Daily Tea (Open Forum): Farmers Market

Farmes Market

This is the market I went to last Saturday. Today I went to a smaller one. I did not take this photo, I googled.

For the last two weeks or more, I have been working on a healthier diet. It’s ALMOST my Lent diet which I don’t remember if I did this year or not, but not quite as tough. I did start off with the hardest part for me, cutting back on drinking. And I don’t mean just alcohol. I am always drinking.  I used to drink six or more Co-Colas a day. That was several years ago. Then I mostly drank sweet tea. Which I still love. And Mexican Co-colas. And juice. And occasionally Gatorade. And well I just like to drink stuff.  So to start I got eliminated alcohol. That gave me some cash for my organic diet!   I stopped buying sweet tea by the gallon at Publix (ouch!) and am mainly drinking electrolyte water again. That alone always makes me feel better. At first I allowed myself to eat pretty much anything I wanted. My brain is much more reasonable with food than drink. By now I have nearly eliminated all processed foods and am eating primarily fresh fruit and veggies.

I’ve been to a farmers market two weeks in a row. When you are shopping for one it’s easy to over buy fruit and veggies especially when they are sold by the basket. So I have been really trying to eat everything before it goes bad. That doesn’t allow for a taco from Taco Bell or really much of anything else. Each day is eat as much raw food as possible day!  I try to eat something every three hours or so rather than having an actual meal. Currently, I’m chowing down on a squash casserole that just came out of the oven.  It’s not exactly dietetic there is plenty of cheese and a cracker crust. In the morning I have been having yogurt with a sliced peach and or a banana. Mid morning maybe a quarter of a cantaloupe.

Bought a GIANT Brandywine tomato this morning.

Bought a GIANT Brandywine tomato this morning.

Soon I will tighten things up a bit more and switch to a vinaigrette dressing rather than my super fattening homemade mustard/mayo/honey dressing. I’ll stop buying so much cheese. I’ll cut back on sparking juice drinks. I’m just inching into things. I’ve gotten back to walking the dog.  I’ve washed some dishes and made a little progress in the house.

My mood has been so much better on the new healthy plan. The only issue now is my sleep schedule. I’ve been sleeping for 13-18 hour clips at random times.  I’ve always had a touch of narcolepsy. I fell asleep Thursday night on the most important night of Big Brother in ages!  I’m hoping that my body is just really tired figuring out what to do with the influx of good stuff. I’ve even been taking my vitamins and my SAM-e. Perhaps it just needs time to process everything.

I’ve also stopped watching the news and am trying to avoid depressing, angry, nasty stuff as much as I can, considering my job.  This has been quite beneficial. Although I still read Google News every day.

The current plan is to make this a long-term thing so that on my birthday next June I might not be quite as huge as I currently am, and I will get out into the world, and clean up this house, and look for somewhere to move that would make me happier. We shall see how long this lasts.

Oh, the market I went to this morning was in a church parking lot and there was a church lady selling homemade baked good. I got a piece of pineapple upside down cake and had it with coffee for mid morning snack. What? Pineapple is fruit! :) It was sooo good.

So that’s what I am up to. What about you guys?

127 Comments

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127 responses to “Daily Tea (Open Forum): Farmers Market

  1. NeverBeenJaxed

    Good for you TT! I’m finding inspiration in your words! I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and it’s putting an enormous amount of stress on my arthritic joints.

    I’m going to start small as you did and count the small victories!

    So happy for you 😘😘

    • Brittany

      Agree with all that you said! Tamara, I think you are right about the sleep thing. Sugar is my enemy and I have the hardest time restricting it. Mini m&ms are my weakness. I understand the pain in your joints and being at your heaviest. It can seem daunting. I’m inspired to follow Tamara’s lead with fruits and vegetables. I KNOW I will feel better and have more focus.

      • Dee

        Yes! A change in lifestyle is a great idea! I only drink water, baby steps! Thanks! FiveCatsOwnMe, I hope you’re doing better.

  2. Sosueme

    Bravo, TT! You, taking good care of yourself is happy news.

  3. Heidi

    We only have less than a month of farmers markets left in WI so I’ve been hitting them up as much as possible. My favorite one also has multiple Amish bakeries and a Hmong egg roll stand. Swoon!! So among the veggies, there’s plenty of high carb and deep fried foods. Balance :)

  4. Tamra..that rocks…you sound happy and positive ..we have weekend farmer’s market here..I went to the wrong one…I went to a new farmers market..didn’t mind the distance..cuz ..I people watched..but the new one..was so beyond expensive…$50.00 for 4 bagels..box of blueberries box of rasperries and pure honey and a loaf of home made bread!…I will always support the farmers…always..the struggles they go through..but ..I hightly doubt..that this specific farmers market had actual farmers…..so now..we go to the farmers market..about 3 hours away from us..and just can’t stop smiling…cukes..awesome tomatoes..zuchhini…red onions..small tomatoes..corn on the cob…the food just tastes so much better..from the farmer;s market! ours is seasonal…one season..so..we have 2 weeks left..to enjoy! we also buy cd’s from artists that play here and there in the area…so cool

  5. Coco

    TT, you are such an inspiration to me! I have PCOS and I always feel better when I follow the Mediterranean diet. Keep up the good work and I hope you inspire others as you’ve inspired me. Have a great weekend!!

  6. Christina

    Congrats & best wishes on your move to a healthier lifestyle. I have followed your recaps for years & they are often the highlight of my day as Bravo is my guilty pleasure no one quite understands.

    I, like you, have a background in the field of education. I took a break for a couple of years & have returned, as an Intervention Specialist, this year. Loving the kiddos , hating the bullshit I am responsible of doing regarding extensive lesson plans “due” by noon each Saturday for the following week. I took the passive/aggressive approach for this next week & blocked out 1:00 Friday until then end of the school day for “Lesson planning”. I refuse to be bullied into giving up my weekends up to satisfy a power hungry director in a district that already has an over 50% turnover rate.

    Rant over. Are we officially past tomato season???

    • tamaratattles

      Still some time left on tomatoes but not for mine. I was in the hole when it was so hot and they didn’t get watered properly and then had black bottom.

      I bought an heirloom brandywine today that was bigger than a softball and one regular red one and perhaps one more item, I can’t imagine what though so maybe it was just the two large tomatoes for $2 organic no pesticide grown withing five miles of the shack. :)

      Then at their other table I bought local honey $8 and Lady peas.

      Much like Sam, I find that my money disappears at the market.

      Now that I know how to freeze the fresh peas I’m going to buy some more next week. They are $5 a bag at the church and $7 at the square.

      That piece of cake was $5 but I’d do it again! Acutally pineapple upsidedown cake isn’t THAT bad. It’s a plain white cake (but hers had pineapple juice in it) with brown sugar and a pineapple ring on top. I mean it’s not like i had Carrot Cake with an inch of buttercream frosting all around.

      See me justifying cake? :)

      • Christina

        Ok, PLEASE share how to freeze fresh peas! I do corn by boiling ears then throwing them in a cooler of ice water, then cutting the kernels off & puting them in a sandwich size baggy then freezing.

        Tomatoes- I luck out by having in-laws with a garden. My Great Dane limits my attempts at growing grass, much less veggies. Sam’s Club has a raised garden planter I am waiting for to go on clearance for next year.

        Nothing beats local honey.

        I justified mason jar lid cherry pies for breakfast today, an online recipe that actually worked!

        Love anything that is pineapple upside down that I don’t have to make (Pinterest has failed me so very many times…

      • tamaratattles

        Blache for 2 minutes in boiling water. Hit with ice immediately shove in baggy and freezer. Do not thaw before cooking.

        When I was a little girl my mama and Daddy took me camping in the Smokey mountains. She made perfect pineapple upside down cake in a cast iron skillet over the campfire!

      • Sierra

        Coconut sugar is your friend! I was a sweet tea addict (being from the south), when I cut all sugar laden drinks I swapped them for water,lemon juice, and some coconut sugar… Also killer at night hot with honey. Cut some strawberries and banana and sprinkle with a little coconut sugar set overnight and it’s the perfect sweet snack. Never underestimate the infused water, cut some cucumber, orange, and limes stick in pitcher of water chill and its refreshing! It’s lifestyle and the fact you are starting out slow gives you a more likely chance of success. I must know more about this skillet upside down pineapple cake, you mother sounds like an angel, it takes a badass chick to bake a cake over a campfire, I know because I was camping last night and could barely boil water this morning lol. Also I’ve been sober for 5 years and I look a lot freaking younger than my friends from college that kept drinking. Sobriety may be a bit more boring at times, but damn if it doesn’t make you feel amazing. Between cutting the sugar crap, no alcohol, and my yoga dvd (Ashley turner) in 15 min chunks throughout the week, I’m in the best shape of my life at 31 after having my baby. Feel great TAm.

      • Toni Lee Gildea

        That cake was made by a good Christian woman, how could it possibly be bad? 😁

  7. Babs0909

    You deserve to live in a nice, quite area. Find a place with trees, birds chirping, less traffic noise and dust, and you will find more peace than you could ever imagine.

  8. Pitypat

    Farmers Markets and Roadside stands are nostalgic to me and make me feel good because my mom could never pass one without stopping. Sometimes we would stop at several in a couple of hours. She especially loved the ones with the crazy signs “cukes” “maters”.

  9. JoJoFLL

    Good for you Tamara!

    Went on vacation to my SIL’s house on Siesta Key and ate HORRIBLY!! Fried shrimp, oysters, chicken, you name it. Drank enough beer to float a house.

    Nursing a bladder infection. In the bed with my two sweet kitties.

  10. Joanplus2dogs

    Good for you! One step at a time. If it ever cools down in Atl, it will be easier to get around. I can barely drag myself to Kroger to shop though it is new fancy model with huge produce/deli. Maybe check with your library, I’m in DeKalb which the Farmer market sets up mobile site at few library locations on certain days. However we are quite close market so that be why. BTW if there is an Aldi near you sometimes they sell marshmallows that are much fresher than typical store brands.

  11. Katherine 2.0

    Last night at Cape Hatteras! 😭😭😭 Hate to leave this gorgeous place and head back to real life. Kudos to you, TT, for the healthy break! I need to dry out after this week!

  12. You made something close to what I was about to suggest – ratatouille with tons of cheese! I love to cut up my squash and zucchini into tiny thins, sauteed in a pan with garlic, salt and butter. I never get sick of that dish! I’m an avocado fanatic, although it’s been impossible to find a ripe one lately. I love them so much that I can eat them plain with salt. But lately, I’ve been cutting them up with a bunch of chopped tomato, croutons, shredded cheese, kalamata olives, pine nuts or sunflower seeds, cucumber, and sweet vidalia onion dressing (Newman or Marzetti)! Delicious!! I love it and it’s totally healthy.

    • I just wanted to add that I’m not a fan of lettuce, so I make salads with practically everything except lettuce and I’ve never enjoyed salads more,

    • Matzah60

      Yummy! That sounds really good, Lisa Pat. Tamara, I am going to start doing what you are doing. My son has been after to me to stop eating processed food and get off the diet coke. Processed food has a lot of sugar in it and salt for that matter. I particularly love salads and don’t need anything more than oil and vinegar. Sometimes I try balsamic vinegar dressing. I am not a fast food person. I quit that a long time ago after going to a Wendy’s rest. I got up to get ketchup and a big old roach was sitting on the top of the plunger. I know roaches are at all or many restaurants. I just don’t want to see it. It was the quickest cure to never go back to any fast food place. I love fish, especially in the summer when I can put it on the grill. It’s the best, it’s filling and has lots of Omega oils.

      I feel like between the heat, my car without ac, plus a brutally hot summer here, I have found that I can’t or don’t feel like eating through the day. Once the sun goes down, my appetite goes up and I find I start eating around 5 or so and I am ravenous by that time. I was menopausal by the time I was 45. It came very early and the hot flashes and night sweats went on for years. I have become so sensitive to the heat that it really affects my mood in such a negative way. Warm is fine, but when it’s in the high 90’s every day, it saps my energy and takes away my motivation.

      Kudos to you, Tamara. I am following in your shoes and hope to get back to better sense of well-being because living the way I am just sucks. I want my energy back and I want to feel more positive!!

      • It is a very inspiring way to begin the Fall. I just wanted to take a moment to defend my dear com padre, cheese. I know it’s fattening, but cheese can be our friend if we avoid all sugars except those found in nature and keep our carb intake down. Plus, cheese is heavenly.. it’s like butter.

  13. Joe D

    Celebrated my 45th birthday by an emergency visit to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. Turned out I had to have my gallbladder out, so not much fun. Now going over the list of how I need to change my diet, and like you, decided I need to get rid of the excesses in my life (booze and publix fried chicken are my weakness) Have to do something because nobody wants a 45 year old fat gay boy. Lol

    • Sliceo'pie

      Hope you have a speedy recovery Joe-sometimes these things are a wake up call (don’t you hate when people say that?) – best wishes.

    • pokerplayer

      you gotta get on a veggie and fruit diet (mostly), start juicing in replacement of some solid meals throughout the week…

  14. captivagrl

    So happy to read that you have emerged from the fog. I can feel the lightness and happiness :) I have two suggestions for your new diet plan. First make your own homemade tea. And, don’t forget to add some protein to your mostly fruit/veggie diet. I look forward to reading your updates and good luck with the weight loss!

    • captivagrl

      I bought something called a Golden Dewlicious melon at Sam’s club. I’m not a big fruit eater, but I love melons. Can’t wait to cut into this thing tomorrow!

      • tamaratattles

        The cantaloupes and peaches have been great lately perfectly ripe and juicy, I realized that my tea was not as good as Publix because I “only ” used a cup of sugar so they used a lot more. That was when I cut tea out for awhile. Eventually I’ll drink it hot with no sugar.

  15. Dancing Matisse

    Love hearing about your journey. Sounds like we’re on a similar path. I’m trying to move away from all of the processed low calorie good I’ve eaten since my college years and focus on whole, nutrient dense foods. I’ve dumped a thirty year Diet Coke habit which for me was like someone else quitting alcohol. I’m feeling better but still have a lot to get under control and a ton to learn about healthy, tasty cooking.

  16. Rescue Mom

    My husband and I went “whole food plant-based” for health reasons as of March 1st. It’s a fancy way to say Vegan minus processed foods including all refined oils, white sugar, white flour & white rice. It sounds crazy but it’s much easier than I expected. There is a documentary on Nettflix “Forks Over Knives” for us it was life changing. We are both 48 yrs old, we have each lost over 30 pounds w/o exercise. My husband has been able to stop his insulin, high blood pressure medicine & cholesterol medicine. His Dr hopes in the next 3 months he will be able to stop his pills for diabetes and actually be type 2 diabetes free for the first time in almost 10 years. Eat your plants!!

    • tamaratattles

      I usually do that for Lent every year. exactly that but with no alcohol and organic meat is fine.

      Since my first goal assessment is in June of next year, I am not being quite as restrictive for the first couple months.

  17. Erica

    Good for you! I really need to clean out the kitchen and the garage (that acts as my pantry) and do the same. My ankles and legs have felt puffy lately (but don’t necessarily look it – but then for a big girl I’ve always had small and dainty wrists and ankles) Found out that there has been a slow burn nearby – no wonder I’ve woken up dreaming that my hair smelled of campfires – and I think that has riled up the allergies (which give me fatigue). Plus, also realized I’ve not cooked anything fresh for myself for a while.

    A couple of years ago my mom and I spent a weekend making frozen meals for ourselves – soups, spaghetti sauces, and some casseroles. It was fantastic to have those when getting home from work at 6 or 7 PM – and prevented me from going through fast food or something. I think I will start looking up healthy homemade meals that can be frozen. Maybe even just some pre-seasoned things like chicken breasts, or pork chops (Mom and Dad have one of those seal meal thingies)

    Keep it up with the no sugar drinks! I’ll still occasionally have a coke, but years ago when on a diet (Richard Simmons actually!) I stopped putting sugar in any and all of my coffee drinks – probably the Northwest equivalent of sweet tea. I’d do mochas with a shot of vanilla or raspberry, frappuccinos, etc. (This IS coffee country!) Last year at Christmas I decided to treat myself when out at a coffee shop with my friends – ordered a mocha. I couldn’t stand it!!! So sweet I almost threw up!

    Don’t forget water comes in a sparkly form – I sometimes do that when craving some bubbles.

    • tamaratattles

      Yeah, I do use the sparkly water when I want something fizzy. I put a splash of coconut water or organic lemonade (yes the sugary kind) on top. Sometimes I put fresh peaches or frozen grapes or SOMETHING in there. Drinking is my hardest thing. Once I get into the swing of only water, I’m fine but I do crave something, anything to drink. Co-cola, sweet tea, gatorade, juice, beer, wine, bloody marys, ANYTHING. There is ALWAYS something to drink near me 24/7. At home, at work, in the car, at the gym, at the doctors office. I dunno what it is. Oral fixation? :)

  18. Miguel

    Congrats, TT!!! As a cola/juice drinker (water, maybe twice a year) and mostly processed food consumer, I’m SINCERELY in awe of your achievements!!!!!!!

    Just yesterday, I noted, for the nth time this year, that I’m past starting to feel unhealthy. Over the past year, I have felt a general malaise, which has manifested itself in many of the ways you described in your pre-natural food stage.

    Not for brownie points, but just last night, I told my wife I need a change starting with what I consume. And tonight, I told my niece that I need to lose 17lbs by birthday in December.

    My wife is a relatively healthy eater and she exercises; so, I thought I could try doing these things with her. However, reading what you’ve done, on your own, has inspired me. I’m going to follow your template – for me, first with all the sugary drinks, then the processed food. I’ll let you know how it’s going with the exercise :)

    Thank you so much for sharing this – your timing is impeccable!!! Also, I wish you best of luck, ever-increasing success and richest blessings!!!

  19. StubbyG

    Good job T! I am still wallowing in self-pity because I lost my job four and a half years ago. I lived for the company and ended up getting let go because they needed to save money because they were being sued. They also let my husband go the same day. We both were in management and it killed us. I have had a few jobs since, but walked out when I started to get mistreated. My tolerance for that crap is zero. I need to get a job so I can quit hiding from the world, but just can’t. I hate this feeling.

    I am a sweet tea freak and that caused my husband and I to gain weight. Now, I am cutting back on the sugar. So, I steep four tea bags with 1/3 cup of sugar and then put five sweet n low in after I make the tea. I went from 1 whole cup of sugar down to 1/3, so that is helping save calories.

    Now, if I can cut back on the amount of food I eat…

  20. Swizzle

    Once my last bird flies the nest next week, I’m back on my Paleo diet kick. I find I feel best and look best when I’m doing that. Also looking for a new workout class for the end of my day to help mark the end of the work day. Working from home, it can be hard to close up shop (as you know). And without kids at home, it will be harder.

    I made a huge batch of homemade salsa tonight with my tomatoes and peppers from my garden. So yummy!

  21. Jrleaguer

    Good for you, TT. I am currently addicted to lemon and ginger water. I am trying to keep a pitcher of it in the fridge. I go through spells with sodas. I try to use my Soda Stream often, but I just make plain seltzer water. I figured out that it was not so much the taste of the soda, but the fuzzy burn.

  22. rebecca

    It sounds like you’re doing great, TT! Keep up the good work.

    Today I went to one of my favorite nurseries and took a class on growing plumerias so I am looking forward to trying that. I also bought a new tomato plant for the fall planting. I hope it does better than the summer one did (fingers crossed).

    All eyes here are now watching to see if the depression floating around the Bahamas will move into the Gulf and become something more serious. I am hoping that it does neither. Texas doesn’t need any more serious rain this year and Louisiana certainly doesn’t.

  23. Daintyfeets

    It’s the sugar. This might be why you are sleeping so often and for so long. There is a lot of sugar in fruits. Go Paleo. Limited carbs and healthy fat (i.e., avacado). Cut out all processed foods. I did it for 4 months, very strict at first, then added a few healthy carbs. Lost 70 pounds in 4 months. It was amazing.

    • JoJoFLL

      Yes, there is a lot of sugar in what I’m reading (fruit is sugar) but, baby steps.

      Also, sugar substitute treats your body the same way sugar does so it doesn’t help substituting.

      The only way I could quit sugar was just to go cold turkey. Anything else just prolonged the addiction.

      Wine was the hardest for me and I finally kicked that two years after the sugar.

      Good luck everyone! You are all inspiring!

      • Minky

        Have you cut out vegetables for the most part too? For some reason I can’t bring myself to believe that onions and tomatoes are enough to mess up my plan. Any insight would be good. Also, do you exercise?

      • JoJo: you’re right, the body treats sugar substitutes the same way it treats sugar, so the best approach is to eliminate both. Even Agave Nectar (the substitute everyone thinks is “healthy”) has a higher fructose concentration per weight than high fructose corn syrup. I used to drink coffee with milk and sugar. Now I drink decaf with low fat milk, but I know I’m still getting sugar from the milk. I hope to eliminate the milk one of these days and just drink the decaf black, but I’m not there yet.

  24. Safin

    I was trying to relax and enjoy my day off, but that did not go so well. I got calls from customers until 5pm, I forgot to turn off call forwarding from the office. After not catching a break I went to buy power wheels for my 3 nephews, OMG, I couldn’t not assemble one car without them getting in my way or trying to “help”. I was horrible. I’m glad I’m home

  25. Dandy Lion

    Wow! So inspirational! I went to Target and when I was in the fitting room trying on a shirt I saw it…BACK FAT! I’m angry, sad, embarrassed. Ack. But, I am determined and like you, TT I am going slow and steady. Cutting out juices and going to add more fruit. More water too. Tomorrow I will maybe try some planks. Le sigh. Step by step

  26. Mary

    I saw someone post a coconut sugar recommendation as a replacement for your sweet tea, agave is also very good alternative.

    For my dressing I like to use the mustard, mayo, honey combo too but instead I use raw honey that has all the live enzymes. I also use vegeneise instead of mayo. It tastes so fresh! Like its made by a French chef in the jar especially for you. Vegeneise for anything I need guilt free. My two other favorite ways to make a salad creamy is either with avocado or those grilled artichokes in the glass jar filled with olive oil. When they are smushed a bit it’s delicious.

    Good luck in your new health journey. Sending you lots of positive vibes

    • Mary, I hate to break it to you, but if you google agave sugar, there’s articles on there that it is worse than regular sugar. I was using it and when I found out about it, I threw my bottle away.

      • tamaratattles

        I wish you had sent it to me. I don’t buy your article at all. My rule when I am on the not so strict portion of the lint diet, is “If they sell it at WF, you can have it in moderation.” Well except for stuff like alchol and chocolate bars and cookies and cakes.

        I do have a new cookie from WF i eat. It’s a chocolate snap kind of like a ginger snap. I am pretty sure it is made with sawdust instead of flour. It’s not very sweet, but the chocolate taste is enough to calm a chocolate craving, while the sawdust keeps you from eating more than a few.

      • Swizzle

        For a chocolate fix, make some Raw vegan brownie bites. Google the recipe. It’s basically dates, walnuts and cocoa powder. Yum! I make a batch and freeze them. They are awesome out of the freezer. I made a batch for one the guests at the homeless shelter where I volunteer who is a vegan and he loved them!

      • Minky

        Good Lord! Are all foodstuffs toxic now-a-days?

        Do any of you remember the good old days, when food tasted like itself? You can’t find tomatoes in the supermarket that taste like actual, real tomatoes anymore! Home garden tomatoes are divine, though. And don’t get me started about dairy products and eggs and pork.

        I believe that they’re fucking with our food. The only evidence I need of that is how it tastes. I’ve already detailed my new way of eating now, and how I cured my formerly bubonic skin. So I won’t bore you all with that again.

        There are so many good keto channels on youtube. There’s one perfectly darling woman from North Carolina who outlines everything beautifully. And an African lady who’s recipes don’t even look like diet food.

        When you start eating this way it doesn’t feel like a diet because you can eat fat. Lots of it! And there’re actually are some good low carb breads out there, but you’re got to go and seek them out or order them online. There are so many recipes I want to try. And I’ve got to get my hands on some Shirataki noodles!

      • Cat

        TT, try using cinnamon in your tea, instead of sugar. It has a natural sweetness to it, and also helps regulate blood sugar levels.

  27. CupcakeScholar

    I have been trying to eat more fruits and veggies as well. Went so far as to by a well known blender to make smoothies. Now I know that I would rather chew my food versus drinking it as long as I am able.

    • tamaratattles

      I agree cupcake. We have teeth for a reason. I always felt the juicing thing was for people who were too lazy to eat and prepare real food. I do love me some bone broth though. Because, soup! (again with me and the liquids. I have a fixation on liquids. Just not “juicing” lol.)

      Oh and I am spending all my beer money on Kombucha tea. Because I am turning into a granola eating liberal idiot from California. It even seems to be affecting my voting preference. UGH!

      But seriously, the Kombucha really helps with my digestive issues. I know I have gotten to a healthy gut by um, observing the state of things that leave my body. I will shut up before I become one of those old people obsessed with such things that should not be discussed in polite company.

      • JoJoFLL

        Supposedly ‘brothing’ is the new thing.

      • Lou

        Kompuchi tea is this shit and I also drink Kiefer milk

      • Minky

        What about raw milk? I’ve heard good things about it.

      • Cat

        Lazy? That would be me. I hate to cook. And in August? It’s too damned hot to cook.

        So, I am that person you described. Lately, I have been juicing…a LOT. I like it. It has helped me to eliminate a lot of “bad” things, like sugar, and salad dressing. And, I end up getting more water into my system.

        It’s also cheaper. I can make a cantaloupe last up to 8 days now, instead of 2.

  28. Opela88

    Good for you ! Weight is a constant struggle for me, so I think easing into things is great. I’ve gained about 30lbs in the past 2 years and my fiancé brings it up every day. Last night even told me how disgusting I am. So I know how down you can get from negative words. Keep up the good work !

    • tamaratattles

      Sounds like you have more than thirty pounds to lose. How much does that fiance of yours weigh? If it were me I’d add his full body weight to my goal. I’m just saying. It won’t get better. What happens when you reach menopause? If he’s being an asshole now….

      Just some unsolicited input. Best of luck to you either way.

    • Miguel

      Opela88, please take what TT wrote to heart! Please forgive me, if I appear too forward; but I just want you to KNOW: You are worthy – his behaviour is what’s disgusting!!! If you kick this disgusting heap, you’d have lost at least four times your 30-lb goal & gained more of YOU, instead! Warmest wishes & best of luck, either way :)

      • Minky

        ITA with both TT and Miguel. Flush that turd! Flush it twice so it’ll get as far away from you as possible.

        So much for not getting all TMI about toilet issues. 😷💩

    • Cat

      I agree with TT.

      My EX was like that. I was never skinny enough for him. Even when I got down to a size 10, I was “fat”, to him. I nearly ended up with an eating disorder.

      Constant comments like that is fat shaming. They didn’t have a name for it back in the 80s, when I was married. But that’s what that is.

      It’s verbal abuse.

    • JoJoFLL

      Opela, I hope you know this has nothing to do with you or yourr weight. Get to a shrink ASAP. He’s not a nice person to call you disgusting.

  29. Where did @calipatti go…haven’t seen her online in quite a long time ~

  30. tamaratattles

    Banjo and I just got in from our morning walk, that we got a late start on. We went father than the mandatory lap. I am not gasping for breath, there is no joint pain, I just feel a bit invigorated. As of now the plan is to do it again later this evening.

    This is a vast improvement in just a couple short weeks from gasping for air after a trip to the grocery store.

    The plan is to just keep plugging along and in a few days I should be able to go to the gym on a rainy day and do thirty minutes on the treadmill. #BabySteps #NoPressure.

    I am also not weighing or setting a weight goal. I’ve found that this sets me up for plateau weeks when I am frustrated because I did everything right and am stuck at a particular weight. I weighed the other day to come to grips with the gravity of the situation. I let it go, and I’ll weigh again in June, or perhaps earlier if the mood strikes in a few months. The important thing is, that I feel better today than I did yesterday.

    Last night I fell asleep between 10:30 and 11 pm. It was not a conscious decision. I just could not stay awake. I woke up at 8 am feeling refreshed. That sounds like normal people schedule to me. I’m actually enjoying the mornings when I can open the curtains and let some sun in before closing them back up during the heat of the day. Banjo is thrilled that I “turn the sun on” again in the mornings and he has a place to lay about in the sun inside.

    Banjo is actually a huge motivated to get me out of the hole. When he first rescued me, I read books about what I was supposed to do with a damn dog. Cesar or one of those people said if he didn’t get vigorous exercise for an hour that I shouldn’t even be allowed to have a dog. (Loosely interpreted by my hyperbolic brain) so when I am in the hole and haven’t walked him for weeks, it makes me feel like a horrible person. Today I feel like a good dog owner.

    Also when I got him I obsessed with only feeding him healthy things that would prolong his life and maintain the best health possible. It was then I realized I cared way more about what he ate than what I ate. I was willing to pay for the best food for him, but not myself. That is when I first began trying to take better care of myself, if for no other reason that I know that if I got sick, no one would love my dog as much as I do.

    Okay now I am getting sappy. Let me hush.

    • tamaratattles

      Ironically, right after I posted this comment, I went to release the moderated comments that piled up while we were walking.

      There was a comment there from someone named Susan who wants to know how I could possibly take care of a dog if I am sleeping 18 hours a day. Clearly Susan has reading comprehension issues, but it was sort of creepy that she was talking about a lot of the things I mentioned in my comment before I even made the comment. She clearly spends a lot of time hanging out in the WLS and keeps trying new names in order to let me know how much this site sucks and I am a terrible dog owner.

      Oh and she would like you to know that the smart good commenters no longer post her. I assume she means like her. LOL. I’ve heard that there WLS has it’s own little place to hang out. Perhaps someone should throw her some bread crumbs to lead her to the promised land. I don’t think she will ever leave the WLS though. Which is pretty pathetic.

      Everyone wave at Susan! :)

      • JustJenn

        Hi, Susan! Considering most people sleep and then go to work each day and are gone for 8+ hours I’d say that Banjo is very lucky to have TT for an owner and it sounds like he knows it as well.

        TT – your new diet plan sounds wonderful. It’s been cold and rainy here so I’ve been eating too much for the last few days. I just made a batch of tofu pad thai. Hopefully I’ll be back in track tomorrow..hopefully.

    • Have fun doing whatever you feel like doing and your body will be happy!..Banjo sounds cute and dedicated to you/1 awesome

    • Dee

      Good for you! You’re right, baby steps. Along the way your stomach will shrink.im cheering for you!

  31. tamaratattles

    In other news, the walks and the cooking and eating fun stuff is easy. Except I still have not eaten today which is NOT okay. … the digging the house out of utter nastiness takes a bit of willpower. I guess I should pick a room an get started.

    In TV news, the FINAL OF #TheNightOf is tonight at 9! You should all be binge watching it to catch up.

    • Minky

      Try what I like to call “The Box Method”. Put all of your extra stuff in cardboard boxes. Papers, old junk mail, stuff that’s laying about aimlessly, clothes, etc. Empty your cupboards, drawers and closets if you want as well.

      Then stack them up somewhere that’s out of the way and make a schedule of going through X number of boxes per day, or week, whichever is more comfortable for you. Trash the stuff that’s no good and donate stuff you know you don’t have a use for anymore but is still good enough to be used by someone else, and put the stuff you want/need to keep in it’s proper place. To not overwhelm yourself try for 3-5 boxes/week. There are even websites that’ll tell you how long you have to keep stuff like bank statements and tax records.

      It’s a good feeling to clean out all of it. You’ll feel your soul getting lighter and lighter as you progress.

      • I took a different approach. I went through every room with a ruthless attitude. I totally ignored the wants. Instead, I asked myself, Is this something I use/wear? Do I want someone else to decide disposition after I die? Then I asked is this something someone else could use/wear, or is it something I could sell? I sold, donated, and threw away a ton. The lesson for me was that I was holding onto stuff just because I wanted to hold onto it, and I had the room to do so. It’s a really freeing feeling to get rid of all the junk.

      • Dee

        Minky, very helpful! Thanks!

  32. JoJoFLL

    Does anyone else have a mindset that if it is cold, it cannot be fattening? Sushi, fruit, salad, etc?

  33. Tara

    I admire ppl who can make long term goals and stick with them. I can not! I tell myself that it is ok to slack off just one day, that day turns to weeks and months. I have to do short term, write them out and when I reach them I treat myself to something small that is related to my long term goal.
    I am a single mom with a career. I have found it easier to “date” men that are really not the type of man that I would want to have a future with. Maybe it is a self defense mechanism but I have finally seen the light. Seeing the light and acting upon it are two different things. I am trying though.
    I hope you all are having a great weekend. TT, I am so excited that you are sleeping at night. I often catch myself looking for you on social media and it’s nice to see you up and going. When I dont see your morning post I am convinced you have been kidnapped. God forbid if you have a life outside of us lol
    I hope everyone is having a great weekend.
    XoXo

  34. tamaratattles

    Sweetie, rest assured, no one has any reason to kidnap me.

    Kill me, sure. But never kidnap. :)

  35. Margarett

    Tamara,Honey, all of the changes you mentioned sound great! The only thing I can add is to consider making one or two changes at a time.

    There is no reason to sabotage yourself and create a reason to be mean to my friend, Tamara. I speak from experience of setting myself up to fail lots of times. Then I say , “I knew you couldn’t…”!

    I am so proud of you that you realize that you are worth taking loving care of for you and sweet Mr. Banjo!

  36. Lou

    Good for you TT. I tip the scales at 236 on January 8th. January 9 my daughter took me to the gym and I’ve never looked back ..I’m down 51 pounds. For me…low-carb being seems to be the way to go. That way I can still enjoy the diet tonic and vodka. And mayonnaise and bacon or important to me and because I can use them and my diet… It just works for me. I can still make a low-carb cheesecake, have sugar-free candy, and still the cream in my coffee, mayo, wraps, a little bit of bacon on my turkey club wraps , and I also love eggs and I can have them too. It just works for me . My doctor says my numbers have never been better. Best of luck to you!!

    • Minky

      Yay Lou!!! I’ve been doing low carb too, but I’m not nearly as successful as you. I don’t know what the hell is wrong. I guess I’m having a stall, or I need to be stricter about not giving myself excuses to have cheat days. Like I said, my skin and my stomach healing alone has been worth it. But I’ve only lost about 15 pounds since April. 😩

      • Miguel

        That’s amazing, Minky – I’d take that as a HUGE achievement!!! And, way to go, Lou!!!

      • Lou

        Stalling is so annoying and frustrating . I met with the nutritionist and he just said to change it up at the gym so instead of doing the treadmill I started the elliptical and biking and change my weight routine as well. It took about three more weeks but another 12 pounds came off. I was literally stalled for two months. Change up your food and change. up your routine if you exercise . You absolutely have to sweat… I was walking on the treadmill for 4 miles but it was so routine that I wasn’t sweating. The elliptical and the bike kicked my ass. Good luck to you Minky!!

      • Minky

        Thank you so much Lou. And thank you Miguel!!! My first day back at the gym will be this Thursday. Work has just started for me and it’s been extra crazy.

        BTW I tried those shirataki noodles with a vegetable stir fry. They were actually pretty okay. No, not like regular noodles, but for one net carb and 15 calories per serving in a two serving package, not too shabby. I used the “Zero Pasta” brand that you can find in supermarkets. Now I’m envisioning doing a home-made ramen with them. Can’t wait!

  37. SaraK

    I’m on my way! I do giggle a bit when folks say…fruit has sugar too, watch out. For me, my ass did not get this size by the huge amounts of fruit I have eaten😜

  38. JKR

    I’ll keep with my normal trend and toss in something depressing because life couldn’t possibly pick up these days. Almost lost my father tuesday to a freak accident and I’m still traumatized from the experience. He’s severely disfigured but will live.
    On the plus side, I’ve lost five pounds in under a week. The trauma has done wonders for my waist line. I have been trying to get back into a work out and diet routine for weeks, but I’d rather still be fat than be skinny and terrified of sleeping or too anxious to eat.
    Yay, I’m fun. Always showing up with a positive attitude, over here.

  39. Cat

    Congratulations, TT! Sounds like you are doing everything right!

    What you are doing is NOT a “diet”. It is a lifestyle change. And that is the way to go. Eating for health, the weight will come off naturally.

    I have made similar changes. Yes, I need to lose weight. But more importantly, I needed to get healthy. I knew I had to do something after having breast cancer…and almost not surviving. That, and having doctors put me on yet ANOTHER medication. I have never been much of a pill taker. 5 medications was crazy, to me. Why not 50…or 100?

    Then, I caught a program on PBS. There are so many programs like the one I saw, but this was different. And the doctor pushing the book and DVDs made it easy.

    GBOMBS. That was the focus.

    G: Greens
    B: Beans
    O: Onions
    M: Mushrooms
    B: Berries
    S: Seeds and nuts

    He calls this a “Nutritarian Diet”, although it’s not really a diet, but a lifestyle.

    I started slowly. First, I cut down on salt. Since 3 of my meds were for high blood pressure. The next month, I cut white carbs, potatoes, rice, bread, etc. The month after that, it was sugar. Cancer LOVES sugar. That was the hardest for me. I’m a Twinkie Kid.

    This month, I cut back on cheese. I also started juicing a lot, because, like you mentioned, I am lazy, and don’t want to cook. Besides, it was just too hot. And, I was bored with food, especially with animal proteins.

    I found that sticking with GBOMBS, I felt better. Instead of salads, with dressing, I started juicing my veggies. And, I loved it!

    One problem I had with the strong chemo I was given was that the toxins killed my sense of taste. Things that I normally liked (like bacon), now taste horrible. In juicing my veggies (spinach, cabbage, peas, water and ice), I experienced a flavor explosion!

    I went from there to juicing fruit. And I did that out of curiosity and economics. With a limited income, I had to either starve the last week of the month, or find a way to stretch produce. Juicing was the trick I was looking for.

    I began sleeping better. No more insomnia. And, I started losing weight.

    I did check with my doctors, and nutritionist. They all agreed, GBOMBS are super foods.

    I have not taken ANY meds in over 2 months. And my blood pressure is now normal.

    Keep up the great work. And don’t feel guilty about the pineapple upsidedown cake. By eating a mostly plant based diet, you can afford to treat yourself now and then.

    I bought a piece of cake last month. It made me sick. I think I’ve finally kicked the sugar habit. This is just the beginning.

    Next month, I will experiment with soups. :)

    • Cat

      By the way, I asked the nutritionist how many servings of fruit I should eat daily for health AND weight loss. She said on a plant based diet, you could eat 5 or MORE servings of fruit, because you are not consuming other sugars (sodas, cookies, etc.) or carbs (bread, potatoes, etc.) Fresh fruit does not have THAT much fructose.

      And…I don’t juice EVERYTHING. I still have my tacos on Tuesday. You cannot juice a taco. (Yuck.) But I WILL have a green drink before tacos. That way, I have only one or two, instead of more.

      It’s a process.

  40. Plant based diet with foods as grown – really will make a difference in how you feel and in the waistline. I envy those of you who can drink your calories – I need to chew on something. Fruits have lots of sugar, so I prefer veggies- that way I can have the occasional glass of wine or piece of cake. I found caffeine the most painful to give up. I knew I had quite the coffee habit going, but I had no idea it would be physically painful to abstain. It’s been 2 years now, and the switch to decaf was way worth it. For some reason, caffeine starting triggering heart palpitations during menopause.

  41. Toni Lee Gildea

    I am enjoying the last of the tomatoes from my deck planters. This was the best year for them so far.
    When I was picking the tiny plants, I picked up a cherry tomato, and thought the other one was a grape tomato plant. Turns out it said Black Cherry tomato, and it is to die for. My new favorite thing.
    Tomorrow I start canning the first of 2 bushels of tomatoes.

  42. tamaratattles

    I feel like shit.

    It started yesterday late afternoon. I FORCED myself to go for a second walk with Banjo. It was probably less than 15 minutes. Everything was hurting and it was hard to get through. I was cranky with Banjo. I was exhausted and took a shower just to weke up. Got through all my primetime blogs, and fianlly fell out around 1 am. Got up at 11. Had a ….not quite headache… my head felt very heavy and like it was swollen. My body felt like it had been beaten all over with a sac of quarters. I felt almost like a liquor hangover. I don’t drink liquor very often because it doesn’t take much for me to get a hangover.

    I’ve been exhausted all day. I can’t believe it is 7 pm. I am going to TRY to drag myself around the block with Banjo in hopes of a burst of energy to keep me awake to recap RHOOC tonight.

    I dont understand this. I do no alcohol, no sugar, no processed food pretty much every Lent and feel great. And I was feeling great until the last few days. I am still on the easy part of the plan. Still allowing sugar and caffiene. Not sure why I am experiencing a blip in my feeling of well being.

    Just wanted to whine…

    • Katherine 2.0

      Detoxing. Remember? This too shall pass. Keep going!

    • yeah..your in a war..your body is fighting your mind!…you’ll be great…do some people watching..and your body is resisting…you will overcome..and keep posting after you get back..have some tea..real..tea..and chill..we are here for you bud!

    • JoJoFLL

      Your body should be expelling everything so you should feel like crap.

      Hang in there!

    • tamaratattles

      Yeah, I do this at least once a year and this is like maybe the beginning of week three? Unlike last night when I felt worse after our very short stroll, tonight I caught a second wind.

      I think it is most the ginormous weight. Hopefully that will be dwindling down soon.

  43. Parathyroid problem perhaps? That’s probably why. I wish that one day you would listen to me. I don’t know if you have had your calcium & parathyroid hormone checked – I know I’ve been harping on you about it for years now like a broken record but chances are some of the people posting here actually have this problem. But most doctors don’t understand or diagnose the disease correctly. You can eat healthy all you want but nothing can fix the parathyroid problem but surgery. I got so frustrated that I would feel puffy and hungover and “soul-suckingly tired” for seemingly no reason. I lived my life in a fog. I had anxiety and depression, digestion problems, kidney stones, etc…

    If it’s not that, have you ever had your vitamin D checked? (Incidentally parathyroid and vitamin D deficiency can go hand in hand but can also stand separately on their own.. When I had it, the sun made me feel sick.) Of course, now I have a pituitary tumor so that’s a whole new set of problems… Brain surgery next and that won’t be a fun recovery.

    Parathyroid problems usually coincide with menopause so a lot of women think it’s menopause but then it just kinda hangs on and “feeling like shit” becomes the new normal. New estimates say 25% of those diagnosed with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome actually have hyperparathyroidism & could be cured with a simple 20 minute surgery. Instead they are put on medications to treat each individual symptom (as I was) and told it’s something they will have to suffer from the rest of their lives.

    Incidentally – I hope it’s not any of those things I mentioned and I really hope you are feeling better soon, TT. It’s been a really long road & I feel your pain.

    I’ll stop talking now. Sending you well wishes!

    • Dee

      Interesting info on parathyroid, Vitamin D. Tamara also watches a lot of Big Brother for us. That messes with her sleep quite a bit. Um allegedly 😉

  44. tamaratattles

    Feeling much better to day! Banjo is thrilled, he had a morning walk, a car ride to the Dog Food store where he got to go inside, and we stopped at the dog park on the way home all before 2 pm.

    The dog park was empty, because HOT so he was able to go in and snoop around a bit. We’re working on coming when called in exciting circumstances. He’s um. Still learning. LOL.

    We will probably get another walk in tonight.

    • Dee

      So happy to hear you’re feeling better!! I had a dental implant, not bad, considering how nervous I was. Are you thinking about getting one? Have a great evening walk!

      • Dee

        Dear Tamara, as you take baby steps to changing the way you eat. The best diet/change in eating I ever did, was the one for diabetics. I lost 30 lbs in 3 months.
        Hop you had a good nights sleep and are feeling great!

  45. Sliceo'pie

    THIS COMMENT IS BY SLICEO’PIE IT WAS POSTED IN THE WRONG THREAD SO I’M MOVING IT BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.

    Can I go off topic? I’m alone, upset and ..upset and it’s late here.

    I returned from vacation yesterday – away for 2 months – husband visited for only 8 days.
    I received a call Wed morning that my mother was in admitted to hospital Tuesday and was now in ICU- unable to walk, shaking, seizures and horrible delusions – tubes coming outta everywhere. She is only 74. My father said not to visit – she is out of it-wait a few days. Father began to cry on phone – this never ever happens.

    Needless to say I was upset and spent the whole day in bed, watching odd independent films, feeling depressed, drapes closed, trying to sleep and forget.

    Husband comes home, eats dinner and at 8:30 marches in our bedroom with a very stern expression on his face and says, “we have to talk, NOW”. I thought, “Oh God-what have I done” I felt like a kid.

    He took me into the study and said, “I’m not happy, I”m leaving” He said he wants a divorce and it’s final. He’s threatened many times before and left once 6 yrs ago for 7 months. This time is definitely it.
    I”m 52 with a 12.5 year old son (very sweet and sensitive-this will be very very hard on him-he’s now really beginning to bond with his dad).

    I”m numb, angry, crying, confused, afraid…I haven’t worked in 13 years and that was in our family business, I didn’t finish college as I was in the throws of alcoholism at the time.
    I’m afraid of being alone (abandonment issues), money problems, taking care of my son with this horrible man I once cared about

    I think he was such a cold bastard for telling me tonight – he couldn’t wait until the weekend? He’s clearly fine-walking around – reading the paper, chatting with my son like it’s all good -probably feels a load off – he looks kinda content – I want to knock his block off.

    Sorry – I was hoping it would be cathartic to write instead of eat-one can only eat so much ice cream before becoming sick.

    • tamaratattles

      I am so sorry you are going through so much. Are your parents in the same town or a different one? Perhaps you could take your son and go visit your Dad for a bit? It sounds like he needs you and this would give you something to focus on other than your husband?

      I am not sure what else to say other than, I live alone without an adorable son and it’s really not this horrible thing that married people tell themselves it is. Every time I read one of these posts here, which happens way too often, I honestly feel lucky that I didn’t marry any of the men that wanted to along the way or any of the men I wanted to that didn’t offer. It truly sounds bloody awful by most accounts.

      Take care of yourself, your kid and your parents and try not to think about the soon to be ex. It doesn’t sound like he was much comfort to start with.

      • Slice O Pie, I’m so sorry what you are going through right now. I agree with Margaret and TT. I would tell your husband, fine, but for right now, I need to deal with my mother and be there for my father. We can deal with the divorce afterwards. Go visit your father and stay with him if he is out of town. He needs you. If your husband is a good father, let your son stay with him. You don’t need the extra stress of worrying and taking care of your son during this.

        Congrats on giving up alcohol for all these years. Just please don’t turn back to it. Your husband is so not worth throwing away such a great achievement.

        Take care of yourself first and sending positive thoughts for your mother.

    • Margarett

      Oh gosh, Sliceo’Pie, I don’t know what to say. Your husband’s timing could not be worse!

      My suggestion, for what it’s worth, is to put him on the back burner. Spend as much time with your mom and dad. You can deal with the situation with your husband at a later time.

      Hang in, Honey!

    • Cat

      I don’t have any great words of wisdom to offer…all I can do is offer my love, support, and friendship.

      I agree with the advice others have offered.

      Men can be so cold, sometimes. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Someday, he will realize what he threw away.

    • tamaratattles

      Hey Slice! Time to get up and slay the dragons! And you are not alone silly. We are all right here for you when you need us! Don’t hesitate to vent all you want here. It is cathartic, I do it all the time.

    • Dee

      Lime, I’m so sorry, what a jerk! He kicks you when you’re down?! I would do what everyone has suggested, take your son, go be with your Dad, take any all money, jewelry, valuables. Again, what a jerk!! Gentle Hugs!

    • Auntie Velvet

      Holy hell — is he an actual sociopath to do this to you when the crisis is hitting with your mother? I am so sorry!

      (And I feel you on the money and work worries. I work from home because of intense anxiety, but don’t make very much. I’d be sunk — or at least feel that way at first — if my husband ever decided to leave.)

      I hope you are able to be with your parents soon. It sounds like you all need each other.

    • Miguel

      Hi Sliceo’pie, my heart goes out to you!!! THAT GUY IS AN UTTER ASSHOLE – I have grown weary, over the years, apologizing/rationalizing our behaviour & often say, the Y-chromosome is unconscionable! I am blathering now, as I lack the soothing words that may help; instead, I am angry.

      I am sooooooo sorry your cross is so heavy now & pray you and yours find solace. I have found meditation & prayer to be the key in inundating situations; as the higher power NEVER tires & will feed your soul!!! When it seems you are under attack from all sides & your heart is weary, this will sustain and propel you – emotionally mentally, spiritually & physically.

      Warmest wishes and blessings to you & your family, now & always!!!

  46. Christina

    I am often a bit cut & dry (the Capricorn in me)… You need to contact an attorney immediately & no matter what, do NOT leave the marital home. If you have not worked outside of the home or outside of the family business, you are entitled to so much more than you realize, and a good attorney will ensure that.

    Yes, this sucks… It sadly is now a business relationship & you will do best to treat it as such (the one thing I learned from a forced parenting class when I divorced my son’s father).

    Reach out to your sponsor (if you have one, I hope you do)… And remember, you have a son that needs you.

    Hugs (and I am not a hugger)

    • Joanplus2dogs

      I agreed with attorney asap! Besides valuables in the home, of all things lock down the money! All bank accounts, credit cards, lines of credit, 401k, insurance policies, car titles, deed to home, anything to do with money & has your names on it.

      While it is tough being middle age single parent with sick aged parents, he could make it worse especially financially. Attorney hopefully has some ways to help slow down process while you can deal with your parents first. It is not so bad being single nowadays. It allows you a lot more freedom & stuff exactly the way you want rather than asking & comprising & answering only to yourself. You might be surprised after a while to be positive aspects. Good luck & keep us updated.

      • Margarett

        Please heed the practical advice given here. I’d have been so much better off had I been counseled in this practical, loving, way!

        Even though one is going through an emotionally trying time. It won’t be easier by short changing yourself. Some fine day you’ll just hate that you were a sappy, silly person who was just “easy pickings”.

    • Dandy Lion

      Oh gosh Slice, I’m so sorry this is all happening at once. I agree with all of the great advice. Wishing the best possible outcome.

  47. tamaratattles

    Great advice Christina. I didn’t even think of all the divorce advice. She does need to get an atty asap. at lot of people I know who have divorced have gone in for a consultation with ALL the top attys in town because once the atty meets with one party they can’t represent the other. Apparently this is all the rage in acrimonious divorces.

    • Auntie Velvet

      Christina, is there a legal definition of “leaving the marital home” in terms of amount of days away? I was thinking about the potential need to visit her mother in the hospital.

      • Christina

        She needs an attorney to advise her before spending even a night away from the marital home. Husband could change the locks & claim she abandoned the home, which is another legal nightmare she would have to face. If he left the home for any reason, that’s what I would personally do & file a restraining order that protects the property.

        She would also be wise to pull at least 50% of any funds in any joint accounts, because legally either could walk in alone & empty the accounts… Another battle that would be dealt with in court and there is nothing the banks can do. I learned this all by personal experience & my knowledge of the law has saved my ass, as well as friends who wanted to turn a bond eye & say “he/she would never do that to me.”

    • Sabrina

      Slice, I am so very sorry you are going through this. It sounds like in many ways you have been on your own a long time- and have been doing fine; this will fall in place.
      As you focus on supporting your son, you will do well if he is ok. Andyou have each other-that is everything.
      If there is anything acrimonious in your case, please see a lawyer that much sooner- and if you are concerned that he will file for custody , do all you can to be sure he can’t get at anything(documentation, medication lists) , while you live in the same house, that could be used against you. Defensively, an attorney would tell you to make copies of things you might be able to use that show his vulnerability if forced to. I was asked to help consult on a family divorce this turning ugly about custody just last night. Our niece has not thought he would be critical of her- and has gotten none of the info she might have of his issues/history, and was served with a document yesterday that he is using to try to make her out to be an unfit mom. I mention it because these things happen- and while you are shocked and hurt, many men or their attorneys go for the jugular. You are in a position to protect yourself- and need to do so, practically, now, I am sorry to say.

      You have many friends and supporters here- do know I’ll be hoping to hear how you are doing, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone- at all!!. There’s a phalanx of TT commenters who care very much!!

  48. SJ

    Turning into myself and knowing I would be OK helped me When a similar thing happened to me. Dealing with the abandonment and self-esteem issues becomes easier once You reached that point of knowing You will be OK. Once I met with the lawyers, I really started to feel better. Don’t let your husbands crazy journey destroy you and your beautiful son. Think of creative ways to retaliate … You don’t have to act on them, but I did enjoy the new car I went out and bought

    • SJ

      The above is ment for Slice of pie.

    • Margarett

      Oh, SJ, I cracked up when I read the end of your comment. I did the same thing…a yellow mustang convertible!

      My friends and I used to call it, “spite shopping”. That’s less damaging all around than “spite screwing”. 😉

  49. Hugs to SliceOPie. Been there and survived it. If there are questions you have , I am sure with the group here, we can help ease your mind some.
    I was a military, stay at home mom and was awarded 5 years of alimony after 22 yrs of marriage. You would also get child support. There are usually webpages for each state, to give you an idea of what you can ask for. Divorce is costly. Usually a $1500 up-front payment. Cost me $6000 by the time it was over and we didn’t have property or custody at that point.
    Find out who in town is considered the best and go see them, even if its just for a consultation. That takes that person out of the running to represent your soon to be ex.
    So many things I could say, but will wait and see what you need answered.

    Your son will adjust and this storm will pass. It just will take time.
    Hugs, positive thoughts and prayers sent.

  50. I believe that “abandonment” issues are for real…it can take on many different forms of acting out and, well, how can ANYBODY, not have experienced it.

    I just got back from watching Meryl Streep in a movie about Florence Foster Jenkins…a
    true story.

    The movie was good and took place in the 40’s.

    When we left the theatre, streets were being blocked off and we were back into the reality of crowd control.

    But it was enjoyable.

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