Real Housewives of Melbourne: From Pottery Barn, To Horse Barns…

RHOMel  Cast season 3 reunion


Okay Lydia, let’s try to be the cheese loving loon I need you to be this season. I’m trying to be your biggest fan! Let’s do this!

There is some discussion with Jackie’s mom about whether Jackie and Ben should have a child. I see no reason to continue this genealogical line.  My vote is no.

I am a nervous passenger, and watching these car scenes where they are on the wrong side of the road makes me anxious.  Lydia continues her storyline of treating the help like slaves by announcing that she holds her slave’s passport. Lydia bringing Figaro to the Porshe dealership reminds me of all the women in Paris who bring their dogs shopping with them in Paris even during the Christmas madness. Mobs of people in high end stores with yappy dogs. The moment her husband is gone, she wants to get a sportscar rather than the one he suggested and she makes sure the salesman is not married before she takes him for a test drive.  Andrew has a normal accent. Where is he from?

Gina meets with Petti to discuss Lydia. Gina tells Petti that she comes across like she has a chip on her shoulder. Petti thinks she is just quick witted. If by quick witted she means witless then she’s right. These two seem to form some sort of very shaky allicance. WHY, Gina, WHY?

Photo of Lydia and Shane from her IG

Photo of Lydia and Shane from her IG

Janet stops by to see Jackie and interrupts her getting ready to sleep with Ben. This is one less possibility for them to procreate. Nice work, Janet. Janet is back in contact wish her ex-husband.

I’m trying to feel someone thing during the Petti and son crying scene. But I’m not. It’s like a creepy breakup scene.

Okay, so Chyka and Susie take Gamble shopping for a wedding gift. I do not understand the ways of these peoples. Who takes the bride with them to buy a wedding gift. And why is there a Pottery Barn in what seems to be an upscale mall? What do rich people need from Pottery Barn? None of this is answered as the three women simply look at a cheap “drinks tray” and then leave for drinks. Apparently, Pottery Barn paid a lot of money to Arena/Matchbox. Wait. They seem to be drinking at Pottery Barn. The Fuck? Is Pottery Barn allowing people to bring in a bottle of wine to swill these days?

I have no idea what is happening in this Pottery Barn but Lydia is there so I am happy now. I have also determined that Susie is not our friend, Lydia.  Please try to spill a glass of red on her if you can.  She is not one of us.

Chyka and Susie seem quite comfortable in bed together. NTTAWWT. I’m just making an observation. Susie tells Chyka that Gina will have nothing to do with Lydia. Well, we will see about that, new girl.  My mission is for a Gina, Gamble and Lydia alliance where they fly off to buy expensive cheeses and sit around eating cheese and real bread and drinking red win and talking about what a loser you are. And we are only two episodes in with you.

RHOMEL Gina Pettifleur

tells Lydia that Susie is a nosy no good meddler who said bad things about her. This store would be a great place for a pillow fight.

When the foursome reconvenes, we discover that Susie is apparently butthurt that the fabulous Lydia never really wanted to be her friend. Who can blame Lydia? In Susie’s very first scene she was spreading scandalous rumors about Lydia and her boyfriend friend Shane the soccer player she bangs on the side does charity work with. Charity work! Susie needs to be mean girled right out of this group.

Janet goes to dinner with her ex. Apparently, this meeting is about Brian wanting to be on camera denying that he ever cheated on Janet because in his mind they were broken up months before Janet was aware they had broken up.  He does admit to getting happy endings from masseuses in Asia, but only to avoid hurting their feelings. This guy is a piece of work. I am trying to determine which of these two has the most unfortunate nose. Petty, I know, but I am exceedingly distracted by both of them. And I fear Janet paid for hers. I can see her sinus cavities from my couch.

Susie and Petti meet at the gym. If these two could interact alone all season, I could zip right through all their scenes.

Gina joins Gamble for her wedding gown fitting. The gown is more illusion mesh than anything. Illusion mesh should not exist in the universe at all, but it is especially unfortunate for it to be part of a wedding gown.  The good news is that this is apparently not the dress. The dress has not even been made yet. Did I mention the dress designer is also the sole wedding planner? And while I assume he is gay, which would instill some confidence in his abilities, the neck tattoo negates all of the gay male wedding planner points. Gina has similar doubts in his abilities as I do.

Petti invited Chyka, Janet, Janet and Susie to go riding with her. So that she can trash talk Lydia. Susie loves a round of bash Lydia so she is in.  She says that after one of her divorces, Lydia spread rumors that Susie was cheating on her husband. Jackie jumps in to say that Lydia talks shit about everyone. Oh the irony there, Jackie.

Wait Lydia is a blogger? Did I know this? Apparently, I am doing this all wrong. I had no idea I was supposed to dress up like cat woman draped in hideous jewelry and have professional photos made.  I’ll add that to my list after “for the love of God, call the hosting site you left months ago and stop the billing” and before “mail the corporate minutes to the LLC attorney.” Gamble stops by and these two talk about Susie and her gossiping.

Next Week: Jackie and Lydia get into it.  I can’t stand Jackie and her Lord of the Rings husband.


Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Melbourne

34 responses to “Real Housewives of Melbourne: From Pottery Barn, To Horse Barns…

  1. Laura

    Lydia is such a s*** stirrer and a brain dead moron to boot. Janet was right to name her ‘Lydiot’.

    Poor Shane. Stalked around the world by the Lydiot and constantly mistaken for a soccer player.

  2. Joanplus2dogs

    I admitted last week I am bothered by Janet nose job & additional face work. Obviously she realizes or it bothers camera person as she is almost always shot from the left or has her face turned to the right(rt nostril is larger). I don’t like the new girl at all. She doesn’t seem to bring anything except for being another multiple divorcee. Pettifleur gets on my nerves with her actions & accent. Last year Gina didn’t seem like anything about her & made fun of her for not being native Australian so it is strange now they are close. Jackie voice/accent is almost as annoying. I cannot put my finger on why Ben is odd. As someone pointed out last week, something about him has changed from last season – maybe his hair?

    • Jen

      Ben looks a bit – cleaner. When Jackie’s mom was on screen, I noticed Jackie seemed to have brought her manners up a little. But they started to slip as the show progressed. I think she’s had some major media training since getting on this show.

      • Joanplus2dogs

        Wow! I googled him where a few older pics of him clean shaved & short hair came up – huge difference. Much better looking in my opinion. Not as greasy looking compared to now though not as “rock star” I’m guessing.

        You are probably right about Jackie & coaching to improve image for future business.

    • ChelyLee

      Ben looks like he’s had something done to his face (in addition to some weight loss & clean skin) … will need to see more of him to better guess. Eye job ? Some skin resurfacing ? Little filler under the eyes ?
      Great recap TT. PotteryBarn & cheap champagne. Wtf ?

    • Just me

      Jackie is a CUB (Cashed Up Bogan [a bogan is what you’d call a redneck]).

  3. Margarett

    Great recap! Now I can hardly wait to see the show.

    Melbourne looks to me as if it has the potential to make up for the other franchises. You sound happy to be watching and recapping it, and that makes me happy!

    Thanks for causing me to be interested in this one.

  4. This show really grew on me the last two seasons. Kind of sad to see Pettifleur back – she looks really different to me in the latest photos – did she get work done? Really looking forward to this year.

  5. Coco

    TT, thanks for the recap. I’m working an overnight shift tonight and I forgot to DVR this show.

  6. Kimoe

    Can’t stand Petti. Her making her son a momma’s boy (he seems to be gently seperating himself from her clutches) is SO odious. As is her narcissistic behaviour. I just can’t with her.

    Lydiot is a piece of work and hiding lots of stuff I imagine. Maybe a beard? She talks to much about sex and how much she’s having it with hubby……my guess is stories are of outside rompings attributed to hubby.

    Susie is stirring the pot but Lydiot is definitely giving her fodder. I guess it’s a way to insure a contract next season.

  7. SaraK

    Watching now and Gina is again showing why she is queen. “Raise your argument not your voice.” Words to live by!

  8. “lord of the rings husband.” Brilliant!

  9. Suigeneris

    Fun fun fun recap! The pix of Gina is hilarious! love Gina. Head to toe she is smothered in 80’s glam. I’m so distracted by Janet’s freekish face it’s hard to hear what she’s saying. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Jackie is a bore and I’d been excited hearing she is supposedly a medium. that was a big lie. Why even have her husband in scenes at all. Delete him and show more of Melbourne and the homes. For a nice change I’m enjoying Melbourne. So far.

  10. Jack

    I dont know why i root for Petti. Shes so awful and i just shake my head every time she opens her mouth. Maybe its just because i dont like Jackie? I think Jackie is a bit of a bully and mean girl. The only reason i like her on the show is for her reaction shots. I swear the girl can unhinge her jaw to make that :O face just that much more dramatic. And Janet, i love how her reaction to everything is to fall back onto the couch like shes playing dead. Anyway, Susie seems like she was brought to the show to take down Lydia ala Laurie on OC season 8 only theyre giving Susie a full time role which is just so odd to me. She is so tra nsparent and BORING.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      Susie is the worst. I’m sure Lydia is awful but the smear campaign is creepy and obsessive.

  11. JoJoFLL

    I LOVE that the 1980s is alive and well with these women!


    Janet’s botched nose job is a little distracting.

  12. Rakely

    Oh no! Are we not team Jackie?? It’s been a while, but I thought she was the super nice one- along with Chyka who is fabulous. I want a team of Jackie, Gamble, Gina & Chyka!!

  13. Kate Gates

    Small note; Shane-Plastic-face is a former cricket legend, not a soccer player.

  14. I knew the moment I saw the scene in Lydia’s “private plane” with her husband (going to an island to get cheese), that she would be getting even with her husband somehow for blowing her off and talking down to her in such a big way in front of the cameras. Now we’re seeing that happen…

    Susie is just stating what we’ve been witnessing from the beginning about Lydia, that if someone crosses her – she’ll try to take them down. I’m just glad someone has the guts to say what we’re all thinking.

  15. Margarett

    OMGosh, Lydia says that blogging is a “full time job”. Who knew?

    I’m sure you have a hairdresser, makeup artist, stylist, and half a million dollars worth of jewelry on a daily basis, Tamara!

    Are we on the wrong continent or what? Not that I’m a blogger, but I could carry your new computer!

  16. Joan

    I can’t watch Pettifluer (no you can’t shorten my name) for more than a few minutes. Her narcissism drives me crazy. That picture she showed her son (and prodded him to say how great it is) was creepy. She cries over her adult son’s lack of desire to move back home?? Most people are proud of their adult child having a job, and living on their own. Well, rant over.

  17. Sequoia

    I know you don’t like pictures, but if you dress in a cat suit, I insist you post a photo.

  18. Anastasia_Beave

    Aww shoot I had no idea this was back. Looks like I have some catching up to do. Love RHOM.

  19. Jaana

    I kinda like Lydia. To me Jackie is the most classless of the group. She is the Brandi of Melbourne. Low class no class. Petty-fleur comes off as someone who didn’t get enough hugs as a child.

  20. Amy

    I’ve watched this whole season and it was quite good. My opinions of the housewives changed once again and those I loved last season turned me sour and others I hated kind of won me over again. The Dubai trip is especially interesting – the Beverly Hills ladies were there at the same time. Totally worth sticking it out if you are on the fence about watching it.

    • I watched it during its initial run for the season as well. It’ll be fun to see how the show is being received in the US via Tamara’s blog. I really like this franchise, though I do have my heroines and villainesses on this franchise just as the others. Chyka constantly remains a favorite, but I do find my warm fuzzies shifting this year unexpectedly to others on the cast- not much unlike this season of RHoNY; former favorites are longer…

      • tamaratattles

        I believe I speak for all of America when I say my opinions of the show/cast do not represent all of America. You may not know this, because I hide it very well, but I’m kind of weird. :)

  21. Katherine 2.0

    I like how Pettifleur got plastic surgery to look more like the drawing some fan gave her. She is definitely upping her game in the looks/style department. I know she’s probably a little sociopath, but she cracks me up.

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