If it feels like we have been talking about this hideous storyline all day, it’s because we have. Here and also Here. I’m overly saturated with the topic and moreso but the morons that say things like, “this isn’t Bethenny’s fault it’s Tom’s.” Which is horseshit. Bethenny has been stabbing at Luann the entire season and has literally hired a fucking P.I. to follow Tom while she and Luann were in Florida. She is a despicable person. That is what we are here to discuss. Luann’s method of dealing with Tom’s ass has not been the focus of the show we are discussing.
Okay so it is one picture. And Bethenny seems to know that he left without paying his tab. She sure does know every little detail doesn’t she. It was super important for her to tell Luann that he left the girl with the check. She sure got her moneys worth.
Dorinda and Jules point out that the photo is not time stamped and could be from any time. As they console Luann, Bethenny’s minions come in to comfort her. Because really, this is all about Bethenny and her feelings. Ramona and Bethenny try to out fake cry each other. Ramona of course had it worse because she found out on Page Six, which she keeps repeating hoping someone will agree with her. Seriously, we are supposed to believe that Bethenny just ended Luann’s engagement and Bethenny is being the most dramatic person of them all. Ordering her minions to get her a drink and then leave the room because Lu is back and “she doesn’t want to do this as a group thing.” She had no problem telling the whole group before she dumped on Luann but now, she doesn’t want a group thing.
There it is. Bethenny blurts out that she knows it was Wednesday night because she talked to the bartenders and the manager of The Regency. What great publicity for that shit hole.
Bethenny proceeds to say she needs to tell Tom she knows it was Wednesday night. She tells Luann to tell him that at the very least he owes her honesty. And she plants the seed that he might not even remember it. She’s going to continue to drive this car until it goes off the cliff and bursts into flames. Why is Lu even listening to her anymore. Bethenny says, “I don’t know that I trust him.” Who the fuck cares if you trust him, you self-centered piece of feces?
In the other room Dorinda tells Ramona that Luann is devastated. Ramona’s response? “Yeah, well how do you think I felt?” What the hell is wrong with these women?
Luann says she is not going to let a kiss ruin her marriage. Bethenny stops her and says that she needs to give her the “time stamp.” It was from 11:31 to 12:39. So someone was sitting there with a stop watch for 68 minutes or she watched a closed circuit video. While Luann is talking to Tom on the phone, Bethenny changes the start time to 10:45. Later after everyone has calmed down a bit Bethenny says that “the guy” told her that “hundreds of people walked in and it’s the first thing they saw!” Why would a manager tell that to someone if as Bethenny claims she was pretending to be the woman who made out with Tom? Bethenny is a lying liar who lies. She is making less sense than Sonja.
Later that day, back in NYC, Luann checks herself into The Marmara Hotel. This is suspicious because they allowed filming. Which means production would have had to set this up ahead of time. I guess they could have done that without telling her in advance and then said, hey, we got you this nice room for promotional consideration you need to at least pretend to go check in there. She’s clearly unpacking.
Apparently, Lu and Tom called Dorinda from The Regency and says he wants to bring over a couple of waiters to explain what happened to her and he wants her to explain to the bitches and make it right with them. There sure are a lot of people speaking for Tom in this episode. Dorinda says when she refused to do that, he said she wasn’t invited to the wedding and isn’t going to be friends with Luann anymore.
Luann and Tom are back together but she is still staying at the hotel. She is also setting about white washing the whole makeout sesh while trying to save face. I think she should have just said, yes he did it, it was bad and I have forgiven him. But what I think matters just as much as what Bethenny thinks. She’s a grown women and she knows what she is doing.
Bethenny is having a party which I am sure will be our promotional scenes of her swill for this episode. Oh look, it is just that. It’s literally going to be a 15 minute commercial. Carole brings her boytoy who she has made get a hair cut and clean up. He still looks 12.
Speaking of cheaters, Michael is there with Jules. Sonja is there with Rocco wearing God knows what. I really can’t explain it. It’s like a Flamenco dress with a black bed ruffle on top or something. John arrives with Dorinda.
Bethenny has a pinata with $10,000 worth of jewelry inside. And only the housewives can take a swing at it. What is the point of that exactly?
Oh dear God. I thought I was almost done. There is an additional fifteen minutes of this crap.
Jules confessional about her eight anniversary makes it clear she was blindsided by the affair. Wow.
What is vegetarian ceviche? It’s that just raw veggies with lime dressing?
Somehow something Jules says to Bethenny gets Dorinda in hot water. All Dorinda told Jules was to stand up for herself to Bethenny instead of just complaining to Dorinda about it. Bethenny calls Dorinda the village shit stirrer. Gotta love a hostess who insults all of her invited guests.
Sonja has apparently never seen a tamale before. Sidenote: Authentic tamales were on sale at Kroger today. Yay!
Time for Bethenny to go in on Luann some more. First Luann asked how it is that Bethenny knew every detail of every moment of a 2 hour period. It felt invasive. Luann tells Bethenny to stop digging into her life with Tom. They are going to get married and be happy. Bethenny’s response is, “You’re right. It’s absolutely none of my business. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. It won’t happen again.” Oh wait. This is Bethenny we are talking about. Her response was a snide, “Well the, I feel sorry for you.” Luann tells her again to please keep any gossip she hears to herself. She is not interested in her information. Bethenny says, “Fine if I see him fucking someone in the middle of the street, I won’t tell you. ” Luann says, “Please don’t but that is not going to happen.” Bethenny is being Bethenny. Luann announces her departure.
Immediately, Ramona, Bethenny and Carole start trashing Luann.
Time for the stupid pgame. I hope they all bash each other to death with the sticks. Sadly, they don’t.
The three part reunion starts next week.