Real Housewives of Melbourne Season Premiere: Join The Club

RHOMel  Cast season 3 reunion

 

It feels like it has been years since  I last watched an episode of RHOMel.I am not even sure if we saw the reunion. I can barely remember who I like an who I don’t at this point. It’s all going to be brand new to me!   Also, it should go without saying,  but please don’t spoil us Yanks on the season. I know it is already over in Australia and probably available online, but we are going to watch along on the US schedule here.

Chyka

Chyka has a closet that looks like a mid-sized boutique. I would need a maid just for my closet to keep it looking like that. And she would have to live-in.  At least she has her very fashion forward husband Bruce to help her select accessories. Is his beard a new thing? Because his FACE looks different. The beard on his face.  How do people who make so much money manage to leave their businesses behind to travel the world for eight straight weeks? I can’t even take a weekend off or everything goes to pot. I need more interns.

Chyka is hosting a promotional event for an author named Paula Hawkins book club for the girls. They are reading  The Girl on The Train. I’ve judged it by the cover to be good. We should all read it. #PromotionalSuccess  She’s invited Jackie and Janet and the new girl Susie McClean. I wish Susie would have replaced Pettifleur and I haven’t even laid eyes on Susie yet. Chyka’s friends Hannah and Felicity are also there.

Susie McClean

Susie McClean

The Book Club

Susie is very… confident. She’s athletic, a clothes whore, and a baker. She has two sons. She is twice divorced and not currently dating.  Janet seems to know Susie and immediately starts being nice nasty.  Janet also announces that Shane Warne has asked her out. I don’t believe this unless I see this. Sorry Janet. Janet says she was too busy for the date but stopped by afterward for a booty call. She brings up that Lydia seemed bothered by that. Susie says that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Susie says that she doesn’t think Lydia knows the first thing about cricket but she is very involved with Shane’s charity in London. I just checked and I don’t even see any direct flights from Melbourne to London. It’s a full 24 hours to even get there. This may bet the world’s longest booty call.

This recap is becoming very choppy because we keep switching back and forth between this group of cackling hens gossiping about Lydia and Lydia and Pettifleur talking about Janet. I want to be team Lydia, dammit! And all of these bitches are siding with Janet. Where is Gina? Is she negotiating her contract or something? Get her in here to be team Lydia with me!

 

Pettifleur & Lydia AKA Not In The Club

Ugh. Petti has also been away for a couple of months. Something about fat camp I think she said. I have trouble understanding her. I really want Lydia to be my favorite but she always latches on to the wrong women. These two are meeting to catch up now that everyone is back from holiday. Pettifleur is already being a bitch to Lydia so maybe this friendship will not last. Apparently, there I some sort of rumor about Lydia having an affair with a British cricket player, Shane Warne.  Lydia has denied this on multiple occasions.

Lydia says she has something against “grandma”, aka Janet. Apparently, Janet and Lydia are in a constant social media battle on Twitter.

I almost forgot about Gamble. But Pettifleur didn’t. She is still mad that Gamble made fun of her stupid bitch book last season. It’s only the first episode and my dislike of Pettifleur is building rapidly. She blames Gamble for Omarosa’s attorney sending her a cease and desist. She claims she had to pay a lawyer. She’s a fool. Omarosa has no standing regarding a book title.  Book titles are not eligible for copyright. I could publish a book called Gone With The Wind or 50 Shades of Grey tomorrow. Omarosa just wanted to be on TMZ and rode Pettifleur’s coat tail to get there. Just like she is riding Trump’s dick for attention now.

Back to the idiots at hand, neither Pettifleur or Lydia know the phrase “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Pettifleur says that Rick and Gamble met on Sugardaddy dot com. Lydia says who cares? And now Pettifleur is pissed at Lydia for not being scandalized and running with the gossip. YAY! I have no idea why Rick would need to be on that site. He’s very attractive and rich. What is he hiding?

Gina

Gina has hired a hot young male assistant to, Josh, help her navigate her success. He is clueless. But he’s pretty!

Susie invites Gina to her baking day. It seems like Susie knows nothing about Gina. And Gina asks to bring Pettifleur! WHY? There is not room on Team Gina for Pettifleur!

Gamble

Gamble apparently has many talents but none of them include a sense of taste. However, I sort of like Gamble’s idea to basically dress up a  Geisha for her wedding. It seems fitting. And she’s quirky.

Photo of Lydia and Shane from her IG

Photo of Lydia and Shane from her IG

Lydia

Didn’t we think that Andrew and Lydia had gotten a secret divorce or something during season two because we rarely saw hair nor hide of him?  Oddly, now they seem quite close. I’m going to guess open marriage.

Lydia’s interactions with her housekeeper are supposed to be funny, like Jeff Lewis and Zoila. But they don’t translate well to me. Joanna is stuck driving Lydia around in her own car like she is an Uber driver.

Chyka

Chyka and Bruce’s daughter Francesca, who is 21 and newly licensed to drive, borrowed dad’s car without permission while they were on holiday and sideswiped something. It was not a dent issue but a long paint exchange the entire length of the car. This whole scene seemed like something that would occur at age 16 not 21. At 21 she should have had it fixed before they came home. Right?  Surely they left her a pile of money while they traveled.

Lydia & Gamble

Yes! This is a pair I can get behind. If I tie 80% of my brain behind my back. Lydia is quick to tell her what Pettifleur is saying about her. Gamble says she met Rick on eHarmony. This makes way more sense.

Susie’s Baking Day

It’s the first all cast gathering and all of the landmines have been laid. Things go well until Lydia arrives.

Pettifleur talks to Gina about kicking her son Nathan and his girlfriend out of the house for mooching off of her. Now she misses him, because she is very co-dependent with him. I think she was probably pissed he got a girlfriend.  It’s likely he just moved out.

Susie starts prying into Lydia’s business and asks her if she is having an affair with Shane. Lydia is offended. Then Susie brings up that Shane invited her over for a booty call. This Susie girl is messy. And she is Team Janet. Bleck! Lydia says she wasn’t upset with the booty call, she was shocked because Janet doesn’t seem his type. Lydia calls Janet old, Janet calls Lydia an idiot. Both of these things are obvious. What is the point of constantly pointing it out?

Gamble joins the discussion to confront Pettifleur. Pettifleur is pissed that Lydia ran to Gamble and told her everything she said.

Jackie runs to Susie, Chyka and Gina and tells them Lydia is a flip flopper. This causes Susie to dash into the middle of it and come after Lydia. Apparently, Lydia spread rumors about Susie after one of her divorces. This is very time consuming to recap. I may just have to do a discussion post in the future. Gamble threatens to sue Pettifleur for slander. Then tells Pettifleur to go fuck herself and leaves. This event sounds like cats fucking in the bushes.

Next Week: It looks like everyone has selected Lydia to bully this season.

Eight women on this show is about three to many. I’m not fond of the new one. At least not yet.

48 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Melbourne

48 responses to “Real Housewives of Melbourne Season Premiere: Join The Club

  1. PixnTrix

    I’m so glad Melbourne is back. I agree TT too many ladies. I’m glad Gina is out of the fray of the chucklers for now. They’ve had a real go at her the last 2 seasons. Ok I just have to say this…if Janet has anything else done to her face her eyes will be over her ears. Thx for the great recap.

    • Joanplus2dogs

      I totally agree about Janet! She already has that bad nose job but now her eyes are so pulled back, the nostrils are uneven & huge. She kept throwing her head back & you could see her brain.
      Definitely too many women on the show which they need to move several to friend status. I would hope Pettifleur & Gamble & Jackie but doubtful. I don’t want to see the silly wedding. Gina helper acted as dumb as a rock & I hate that men haircut of long on top/super short sides. I am curious about Gina partner who moved to US if they are still together. He was mentioned but nothing said. Jackie’s psychic abilities haven’t been mentioned much either. Too many stories with too many people!

      • tamaratattles

        “She kept throwing her head back & you could see her brain.”

        Do you have some sort of electron microscope kind of vision?

  2. Suigeneris

    “tied 80% of my brain behind my neck” Lol!
    What fabulous homes! Esp Chyka and Gamble’s. Chyka is pretty fab all round, hair style, wardrobe, what we saw of her business last year, and handsome husband. Immature daughter not so much.
    Janet and Pettifleur seem to be much the same. Nasty inside. Love Gina, so gaudy. Janet is a bore. Melbourne was a good distraction tonight.

  3. Suigeneris

    I meant Jackie is a bore.

  4. Adrea

    Haven’t watched it yet but based on your review and the picture above, TOO MANY PEOPLE!!!

  5. Lisa j

    Yeah🎉! Love Melbourne wives, they remind me of Kath & Kim

  6. Kristen

    I’m totally with you, TT. Team Lydia and Gamble FTW. Tho I did miss Janet and her unrepentant shit stirring. I really wish they’d cut Pettifleur. I don’t know that I’ve ever disliked a housewife from any franchise more than I dislike her.

  7. MsRufusTheRagdoll

    Hi TT, sorry love but Shane Warne is an Australian Cricket legend & a legendary man who’re. If it moves he bangs it & is so stupid about it he was infamously caught iliterately texting several women at once whilst still married. His long suffering wife divorced him he’s prowled old & young – it’s highly likely he booty called Janet & banged Lydia. Due as the Celebrity Spokesperson of The Shane Warne Foundation thatcraised millions of dollars for children’s charities but was recently closed as less than8% went to charity, the rest to leasing his parents office building, paying his brother $350 000 a year to manage it etc. Shane refused to give HS books to the commission that ensures your charitable status so it was closed down. Andreas husband Andrew is less than thrilled especially as gossip has them being caught in bed after the Logies, the poor man’s version of the Emmys. I hoped better of Altria myself.

    • MsRufusTheRagdoll

      Sorry typing badly on my Phone – Lydia was the spokesperson & Andrew orders her to step down when the scandal broke

      • tamaratattles

        Oh! well don’t give too much of the storylines away.

        I would like to know who if any of these people the average person in Melbourne would have known before the show if any. In Atlanta, none of the people were even solid middle class before the show and many are still broke.

    • tamaratattles

      AH! THat makes more sense. Thanks. I got cricket player in London and just assumed he was there. I thought that sort of booty call would require a VERY long dick. I’m clueless on Melbourne so I can either google and be spoiled or just give my best understanding of the situation I LOVE your insight without show spoilers. THanks.

      • Hi TT, no spoilers there – only briefly mentioned at the reunion. Most of those women are well known in Melbourne society – Chyka & her hubby have a huge empire, Janet is an extremely successful property developer – but no one has head of Pettifleur. Lydia & Suzie just married well twice & gone to the right schools etc Gina’s sisters are in “Fashion” were well known before she joined the show but she is a name in legal circles. I was more familiar with Jacqui being a Silverchair fan & Ben is an extremely successful music producer who works a lot in LA, and Gamble as she comes from a well known art family & her love life has always been colourful & hit the social pages. SO yes, they are all upper class & extremely wealthy.

        Some upcoming Tea for you US viewers, not sure if there will be a Season 4 next year as it may be on hiatus as the cast of “Real Housewives of Sydney” has been announced – again all wealthy socialites, but I’ve only actually heard of 2. One is married to an ex politician who is our poor man’s version of Trump (mot a property magnate, just a racist right wing asshole) & one who is an ex soapt star, ex popstar from the 1980’s!

  8. Stephanie

    TT, so they are all full housewives? No FOH? If so, yeah I think that’s too many women!

    • tamaratattles

      I don’t know how contracts work there in the US being in the intro means you have peach or diamond or apple or whatever an a full time contract. They may be nicer down under and let everyone in the intro. But THEY HAVE WAY TOO MANY WOMEN either way. For me six full time and two regular FOHs with no storyline of their own, is the max. If I ruled the world there would be five, and we would have a lot more individual storylines and a lot less of these retelling of events to each other.

      • Jack

        I have seen the full season and they are all full time although at times they can seem like FOH with 8 girls. Theres just not enough time, even in the extended overseas episodes to get quality individual stories of everyone in an 8 person cast. This happened with New York last season where for many parts of the season Kristen was non-existent unless dealing with Bethenny. IMO Susie and Chyka should have been FOH with the other 6 in full-time roles. But overall, ladies, hold onto your hair cause these ladies are coming to snatch every folicle with season 3!

      • Just me

        Everyone (each cast member) is a full-time housewife and gets paid a paltry $50k per season (or at least they did in season 1).’

        If you think that’s bad, the upcoming ‘Real Housewives of Auckland’ (New Zealand) ladies each got paid $15k for the season.

      • Stephanie

        Arrgh that’s too many. But don’t be mad at me TT and put me in the WLS, it was confirmed on May 8, 2016, that original housewife Chyka will not be returning next season (Season 4) (which has already been renewed). I’m so upset. Her and Jackie are my 2 faves. Sad face.

      • Margarett

        I hope the powers that be listen to you, Tamara. If there were five I would have a chance at remembering their names.

        I had decided to just not watch this one; however, after reading your recap I want to go to the party too.

        Take care, stay cool, and have a great weekend, Everyone.

  9. JennLovesAndy

    First time watching the show but I was awe struck by Gina’s pageant hair and makeup! I actually was wondering if she was a transvstite…Girl on a Train is a fun and fast read- highly recommend!

    • Just me

      Yep; so unprofessional for a Barrister! Seriously! How on earth can she be expected to be treated with respect dressed like that?

  10. pete'sgirl

    God. I am so excited you guys are seeing this finally . It is FULL ON this season. You will
    Love it !!!!!!!!!!!

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      Melbourne was AWESOME this season! Loved every second. I cannot stand Susie. Ugh. And Pettifleur actually won me over by the end, and some of her hair/makeup/outfits were to die this season. Bitch looks good.

  11. I still hate Pettywhatshername. I’ve already seen the whole season so I don’t want to say more to spoil but that bish is crazy insecure. All the money & body in the world ain’t gonna help that lady.

  12. Tara

    Gamble can be an air head, but when she throws shade, it is a blackout. I think it was on the last reunion, she and Janet were fussing. Gamble said to Janet “Your pu–y must be dry from riding me so hard”. I fell in love with her. Yes, I am that classy!

    I was not a fan of Pettifleur. I think it was her, it has been forever since they were on in the U.S.
    I thought Chyka left after last season.?.?. I do like her.
    I want to like Lydia too, TT. She just needs to keep her damn mouth shut.
    I can’t with Janet, she is like a bitter female.
    Gina! Oh I love me some Gina.
    I am excited you will e posting about Melbourne, even if it is a open forum.

    Everyone stay out of the heat this weekend. It is terrible in NC.

    • Hi Tara, no Chyka has announced she will not return again after Season 3. there may be some clues in the series but one of the reasons that there are so many housewives is that at least 3 of the housewives has extremely successful carers so they cant film full time.

  13. Heeblaayo

    I have been a lurker for few years and never commented, but I want to tell you that you will definitely enjoy this season…

  14. Coco

    TT, thanks for this recap! Am I the only one who watches this show with closed-captioning on? I can’t understand what they’re saying, but they do have serious drama going on. Especially Pettifluer. She’s nasty!

    • Librarygirl

      Closed captioning helps, not because I have a hearing oroblem, but because I have problem with accents, and dialects. It also runs several seconds after live broadcasts, so I can confirm things that were said if I think that I have missed them. I did not watch last season of this series so I have forgotten who is who and who I liked. So this will be a nice juicy summer treat for me. Thanks for recapping, as I have run my course with a number of the U.S. franchises. Best of luck with your technical problems TT, they are bitch.

  15. Mel

    Longtime reader, first time commenter.

    I binge watched the last season this past week and on the reunion show Lydia mentioned Andrew did not film because he has health issues. I think she said heart surgery? I still think she might have had a fling with Shane though. They looked awfully close when she was learning how to play poker before his charity event. Chyka is my favorite, she seems like someone I would want to be friends with. Lydia makes me laugh with how upper class she tries to sound and sometimes just ends up sounding silly. In one of her talking heads she was recapping a dinner they were all at that was on the 71st floor and instead of saying seventy first, she pronounced it seventy oneth. I didn’t realize a new season started, can’t wait to start watching.

  16. Flo

    Ps it came out later in the media that Chykas daughter was actually drink-driving hence the weird scene #afterthefact

    • TBD

      Ohhh! That makes sense. I thought they were infantilizing her to the point she looked like a five year old. Thank you! They were all really upset! But for the right reasons.

  17. Gina is the best dressed/jeweled barrister in Australia. Where does she get her cash? Could lawyering be that lucrative?

    Jackie is adorable. I like her intense love for her husband AKA Johhny Depp. 😂

    I think Lydia has an open marriage. I do love her devotion to Fig.

    Janet and Petifleur are over the top drama queens. I’m glad peti’s son moved out. She doted on him in a weird way, almost sexual.

    Chyka is a great mom and wife. They spoil their daughter, but it seems like she is a normal rich kid with a hyperextended childhood.

    Love. Love. Love these ladies!

  18. Dee2

    I think this actually may be my favorite franchise. I love Melbourne and I think you’ll love this season. Good mix of fun and drama

  19. KyGee

    Long time reader, first time commenter. I edited so many times so I didn’t reveal anything lol

    Ooooh hold on to your hats! This season was amazing.

    First episode I was all about Lydia (because I thought the affair stuff with Shane Warne, although likely true, was pretty low), BUT, after a couple eps in I was a “flip flopper” and couldn’t deal with her any longer. Lydia and her housekeeper, ugh, don’t get me started. Cringe. Fig, Nope.

    Pettifleur’s body looks fab, a shame about the shit personality and holier than thou BS.

    I livvvvve for Gamble, she is everything!

    Jackie, so ocker! So many f-bombs, love!

    Susie doesn’t do it for me – she has too much self love, no room for a man.

    Gina throws so much shade and has no prob putting the other ladies in their place. Right level of confidence – although a little hard headed (not referring to the can of hairspray on her head).

    Janet I don’t mind. I like when she’s softer, it’s endearing (only at times, don’t expect too much!).

    Can’t wait to see the rest of your recaps TT on this season and see if anyone else flip flops with me!

  20. Sarah

    In my humble opinion this was the best season of all the housewives.Loved every minute!! Gamble was and still is my favorite.I won’t spoil it for anyone.

    Side note:I never understood Shane Warne ladies man reputation.

    • Me neither, he’s repulsive – and his sexts were illiterate! Hardly a turn on

      • Sarah

        I second that .Ladies man is not what comes to mind when I think of him.More like cringe worthy and fame whore ,lol.Since I am not Australian and live in Dubai.I thought I might be missing something.Is Suzie coming back next season?She was an absolute bore except for one scene.

    • Sarah, currently no world on series 4 of Melbourne – not sure if it is in hiatus, but they have announced the cast of RHO Sydney (One of whom said the Melbourne cast looked like old handbags!) and Chyka has declined to return.

  21. Barbara

    Love these ladies. For some reason, I just can’t like Lydia or Petitfleur. Just my intuition says neither can be trusted. Looking forward to this season.

  22. Twilly

    I love their accents and their fashions. The rest leaves much to be desired!

  23. ninjapanda1

    Pettifluer shows how really mentally unstable she is this year. Sickening, insecure, and a petulant child. I don’t get why all the ladies hold Lydia to some ridiculous standard about gossiping when the rest are more vicious and vile. Susie is pathetic she brought zero personality to the show with the likes of Gina and Gamble And speaking of Gamble, i effing love her.

  24. Auntie Velvet

    Few people seem to like Lydia, including me, but it makes a nice change to read recaps from that perspective.

  25. So glad Melbourne is back! Theses ladies just make me smile. And my favorite of the whole bunch? Lydia. Oh how I missed that stupid, stupid woman. She’s just the worst, which makes her the best. So glad she quickly turned on Pettifleur. Pettifleur has no redeeming qualities. She doesn’t deserve Lydia’s friendship.

    Also, did anyone else notice anything weird about Jackie’s husband’s face? He looked different to me but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Did he have work done over hiatus? Help me out here…

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