Real Housewives of New Jersey: Swimming With The Gefilte Fishes

RHONJ teresa ashlee
I literally had to force myself to wake up from my coma for this episode of RHONJ. I’m pretty sure it is not going to be worth missing any sleep over, but maybe they will surprised me.

Dolores is renovating her house. Wait, no she isn’t Frank her ex husband has completely taken over the project, and he is doing things his way. Siggy seems to be more upset about her lack of input than Dolores is about hers. I really wish I could have my kitchen gutted. I should have done it years ago but I wasn’t planning on staying here anywhere near as long as I have. Now I feel some sort of way about doing it for the next person.  Later the girls come over to “help” with some demo. Delores’s business partner in the gym calls pissed because once again she has not gone in to work.

Since Dolores and Siggy have basically been run out of Delores’ house they head over to Jac’s to find her shoveling her own sidewalk.  Or so we are supposed to believe. Of course it is time to rehash the fight between Jac and Tre. Even production is supporting Jac’s side of the events and actually shows that Teresa started the whole mess by bringing up crap from five years ago that Teresa has agreed to put behind them several times already.  Of course we have the counterpoint over at Melissa and Joe’s, because Melissa has been tasked with fighting Teresa’s battles.

Teresa gets to remove her anklet bracelet. I am so tired of seeing Teresa’s ass in the air. I’m also annoyed that all of Teresa’s furniture is still in her house. Crime does pay.

RHONJ Dinner with Jac
Melissa meet Jac to yell at her for calling Joe during the fight with Teresa. While I agreed that was a shady move, this scene is ridiculous.  Melissa’s argument of “how dare you call my husband” when Jac and Joe Gorga are friends is ridiculous. Jac’s literal finger pointing while defending herself is ridiculous. This scene is merely to establish that it will be Melissa and Teresa versus Jac for the entire season. It’s the lead up to the big showdown in Vermont.  It’s all ridiculous storyline.  This show is difficult to recap because there is literally no one to consistently root for. It’s a matter of picking who is the least wrong in each scene.

Siggy wants to get back in touch with her Jewish heritage.  Later we see Siggy’s 16 year old son who has an immaculate bedroom with a conveniently played Hebrew bumper sticker. I’ve never seen a teenaged boy with a room like that. Later during the Shabbat preparations with the entire family, we get more discussions about the cell phones.  I’m tired of that storyline as well. During the extended family meal, right in front of her grandparents and cousins, Sophie sarcastically says, “Gee, I love missing plans for this, it’s so much fun.”  My mother would have belted me into next week for that level of disrespect. Siggy says Sophie has lost her phone for another week. Then Josh gets busted on his phone and says, “This conversation is boring the hell out of me right now.” I wish I were wearing my pearls so I could clutch them. Siggy’s father and sister actually stick up for Josh. #FixItJesus

Ashlee’s boyfriend, Pete is hot. But then he starts to talk. Weird how that happens. Pete wants Jac to go ring shopping with him. Does he not have friends or family to do this off camera? When they go shopping, they pretend to look at three carat stones.  Does this guy have a mid six figure income in his twenties?  Why such a ridiculous scene?

Teresa wants to get an edamame to clean her out. Who knew soy was so detoxifying? Oh wait. She means and enema. If ever there was a housewife who needs an enema, it’s Teresa.  Then  the new namaste Teresa goes on a random profanity filled rant mocking Jacqueline.

RHONJ Christmas 2015
Teresa holds a family meeting and asks everyone to write down what they would like to improve with the family. Milania says, “I want to no sisters.” This reminds me of a tweet I read today from Kim Biermann. She told KJ he could pick anywhere he wanted to go for lunch today. KJ said, “Turks and Caicos, I really like that spot.”  Kids really do have the best ideas. Teresa is an expert on dealing with her feelings now.  She wants everyone to express their feelings. Milania has suggestions for everyone. She wants Gia to stop calling her fat. She wants Joe to stop calling her fat. She says Teresa doesn’t listen to her, she just stays on her phone and sometimes she just laughs when it is not even a joke. Gia says that her dad needs to work on his temper, his language and the way he handles things. Gia says Teresa needs to work on staying off her phone, the way she acts and the way she disciplines. Teresa wants to know how she acts and Gia says she tends to overreact to everything. Teresa says she is so mellow since she got home. Gia mocks that assertion. Even Gia isn’t buying the newly reformed Teresa act. Teresa continues to get super defensive and, well, overreact.  Hey, don’t ask for feedback if you don’t want to know.

For Milania’s birthday, they go to one of those anti gravity jump places that simulate sky diving. Milania says, “For my 11th birthday, I want to go really skydiving.” Then she turns to her dad and says, “You’re probably going to be at camp.” This is where we are supposed to feel sorry for someone. I am unmoved. Even though I know that there is a good chance this will be Milania’s last birthday with her dad ever. Milania wants to know how much time he has. He doesn’t give  straight answer. Milania wants to sleep in the bed with her parents. She is going to have the hardest time with Joe going to prison. She’s really closer to him than she is to Teresa.

Dolores and Melissa plan a trip to Vermont for all the girls. The plan is to get Jac and Teresa together. This will not go well. Teresa has a bizarre version of things with Jac. She says she came to Jac with open arms and got slapped. Poor Teresa is the victim once again.

I just noticed Joe is wearing a giant Italian horn. I haven’t seen anyone actually wearing those since the 1980s. Next time I am at my bank I should look for mine.

This episode was nothing but a set up for the next episode. Probably with scenes filmed after they got back

Next Week: It’s the trip to Vermont.

86 Comments

Filed under Dolores Catania, Entertainment News, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Siggy Flicker, Teresa Giudice

86 responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey: Swimming With The Gefilte Fishes

  1. Is Jac now actively having plastic surgery to look like Ashley post-surgery? Also, thank you for waking up on a regular basis. You’re a better woman than I am.

  2. Matzah60

    When I watched the family meeting at the Guidice’s house, it was so sad to see how depressed Audriana was and how detached she had become from the family. It’s heartbreaking. I do feel that she leave home when she is 18 and find her own way and feel set free from all this craziness she has had to endure. Milania has no clue her father won’t be returning. I don’t think that even Gia is aware of this possibility. She probably thinks that some lawyer will come in and save her dad from deportation to Italy. Those kids are going to really suffer. They will all have terrible abandonment issues when their own dad doesn’t return to the house, regardless of how it occurred.

    • Lolita

      What about the one daughter that doesn’t look like any of them…Gabriella???? Giavanna?.. Something with a G….she looks terrified. I’ve never seen her smile. Heartbreaking…she also looks older than all of the girls??? I’m so confused..

      • SabrinaToo

        I think Gabriella and Adriana look alike. I don’t think Gabriella likes being filmed. She is rarely shown on the show.

      • Matzah60

        I think I mentioned the wrong daughter, Lolita. I think it’s Gabriella as you mentioned. She looks traumatized.

      • Kathyd

        Gabriella just breaks my heart. She seems like a kind, sweet child who got swept up in the weirdness. She knows the show makes money so she copes…

      • Tika

        Lolita I thought I was the only one that felt like this Gabriella looks nothing like the other girls. I am starting to wonder…not to mention she seems more sane than any of them

      • Lolita

        She looks NOTHING like the other girls, nor T and Joe. I know it happens, but it’s odd. Pale skin, straight hair…and it makes me wonder if this is why they don’t show her often. I truly don’t recall her in any scenes when she was younger. It’s almost like what TT said a few weeks ago about that son of Jackie’s…like all of a sudden there is the 13 year old boy we never heard of…LOL…maybe I’m just suspect because we recently had some neighbors with a “nephew” that looked IDENTICAL to the sisters husband…you never know…but my heart breaks for all those same children:)

      • Dixie Sugabaker

        Gabriella looks a lot like Joe’s mother. I think she is just a shy child that shouldn’t have to deal with all the lights, cameras and drama.

    • J Stone

      I think u meant Gabriella being detached from the family

      • Matzah60

        Yes, J Stone. You are correct, thanks. I always mix their names up.!!!!

      • peachy Keen

        Poor Gabriella..did watch a show while teresa was at “camp” and gabriellla was cleaning the house..other sisters awol. Thank heavens someone in production thought she needed some attention..most of the time the family doesn’t. Yes, she does look like the rest of the guidice clan..good thing…
        I agree she will be gone at 18 and out. go to college get married and put this trauma of crap behind her…or at least I hope so.

    • minimogul

      Gabriela has always been camera shy. I don’t think she’s sad or depressed. She’s always been the quiet one. Milania on the other hand…lol….the girl’s a handful.

  3. Matzah60

    Delores is deplorable. I don’t care if her ex husband takes over the entire project. The fact that this idiot tells her ex that she wants a budget of 20 grand for each room shows how out of touch she is with the reality of finances and managing a house and budget. The fact that she is willing to let her ex keep paying all her bills, including her plastic surgery expenses (saw her on tv in mini interview saying she got a brazilian butt and that was after completing her face lift) after he obviously gave her alimony and a huge pay out for her divorce, not to mention getting the house paid free and clear. She is just as delusional as Teresa about money. So far, she has no criminal record. She is absolutely clueless about life, IMO.

    I hate Siggy. I don’t think that Siggy’s father and sister were supporting Josh as much as they were putting Siggy in her place. Her sister’s comment saying that Josh doesn’t need to bow down to you was clearly shade. Siggy is all about Siggy and I don’t think she pays much attention to her kids at all. It’s clear she LOVES being on TV.

    • It is so dysfunctional how Dolores interacts with her ex. She should write a book since all the housewives are profiting from them “How to stay single the rest of your life.” No man will ever become her partner as long as she is letting her ex-husband control her life with financial assistance. If her therapist hasn’t told her to change that relationship STAT then she needs a new therapist.. and Siggy, I don’t know why Bravo is intent on allowing Jews to look like total idiots with bratty, entitled kids. My Mother shut off the TV when Siggy asked who Andew Jackson was. I don’t know which is more boring so far, RHONJ or RHOOC?

      • tamaratattles

        Dolores seems perfectly content in the relationship she is in to me. It’s everyone one else that wants to fix her up with someone. Married people seem to think that everyone should be as miserably married as they are…

      • Kathyd

        Dolores is delusional if she thinks she is divorced. They may have gone through the motions, but no. If she expects hubby to pay for her lifestyle, then she still relies on him as if she was married.

      • Matzah60

        I would be content as well if my ex was still paying my bills, remodeling all the rooms in my house, and paying my expenses. However, I never would let that happen. Delores split her assets during the divorce and she got alimony and a lump sum of money as she stated herself. 18 years post divorce, especially in NJ, she could have just been awarded rehabilitative alimony by a Judge which would have only lasted 5 years. In 18 years she could have gotten her BA or got training for a vocation. Delores still has her money from the divorce settlement, 18 years later, to use to invest in ‘her’ gym. If Delores doesn’t want her ex to interfere in her remodeling plans for the whole house, she should have used her settlement money to do the work.

        Personally, I would be embarrassed to let everyone on national TV know that I can’t and won’t take care of myself.

        As a member of the tribe, I don’t like how Jews and Jewish families are being portrayed as idiots either. Her son clearly finds his mom’s ignorance an embarrassment. It’s not Josh’s responsibility to validate his mom. It was clear this Shabbat dinner was a lone, if not a very infrequent occurrence. Siggy’s second husband is Italian and she said she spent her time now celebrating his holidays. No wonder she is getting pushback from her kids about Friday night dinner.

      • Miguel

        Completely agree with your take on Delores, Matzah!!!

      • She has tons of friends and places to be so her life is far from sad or lonely. But she did seem heartsick that her marriage ended and wanted very much to find someone.. which won’t happen as long as the ex is still the man in her life. It’s a bad look for her and most people would be ashamed that he’s still the provider decades after calling it quits.

      • @Matzah , we thought the same about Siggy. Her kids look at her the way the Osbourne kids looked at Sharon when she claimed to be Jewish. There is supposed to be ZERO unpleasant conversation during Shabbat, which was not the case at Siggy’s table. and her son looked thoroughly confused, as if he was holding his tongue.

    • Ktina

      I can’t stand Siggy. She’s so over the top and I can see why her kids don’t want to be around her all that much. She’s a narcissist.

      Delores should be ashamed of herself. I get that his kids still live in the house and that’s why her ex still foots the bill, but really, have some freaking dignity. Of course, she’s fine with the divorce. She was only about the money anyway.

  4. Woah. I thought that was Jac. Crazy.

  5. Swizzle

    #fixitjesus during a Shabbat dinner. Thank you for the laugh!

    • Sue

      Can you please explain this to me? What does Jesus have to do with Shabbat dinner or the kids bad manners?

      • Swizzle

        Jews don’t pray to Jesus, so it’s funny to ask Jesus to fix something during a traditional Jewish Shabbat. TT was just making a joke.

  6. Cat

    I miss Caroline Manzo. This show needs her.

  7. The only one with a triple digit IQ is Melissa. Siggy not knowing who Andrew Jackson was – what an idiot. How come her hubby is not on the show? I feel so bad for Teresa’s kids. Teresa and Joe blame others so they can deny their truth. Sick of Jac crying in every scene.

  8. Honey

    Siggy and her kids (especially her son) play up to the camera. As a “scene” progresses, Siggy gets louder and more dramatic while her son’s shit eating grin gets wider. So hard to watch.

  9. pdt090

    I had to laugh when Jacqueline was referencing all she’s done for Melissa’s family given how she always goes out of her way to get in the middle of the Gorga/Guidice drama and make it worse.

  10. Shay

    Whenever I see Teresa’s dad, he looks posed- Weekend at Bernie’s style.

  11. Are we not to believe Dolores is not giving it uo occasionally 4 Frank. Men think wth that brain mainly.

  12. Diane

    It is all just one bit ongoing yawn 😪😪😪😪 the year long wait for Teresa to return is still a snooze fest. None of the new ladies bring anything interesting. Boring. The Teresa and Jac patio story. Boring.
    Just end it Bravo. Its dead and not responding to the ‘jolts’. Ciao Jersey

    Am I the only one who feels this way?

  13. Noellemybelle

    Cancel this crap! Sad but I would rather watch a Teresa spinoff than RHONJ and Teresa is barely tolerable. I FFW thru Siggy and Delores. Don’t care about anything they have to say. Jac is so desperate to be back on TV and so fake, overreacting to everything. I imagine they don’t have the best yoga resources at “camp” but I feel like Teresa missed the fundamentals of yoga and its more than about posing in the downward dog position tempting your hubby to “hit it from the back”.
    Milani and Gia very honest kids, Milani was probably the sweetest we’ve ever seen her today.
    Gabriella run fast little one run very fast away from this family while you have a chance; take Audriana with you. It’s too late for the others they are in too deep. I felt as thought Gabriella knew if she opened her mouth she would slide her parents so deep with her tongue that the damage would be beyond repair So she held back her feedback and of course she hates the cameras.

    New cast for RHONJ: ax siggy and Deloris
    Justine Simmons (Rev Runs wife – they live in Jersey)

    Dorinda from NYC

  14. iloveearlgrey

    I normally abhor Melissa, but I’m actually liking her this season. I think it’s cuz she stopped trying to be Teresa like in previous seasons and is actually being herself, which is a lot better. Jacqueline is entertaining because she doesn’t give a fuck and just says shit. I don’t like Siggy or Delores. Sorry Siggy, you can’t be the new Caroline trying to give advice and acting like you know it all. She and Delores come across as fake, and it’s just not interesting that way. Teresa is a dumbass. Not because she pretends she’s so stupid, an edamame is supposed to be an enema, but because she is a loser with no introspective capabilities. Watching her rehash the past without taking accountability for one iota of her mistakes is boring and lame. The only things she has going for her are Milania and Joe. She’s not interesting by herself.

  15. Laureen Spina

    I’ve never fast-forwarded through so much of any HW episode as this one. I found the scripted Ashley/Ashlee storyline particularly unbearable. She was already pregnant and planning the engagement by this point, and Jacqueline knew. The whole ‘whoa pump the brakes on starting a family’ was laughable. They obviously got a free ring for all the promotion bc aside from the jeweler being shown on this episode they gave him numerous shout-outs on social media the day of the engagement.

  16. Elizabeth

    Yes, I think this show is over and they know it… I’m embarrassed for them when watching!

  17. Margaret Shepard

    I mentioned it before and will say it again. Siggy never shuts up gesh. I too fast forwarded through most of this. Dolores seems decent but whose ex pays for stuff like this?? Is he some multi- millionaire. He has remarried and she is okay with THIS? Unreal. I like Joe and the kids, Teresa is brain-dead. Jaq is boring and obviously following the villain script for a much needed paycheck. I agree Melissa seems to to be the brightest of the bunch. Cancel this already.

  18. Theresa

    this was once my favorite HW show. Now I can’t stand it. If they want to script it, hire actors. this is absolutely ridiculous.

    I’ve always wondered who’s kid Gabriella is. I feel like she doesn’t look remotely like anyone in the family. Doesn’t act like them either.

    I had high hopes for soggy and Delores and they have been dashed. One is more like fingernails on a chalkboard and the other like paint drying.

    • Theresa

      Whoops! Autocorrected Siggy to soggy which seems very appropriate

    • Ktina

      Gabriella actually looks like Joe’s mom.

      • Spunky2015

        Yes, she does. One of the reasons Teresa can’t move on is that Jac tweeted that Gabrielle is not Joe’s child. Jac wants all to be forgiven but has said some nasty things.

      • Nila

        Really?!?! That is awful, beyond awful. From the start Gabriella didn’t like filming and I think Bravo sorta tried to respect that and didn’t film her much. I remember them explaining her absence from footage when viewers kept asking.

        As far as the comment about how these kids have no idea their father is not returning, do we know he’s not returning???? I thought that call isn’t made u til the end of his time?

      • Lolita

        WHAT???? You would not say anything, if there wasn’t some truth…perhaps a girlfriend’s child of Joe???.. when was this tweet???

      • Erica

        Well, shit. That is just nasty. Even if it is true – you don’t go there.

        I was slightly team J… I understand what she wants, I would it too (for T to be truthful and at least acknowledge that there is a difference between their bankruptcies) – but her delivery sucks donkey balls. But if that is true, that she tweeted that? Done.

      • Matzah60

        @Spunky2015, you stated my own sentiments but much better. Yes, Teresa is a criminal, but so are the Lauritas. While Teresa and Joe filed a fraudulent bankruptcy, the creditors of the Laurita’s along with several other LLCs connected to signature apparel sued the Laurita’s business, Signature Apparrel because they siphoned all the profits for themselves.

        There are three Laurita brothers and their wives, including Jac all named in the suit for emptying the coffers for their own individual gain and then went ahead and filed bankruptcy once they stole all the profits so they wouldn’t be surprised or on the hook to pay the creditors their money. The money was there, but the Laurita’s chose to use that money to buy several properties, extravagant wardrobes, luxurious vacations on someone else’s dime. It’s all semantics, but both Jac and Teresa are guitly of bankruptcy fraud.

        Since it is the creditors who sued the Laurita’s company for bankruptcy fraud, Jac keeps insisting that it is different than Theresa’s fraud. They may not have a DA from NJ going after them, but there are @ 100 creditors to date that bring about their downfall. I don’t even think Jac has a clue what she’s talking about, but she knows she is named as defendant in this bankruptcy fraud suit along with other sheisters in the Laurita family. Jac is one nasty bitch.

      • iloveearlgrey

        Jac tweeted that? What a nasty turd.

      • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

        @Matzah how Jaq thinks she is a better person than Teresa, I’ll never understand. They did the exact same thing – took money that wasn’t theirs through fraudulent means.

      • Matzah60

        @Yoya, exactly! Jaq pretends that since her bankruptcy which the Lauritas created by stealing every cent of profits owed to creditors which was sued by all its creditors for bankruptcy fraud is different than hers because the State Attorney General isn’t filing a case against them. You said it more eloquently and specific than I did. “They took money that wasn’t theirs through fraudulent means.” I’d love to see Jaq in jail as I’ve stated many times here. Their storyline that they need to scale down their life, sell their home, and change their money habits because all their funds have been directed to their son for his special needs is really low. Using your own son as an excuse for criminal behavior, lying about it on national TV, and then accusing Teresa for the same thing is as low as you can go!!

    • i think gabriella is the only kid that looks like joe.

  19. Twilly

    So Teresa is so delusional that even her children telling her how it is doesn’t resonate with her. It must be blissful to be so out of touch with reality. I pity those girls. Teresa will never put their feelings before her own. They have a very selfish, narcissistic mother.

  20. peachy Keen

    MEant to say Gabriella DOES NOT look like rest of Guidicee clan.. opps… glasses fell off my nose.

  21. punkinseed

    I too am sick of the word narcissist being overused. And, mia culpa, I’ve done it myself and have decided to be more parsimonious with that word.
    Gabby looks like Joe’s side of the family, the Giudice side (like Joe’s mom). The other girls, especially Gia and Milania look like T’s mother, as does T.
    It’s horrible that Jac said that about Gabby. One of my aunt’s husbands was sterile, so in order to conceive, back in the late 40’s/early 50’s, she conceive 3 kids via her husband’s brother. We all knew it but we would NEVER ever ever say anything to the kids or my aunt about it. Two of the kids and both of the parents have passed away and we still keep it mum. I always felt it was a great compromise and very open minded of them as this was back before artificial insemination. Anyways, like someone above said, even if true, it’s wrong to ever say anything like Jac said.

  22. SoCalGal

    My most disliked RHONJ personalities of all time are Ashlee and Jac.

    Ashlee alternated between physical attacks, whining, and examining her cuticles or split ends as she did so. Her vocal fry affectations make her repulsive to listen to.

    Jac’s mother was a nut case,too, back in the early days of RHONJ, getting involved massive twitter wars with viewers.

    Nasty bunch of women.

  23. BeetsWhy

    Courtesy of Merriam Webster…

    Synonyms
    egocentricity, egocentrism, egomania, egotism, egoism, navel-gazing, self-absorption, self-centeredness, self-concern, self-interest, self-involvement, selfishness, selfness, self-preoccupation, self-regard

    Personally never none of them thrill me, I might need to find a new word all together…

  24. Corporate fraud (despite corporations being “people”) is much more acceptable, apparently.

  25. Pamela Jenkins

    Here’s my two cents… Teresa was all for the friendship with Jacqueline and Melissa as long as they went along with her version of the history of the relationship. Teresa approached both of them with her Rewritten version of History and Melissa didn’t challenge her and Jacqueline did. Teresa had an agenda coming out of prison to paint herself as the victim and if you don’t go along with it you’re out. Jacqueline isn’t smart enough to know that since Teresa is the show she better get on board or jump off the train.

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