After a brief delay caused by my desire to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Rio last night, it’s time once again to check in on the Real Housewives of Melbourne. Tonight will apparently be centered around who Gamble will invite to her wedding.
Gamble is in the kitchen with husband to be Rich and Rick’s son discussing Pettifleur. Rich, who I think is terribly attractive, says he quite likes Petti while Luke suggests they “put her in the freezer with Janet.” Gamble has a photo of Janet in her freezer and she swears she has not had any problems with Janet since she tucked her in amongst the frozen peas. I’m going to need a bigger freezer. I love this family dynamic. I appreciate them sitting at the table eating dinner at a properly set table. Gamble is torn about excluding Petti because she is a nice person, but she hates Petti and so does Luke. Why have someone at your wedding who is your enemy? But Rich says to be the bigger person and invite her.
Gina is developing a perfume. She is quickly becoming one of those housewives who is over diversifying. Running a business is very time consuming. Running three or four generally means that they all fall short of their full potential. The fragrance conversation is hysterical. I love that drag queens come up in the conversation.
Petti is filming with her sister because people seem to already be distancing themselves from Petti. Gillian looks quite a bit like Petti. She also seems very nervous and standoffish. This conversation is very awkward. I literally opened my junk mail during this scene.
We are recyling a storyline from Southern Charm and it was ridiculous when Cameran did it the first time.
Finally we get to my favorite, Lydia. I never realized her house was so very 50 Shades of Grey. And there of course is Johanna, literally on her knees slaving away. Lydia asks her if she ever takes a break to read. Johanna just laughs. As if she ever gets a moment to herself. Meanwhile Lydia is in a room full of showy books thumbing through one backwards. It may be the first time she has ever held a book before. It’s as if she doesn’t quite know what to do with it and is really thinking about what menial, meaningless task she can give Johanna next. Should she redo the fridge? Or perhaps the pantry? Are the spices alphabetized? Lydia tells Johanna, “That would be cool, wouldn’t it?” Johanna keeps the same blank stare during the conversation. Because, cleaning out the fridge is definitely not cool. Especially if it is mine. I conduct many science experiments in my refrigerator. Lydia assures us over and over in her confessional about how much she simply adores Johanna.
Lydia gets her new Porsche. And another opportunity to flirt with the car salesman. Figaro has a car seat! Banjo would never stay in one of those.
I’m trying to like Janet. She is meeting for lunch with her step daughter that she hasn’t seen since she divorced her ex two years ago. The stepdaughter is heartbroken that Janet didn’t respond to her texts after the breakup of her marriage. Janet is quite emotional and they clear the air. The step daughter really wants Janet to reconcile with her father.
Gamble’s Invitation Party
Gamble has all the girls over to pass out her wedding invitations. This is a very interesting concept. Let’s see how this goes. Janet’s ex drives her to the party so she won’t have to drink and drive. In the process, he receives an invitation to be Janet’s plus one. Brian (the ex) says that if her marriage doesn’t work out, he wants to be the first to know. My reactions was, “what an assholey comment!” Janet says that is Brian being his usual flirty self.
Petti, Jackie and Susie all go to the party in the same car. This show would be much better if this car full of women just kept on driving until they were out of camera range.
Lydia walks in and pats Petti and her furry white hat on the head. Susie said is was like Lydia was patting a furry white Ewok. Which is a perfect description of the encounter. Then, to annoy Susie (YES!) and the others even more, Gamble asks Lydia to join her privately in another room, while the other women are left to their own devices to talk amongst themselves.
While the ladies inside are sure that Gamble and Lydia are discussing one or more of them, Australia’s national treasure, Lydia is telling the blushing bride that she desperately needs a makeover before the nuptials. But they do get around to making fun of Petti in time. Gamble even suggests that Petti’s new bodybuilding activities suggest she may be transitioning. The other four women, all seem to really hate Lydia. They all feel that Lydia flip flops between the girls as it suits her. You know, like they all do. Chyka managed to beg off the party somehow and stay clear of the shrapnel.
Oh, forgot about Gina. She arrives late looking fabulous and bearing flowers as a hostess gift. Lydia decides to have a private talk with Petti to see who can be more condescending to the other. Lydia apologizes graciously for telling Gamble what Petti said about her. She swears that she was trying to mend fences. Petti is not buying it. She feels that Lydia sabotaged the situation between Gamble and Petti deliberately and in the process she betrayed their friendship and sided with Gamble over Petti. Lydia says she is Petti’s real friend. Last season, Lydia was the only one who would hang out with Petti, and now suddenly the other group, which now includes Chyka, are all pretending to be her friend while talking about her behind her back. If Lydia was not the darling gal she is, one might think she is attempting to sabotage all of Petti’s relationships. But dear Lydia would never do such a thing.
For some unknown reason, Petti summons Jackie to join the loud argument behind closed doors between Lydia and Petti. Jackie lets them both know everyone can hear them screaming at each other right away. Petti needs to clarify something. Petti asks Jackie if all the girls are talking behind her back and secretly hate her. Jackie says of course not, the only thing she has said behind Petti’s back is that she is annoying and full of shit. And she said that to Petti’s face, so no, there are no mean comments behind her back. Well, that should make Petti, feel better. Oh wait, no, no that would kind of hurt her feelings.
Eventually all of the women get together for a shouting match, the theme of which continues to be that anything they have said about how annoying Petti is, they have said to her face which makes it all okay that they hate her. That much make Petti feel so much better.
Gamble realizes the party is no longer about her and forces them all to stop yelling and head out to her deck with the ocean view to get their damn wedding invitations. Of course production has her hold back Petti’s to be given out last. This pisses Petti off and she declines to accept the invite until Gamble takes more time to think about why she is inviting her. In other words, Petti wants a private scene where Gamble personally begs her to attend her wedding. Let the talking heads begin with the women talking about Petti behind her back, and let them begin with Chyka. Gamble takes the invite back and says, “Okay, I’ve thought about it. Fuck you!” as she throws the invite off the balcony. Brilliant move, Gamble. Now go shove her in the freezer.
Next Week: My darling Lydia is proved right when all of the women turn on Petti after the incident on the deck. Gamble cries and everyone is back on Team Gamble which makes them at the very least, Team Lydiot Adjacent which is where you all should be. Janet gets an undisclosed health diagnosis. Susie gives those of us firmly ensconced on Team Lydiot more reason to hate her.