

  17. Teresa

    I don’t know why I keep commenting about this show like it is authentic. You can tell by the pairings that they were looking for drama not truly good matches!

    • tamaratattles

      Teresa, this is the first season it has felt this way to me. I still think Tom and Lillian have a good chance, and Nick and Sonia if they would GIVE THEM BETTER AND MORE COUNSELING.

      And I always want to believe in happily ever afters.

  18. Rita Jones

    Nick is a very strange man. He never grabs her hand, shoulder, etc. Not a caress on the cheek or her back nothing. Yet he tongues the dogs every chance he gets! Also he says he thinks she attractive and they are connecting but barely acknowledges her. Either he is phony or emotionally clueless. She needs more than he will ever be able to give her emotionally. She seems almost childlike in her observations and needs constant affirmation regarding his feelings about her attractiveness. They don’t seem like bad people just very different. Potentially bad match.

    Heather believes she is more than who she really is as a partner. Derek tried to get her to talk once he knew she was upset but she just listened to her own thoughts not trying to hear his. She has a judgemental personality and Derek seems more like a “follow the flow” rather than”follow the rules” kinda guy. Bad match.

    Tom and Lillian have had sexual chemistry from the first day. Wouldn’t it be interesting if his family were wealhy and he chose a minimalist life style? They were talking at one point and she said 5 years before kids and he seemed to think sooner. So not sure if kids are a deal breaker. They probably should try to chill out on the sexual part of their relationship and see what happens but they’re newlyweds so right now they’re like dogs in heat! I think they got a shot at making past 6 weeks. Probably good match.

    • tamaratattles

      I think Nick is very misunderstood. He has a lot of symptoms associated with high functioning autism. The lack of physical touching is one of those. His difficulty in communication (“I have a hard time making words into sentences”) and his lack of awareness about why something says when he did not mean to offend might be received in a hurtful manner. And these things frustrate him. Sonia has her own issues. She needs to hear things in a certain way. A way in which Nick is not used to communicating. She is also needy and insecure. This doesn’t match well with Nick’s very reserved nature that doesn’t accurately represent his true feelings and intentions. They are going to need a lot of intervention from the therapists and/or Nick’s mother to learn to communicate more effectively with each other. I do think they are both good people who are attracted to each other. They are just both very socially awkward.

      • Tamara, do you think his mother being gregarious and overprotective may have had a bearing on his difficulties?

      • tamaratattles

        Um no. And I don’t see her as that way at all. I see her as someone that is aware of his limitation who is trying to encourage him.

      • Teresa

        I agree with Tamara. I don’t think his mother is either of those things. I think she is aware that he has communication issues and is gently trying to help him.

      • Nona

        I’m thinking Nick is not attracted to Sonia.

      • Teresa

        I think you may be right if you watch the preview for next wees episode!

      • RealE

        That’s interesting about the aspergers. I know very little about it so didn’t realize these things pointed toward that. It’s insightful to read this.
        It would definitely explain things like him repeatedly saying he is interested in her and finds her attractive but then contradicting that with his actions. I definitely thought of him as socially awkward but something on spectrum of autism would explain much of this. I only watched first season and now this season but these therapists/ matchmakers seem a lot less qualified and invested. Which is especially sad if he does have that and is undiagnosed.
        I really like nick and Sonja together but don’t think they will make it. 🙁
        I think tom and Lillian are really cute together. They both seem to make an effort. She seems immAture at times but she’s 24 so should be. But personally he seems to have a little Peter Pan complex so I think that matches well with her age. I don’t think he reads like he doesn’t want kids but is just fearful. My now husband said similar things and we have kids that we tried very hard to make 😜 So I think Tom just needs time and not to be pushed. He never said I don’t want kids.

  19. Janean lee

    The “experts” should pitch all the profile tests and spend an hour in conversation with each of the top dozen or so candidates instead. They could have identified Nick’s inability to form sentences or cogent thoughts along with his distant and vacant affect. So they pick Sonia who can barely squeak out a thought of any kind and was afraid to mention her fear of dogs? Sonia is a very tender-hearted person who is looking for affection from a guy who French kisses his dogs but nearly passes out accidentally touching her boob. This has no positive outcome for either of them.

    And heather is the most insufferable, self-righteous woman whose condescending attitude is exemplified by calling him a teenage girl when they argued. The experts should have zeroed in on that attitude and matched her with someone like Ryan lochte. Derek has no idea how lucky he was to escape!

    And Lillian and spouse may survive, but they will need much more counseling. She has accomplished a lot and is proud, as she should be. I don’t know how that squares up in the long term with Tom’s minimalist approach/living in a partially built out bus.

    The experts are way too proud of their choices. All of these candidates need pre-marital counseling before and during the show, not just crisis intervention. If they all were not socially challenged, they wouldn’t have chosen this route.

  20. Todd

    Sonia and Nick are nice people at heart, but unfortunately they’re perfectly wrong for each other in the crucial aspect of communication. How the “experts” didn’t think this was a HUGE incompatibility I can’t fathom! Nick is the type that will go with the flow and only talk about something if it’s a big problem for him, whereas Sonia is the type who reads so much into everything she perceives silence as a problem. The only way their marriage can really work and both of them be happy together would be for them BOTH to compromise to get on the same page, but I think that’s more of an adjustment than both of them can make and also both feel happy and fulfilled.

    They’d both have to take a long look at each other and in the mirror to adjust their approach and expectations. Sonia would have to stop expecting Nick to read her mind because that’s never gonna happen, and she’d have to accept that about him. She even looks at his inability to perceive her needs as a sign that he doesn’t care enough to notice, which is wrong. No matter how much he cares his brain just doesn’t work that way. She’d have to learn to be open enough to express her needs to him.

    She also needs to learn that if she wants him to try to express himself more then she needs to stop reacting negatively when he does. She has to listen to what he says and take it at face value instead of making her own conclusions and assuming he’s always implying hidden meanings. People like Nick don’t speak much so when they do talk they tend to say what they mean. However, she also needs to remember that since Nick isn’t very good at expressing himself he will probably put his foot in his mouth a lot and not word things the best way. If he says something that sounds rude, believe him when he says that’s not how he meant what he said. Nick would have to learn that positive verbal reinforcements are very important to her and start looking for opportunities to give her compliments instead of never pointing out things he likes until she asks. He needs to stop waiting for a problem to express his feelings, and Sonia really needs to stop looking for problems and making them out of nothing.

    She has to learn that a guy like Nick’s actions speak louder than his words. If you wanna know how he feels stop looking at every little thing he’s not doing that reinforces your doubts and insecurities, and look at what he IS doing instead. If you’re wondering if he wants to be with you look at the fact that he’s there with you day after day and he’s trying to work on the relationship. That speaks louder than anything. He’s actively working towards a future with you rather than splitting up. If you wanna know if he finds you attractive don’t focus on the fact that he didn’t tell you you’re pretty and that you haven’t had sex yet. Look at the fact that he is trying to make the marriage work and holds your hand or gives you hugs. Would he do these things if he didn’t even find you attractive at all?

    Unfortunately I think they are just up against too much to overcome for 2 people who don’t have more natural chemistry and a stronger physical attraction than they’ve got towards each other to work through without one of them feeling unhappy or unfulfilled. She’s just too insecure and he’s too closed off to give her the reinforcement she needs for it to work. Even if he tried he’s not attracted to her enough yet to force himself to be constantly complimenting her without it coming across as forced or disingenuous, and her insecurity and frustration is becoming too unpleasant and unattractive for his attraction to her to develop naturally. Guys are very visual but girls greatly underestimate how patience, self-assurance, and easy-going contentment can make you look so much more attractive to a man as he gets to know you. Cockiness, insecurity, impatience, and selfish neediness can overshadow a woman’s looks so much that she can literally become ugly and completely unattractive.

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