I literally had to force myself to wake up from my coma for this episode of RHONJ. I’m pretty sure it is not going to be worth missing any sleep over, but maybe they will surprised me.
Dolores is renovating her house. Wait, no she isn’t Frank her ex husband has completely taken over the project, and he is doing things his way. Siggy seems to be more upset about her lack of input than Dolores is about hers. I really wish I could have my kitchen gutted. I should have done it years ago but I wasn’t planning on staying here anywhere near as long as I have. Now I feel some sort of way about doing it for the next person. Later the girls come over to “help” with some demo. Delores’s business partner in the gym calls pissed because once again she has not gone in to work.
Since Dolores and Siggy have basically been run out of Delores’ house they head over to Jac’s to find her shoveling her own sidewalk. Or so we are supposed to believe. Of course it is time to rehash the fight between Jac and Tre. Even production is supporting Jac’s side of the events and actually shows that Teresa started the whole mess by bringing up crap from five years ago that Teresa has agreed to put behind them several times already. Of course we have the counterpoint over at Melissa and Joe’s, because Melissa has been tasked with fighting Teresa’s battles.
Teresa gets to remove her anklet bracelet. I am so tired of seeing Teresa’s ass in the air. I’m also annoyed that all of Teresa’s furniture is still in her house. Crime does pay.
Melissa meet Jac to yell at her for calling Joe during the fight with Teresa. While I agreed that was a shady move, this scene is ridiculous. Melissa’s argument of “how dare you call my husband” when Jac and Joe Gorga are friends is ridiculous. Jac’s literal finger pointing while defending herself is ridiculous. This scene is merely to establish that it will be Melissa and Teresa versus Jac for the entire season. It’s the lead up to the big showdown in Vermont. It’s all ridiculous storyline. This show is difficult to recap because there is literally no one to consistently root for. It’s a matter of picking who is the least wrong in each scene.
Siggy wants to get back in touch with her Jewish heritage. Later we see Siggy’s 16 year old son who has an immaculate bedroom with a conveniently played Hebrew bumper sticker. I’ve never seen a teenaged boy with a room like that. Later during the Shabbat preparations with the entire family, we get more discussions about the cell phones. I’m tired of that storyline as well. During the extended family meal, right in front of her grandparents and cousins, Sophie sarcastically says, “Gee, I love missing plans for this, it’s so much fun.” My mother would have belted me into next week for that level of disrespect. Siggy says Sophie has lost her phone for another week. Then Josh gets busted on his phone and says, “This conversation is boring the hell out of me right now.” I wish I were wearing my pearls so I could clutch them. Siggy’s father and sister actually stick up for Josh. #FixItJesus
Ashlee’s boyfriend, Pete is hot. But then he starts to talk. Weird how that happens. Pete wants Jac to go ring shopping with him. Does he not have friends or family to do this off camera? When they go shopping, they pretend to look at three carat stones. Does this guy have a mid six figure income in his twenties? Why such a ridiculous scene?
Teresa wants to get an edamame to clean her out. Who knew soy was so detoxifying? Oh wait. She means and enema. If ever there was a housewife who needs an enema, it’s Teresa. Then the new namaste Teresa goes on a random profanity filled rant mocking Jacqueline.
Teresa holds a family meeting and asks everyone to write down what they would like to improve with the family. Milania says, “I want to no sisters.” This reminds me of a tweet I read today from Kim Biermann. She told KJ he could pick anywhere he wanted to go for lunch today. KJ said, “Turks and Caicos, I really like that spot.” Kids really do have the best ideas. Teresa is an expert on dealing with her feelings now. She wants everyone to express their feelings. Milania has suggestions for everyone. She wants Gia to stop calling her fat. She wants Joe to stop calling her fat. She says Teresa doesn’t listen to her, she just stays on her phone and sometimes she just laughs when it is not even a joke. Gia says that her dad needs to work on his temper, his language and the way he handles things. Gia says Teresa needs to work on staying off her phone, the way she acts and the way she disciplines. Teresa wants to know how she acts and Gia says she tends to overreact to everything. Teresa says she is so mellow since she got home. Gia mocks that assertion. Even Gia isn’t buying the newly reformed Teresa act. Teresa continues to get super defensive and, well, overreact. Hey, don’t ask for feedback if you don’t want to know.
For Milania’s birthday, they go to one of those anti gravity jump places that simulate sky diving. Milania says, “For my 11th birthday, I want to go really skydiving.” Then she turns to her dad and says, “You’re probably going to be at camp.” This is where we are supposed to feel sorry for someone. I am unmoved. Even though I know that there is a good chance this will be Milania’s last birthday with her dad ever. Milania wants to know how much time he has. He doesn’t give straight answer. Milania wants to sleep in the bed with her parents. She is going to have the hardest time with Joe going to prison. She’s really closer to him than she is to Teresa.
Dolores and Melissa plan a trip to Vermont for all the girls. The plan is to get Jac and Teresa together. This will not go well. Teresa has a bizarre version of things with Jac. She says she came to Jac with open arms and got slapped. Poor Teresa is the victim once again.
I just noticed Joe is wearing a giant Italian horn. I haven’t seen anyone actually wearing those since the 1980s. Next time I am at my bank I should look for mine.
This episode was nothing but a set up for the next episode. Probably with scenes filmed after they got back
Next Week: It’s the trip to Vermont.