Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Very Hairy Christmas

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY -- Season:7 -- Pictured: (l-r) Dolores Catania, Siggy Flicker, Teresa Giudice, Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita -- (Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo)

(Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo)

 

 

I need another day in this weekend! I have been in a weird headspace and my body just feels like it is slogging through mud in order to do anything at all. So this I going to be a slow recap night. It took me three days to get the latest RHOA tea up. It’s good. You really should check it out.  Any why does Banjo need to go out at precisely 8 pm every night. At least he is regular I guess.

We start with Teresa’s suspect lawyer making a statement to the press outside her house. He has clearly worked himself in to a paid role. Is he the first male FOH? It would seem so. He had more airtime last week than the new fulltime housewives.  Everyone pretends to watch this on the news from their phones at home.  What we saw was Bravo filming it.

Jacqueline seems to cry. Then she sees the new Lexus SUV with a bow. She says, “Same old Teresa.” Exactly. What kind of idiot does that the second they are out of prison for robbing people?  The Joe and Melissa stories are staged and filmed much later than we are supposed to believe. Melissa doesn’t understand that Teresa refused to let her visit because she didn’t want to be seen in her worst moments by an adversary. It’s one of those “Never let them see you cry” sort of things.

RHONJ Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas!

Milania gets her eyebrows waxed for the first time on Christmas Eve. It was her idea. I fully expect to hear a lot of Teresa bashing over it, but kids can be really mean and I think it’s fine.

Tre needs to be home by 11:30 to avoid violating her probation, but I love that she told the kids it was because Santa Claus is coming and they all need to be in bed so he can come.

Since Teresa is a much talked about Felon by Bravo, she is able to sell her family Christmas to People magazine. CHA CHING! Crime does pay. Teresa says that her price has never been as high as it is now. She sold a photo of her coming home in the car and her family Christmas to the same paparazzi. So all of that, “Oh my the paps are following us” was totally staged and a contract was signed in advance. These people. Then she has to duck the whole way over to Joe’s house so that no other people get her photo. She so loves this. One day back and it is same old Teresa.

Teresa and Joe try to figure out why we celebrate Christmas. It’s like that one year when Teresa didn’t know what a nativity scene was.

Teresa and Melissa try to come to a détente. Teresa goes over every event since the christening and let’s Melissa know everything is her fault and that Tre is being the bigger person. Teresa cannot take any responsibility for any of her behavior, EVER.

RHON Dolores

Dolores

Apparently the best way to introduce a new housewife these days is through fake TV therapy. That is the route we are going with Dolores. In a nutshell, Dolores divorced her first husband because he had an affair he was not willing to stop. Her fiancé turned out to be a cheated as well. She has recently moved back into the house she had when she was married.  Dolores is used to being codependent.

Teresa

Gia is asking Teresa and Joe Gorga if she can go out for NYE. Joe Giudice walks in and he is really mean to Gia. I think he resentful towards her because she literally had to take over running the house while Teresa was locked up in prison. She had to be the head of household and he got bossed around. But you can tell by her face that she doesn’t like him calling her a fathead and a pain in the ass. Joe tells her to do whatever she wants for NYE.

Teresa and Siggy go out to get manicures. Teresa looks like she has had bad eye surgery. Maybe she has been crying? Teresa talks about being away with women, and “the women in her dorm.” HILARIOUS. Even in prison the cellmates don’t call each other women in their dorm.  They call each other bunkies.  Dolores is having a birthday so she will have a party. I love how these shows make a big deal out of birthdays.  Dolores want Tre and Jac to make up for her birthday. She should have asked for something more likely, perhaps winning the MegaMillions.

Jacqueline

Jac and Ashley. Blech.

Melissa

I don’t know what to say about the building of Envy. It’s boring and I don’t believe that Joe Gorga doesn’t want Melissa to work. It’s a stupid fake storyline. So is Melissa pretending like she “is the boss of” these people. It’s not really even her store.

RHONJ Teresa Christmas


Happy New Year!

Jacqueline and Teresa are having competing NYE party.  Rino catered all of Teresa’s party. I wish we could see Rino this season. We don’t have to see the wives.

Kathy and Rich and Rosie are not invited to Teresa’s and are stuck at Jacqueline’s. I know you guys don’t like Rich but I do. He’s a bit crude, but I like him. I’m sort of a Lebanese fan having spent much of my formative years in Lebanon.

All of Melissa and Joe’s family is there. Joe who told Gia she doesn’t give a shit what she does is not telling Teresa she has to tell Gia to be home before the ball drops. What an asshole Juicy is.  I say stay out and come home before 1 am Gia. I get she is only 14, but if you are going to let her go to a NYE party at all (and I would not) then she has to be there for the countdown, or what is the point. Then she needs time for the ride home. That still leaves her plenty of time to get knocked up at the party.

Dolores is the go between for Teresa and Jacqueline. She is leaving Tre’s party to go to Jacqueline. Teresa calls Jac to extend an olive branch and wish her happy new year.  Her cousins shout out, “Happy New Year!” to Tre and she asks Jac who they were.  Really? They are your family members that you didn’t invite and haven’t seen since you got home from your stint in prison. Remember them? Rosie is hurt and doesn’t know why Teresa hates her.

Gia is home at 12:15.  Everyone is drunk enough to hug and make up. Even Gia and Juicy.

Next Week: Jac goes to visit Teresa

75 Comments

Filed under Dolores Catania, Entertainment News, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Siggy Flicker, Teresa Giudice

75 responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Very Hairy Christmas

  1. Twilly

    I hope the money from those paparazzi photos goes to restitution for their crimes but I know it won’t. Still scumbags on tv after all this time.

    • J Stone

      great recap Tamara…. Teresa never takes full ownership of her misdoings…what’s new. I can’t bear to take another flashback of that Christening. Have you heard any casting tea on RHOBH newbie Dorit Kemsley???

  2. Nila

    I just want to steal Audrianna.

    • queenmarie

      she is gorgeous isn’t she??!!!!

    • Yes, Audranna is so adorable. She seems to have gotten the brain in that family. I always thought of her as very sweet.

      • Noellemybelle

        Gabriella seems pretty bright as well. She’s smart enough to avoid the cameras unlike the Milinia she does not want to be a star. I think it’s safe to say by mid teens Gabriella will hv devised a plan with her therapist to run far away from this family. Like that other Osborne sibling.

      • Whoops -I meant Gabriella! She is the winner of the looks and brains!

  3. Bridgett

    “Ashlee is back, yay!”- said no one ever

    • Jill

      It was tiring to hear Jacqueline and Ashlee drone on about her “moving out” to be with her boyfriend or fiancé so they could “have alone sexy time,” especially now that she’s announced she’s knocked up with his lovechild. Barf-o-rama. I really didn’t need to hear or know about either Ashlee or Jac’s love lives in that scene but one can only assume this scene will be referenced again when she announces her pregnancy on the show to Chris and Jacqueline. And I’m sure a new plastic surgery crisis will envelope Jac as becoming a grandma definitely doesn’t seem her speed.

  4. Lisa j

    Teresa looks terrible. I’m sorry but the last thing in the world anyone in their right mind would film after getting out of prison. Everything looks so staged, I guess I’m just starting to notice.

  5. I often get the feeling that there are sometimes barely concealed looks of disgust by Gia towards her father. Even though she loves him, I don’t think she always likes him – she’s a very smart girl for her age and I think she’s old enough to see through the act he puts on. She knows a lot of the “good daddy” act is for the cameras, and she’s well aware that she (and relatives) probably did as much, if not more, for the family than he did for the past year. She’s a remarkable young woman, considering everything she’s been through, and I hope Teresa sets enough ground rules for her a she grows up. Milania still looks like she’s a little devil-child – watching the Giudices for the next few years will be worth it just for the experience of watching her go through her teen years. I think we can safely say, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet” where the family is concerned. As much as I want not to, I still enjoy watching Teresa, although I could do without some of the others.

    • P.S. I think Teresa looks really good. She and Gia look more alike than ever and the girls all look pretty and happy.

    • Betty

      Gia has no respect for her dad, nor should she. He thought we celebrate Christmas bc Jesus DIED on that day!!! What a idiot. Send him back,to Italy please

    • SJ

      I agree totally English Rose about Gia. It is very hard to respect parents you know are flawed but there is always the love you feel toward them even when they are so wrong. I felt so sorry for Joe’s Mother during the festivities. When has she had any time to mourn the loss of both her husband and now her son going off to jail?

      • Ktina

        My father always taught me that respect is earned. Just because he knocked up Theresa, doesn’t mean he deserves respect. He’s cheated on Theresa and I’m sure Gia is aware. How do you respect a man that cheats on your mother?

    • Ktina

      He’s a neanderthal at times, calling her names and most likely isn’t a good father. He seems to have grown up similar to the way my husband grew up. My husband was a jerk when my boys were younger. He’d say hurtful things that he thought were funny and would call them mama’s boys when they cried.

      I can’t stand parents that guilt children into spending time with them.

  6. Minky

    Great balls of fire! That was bad. Are these people just playing dumb, or are they just plain dumb? No remorse. No apologies. No guilt. No good.

    I didn’t know that Joe Guidice was being such an asshole to his own kid. That girl needs to get emancipated from her parents. She wouldn’t do a much worse job of raising herself than they are.

    Was it just Kathy and Rich and Rosie at Jac’s party, or was it Teresa’s parents and Melissa and Brother Joe as well?

  7. Theresa

    Tre’S eyes and lips look so puffy. She’s looked better. I wouldn’t have recognized ashley. Can’t stand her and hate the entire storyline for jac since it includes her and exploiting her son. Do what you do best I guess. She doesn’t have much else to offer

  8. Nila

    I wonder why Jaq and Chris weren’t at the Brownstones annual New Years party?

  9. I suspect that real reason that Joe wanted Gia home for NYE was because it would be the last New Years Eve he’ll ever have with her before he goes to prison. He’s just too much of an illiterate meathead to speak his feelings in a fatherly way. Who knows but the next holiday he spends with his kids/family could be in Italy.

    • tamaratattles

      You give Joe more credit than I do. All was thinking that the next holiday season where Joe sees his kids the girls will be married.

    • BINGO! They don’t seem to “get” that he’s leaving in 3 months and need to spend that time with him. I can imagine he wants this family time and is scared to death about what is awaiting him on the other side.

      But – unfortunately, the kids need some normal family/parents together time before they go back to the countdown to the day of leaving.

      I just hope Teresa gets the “story” figured out quickly and can see that Joe has been somewhat emasculated by her return and the girls going over his head to her for answers. Total disregarding him and his wishes as their father.

      At least that’s my opinion.

      • Minky

        They can’t be in denial anymore. Can they? Well, not the oldest girl. Is there any chance that Gia resents her father because of their legal troubles and the embarrassment they’ve created? And because she’s been the one looking after her sisters while Teresa was in the slammer?

      • tamaratattles

        Now, now Minky. Stop with the logic. We are apparently all firmly ensconced on the planet where Joe is a great dad and didn’t spend the entire time Tre was in jail leaving Gia to do everything while he was off with or texting women. Remember he jumped right up and ran over to Tre the second she entered the house and immediately stopped texting. He’s a great dad who just wants to spend time with him fambily for these last few months just like he always has. He would never call his daughter a fathead pain in the ass on national TV for politely asking if she can go to a NYE party with her friends.

      • I didn’t like the kids telling Joe to shut up. I think Audriana said it tonight, but have heard Milania say it too.

        Teresa has her work cut out for her with 4 girls and the teenage years. Bad idea when said Teresa doesn’t like them upset. When raising teenagers you understand why some animals parents eat their young. I’m still recovering!

      • 25

        Oh FFS of course Gia gets it–her Mom just got home from prison!! I’m sure she’s spent plenty of time with Joe since neither of them drivers licenses. Parties like that are a big deal for a 14yo. Why should she have to watch her dad sit in a chair and get drunk instead of being with what friends? Joe probably doesn’t even know what New Year’s Eve is celebrated for.

      • TBD

        There’s all of that. Gia’s in denial because it’s the only way she can navigate and there’s no one to tell what to feel or do because they are in crisis. She has no idea what to do. She’s angry, and embarsssed. And now they want her to go back to obedient kid? After she’s been immersed into being a strong adult? It is a mess.

      • Ktina

        Kids learn who the moron parent is real quick. You have the parent that gets things done and the one that does nothing.

    • Betty

      Wherever he spends it, we at least know he will,be drunk.

    • TripleOGpearl

      Urethra, That’s how I interpreted it as well. In between his meathead moments there is a genuine person that peeks through every once in awhile. I feel like his assholish behavior is a result of being too stupid to express himself. So he just gets frustrated.

  10. Teresa was exhausted. No fan, but understand it must of been quite overwhelming being released from prison, filming a show, getting reaquainted with kids, hubby, life and then all the Xmas work. Pooped just typing it!

    I guess Jacqueline has to fight with Teresa to have a storyline. They all must hate the fact that the show waited for Teresa being out of prison. It’s Teresa’s world they are living in.

    • Betty

      Lol. Nobody’s jealous of a felon who put Gucci plates and handbags before her love of her kids. What a Shitty mother

    • Noellemybelle

      Agreed Tre looks exhausted, and probably hasn’t had time for all of the Botox and fillers since she just got released. She looks like a you would expect and mom of 4 to look 1 week out from being released from prison. If she kinda looks like me after a 60 hour work week. But what you don’t expect is for her to film a reality show from the moment she steps out of her “dorm”. But I’m here watching so Felons By Bravo will continue to cut her a check.
      Jac and Ashley – ugh, go away fast. Just go away.
      Rosie – Joe hasn’t texted me in a week since Tre got home. Ya think? The man may be a little busy with his wife’s readjustment, house arrest stipulations, preparing Christmas for the kids and buying a new car – give the man a little slack.

  11. G.

    Teresa: we need to START money for college. Oy! Their priorities.

  12. MARC

    I honestly don’t think Tre would have Jacq in her life at all but the show makes that impossible…

  13. Swizzle

    Almost every minute Jac is on screen she is talking about Teresa. She must hate that is really all the producers want from her.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      She looks so pathetic. Tre doesn’t give a rat’s ass about her. I can’t tell if she actually cares about Teresa, or if she’s just giving the producers what they want?

  14. Miguel

    Best recap ever, TT!!! Loved, love, loving the Jacq & Ash synopsis; and Tre’s was perfection!

  15. Madashell

    Why don’t they show flashbacks of Rosie screaming she was going to cut Teresa’s tongue out and Kathy saying they wanted a piece of the pie too at Season 3 reunion?
    Kathy come on the show because she wanted money and joined Melissa in trashing Teresa. Need flashbacks Bravo!

  16. Miguel

    Btw, wasn’t it hilarious when Teresa said “there’s gonna be no fighting coming from [her] end [and] she’d just walk away? Big, fat HA and HA!!! Let the games begin – I can’t wait to see this season unfold…

  17. Misha11

    Your recaps are better than the shows! Thanks!

  18. Ms.Minnie

    Good episode but why is Kathie even credited anything when Rosie is more entertaining than she is? Robyn needed to be a FOH not Kathie.

  19. Piper moon

    I might be in the minority but I think that Rosie and Kathie and Richie seemed desperate by filming with jacqueline on NYE than standing around talking about Theresa the whole time. I’m wondering if any of them reached out to Joe and Theresa or if they’re just standing around waiting for a phone call.

    • Nila

      Agreed. I had the same thoughts. I do think they are jealous of Tre, not for anything she has or whatever but because they were all put in their place when Tre was away, filming halted, except for a special on HER. I think this drive them all crazy, especially Melissa. I think she’s playing nice now and team Teresa because she knows if anyone is ever getting a spin off, it would be Teresa why Joe is away, not that Teresa deserves any of this, it’s just how Bravo rolls.

      All this talk of Gia, remember that there was someone helping Joe out, the cousin Teresa. I’m sure she did her fair share of helping but there was a mother figure there as well.

      One thing that I’m confused by is why did she need permission to go to Christmas Eve dinner but she was allowed to go get her nails done???

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      I’m with ya.

  20. Rach

    I’ve never liked Kathy. Sorry. I never bought into the poor me hoopla. She’s the most passive aggressive person ever. Her desperation of trying to bring Teresa down was even worst than Melissa Gorga. I really want to see what happens between Melissa and Kathy this season. I’ve always liked Melissa. Poor Kathy even built a McMansion to join in on the others. I do like Rich though. Always found him hilarious. My brother in law is Lebanese and is exactly the same as Rich

  21. Microop

    Ugh Kathy.

    Also I agree about the waxing. There was a girl in my school whose parents didn’t let her shave or pluck until 16, and everyone was really mean to her about it.

    • tamaratattles

      Your comment reminded me of the time I DEFIANTLY shaved my legs in middle school, and then cut my own hair There was hell to pay for all of that. But I was still MERCILESSLY taunted for “stuffing”. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. Apparently it was growing huge boobs. And of course my mother didn’t want to take me for a bra. Gym was very troubling.

      • Bridgett

        TT, I feel like there is a memoir in you, needing to come out! You could sell it as fiction, so you could stay private.

      • Cat

        I was born with huge boobs, I think. I imagine they were so big (how big WERE they?), the doctor thought my mom had conjoined triplets.

  22. Interesting that Gia is on the top step in the Christmas picture – as if it’s been tacitly accepted that she is now first in the pecking order. Or maybe I think too much. Anyway, it bothers me that the dogs are probably crated and stuck in the garage for the photo spree. I hope TT’s Banjo knows he’s a lucky boy. Regular walks!

    • Meri

      I agree about Banjo. He has a great Mommy. Why are the Wakile’s back on this show? They are totally disloyal to Teresa so I don’t blame her for not inviting them to her party. Rosie seems innocent though and should be treated better. The question is would she come to their party without her sister and brother-in-law? She doesn’t seem to do anything without them. Kathy Wakile’s smirk drives me nuts. She is such a bitch. I love Jaq’s husband but can’t stand her or Ashley. The show was obviously staged but kind of interesting. I might continue to watch…or just read TT’s blogs as I usually do with the HW shows.

  23. Amy V

    She may be twiddled dumb but…she is alert enough not to allow her so call family and friends to her see all that was said about being a felon came to fruition. Because. This was her nebulous space.

  24. Trashbox

    Never thought I’d say this, but where is Jim when you need him? Or is Jacqueline playing Jim? I fast forwarded through her.

      • Trashbox

        I guess you missed last season. He missed the cut this season.

      • tamaratattles

        The worst man ever to be on a Bravo show. He made money by snitching out a drug company for his idea to market a niche cancer drug only meant for a rare form of cancer to cancer patients as a whole. It did nothing for those who did not have the rare form and caused many cancer patients to get ineffective treatment. She’s a piece of shit and doesn’t need to be brought up here. It makes my blood boil just to see his stupid name.

      • Nila

        I missed that whole thing! I never saw the last season before this one.

  25. CupcakeScholar

    I really don’t like the way Melissa made Teresa’s plan to get through her time in prison about her. Some people only offer to help so that it can be thrown in your face later. Maybe that is who Melissa is. If so, I understand why Melissa was not on the list.

    I also think that she is parenting with a lot of guilt for being away for almost a year. Granted she played a part in this mess, she is trying to provide stability by trying to maintain that over-the-top lifestyle that got her and Joe in this mess to begin with. I wish a financial counselor would get her together to set some realistic financial goals supported with a legal business that has growth potential.

    Can we please talk about the necessary family counseling that is needed by Teresa and her family? WTF?! I screw up constantly but my goofs are not broadcast to the world with everyone having commentary about my every move. Those kids did not sign on for this circus. They need professional emotional support yesterday.

  26. Margarett

    I am just watching this episode now. It’s embarrassing to admit that I’m glad NJ is back, but I am.

    Aren’t these boys hilarious? My husband is a true morning person. He and Sunny Boy get up just before 0500. They have a bark and run, watch the early news, and have a nap. That’s fine except when Ed’s offshore Little Boy wants me to get up! Oy vey!

    • TBD

      Sunny Boy is an hilarious marvelous name. It made me double take. (Grinning) I kinda hate to admit it too, but New Jersey seems an alternate universe. Watching it is a wonderment.

  27. AmyinLasVegas

    No one commented on Jac’s sky blue dress with the ruffled sleeves? That might be the worst dress in Housewives history.

  28. Jana Jo

    Why aren’t they making Jacqueline and Chris talk about their legal case(s)?? She’s trying to make Teresa and Ashley her “storylines”, but there are real things going on in her life. They didn’t just lose money because her husband’s business failed. No, they robbed that business blind (allegedly). Also, I’m no Teresa fan, but Jacqueline should be the last person to talk about her considering she’s a fraud like the Giudices and the minute they filed bankruptcy, she ran off and had (horrible) plastic surgery. Hypocrites by Bravo.

  29. steve heisler

    Let’s get into some of the new blood on the show. The story lines are getting real old.

  30. gapeachinsc

    I understand not wanting certain folks to visit while incarcerated. Sometimes, you don’t even want people you love to come visit. Gia’s 14 and a NYE party is a big deal. I understand Juicy wanting her to be with the family but his mistake has already cost her so much of her childhood. And I want to like Rich because I’m Lebanese, but I just can’t do it. And for the record, I don’t know any Lebanese man that behaves as he does. I guess I’m lucky.

  31. Elizabeth

    I thought Jac was a bitch for talking on speaker(although I bet they have to) and then saying something like ” I’m here with your family”…..It all seems so scripted at times, where I think it totally wasn’t before. Jac and her daughter are just awful. I do really like Chris, although he was also into some sort of $ trouble but was prob. just “smarter” about it then dumb and dumber where. I love do Rosie! Melissa weirdly doesn’t bother me at all.

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      They do have to talk on speaker, so it was super weird for Teresa to ask “do you always put your calls on speaker?” WTF was that?

  32. Billie_bee

    I am Lebanese, and my husband is Egyptian, so you’d think the odds would be stacked against my girls in the hair department. Thank God my 6-year old has lighter brown hair, and the hair on her legs is blonde. She’s working on her unibrow though…that sucker is getting waxed this year, or at the latest next. My husband thinks I’ve gone bananas, but little girls are possible the meanest entities around, and I don’t want my kid getting teased…

  33. I made it about 15 minutes into the Gorga victim spin and fell asleep. I actually like that Joe Giudice…and Teresa for the most part…keeps it real. On camera shots of telling the kids to shut up and asking if Jesus died on Christmas have always made him my fave, lol. I’d like a flashback of Rosie admitting that her hosebeast of a sister disowned her for years when she came out and Teresa and Joe were the only family that treated her the same. Gonna try to rewatch to get to know the new cast. Wish I wouldn’t have wasted my time plowing through the DVR of last weeks OC and NY. Torture.

    • Ktina

      Bingo! It makes you think what type of sister would do that. I can almost see a mother or father but your sibling not talking to you because your gay?

  34. Lu

    First thing I noticed is that Tre aged. That’s the weird look on her face that everyone seems to notice. She looks pretty tired. I don’t blame her. Even though she talks about her diet and doing yoga in prison, it could not have been easy being there. She should be talking about it- oh, just interrupted my own thought-process, she has a book out! Coining it again.

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