Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Life to Envy

(Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo)

(Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo)

It’s time for another episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. I’m not really sure what I would like to see on this show. I am not interested in Jacqueline at all. I am already tired of the “Joe doesn’t want Melissa to work” fake storyline.  I was trying think of what would make me happy and then I saw the description for tonight’s episode.  It says in part, “Teresa records her audio book.” This might be amusing. Let’s find out.

But first, it’s time for the grand opening of Envy.  This is the first big scene for Teresa in the world at night. She almost violated her probation by being late getting home. Hopefully, we will see that panic.

Does anyone believe that Joe can read blueprints? Anyone? I see no hands.

Teresa gets in the car with her lawyer, Shady McShaderpants,  and kisses him. We hear it but don’t see it. What is that editing all about. Let’s see if Teresa kisses anyone else she meets today. It is interesting that her “lawyer” drives her around like a chauffeur. Why isn’t she driving her eighty thousand dollar Lexus to wherever they are going. Teresa says there are stories out that she is divorcing Joe. I think she will divorce Joe. I don’t see her moving to Italy.  We get a montage of old footage about Joe’s cheating. They show the time he was in the vineyard yakking away to his side piece while wearing his microphone calling Teresa his “bitch wife.”

Shady informs Teresa that he sent the final check to pay off the government. She now owes them nothing. She has been out of prison for three weeks. Now she might have just paid off the court costs and fines and fees for the bankruptcy fiasco,  and not the IRS. But who knows. I don’t believe anything either of these two say.

Siggy meets with Jacqueline at an intimate little restaurant. There are actual customers all around them so they are supposed to keep it down, but Siggy is quite loud. This is why they usually clear out a room for housewives filming so that their raucous behavior doesn’t disturb the paying customers.   When did women stop parting their hair? Siggy wants to ask Teresa about the divorce rumors, because she is a relationship therapist. This won’t go well.

It’s time for Teresa to read her first book.  She cries through the whole thing. Especially the part about Audrinna. She basically asks for a Xanax. How does she not already have a prescription for that? I would think she would have been on it for the past few years. That was a letdown. We didn’t even get to the parts where they had to teach her the big words.

Teresa actually said the word prison in a meeting with the publishers.  Teresa said before she went in she thought all the people there were bad people. She says that God wanted her to have time for herself so he sent her to prison.  Teresa tries to explain what turning the tables means to the people who picked the title.

I totally forgot about Jac and Chris’ stupid popcorn venture.

Teresa takes Gabriella rock climbing with Siggy and her daughter Sophie.  Siggy brings up all the tabloid stories. Siggy has to have been told to poke the bear. Teresa handled it very well.

It’s time for the Envy grand opening. Gia goes with Teresa to the opening so that she doesn’t have to go alone. It is Joe’s grandmother’s 82nd birthday party and everyone else is at that celebration. Gia really wanted to be at that, but she didn’t want Teresa to go to the event alone. Gia is like the only parent in this family. Teresa says she knows how to handle the press. Hopefully she will handle it like this because this as been a pretty mellow episode so far.

There are a lot of flashback scenes this season. That generally means the new stuff wasn’t that good. Chris Laurita tells Teresa he wants to get together with her and Juicy and drink some wine.  Teresa has another month before she can drink.

We end with a really odd scene of Teresa cutting Joe’s toenails and then some sort of yogalike event. Then Teresa tells Joe if he is cheating on him she will not forgive him. And then Chris Laurita calls to invite Teresa and Joe over for dinner.

Next Week: Finally, there is some drama at the dinner party at Jac’s.


Filed under Dolores Catania, Entertainment News, Gia Giudice, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Gorga, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice

90 responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Life to Envy

  1. Onawin

    TT, Thank you so much for sitting through the show.

  2. J Stone

    I totes agree wit you TT! They are showing too many irrelevant flashbacks to fill value space smh @Bravo. Anywho, next week looks promising. 2011 MTV VMAs are airing and it’s giving me nostalgia to my 21st bday! Kim pre-nose job

  3. Twilly

    If I didn’t know better I’d say that final scene sounds like foreshadowing but we haven’t heard anything about Joe getting caught again recently. I could never watch these episodes, so thanks for taking one for the team!

  4. Minky

    Um…She won’t forgive Joe for cheating? Okay.

  5. Lisa j

    This is so over produced its like watching something on the big 3. They should have just let Jersey go. My highlight was seeing Manzo’d coming back!

  6. John Farmer

    The Mr. Mom stuff with Joe at home with the kids was beyond phoney. Is RHONJ the Gorgas only source of income at this point? So far they’ve tried general contracting, pop star, garbage business, and now retail boutique…probably the single most difficult small business to start and make work (after the food business). And how about her so called general manager who looked as lost as a fart in the wind? Does Melissa have the slightest idea how many hours self-employed people usually work to get fledgling businesses off the ground?

    • Minky

      I doubt that Melissa would know how to balance a check book, let alone start any business from the ground up. Money is always an issue. And so is time.

      If Melissa truly and actually owns or runs any part of that business I’ll eat my hat.

      • GrubPubert

        She was smart enough to get “full ask” for the first mansion that they filmed in, the spec house Joe built to sell but she wanted to keep, defaulted on their loans and left Joe and Teresa’s parents homeless, which was the source of all the “Teresa hates us and is so mean!” conflicts of 2 seasons. Then after renting, smart enough now to be living in ANOTHER one of those French Baroque Jersey mansions Joe manages to get built even having lost his builder’s license in Round One.

    • Ktina

      Totally scripted…their children wouldn’t have acted like that if there were no cameras and Joe would have backhanded at least two of them. It’s such bullshit.

      • Miguel

        Agreed, Ktina – over the years, I can’t recall the Gorga children being little Melanias (sp?)

    • swizzle

      From the looks of that huge binder Melissa had, I think she may have found Brooks’ missing medical records and binder. Who wants to take bets that the binder was filled with empty pages?

      • Minky

        I love when they bust out the binders on these RH shows like they’re on Judge Judy. That’s when you just know that whatever they’re saying is completely made-up bullshit.

  7. Coco

    I love the scenes with Dolores and her kids. Everything else seems scripted and boring. Thanks for your recap, TT.

    • Miguel

      I thought these were also scripted, Coco. It seemed the only real thing was Chris’ discomfort during his scenes, including at Envy, the popcorn meeting, dinner with Jac. It’s almost like he’s over the “reality,” now that the jig is up! RHONJ may now be a hard-earned paycheck.

  8. mary

    When Teresa said something to the effect that this has made her marriage stronger…I think it was an obvious lie on her part. It totally possible that her and Joe could stay together but not likely.

  9. Must Melissa’s partner continue to wear tutus? She is way to long int he tooth to even attempt that look. Not a fan of her taste at all.

  10. Swizzle

    Next week is Jac really going to push Teresa on her legal issues? Jack should shut up. She and Chris are quite lucky to have not been in more trouble for their bankruptcy BS. Jac is unstable.

    And the overly fake Gorga scenes are awful. Just embarrassing how fake they are.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      I cannot stand her. She did the exact same thing, but she thinks it’s different because the corporation was legally responsible. She seriously believes that makes it ok. I didn’t follow their legal troubles; did they end up getting them for bleeding out their corp’s credit so Jaq could shop and get plastic surgery?

  11. Lindsay

    I believe that Joe could STEAL blueprints. Read them? No.

  12. Minky

    I can appreciate a lot of what you wrote here. I, for example, was a Yolanda fan when she first started in BH. Now? I can’t stand her.

    Also, I think everything you wrote is more or less valid, except for Teresa’s motives or returning to the show. She’s a fame whore. Yes, she’s a money-glutton, but it’s also about being famous or her. She sees herself as a truly special person.

    I mean, she still refuses to acknowledge her own criminal activity and until tonight she refused to call prison “prison”. She went to “prison” because GOD wanted to give her time to think!!! What in the blue fuck?!!!

    • Minky

      *for returning
      *for her

      Aaaargh!!! 😛

    • Matzah60

      You are right about that, Minky. She is a fame whore. That is why I don’t see her taking off to Italy with Joe. Again, what you said about her inability to acknowledge and fess up to her wrongdoings is right on target. In fact, I don’t think she is able to confess that she went to prison (except for tonight) because that would mean she did something wron, very wrong. She is a felon and will always be a felon. She can’t expunge that from her records. Except for this post-prison book, I can’t imagine anyone hiring her outside of Bravo. She will have to reinvent herself, and aside from Andy Cohen, who is going to afford her that possibility.mif the show is canceled, she is doomed.

    • Elizabeth

      What in the blue fuck is right!!!

  13. Alyssa

    Screw the markets, invest in popcorn!!

    • Popcorn, what an original idea. Wash it down with BLK. Why is Chris Laurita’s eyes always red?

    • Ktina

      As if there isn’t about 100 types of popcorn out already. I have a novel idea….Jacqueline, GET.A.JOB and stop with the plastic surgery. Oh and how about reducing the price on your home. I priced mine to sell without having to fix every little thing.

      • Toni

        If they owe more than the selling price, they would have to have a check for the difference at closing. Lots of people are still in bad positions from the housing crisis, people who paid a lot more than the house is actually worth in today’s market.

  14. Sigh, I’m finally over the Housewives. all of them. I can barely pay attention, but it’s always nice to see what I missed while watching the show on TT’s blog with all due respect. :-)

  15. Chloe

    I also couldn’t believe Teresa actually admitted she was in prison and not camp or at the school dorm doing research!

  16. Margarett

    Shady McShaderpants? You kill me,TT. I’d hate to admit how many of your expressions I use on a daily basis.

    I really want NJ to be enjoyable this season. I can hardly believe that Teresa nearly violated her curfew. She might get to find out that they “don’t play”.

  17. Cat

    What a blah episode.

  18. Envy was most likely created to take the place of Posh (Kim D) for the dramatic fashion shows. Or, an extremely lame attempt at trying to copy Kyle Richard’s store.

    I’m with you, TT, the fake storyline of the Gorgas homelife was already overdone by the end of the first show. I don’t know of anything that they could do that would be convincing.

    Siggy is interesting this season.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      I didn’t care much for Siggy’s completely fake scene with her daughter’s outfit. I don’t know about that one. I feel like I like Dolores though.

  19. tay tay

    I’m glad that I’m not the only who realize that entire scene with Gorga’s of Joe being at home with the kids were fake.

  20. I wish they’d bring back the Miami housewives.

  21. beauxblue

    So who is doing Juicy’s personal grooming now?

  22. Kimoe

    About the lawyer……

    How/why has he been able to insinuate himself in Teresa’s storyline?

    What lawyer drops client’s kids to school?

    If she and Joe are oh, so in love, then why didn’t he go to the prison to pick her up? Couldn’t keep me away if my man was gone for as long as she was.

    Did anyone notice when Teresa came through the door from prison Joe sat like a bump on a log until she looked at him arms out and he jumped missing his cue?

    Did anyone notice she stared she missed the kids, the house and THEN Joe?

    How about not filming the kiss with the lawyer?

    Also did you notice Joe’s face when she brought up if he cheats they’re done?

    I agree TT they’re over. She talks up their relationship too much. ‘Thou dost protest too much!’

    I also wouldn’t be surprised if the lawyer is the new squeeze.

    • Great comment. It used to be that I looked forward to each new episode of RHONJ. Now? Meh. So far, this season has been infinitely boring and obviously scripted to make up for the lack of anything really interesting going on. I also noticed the look on Joe Giudice’s face when Teresa threatened him with divorce if he cheated – it was like a deer in the proverbial headlights thinking, “Oh, shit. Maybe if I act innocent this stupid broad will actually buy it.” She never left him in the past when it looked obvious to everyone else that he was cheating (vineyard scene – taking that shady phone call and calling his bitch wife a cunt) – so I’ll be really surprised if she leaves him now. I think it’s just Bravo throwing a few crumbs our way to make those of us who detest Greasy Giuseppe happy. Everyone else is also dull as hell. Probably good for their lives if there aren’t any big problems going on, but it definitely doesn’t make for good viewing, and scenes that come off as being highly fake aren’t fun to watch. The only ones showing any signs of being real are Rosie, Dolores and Siggy.

      • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

        His eyes looked like those of a man who has cheated the entire time she was “away”. How Teresa cannot see that is beyond me…

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      He’s so creepy. I don’t know why but I just don’t see Teresa with him. He’s a major dork (not that Joe is some kind of catch, but…). I don’t think he’s her type. There is a lot of “Joe cheating” foreshadowing going on so I don’t know what to think. I just can’t see Teresa with this guy. Yet there was definitely a smooching sound when she got in his car…could that have been edited in? But why?

  23. Nila

    I know Im In the minority but I don’t think Teresa will ever leave Joe, despite everything I think she truly loves him and she won’t leave him.

  24. Toni

    I just don’t see Teresa leaving Juicy. Juicy’s blank look when she threatened to leave him is because the conversation was scripted. They both know the score.

    People have commented it’s the Catholic, Italian American thing keeping them together, and I’d agree that’s part of it. I think the biggest part of it is Teresa saving face. One thing a person like Teresa can’t stand is being told – “I told you so”. Making Caroline Manzo “you heard it here first” accurate would be a nightmare for Teresa. She’d rather stand by her man than be proved wrong.

    • Miguel

      Agreed, Toni – with respect to Joe’s disinterest. Maybe the Guidices are laying the groundwork for a scripted and profitable divorce. Imagine: the Teresa After Joe Bravo specials & spin offs like Manzo’d & People exclusives – oh my…

  25. Billie_bee

    I think Teresa is totally going to leave Joe. The whole “I’ll leave you if you cheat” is the big set up. Some story will be leaked just before, or once Joe goes to jail. Why? Because they may know Joe is going to be deported and Teresa won’t leave her house, which she loves more than Joe apparently. She’s not leaving, and won’t be taking her kids to Italy.

  26. Auntie Velvet

    She probably feels that she has no reason to leave him now, while he’s in jail. If he’s deported and she and the girls would have to give up their lives to be with him — that might bring everything to a head.

    (I’m no Juicy fan, but it seems so wrong that a technicality could get an American “deported back” to Italy.:)

    • Toni

      I don’t get why Joe didnt get his citizenship – they’ve traveled internationally so there is absolutely no way they didn’t know (different lines at customs).

      • Nila

        My fiancé isn’t a citizen even tho he has been here since a toddler. His father became one but his mother did not (she’s a diplomat for the Philippines). He has a perm. Residency card and isn’t sure if he’ll ever apply for his citizenship. It’s not because he’s trying to get out of paying any taxes lol.

        Are the Gorgas back to living in their first house? The spec house?

    • tamaratattles

      Um, the whole point is that Juicy is not an American.

      This reminds me of the idiots on The View the other day calling Justin Beiber a dual citizen. He’s not. He’s a Canadian squatter that we need to deport back to Canookia. Thank God we successfully ran him out of Atlanta.

  27. Toni

    Sorry – hit publish too quickly..

    Was it to avoid paying social security/Medicare taxes?

  28. Miguel

    Could Teresa be laying the groundwork for a divorce-by-adultery (making her the abandoned, betrayed victim) vs divorce-by-deportation (making Joe the abandoned one)? Just thinking what was the purpose of the past infidelity scene?

    • Nila

      In NJ it doesn’t matter what the grounds are, an affair doesn’t get you anymore then say just growing a part. The only difference is, if an affair is named in the divorce then the person named is also served because their name would appear in legal documents.

      • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

        If this is the scenario being set up, I would think it would be for her public perception rather than any legal reason. I’m not convinced she’d actually divorce Joe though.

  29. I have never understood this show from day one. There was this oddness that I feel goes back to the Manzos and their odd need to be alpha dog which may explain their odd family relationships with others outside their immediate almost co dependent unit. They also are the only ones with a legit business that cannot seem to translate outside of the brownstone to their children and their businesses.. how many are there now and of course the boys lack of unions/relationships with women. As for their daughter Lauren that is another one.

    Then we have the others who seem to go through businesses as I go through milk. Numerous ones that are played up and then never mentioned again – BLK Water, Garbage, Construction, Foods, Beverages, Singing Careers, and on and on. Now its a boutique..did Posh go under? Again they have no originality nor legit plans. (well other than the fake ones we saw Joe reading) No wonder the twins did not come back as that man had a legit restaurant and frankly the association seems tainted with this group. Whatever happened to Dina’s design business? Did she not move to California? And how long til she is back.

    There is something just under the surface with this group at all times with all members that never quite seem to be what they say. I am not surprised more of them are not in jail or have filed bankruptcy… and this is what number Attorney for Teresa.. she is suing the last one.. its all just dirty filthy money

  30. Cat

    I want to know more about the alleged lawyer kiss. Isn’t that a violation of their Code of Ethics, or is that just something I’ve seen on TV?

    • tamaratattles

      It was most likely a kiss on the cheek. If it happened at all. They could have frankenbited a smooch sound in there. I just found it interesting that we HEARD but did not see a kiss.

      Did it happen? If it did, that seems odd. I don’t see Tre greeting all the ladies with kisses like they do on Shahs or other housewives shows. Because I know so much about production, it is hard for me to watch these shows anymore without questioning the editing. Why was this shown? Why was that not shown? It just seemed very noticeable to me. I have not figured out why they want us to notice. Clearly, they are hinting at something being there. But that doesn’t mean it really is there. Or is it?

      • Cat

        Well, it got us talking about it. Maybe that was the whole point?

      • RL

        Just something I noticed in a previous episode…. Gia also cheek kisses the laywer (and possibly Joe did too) in the first or second episode where he was going to get Theresa from prison. I think that is WAY weirder than Theresa cheek kissing him, if that actually happened

  31. Ms.Minnie

    Idk something is off to me but I just can’t put my finger on it, I love Siggy and Dolores though. They really should have not edited Robyn out because I would have loved to see her over Kathy, I wonder why she was cut.

  32. Margaret Shepard

    I just can’t take Jac anymore. Her drama with Teresa is starting again. Sick of it. Sick of Teresa and her beef with Rosie and Kathy. I do like Dolores , not sure about Siggy yet. Teresa’s lawyer is creepy.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      Can’t stand Teresa but no wonder she wants nothing to do with Jaqueline. The woman is unhinged and a nasty, hateful hypocrite. And she’s got a bizarre fixation on Teresa.

  33. T D

    Audio books are best left to Morgan Freeman. The man in the yellow hat was Tre’s ghostwriter. Kiss on the cheek for the knight in electroplated armor. And they lived dastardly ever after.

  34. Yamoah Asiedu

    I’ve finally caught up on this episode. Here are a few thoughts

    Jacqueline acts as if she and Teresa were lovers. There’s definitely unhealthy neediness with her. Teresa doesn’t trust Jacqueline and is just playing nice. That old Ethel and ? combo is superficial memories.

    Three episodes in and it never ceases to amaze me that after serving time for financial fraud, TG gets to return to her ‘opulent’ #cough home, back to the bosom of her family and resume her lavish lifestyle with ankle bracelet accessory. Simon and Schuster want her to record an audio book and she’s back, like Queen Bee on a popular reality show. I can see why she didn’t learn anything because she hasn’t lost anything other than her dignity and book sales. She’s still as deluded and entitled as ever. Where’s the justice!? As for her and Joe, there seems to be a lot of tension between them beneath the veneer of ‘we’re together because we love eachother’. ‘Going away has made us stronger’. ‘Things are so hot in the bedroom’. etc etc As somebody mentioned earlier: thou protesteth too much honey.

    Siggy and Delores are interesting additions. Siggy can’t have initiated controversial conversations with TG without a nod from Andy/Bravo/sb in production. Is she trying to stroke the bear?

    Melissa and Envy? good luck to her.

    Joe and his scripted acting debut was absurd. Are we meant to believe that the usually well behaved Gorga children, are shouting, hitting him with toys and running in and out of the house because they miss mummy!? The whole scene was utterly contrived. Is this what passes for a storyline now? Just make things up however unrealistic they appear. I’m guessing that it’s a new junior producer on the production crew. Here at Tamara Tattles, we’re not buying that mess!! Melissa is fortunate to have a husband who supports her dreams. A few seasons ago she was a recording artist and singer and pursuing that ‘with her whole heart’. Joe built her a custom made home studio, that’s love right there!! Then they went into the garbage business (what happened to that?) and now a clothing store/boutique. OK, Melissa, Business Woman of the Year, Good luck.

    Sidenote, what happened to Teresa and Joe’s pizzeria. That episode where Gia read her poem and Caroline Manzo said it was tragic/pitiful.

    Although I’ve written quite a bit, it was actually a boring episode and I wouldn’t mind if they made it a shorter season.

    Next week, Jac upsets Teresa and TG storms out. T voiceovers and her guarded demeanour around Jacqueline show that their friendship is over.

    Does anyone think Amber, Jim and the twins tune in every week?

    They need to bring back Danielle Staub!!

    Thanks TT for the space to talk about this morally bankrupt show!!

    Another sidenote, they all need to reduce their dependance on fake tan and change their hairstyles. They all seem to have a version of the same centre party long flowing extensions look. Yawn!

  35. Jrleaguer

    Chris just looks unwell.

  36. KaraW

    I’m not much of a boutique shopper, so I wouldn’t know, but is it normal to have exactly two of each outfit on the rack? (Envy) I assume the sizes are small and medium.

  37. JoJoFLL

    My stepdaughter is a buyer for Nordstrom in Seattle. She laughed out loud at Melissa’s fake buying scenes. She said the best way to sink a store is to buy your own taste. Also only about 1% of women can actually wear what Melissa wears.

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