Daily Tea (Open Forum): More Oversharing By Me

Dallas

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Here’s the “Daily Tea” which is usually our weekend chatting place. I really didn’t think I would get anything posted on Thursday. Several of you have been very kind with your outpourings of love. I’m having a difficult time, and as you know I have to problems telling y’all the real deal.

If you have been here since the beginning you all know I went through a very dark place in perimenopause ( I think I MIGHT be IN Menopause YAY!)  where I had a flood of childhood issues flare up out of no where and also found out my mother was aware of things that happened and failed to protect me.

I majored in psychology as an undergrad and minored in it for my Master’s degree. I remember the first time I saw Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I realized that after like breathing and food and water the next level was safety.  Those fall into the “basic needs” category. I knew then that I never made it out of that level. Beyond that is relationships and accomplishments and self actualization.  Yeah, no.  I have always been stuck at safety. Never accomplished safety. So basically I am only at the whole breathing and feeding myself stage.

I have never felt protected. Ever. I’ve been going through life alone because every time I think someone has my back, they don’t. I still love and miss my mother, but she did not protect me. I love and miss my father, but he did not protect me. I was raised to believe that the police were there to protect us, and my house was broken into and the cop who came to my house after several hours of me standing in the street crying basically mocked me when I tried to explain what had been disturbed and what was just me being too depressed to keep things in order and said something like, “What do you expect in this neighborhood?”  As some of you know I don’t like to talk on the phone, until I do and then I don’t shut up. I was so afraid that I had problems remembering how to dial the phone. So I dial the number and then press talk? Do I press talk first? I was in full panic attack mode. Basically the 911 lady told me she was aware of the break in and I shouldn’t call so much because it took me three times to get through. I knew then that the police were not protecting me. But I hoped I just had a bad situation. It happened at a time when the cops were changing shifts. My crappy cop managed to lock himself out of the cop car. I hoped it was an abnormality. I continued to try to believe that the police are trying to protect us.

ShahsMJCrying
I long ago determined that out government is doing a shitty job of protecting us.

I sort of lost my shit over the last few days where people who are supposed to be protecting us, killed black men who were already subdued. I stupidly watched the video. I am sickened. Now this. Are we headed toward Marshall law?

I don’t feel safe in this neighborhood. I don’t feel safe in this country. I don’t feel safe. I have never felt safe but that feeling is increasing. My coping mechanisms are less than stellar.  My best one is talking to you guys.

I’m again, like I said after the mass murder in Orlando, not trying to make this about me. I am trying to let you know that blogging is a 24/7 job. I have no writers working on stories at the moment. I have to maintain the blog daily. While every fucking mass murder we have goes on, some asshole are trying to post nasty shit and new nice people show up and comments have to be moderated. I work my ass off every day. I want to provide a space for us to chat and get the latest tea. I need this site and want you all to have a place to hang out and talk about what used to be fun reality shows.

I’m just telling you all that I am a person who is traumatized by all of these events that make me less safe.  So if I take a few hours off here and there, if I am up all night, like I just was, please understand. I’ll get things done. I just need to sleep. And regroup.

And I don’t think this post just needs to be about the latest tragedy. I hope you will all continue to share your weekend plans. Please don’t let my dark overshare stop that.

In other news all of my in the ground tomato plants are dead.

141 Comments

Filed under Daily Tea

141 responses to “Daily Tea (Open Forum): More Oversharing By Me

  1. NeverBeenJaxed

    I appreciate you TT and my heart aches for you. I have been up all night watching shit unfold on tv. I don’t feel safe either and I come from a family of LEO’s and I just can’t think straight.

    Last night when I got home from my brand new job, there was a message from my endocrinologist with my biopsy results and let’s just say it was not good news. I’ll leave it at that.

    You’re in my thoughts and prayers today <3

    Trying to navigate my way through the day today till I can come home and fall apart. I don't know if it's being overtired, stressed, and worried. Probably a combo but it is what it is.

    You're not alone TT <3

    • Jess

      I’m so sad to see that the world is not a safe place, and it’s mostly because of the people that live here.
      You’ll get through the day. The important part is – that you have a home to go to, a place where you can be yourself, deal with your pain and worries, a place to “fall apart” for a while.
      You’ll be stronger tomorrow!

    • You’re not alone either NeverBeenJaxed. I read your comments and always look forward to what you have to say. Although I’ve never said it, I feel like you are a friend and it breaks my heart to hear what you’re going through. Please know that people here care and pray for you. I hope you get some rest and know that you are never alone.

    • Dee

      Tamara, thank you no bless you for sharing. I don’t feel safe any more. I don’t understand what is happening to our country. I also fear Marshall law being enacted.

    • Sending prayers and big hugs your way.

  2. Toni Lee Gildea

    I sat here trying to type a response to you, all I can come up with is a big hug.

  3. Jess

    I got a bit teary reading this. I suppose I have felt similarly as a child.
    YOU are doing a wonderful job, providing us with a place that speaks about these shows with real analytical skills, not just mocking the people on them.
    Thank you, and I think I can speak of the majority of us – we are understanding about the fact that you need time for yourself.

  4. Allison

    I, for one, appreciate your “overshare” and I, like you, do not feel safe and protected by the police at this point. I was raised that the police are our friends, but now, I feel like they want to shoot me first and ask questions never. That said, I am appalled by what has happened with Alton Sterling, Philandro Castile, and to the Dallas PD. This has got to stop. How awful is it that one of my thoughts was how grateful I am that I am not a mother to a black son? That thank God my sons are white? HORRIBLE. I cant fathom what it is to be that mom that has to worry every time my child leaves home, he may not come back because of the color of his skin. Or that wife who’s husband may not come home because of the uniform he wears. This has to stop. Martial Law is unacceptable, as are these public executions. My husband doesnt want to watch Diamond’s facebook video. I think he needs to. This is our new reality, and it sucks.

    • Wanda

      As the mother of a biracial son, I ALWAYS fear for his life, because even though he is now an adult, I don’t feel that he is ever safe from police. And that is not to say that police are all bad, because many are not. But my son has been stopped waaay too often for spurious reasons. Once when we went to the police station to retrieve the contents of his car (another long story), they acted if they did not believe he was the lawful owner of the car. Several police came from a side door and surrounded him as if to handcuff him. He was not speaking loudly or behaving inappropriately in any way. He is unfailingly mild-mannered. But the police had this level of suspicion, as if nothing that came out of his mouth could EVER be true. If it were not for my husband and I standing up and quickly moving between him and them, while identifying that he was our son, he would have been handcuffed, no questions asked. The police moved away when they saw he was not just some young guy by himself, but that he had parents who were not going to let anything happen to him (and that we were upstanding citizens in this upscale town). Without that protection the outcome would have been very different, and all too familiar. Many of us readers did not get all the protection and security we needed growing up, or too much in some ways and not enough in the ways that were important. That lack certainly affected the choices I have made as an adult. But the best I can do is protect those who need protecting. To live and thrive in this world we must continually balance the realization that there are injustices and often our powerlessness, with as much good stuff we can experience everyday. Some days like today, it can be very challenging.

  5. Love you, TT. If I can do anything, let me know.

  6. Secret Admirer

    I appreciate your candor. Menopause ain’t for sissies. At 42, my doctor told me I was not old enough so that couldn’t be what ailed me. But, in fact, it was, and it lasted well over a decade. Black cohosh (sp) finally afforded me some degree of relief where traditional medicine had failed.

    Also I was devastated to realize that just because I don’t lie to my friends, gossip on them, or ever fail to come through, that more often than not, reciprocity is never a given.

    I wish I could tell you it gets better, but all I know fer shure is don’t ever think it can’t get worse, because it can.

  7. Victoria W Jefferson

    TT – I have safety issues as well. I’ve been followed at random twice here in Indy & mugged at knifepoint in Northern Indiana. Not an issue with parents though. I had to get a K9 dog to feel safe. I’m on my 8th German Shepherd. You have to find that level of safety for yourself & then maintain it.

    I still swear by bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. I just turned 60 & I continue to have them fine tuned every six (6) months.

    As for black men & law enforcement, both my former husband & last fiancé (passed away) were black. I’ve been intrinsically involved in the black community in Indy for 40+ years. On the other hand, my current GSD breeder is an IMPD K9 handler / officer. It’s disheartening & tragic when you see the state of our country.

    It’s at these times, that I find myself on my knees more & more each day…

  8. Miguel

    Sending you warm & fuzzy thoughts, TT!!! You are blessed & appreciated!

  9. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this Dallas stuff. I’m afraid of what is going to happen next in this country.

    Does anyone think that it is now possible that politicians will realize that people don’t need semi automatic weapons?

    Anyway, that’s a rhetorical question because I don’t want to turn this thread into a gun control thing. I just want to vent my frustrations.

    Peace and hugs to everybody.

  10. HazelHickory

    I am so sorry for what you went through TT, early on, and still. More children than we know were not kept safe in so many ways, and you are so correct that if those basic safety needs are not met – one can get stuck and have great difficulty with relationships, accomplishments and self-actualization- and that is so painful and such an injustice. You have stated this in such a clear way. Protection is everything – safety first – everything else depends on it. It is so important, generous and brave of you that you shared your story – and you have helped many others by so doing. We cannot rise from our ashes until we look the truth in the eye and let it go, emotionally, once and for all. And that requires dredging and hard work – and great courage – but the gift is there – of finally moving on to be who we were meant to be – in all ways. And you have accomplished so much with your brilliant blog, which is a great gathering place for so many to share and express – and yes – seek truth. Very grateful for your keen insight and honesty, and prayers for our country.

  11. Thank you TT for sharing who you are and how you got here. I feel very close to you as I learn more about your life experiences. I wish so much that I could say or do something that would help you to feel safe. Just know that there are so many of us who care about you and love this safe place that you’ve created for us to share what we’re going through. Be at peace, knowing that you are loved.

  12. More Tea Please!

    TT, sorry you are overwhelmed. Please consider some Mountain Time to get away from the ghetto and de-stress.

  13. Shae

    Tamara, I’m sorry you have to feel this way and deal with that. I do understand what those feelings are like and it is a hell you can’t really describe.

    Thank you for all the work you do here for us, but please take care of yourself. Take time that you need. We will all still be here, regardless :)

  14. I chose not to watch the video, because I can’t watch anymore. I can watch men be shot and beat just because. This is a sad situation and I hurt for those who have lost their love ones. Praying for those families and you TT, feel better!

  15. Dukie

    TT sending you hugs !!! I hope & pray you know how much of an impact YOU have on so many peeps!! We appreciate you !! I feel for you & wish there was something to help you ease your mind. I cannot watch that video as well!
    Thank you for all hard work you do daily! You are a rockstar ! Remember that !!

  16. anna

    It’s a sad day, a confusing day, a day of unsettling anger…..Anger at filthy bloody cops who murder out of fear, prejudice & a feeling of supremacy , Anger at the retaliation with more murders. I woke up today remember my father & grandfather talking to us as children on how lucky we are to not know WAR, but feeling for the first time in my life that we are at war. Tamara , & ever one reading this right now, remember that deep inside all of us there is the capability to love.

    • Jim

      America has been at constant war in the Middle East for 15 years.

      • Minky

        Mmm hmm. It’s kind of like Vietnam. Except it doesn’t really feel like we’re at war this time. Because our press has exercised their freedom to not show us pictures of the dead.

  17. Oh TT–so sorry to hear about your troubles. And how horrible that your safety and security was invaded. Can you get a security audit? I had one done by my local police after some thefts, and they actually had some good advice. (lighting, fence problem). If your area doesn’t do that an alarm company probably does?
    About your tomatoes, well, that just sucks! If I can send you some real South Jersey tomatoes, drop me an email with where to send them.

  18. Sue Doughtery

    You are not alone with your feelings. Thank you so much for sharing this and all your insights. Your blog is so much more than idol shallow reality TV gossip. You open up a forum for people who are trying to make sense of this sometimes unsafe, cruel, crazy world. THANK YOU TT!

  19. More Tea Please!

    North Georgia Mountains Tomato Update – this year I seriously delayed planting my tomatoes well into May, focusing primarily on dwarf tomatoes developed by The Cross-Hemisphere Dwarf Tomato Project (Google it). They settled in nicely and had beautiful lush foliage and were starting to put out lots of blossoms when I went to Colombia for 2 weeks in mid-June. In the interim, we had extreme drought, well issues and heat into the high 90’s. Since tomato pollination stops once temperatures reach 85° I came home to ZERO fruit on my plants. This week, I am finally spotting my first tomatoes and they are smaller than a quarter. It looks like I will have a very late, but hopefully productive season. In the meantime I will need to frequent my farmers market for tomatoes and other goodies. Last week I scored a dozen duck eggs.

  20. Sending you all love, hugs, peace.

  21. Kimoe

    You’re not alone TT. I am big on being safe too. I know about people seeming to consistently disappoint. Appreciate all your hard work. Look forward to your tea every day.

  22. Funny that a blog I come to for the funny would have a subject I have been ruminating on for awhile now.

    There are always I believe for women a strong debate over issues of safety and issues surrounding fear. And on the Venn Diagram of life you see that for some the overlap is greater than others and that can change at any time in one’s life depending on the circumstances and situations one is in.

    I do believe that we are living in an age of fear and in that those who exploit that to intimidate and in turn gain something as a result.

    So once again we as those most predisposed to that vulnerability are the ones required to solve, resolve or accommodate those who victimize the same. I am exhausted trying to rationalize the irrational so you have my full compassion and understanding as you too struggle to find a way to cope, to learn, to grow, to feel and to function. Just know you are alone and that is one thing I remind myself daily despite the contrary.

  23. Micheal

    My thoughts are with the families of the slain. Goodluck America, it appears as though you need it now more than ever. 😢

  24. Jelley

    You work very hard for us and we really do appreciate you. I don’t comment as often but I read almost daily. I feel like I know you and I absolutely do care about you.

    Just know that random Internet strangers have love for you.

  25. Tamara I had to comment in regard to your heart wrenching events. I often think how does she do all these blogs as I know they are yur own opposed to other sites that just copy other ppl’s work. I am very familiar with maslows hierarchy of needs & I agree we are all stuck, if you read it carefully most ppl do not reach the end of his theorized needs. My advice take what you want & leave the rest behind. First u did not mention sleep which is before food. How much of that are you lacking? In order to move on to the next need u need to complete the one superior to that need. The other suggestion as I absolutely hate going to doctors, but out of desperation I found a “wellness” doctor which encompasses all of your issues. Spent three hours with her, she dud hormone testing, she did it all. It turned out I was iron deficiency anemic & needed 3 units of blood & 3 IV bags of iron. PI just been to FMD all she said is u look pale mayb it’s yur makeup which I had none on. No bloodwork nothing. In other words go to some1 who takes care of all iof
    you.👏

  26. Amy Gardner

    As a Canadian mother of three boys – I am very saddened by the news that so frequently fills our feeds. We live in a bubble of safety here in the Ontario suburbs. My boys roam freely, with no worries of guns and gangs and police are are still considered safe. My four year old who loves to dress up, has a police costume that he will wear anywhere – school, the park, Costco – and he wears it with pride. We wave at cops as they drive past, and I allow my 10 and 12 year old to go out to play with their friends with a (somewhat) feeling of comfort. My son talked about his friend in school for months who I had not met and when he finally brought him home to play, I discovered he was black. In all the months he talked about him, skin colour did not come up. I was proud of my son for this.
    My heart goes out to anyone that does not feel safe and protected in their own community. It’s difficult for me to speak on the current environment in the U.S – we are literally 40 minutes from the border but still a million miles away.

    • Allison

      @Amy Gardner- Thank you for your view from Canada. I often wonder what people in other countries must think of what goes on here, we must look like gun-crazy shoot-em-up barbarians-but the majority of us are sick as hell of all of this. I am SCARED for my kids. I vaguely remember when things were sort of like what you experience, but it’s so far gone now.

  27. Tha Riddler

    Hi Tamara, I wish I could scoop you & Banjo up and bring you to my house for a vacation! Would you condsider a week in Southern California? I mean it. What is taking place in our society right now is frightening.
    Im not a gardener, but my friend is having a lot of success planting over a rain gutter.. He says the plants wick up the water, and benefits with less bugs, no need for a dirt bed…

  28. Maggie moo

    Tamara,I was very moved by reading your post.just want you to know that coming to your site,at least twice daily,it is my escape.escape from my own personal troubles,.you always put a smile on my face and just want you to know I appreciate all you do for us.sending you hugs and prayers from Florida.also,a BIG thank you for honesty.

  29. Daintyfeets

    When I was going through an incredibly life changing period in my life I found this passage from a Michener book. I was all in in a situation and it was either fail and lose everything or win and be able to survive. I was terrified all the time but I pushed on. Here is the quote:

    “You’ve seen what indecision and confusion can do. You must carefully make up your mind as to the right road, and then march down it. If a wall of water forty feet high comes at you, hold your nose, kick to stay afloat, and when the waters recede, get on with your job. Be a person of determination.”

    I still have the quote pasted in a pace I see everyday to remind me. P.s. I won. :)

    Take care of yourself.

  30. Tulsateacher

    I first discovered this site one night when I couldn’t sleep and was having my first case of the night sweats. I e-mailed you and you took the time to respond and give me the names of some herbal supplements to help me through my perimenopause journey. I opened to you about my teaching career and you had words of support for that issue as well. I’ve been a loyal reader ever since. Your lack of parental protection is another thing that we share; I understand your emotional roller coaster 100%. Just know I’m on that same ride with you every day. You’re “good people” as my grandma would say and I’ll be here every day for the laughs as well as the tears.

    • Its_shane

      45 here and going thru the night sweats. I have to change my shirt sometimes three times a night … Uhhhh

      • Allison

        I’m super curious the ages of everyone here-if ya’ll arent comfortable saying I get it, and my apologies-I am 44. No menopause yet, but I had a uterine ablation 12 years ago so I wouldnt really know..

      • Margarett

        Not a problem for me, Allison. I’m “going on” 70. I will be 69 in August, but I don’t like the ‘9s’. They always sound like lies, so I am going from 68 directly to 70.

        I’m kinda’ glad you asked since age/life experience certainly effects our opinions. Maybe knowing , for those willing, will lead to deeper understanding.

      • Allison

        @Margarett thats kinda where I was going with that-thank you :-) hopefully I dont offend anyone, but it helps with the mental picture.

  31. Spaghetti Kitten

    Ive often closely identified with you TT..i cant remember if youve ever posted your age but think we kinda same generation and birth order. I wasnt protected or safe either, but had a different menopause experience…all over non-hormonal map for a few years when I was finally diagnosed correctly as being almost POST menopausal by like 45! Im not sure knowing I was in early menopause would have helped all the thoughts and feelings I was having or not.

    I suspect it would have.

    The older U’ve become (55) I’ve been comforted by the thought that my parents did the best they could at the time and place.

    I dont know if this thought would have helped me when I was in the throes of “the change…but I hope it helps you.

    • Barbara

      I too was early menopause. It was hell with mood swings, etc. At 42, it was very depressing and I wondered why me? No one else in my huge family had this experience. Good luck, it is not easy to deal with.

  32. Once you have had one disgusting experience via police..that is traumatic..memories and those feelings will stay with you.

    the old addage “to serve and protect” looks pretty on the police vehicles…the police should be applying this to their work ethics.

    I know not all police are abusive or ignorant ..but it just takes one experience with them …the ones in charge..an experience that when you are at your most vulnerable..looking to them for the “protect” part..and they fail drastically and violently emotionally…these police worked hard for their bad image..and this is universal.

    we were almost arrested by police…we were protesting the building of luxury apartments in a district that is 60% homeless people…being chased by the police with their batons….and tear gas exploding..that is scary..people in position of authority..attacking innocent humans..

    Tamra ..thank you for sharing your painful experience and I am so sorry that it happened. When you are already in a vulnerable position emotionally..the police add to it disgusting!

  33. SaraK

    Wild off topic note. About a week ago now I was cooking dinner, first mistake, nuked some Ragu..don’t judge..and as I was carrying it to the table slipped and ended up with second degree burns. Damn Ragu. Last blister popped so no biggie just put on a band aide…nope allergic to the sticky stuff in them. So someone who shouldn’t.. I have a mirror…have been living in short shorts 👙 Oh and my green pepper plant continues to grow taller but no peppers yet. Moral of my message…no Ragu, rock them short shorts, and never go rouge in the TT tomato planting season.

    • Cat

      I recently did the same thing, with a scalding cup of coffee. My microwave is at eye level, and I lost control of the cup. The coffee soaked through my clothing, and stuck to my skin. 2nd degree burns on my chest, stomach and ankle.

  34. TT know, even though I only recently discovered your wonderful site, 6 months newbie here, that I love and appreciate all you do! My weekend plans are much the same as every weekend. Ensure that all the doors are locked at all times, ensure that the windows are locked at all times, keep the curtains drawn, make sure my knives are handy and my gun is loaded. Now you may all think I live in a bad neighborhood, I don’t. I don’t live alone, my husband, son and step son are all here with me. My neighbors are fantastic. My best friend on one side and my Mom and older son on the other. I have lived this way since Dec 11, 2005 when I was assaulted by someone outside of my home and left for dead. Every moment of every day I live in fear and in a prison that is my house.

    I know what it is to live in fear and I know many say Don’t Let the Fear Win. Well sometimes for our sanity, the fear must win. Some day the homicidal psychopath who attacked me will return, he was here last week stalking around, and one of us will die. I’ve made my peace with God and my family and I’m ready for that day. No matter who leaves the next encounter with him in a body bag, I’m ok with it, at least it will be over.

  35. Latina2014

    Wow TT TKS so much for sharing, sorry to hear u have and r going through all that :(
    Pls get some good people to help u with the load! I appreciate ur new posts n patiently await them bcs I know u do the best u can!
    On the gardening side, I managed to kill my Aloe Vera plant!!! I use it to put on my face n also in my juices…. Almost want to bury it n hav a moment of silence…. Bcs who else but me doesn’t keep the plant alive!! :(
    Pls get better <3

  36. Stephanie Waszak

    I too never felt safe and to add to the mix, my folks were the Katheryn and TRav of Cleveland OH in 1952. (His first wife refuse to divorce him and they ran away together). When your parents don’t keep you safe and then keep adding child after child that they then expect you to raise, you the child, can lose it at an earlier age. Young Mothers have a lot of Wild Oats to Sow and my Mother finally ran away and dumped raising all the kids (instead of just the youngest)in first my Dad’s lap who then made it my job. I have a real problem with parents who don’t do their job. We don’t ask to be born and trying to help take care of my siblings cost me my free ride college degree. This is something I never forgave her for and the fact that when I told her about the abuse, she never took responsibility or even said she was sorry. I did not cry when my Mother died. I share with you now because I too find comfort here. You touched a very big nerve TT and I admire your abilities to move forward and to cope. Thank you for creating a safe place to land for my daily mental health break..

  37. BigDaddyMike

    Um….Dear NEWS OUTLETS:
    While you’re Releasing the name and Identity of the “Alleged” cop killer…
    Can you ALSO Release the Names and Identity of the “CONFIRMED” Officers who Murdered Alton and Philando on Video in Cold Blood.

    Thank you,
    WE, The Tax Payers

  38. Powell

    Tamara I’m sorry these recent events add to your feelings of not being safe. I applaud you for continuing to share something so personal. BIG hugs to you.

  39. JustJenn

    Thank you for the overshare, TT. It’s normal to not feel safe right now. America is in a sad state. ‘m not sure if Donald Trump is the answer, but something needs to change. I’ve voted for him and Hillary about the same amount of times in your pop up poll as I’m usually clicking around on my phone or tablet and have big hands 😭

    I wanted to thank you also for giving us to place to talk without being attacked for our views or beliefs. I wil not even approach these kinds of topics on Twitter or Facebook because people are so close minded to differing opinions and often times disrespectful. Hugs to you and Banjo.

  40. Riley03

    I feel your pain and want to send you love and comfort. I am at my son’s side, at home, waiting for him to cross the bridge from pancreatic cancer. Like you, Tamara, I feel alone and scared, but I refuse to let fear consume my final moments with him. Please be strong, and feel the love streaming to you from many who are here for you.

  41. JoJoFLL

    I’m so so sorry Tamara! I know this sounds canned but hang in there, it will get better! I wish you much peace and happiness.

  42. Buttercream

    TT- I can offer you my back deck to hang out during the day while you write your blogs, listen to the various birds sing to you all day and watch the hummingbirds feed from the garden flowers; recharge your battery of life .. come stay a while and I will serve you tea – consider my home a B&B for you ..

    My father served in Korea and Vietnam. I know scared.. watching Walter Cronkite every night with the news of the men in uniform who were not coming home. My Mom was home alone with 6 children. She would walk around the house at night locking the doors to make sure “we were safe”.

    Besides, I have free Wi-fi and internet service .. :-)

  43. Minky

    Ever since I stopped watching TV I’ve felt a whole lot better about everything. I refuse to be afraid of my fellow man.

    • Jess

      SO TRUE. I used to watch the news twice a day (TV and web). At that time I was constantly afraid of the fireworks, I thought a war has begun. (I live in Latvia, right next to Russia, that should clarify things).
      But now I take a look at the news once a week or not even that often and feel a LOT better. A lot of times it’s all exaggerated to make you feel scared (at least where I live).
      So don’t pay so much time to know what’s going on. Someone will tell you the important stuff anyway.

      • Minky

        Exactly. Keep in mind that the news is there only to inform you somewhat. They never tell the full story, and they don’t care about how much real information you find out. But if you want real info it’s better to read the paper. The TV news is mostly for some sort of entertainment (infotainment). And the news is entertaining in much the same way as a horror movie is entertaining. They’re concerned about “ratings” just as much as Bravo.

        All of these shootings are so disconcerting. The government and the police like to act as though they have shit under control, but they obviously don’t. If they did, most of this stuff would never happen. Their “protection” isn’t worth a damn. Any law they could possibly create also wouldn’t be worth a damn. The issue that needs to be addressed is hatred. Why do people have so much hatred in their hearts, to the point that they’re ready to take up a weapon and hurt people?

        Something is very deeply wrong. And it’s not easy to fix. Or maybe it IS very easy to fix? But doing so would take a lot of money out of the pockets of the powers that be. Who knows?

      • tamaratattles

        Jess, I applied for and really wanted a job in Latvia that I didn’t get. It seems like a great place to live.

      • Jess

        I can’t seem to press a reply button under your post, so I’ll reply mine and hope it works haha.
        Yes, I agree with you 100%
        Through the last century we have been fed information that everything is under control, just follow the rules and everything will be ok.
        But now, with the internet, the live streaming, the speed that information gets around – we are starting to understand the fact that everything is not ok, it’s not in control, it’s not safe.
        And yes, I too have SUCH a hard time understanding where the hatred comes from, where?? Why hate a person that has done nothing to you? Not even ever made eye contact? How can that bee? Is that the parents fault, religion, what is it?
        I feel so sad about that.
        I guess we can all do good by educating our children, and sometimes the people around us to be tolerant, to be accepting. That’s all we can do.

      • Jess

        Wow, Tamara, why did you think of a job in Latvia particularly?
        It is very very lovely, nice fresh air, a lovely countryside, mostly nice people and quite a safe environment from shootings and natural disasters.
        But there is this downside, our big neighbor country. That’s a big reason why people are scared now, and why they are still angry about the past.

      • Hi neighbor Jess. 😉👋

      • TBD

        Jess, Obviously your talking about R. I know there’s a lot of truth (or hype?) to the war crys right now. Whether this is why Obama is at NATO this weekend I can only assume. Many Americans are hunkered down and unaware because they are just trying to survive; unfortunately I wonder if that wasn’t the goal? Many here assert it is (or is not) Putin’s agression to worry about. I know the Poles and Eastern Europeans are very wary. Are you worried?

      • I am worried, my parents and sister lives near by.

      • Jess

        TBD, Yes, I’m worried. But I have a hunch (hope?) that it’s all just hype to get every neighbor country next to R scared. And therefore there is reason to buy military equipment. Maybe this is a way that the US can get funding for they’re help?
        I don’t really know. But the increase of NATO soldiers on the borders of Latvia is just as frightening as R, at least to me.

      • tamaratattles

        Sidenote: Jess, OOPSI, one of the reasons that I as so sure I was supposed to move to Latvia was, among many other really cool things, My birthday is June 23 and there I is a national holiday (or maybe close to there) where there is naked frolicking and drunken sex in the forest. I’m probably exaggerating. It’s what I do. :) I wasn’t quite a fit for the job (teaching position) but I fell in love with the principal who was doing the interviewing. He was the nicest person at the whole conference.

  44. Jess

    I think wishful thinking really works, and as you can see – were all here wishing the best for you, TT. So I believe it will get better. You’ll find a safe place (sometimes a hug is the safest of places). Crossing my fingers for better tomorrows. hugs

  45. kendrawm

    You need to move up here with us Yankees. There is a reason all New England states just swept the top spots for safest states in the country. That said as I get older and since having my daughter I do worry about things more and have more anxiety. I worry about my daughter being sexually assaulted when she gets older, being bullied in school and the mean girls that will be coming her way.

    I have also gone back to reading the paper, I find that it is much easier for me to process and I do not get as worked up by the TV news personality yelling at me.

    Sorry about the tomatoes, I didn’t plant any veggies this year and my hydrangeas look eh, the plants look great, just do not have a single bloom on them this year.

  46. susan

    All my tomatoes are dead too. It’s been way too hot. If you need a vacation you’re welcome here. I have swim pool and 10 minutes from ocean. We’ll have fun

  47. Cat

    You are not alone, TT. I, too, have spent my life in survival mode. Forever hypervigilant.

    Whenever I try to show empathy and compassion in these situations, I end up being labeled a racist. For caring about others.

    No, I have never known the “black experience”. I never will. I was not born black, and will never be black. But that does not mean I cannot care, does it?

    I’ve come to the conclusion now that what we are seeing is Evil at work. This is beyond fear and hate. A Force has taken over, and the media, including social media, is feeding the Monster.

    I am NOT saying the people on either side are evil. No, no, no. But fear, hate and paranoia are being generated and perpetuated, and it is feeding on itself now.

    Fear, hate, paranoia and guns do not mix. For anyone. No one wins.

    People need to learn that there are consequences for their actions. Those who shot the cops need to face the consequences. However, cops should not be above the law. A cop who is, for whatever reason, so afraid of innocent, unarmed black men that they shoot first, and ask questions later, should also face the consequences of their actions.

    Yes, cops, most cops, I believe, put their lives on the line to protect the public. But, any cop who is filled with fear, hate and/or paranoia should seriously reconsider their career choices. Because, they become part of the problem, not the solution.

    I refuse to watch the videos. I refuse to feed the Monster. I will, however, go out of my way to have empathy and compassion for innocent victims.

    That’s the best I can do, at the moment. Hugs to all.

  48. Barbara

    It is a sad sad world, but I remain hopeful that there is a transformation happening. Evil and hate are fighting hard to overcome us every day, we must not let it happen. We have some control to change things in our own private spheres, this is why it is so important to take care of ourselves. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day and pray for those in pain and fear. God bless

  49. Matzah60

    Tamara, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this being about you. You already have safety issues and horrible events, whether they happen to us personally or not, feel like an assault on our own personal safety. It makes us question what the future holds for us and the country. It feels bleak and it makes one revisit all those dark parts of our life that are very uncomfortable to recall on a daily basis.

    Henry Thoreau said: ” Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” I don’t know what caused your pain and lack of security, but I have felt that way much of my life, as well. I am not trying outdo , so to speak in saying this. I think that whatever brings us to that feeling of isolation, fear, and a general feeling of malaise is a feeling that many of us share for a variety of reasons. I don’t say these things to cause you more pain, or minimize the impact it’s had on
    you.

    Fear brought on by events outside the realm of our control magnify past fears and long time inner fears we haven’t discussed, but held inside to deal with ourselves. As I read through the comments, I was shocked by a lot of the pain some of you are going through in your life. It puts a good perspective on my personal pain and makes me realize that wherever we are in life, there is someone else who is in a worse place suffering from indescribable pain. @Riley03, My heart aches for you and your son. You are a brave woman and you have a brave son. I pray for the very best outcome for both of you.

    Be kind to yourself, Tamara. No matter what has happened in your life and whatever cards you were dealt, you are enough!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself.!!

    Hugs xo

  50. tamaratattles

    Thanks for all the love you guys. And big hugs back to everyone who feels a bit unsafe today, those who commented and those who didn’t.

    It’s another scorcher here in the ATL today. On the positive side my front lawn (which is like 25% grass and 75% weeds and random flowers) is dead so I’m saving money on lawn care!

    I’m going to listen to some Big Brother feeds and maybe purple pen a Bravo blog or something. I need to force myself into the shower and go into THE WORLD to forage for food and beer.:)

    • Cal

      I am sort of new to the TT blog but fell in love with TT’s insights into characters and her wit.
      I am going to guess I might be among the older guest here at 72. So pulling age rank I want to offer some free advice—-you know what that’s worth, but anyway.
      What helped me thru many a down time was just putting myself on ‘auto pilot’–living in my own head so to speak with no outside negatives leaking thru. It’s actually pretty fun to do this sort of like play acting—you glide around in you daily chores and responsibilities like one the Stepford housewives—all is light and bright with no problem that cant be solved.

      The other thing I would say to all is there is really no such thing as totally safe—use your fear feelings to institute whatever protections for yourself you ‘reasonably’ can——and then seize the day.

      As for the jerks of the world—as the countess said, just brush them off, they aren’t worth a second of time.

      • I’m hoping to one day be your age and keep such a positive attitude!

        Carpe diem! Dame Judi drench just had that tatted on her wrist for her 80th birthday. Older folks rock!

  51. First of al a huge thanks to you for affording to us what you have not had, a safe place to come and chat and vent. My heart breaks for all your words and for the sadness in your heart. I think, after all you have endured, it speaks volumes to your character and strength in all you have accomplished. I will keep you in prayer for the peace of heart that you deserve and long for.

    I have to say that I agree with you about not feeling safe anymore. I feel physically ill seeing all that is unfolding in our country day after day. It is a vicious cycle of fear on all sides and I just don’t know that there is one concrete answer. There is so much that needs to change.

    With that in mind, I am vowing to do whatever I can in my little world to make as much a difference and be more loving, kinder, gentler, to everyone. I think that in all of our hands as the great country we STILL are we can make the difference.

    I so believe in humanity, still, I so believe in U.S.A., I believe in all of us and am looking to find all the good I can. Sadly, these days, that is harder than ever.

    Besides working a little overtime, I will be visiting the Farmer’s Market, cooking a pot roast, walking Molly with the hubs, and scouring the earth for someone to go see Finding Dory with me. LOL.

    God’s Blessings and Love to you all!

  52. Diane

    You take the time for YOU TT!

    We will all be here. It’s kind of hard to really do much anyway for many of us. It’s like I am in a surreal world where nothing is making sense. It’s scary.

    Sending you prayers, love and light 💜🕉

  53. GirlMe

    Makes me sad that next week no one will be talking about this. We will be on to the next outrage until another shooting occurs.

    Nothing changes. Nothing will change. No cops will be charged or sentenced. More black unarmed men will die on video. No joy in innocent cops dying. Nothing will change.

    • Calipatti

      Do not lose hope, we do not know what next week or next month will hold.
      Never lose hope, that is quitting.
      Americans do not quit as a Nation,
      we carry on and will overcome.
      My Dad was a Marine.

    • Allison

      @girlMe I share your sentiments-just like Orlando is in the rear view, this will be too when the next Awful Thing happens, and it will, because nothing will change. It hasnt yet-except to get worse.

  54. Ellie

    Thank you Tamara for sharing your life stories with us. I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you write here. I look forward to your recaps and read here a few times a day.

    As for blogging being a 24/7 job, I don’t think it has to be that way. Information comes 24/7 but you don’t need to report to us as it comes. Choose your hours. Wether it is 8, 10 or more hours, you choose. Maybe it will help give you structure and aliveate some uneeded stress. Be fair to yourself. We will love you no matter what.

    Sleep well my friend and the hell with the tomatoes.

  55. Rach

    Hugs to you all.

  56. Jelley

    TT, I’m sorry if this is a stupid question. There are active housewife subreddits on reddit and I was wondering if it would be ok if I shared your blog there. I’m thinking of ways to get you more views, but if that violates a rule, I don’t want to do that (obviously).

    • Calipatti

      Jelley, I am NOT answering for TT nor has TT condoned my actions.

      When I’m on Reddit and the conversation there is absolutely related to a conversation here I will add TT’s dot com -address.
      I do not insert anything else because to me it’s like Im her voice and I am not.
      Unless you hear differently I think it is ok.
      Do not use TT to argue with anyone or another site, site against site.
      That will get you a tongue lashing & sent to WLS.
      My opinion only.

  57. Lisa j

    Sending hugs your way TT. You know what is so sad about today’s shooting? The word TODAY. It’s too much. Is it guns? Mental health? Racism? Political division? I haven’t left my bed today, it’s just too much.

  58. Danielle

    Hi tt I completely understand you! I to had some experiences like you in my Portuguese family and my parents dos nothing to help or protect me either. Then they abandoned there 4 kids to go through a really really nasty divorce. Today I don’t speak to either and I’m 35 last year I had a thyroid storm brought on by suppressed issues from my child hood. Like you I don’t feel safe and almost feel as tho I’m going mad. Just know I am here for you as a person to hear you and understand you because I’m there to. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like. They say friends are BETTER then family and i try my best to be a good friend to all. Decompressing is so important for us as a human. Turn off the t.v shut the computers off for a while and give your mind a brake. Everyone needs that from time to time. We’re here for you. Feel better 😊

  59. Margarett

    Just like everyone else here, I’ve been thinking about you all day. Since I am probably the oldest person here, I will presume to offer advice.

    First, pack a bag for yourself and one for Mr. Banjo. Then go to a hotel/motel in a neighborhood that feels safe to you. When you’re there, in your Jammie’s with a good movie on the t.v. (No news), just relax.

    After a good meal and a good night’s sleep begin making a plan for creating a place of safety i.e. getting a security system, moving to a place where hearing gunfire is not the norm.

    Sometimes we must create our own safety. (I know I had to do so.) Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and know that you deserve this.

    Anyway, that’s it for me.

  60. nancy83

    Your post really touched me and I’m sure many others. I didn’t realize we share so many things in common. I remember you once wrote that you saved your money and paid cash for your home, this was important for me too, since safety is a big thing in my life. I really believe in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and it broke my heart when you said you are stuck in the basic level, I think you have so many wonderful qualities and you are so brilliant and communicate your thoughts so well. One can only imagine if you had self-actualized where you’d be now. I want you to know that it’s a pleasure reading your thoughts. I know the blog is sometimes emotionally difficult for you, but whatever you do, please continue to write for your own well being. I kind of hibernated for a few years, and I think my brain suffered because of it. However, I’m so glad to be through with menopause, I feel more stable than I’ve have ever felt. I also feel like I have some control over my emotions, and that does help make you feel safer. I hope you feel better soon, and I’m sorry no one made you feel safe..

  61. Calipatti

    I do not feel the fear that many of you feel.
    I doubt I will be in the target area of a terrorist attack, if it’s my time is up at the airport, so be it.
    I don’t avoid the gang area of my town if there is a shop I want to go to. I go in daylight hours but I’m aware anything bad can happen at any time.
    I just don’t let it control me.

    I’ve had my home broken into and received semi-decent attention. Not a lot can be done with home break ins if items are not traceable.

    If I am killed tonight, my family and friends will miss me. My death is not going to cause a ripple in this world, I have not added a great deal to this planet.
    I just don’t feel the world is out to get me and if it happens, so be it.

    United States has survived much tougher times than this. Look back in our history with Civil War, National Guard on college campus’s, Pearl Harbor (sank our Navy) <~ was bad, police escorting students during segregation, Viet Nam, protests, nuclear bomb drills, Commies are Coming, bomb shelters built all across the country, KKK, etc!

    Our country is stronger than this.
    That is how I see it.
    No Fear!

    • Minky

      I agree with you. I had my car stolen a couple of years ago. And, no, the police were of no help. But even though the event was disturbing and shocking I still didn’t want to allow it to sour my attitude towards life and people.

      I took it as a sign from a higher power that the car had fulfilled it’s purpose in my life and as a sign that I symbolically needed a new vehicle to carry me through my journey in life. And that this event was heralding a new chapter for me. (Please excuse the use of the word “journey” here. I know I sound like a ditzy, stoned hippie. I apologize for that.)

      I figured that the person who stole my car was in a worse place than me both physically and spiritually. I made a choice not to feel resentful and vengeful. I wish peace and healing to whoever did it.

      • Calipatti

        Minky thank you. I’ve often excused others actions in a similar manner.
        Does not mean I’m happy with the situation the person created, just that I’m going to deal with it positively.

    • Cat

      I don’t have any fear. Hopelessness, yes. Fear? No.

      I choose not to go out because most people are assholes. And I’m retired. I’ve spent enough of my life trying to please assholes, and cater to their idiotic, unreasonable demands.

      I genuinely care about people. I just don’t want to interact with them.

      I’m done.

      • Allison

        @cat my husband is of the same thought as you-he doesnt feel the need to go out and interact because most people are idiots. He doesnt hate anyone, he’s just over it. He’s perfectly happy in his space with his wife and his dog, and thats that. I’m the one that gets upset over the goings-on, he doesnt so much want to hear it.

  62. Dd

    I hurt and cry for us All.

  63. SweetM

    Hang in there Girl. I totally understand how you feel. I’ve been sitting at my desk all day at work feeling nervous and shaky. Cuddle up with Banjo..pets always make us feel better, hydrate and get sleep. I can barely make myself watch the news because I know I’ll start crying. Stay Strong…I.m having a big glass of wine right now!

  64. Terri

    I’m a hugger so I would give you a hug if I could. I’m not feeling to safe myself. I live in BFE North Dakota (thank you Army) with 3 kids and my DH is in BFE Afganistan and won’t be home till Dec. 10. No family within 1000 miles. I’ve grown to hate the news and had to delete a bunch of newsy FB feeds. I can’t take it, it gives me anxiety.

    • More Tea Please!

      Terri thank you for the sacrifices you are making with your husband in the military. You, madame, are a heroine!

  65. Elizabeth

    Thinking about! Shit ain’t easy as they say! ❤️

  66. Elizabeth

    Thinking about you…. To much 🍷 already!

  67. T D

    I would like to reach out my hand….send me on my way to a happy place if I have to drag y’all along, kickin’ and a’ screamin’ the whole way. Fill your heart with love and give it away to those in need.

  68. Cat

    I’ll be back on the 19th. Be good to each other.

  69. 90210chick

    TT,

    Please take whatever time is required.

    I have 1 nephew and asked him to please stay in the house this weekend. He agreed. This kid is a mild mannered 27 yo. Obviously he’s not a problem, but sadly understands the temperament that the US is currently experiencing.

  70. StubbyG

    T, thank you for your post. At 43, I am still trying to figure out my issues. I was molested for years by my brother, and then a next door neighbor. I have been in counceling for years, and like you, studied psychology at college. I quit after the 2nd year to help take care of my mom who developed breast cancer. With all of that, I never heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and feel that this could be some of my issues. I confronted my parents 3 years ago as they knew about the abuse and they have now disowned me. It tears me apart that my parents refuse to have anything to do with me. Since then, I had to leave my management job and have turned into a recluse. I just can’t seem to get enough energy to take care of my once clean home, or myself. I am so afraid of leaving my home, no matter how hard my husband tries. The PTSD, anxiety, depression is a daily battle by themselves. Thank you for sharing, I at least know now that I am not the only one dealing with this. Much love to you T, S

  71. I was with you the whole night on Twitter when you couldn’t sleep after seeing the video of the police shooting in MN. The next morning, I was getting all the details here in CA. And then, all hell broke loose in Dallas. That is when I felt what you must have been feeling that night, all alone with the awful feelings of ….what? How can you describe what is happening to our own? There are so many other threats out there. SADNESS?

  72. TT … Take it one day at a time …

    • Allison

      For 2 years I lived my life in fight or flight mode. I never went into a room or dwelling without knowing where the alternate exits were, and I was forever on high alert. It’s no way to live, exhausting, and a source of PTSD. But I met my husband, and he changed my life, made me feel safe and secure for the first time in ever. You dont realize how precious that safety and security is until its gone, I’ll never take it for granted.

  73. Shyla

    I am starting perimenopause and it sucks the big one. I look forward to this whole mess being done. My lawn is dead cause we’ve had very little rain. I don’t try to grow tomatoes.

    I’m sorry you don’t feel safe. It can be very difficult in today’s political and racial climate to feel safe. But you still need to try and take care of your body. Stay hydrated, get some sleep, eat some fruit, that sort of thing. I know you’re probably not asking for suggestions but have you tried self-hypnosis? I use it for pain relief and it can be quite calming. It doesn’t take long to learn and when you do it you need as little as 10 minutes or so. It can help the running thoughts that won’t stop.

  74. Jay

    My gosh spoken so beautifully – so. Sorry I got you on those tomatoes an thanks for your blog bc u deff help me take my mind off of some serious shit this entire past year …. Serious life or death as usual… So sad but more of us are in this together than pulling apart lets pray . Xo

  75. SweetM

    Ladies..WTF is perimenopause.. You all bitch about it but don’t explain it. It’s a mystery sadness? I don’t get it. Stop making menopause, with all it’s stages such a mystery. Not making light, jut please educate me. Thank you. I can google it but since ya’ll refer to it..

    • Calipatti

      Not a good time to be expecting answers quickly.
      Go back read past posts on the subject, read weekend open posts and tomato/gardening posts also.
      Read TT’s history it will help you to understand, plus you will learn and enjoy.

  76. SweetM

    tamara..do you ever self comment to keep comments going?

  77. Tamara, your post was the best I’ve ever read. As someone who worked for almost a quarter of a century in a County Prosecutor’s Office (supervisorial, not an attorney), I’m someone who has just about read it all, and often had to rein my feelings in so that I could do my job. You moved me to tears. I think you can see by the number of comments here that your followers love you and your willingness to share, warts and all. You are probably the least phony person I have ever come across. As someone who led a very sheltered childhood in the English countryside, I can’t imagine what it would feel like to know that your parents didn’t protect you, neither did the police officers who were supposed to be there to make sure no harm came to you. My father was a police inspector and the kindest man ever. I’m so sorry you never got to feel that. However, I know what a tough broad you are and how much you would hate people feeling sorry for you. That’s why I’m celebrating the awesome woman you grew up to be – highly educated, intelligent, funny as hell, outspoken, and with a wonderful ability to put your feelings into words. I understand you feeling less than protected, and as stable as my life was, I also worry that there’s very little safety these days. The heart-breaking and shocking events in Dallas yesterday made it clear that anything can happen to anyone, anywhere. As a huge fan of yours, I don’t care how much time you need to take – it’s a miracle to me that you manage to do all the posts that you do. We love you and, by the way, I even killed my mint plant (which is almost like a weed) – pretty damned hard to do; plus, my German Shepherd emptied his giant bladder and peed all over my roses, and they’re not happy either.

    • tamaratattles

      You killed a mint plant? I’m not sure this is possible. Did you hack it into a lot of pieces and set it on fire?

      And I had two parents that loved me and a great childhood in many ways. Unfortunately, there were a few notable instances that caused permanent damage to my ability to trust that looking back I realized that at my mother knew of the danger and took no steps to protect me from. I’ve heard much more stories from people here and others with horrific parents. Mine were as I believe Minky said probably doing the best the could. I did feel loved and certainly loved my parents very much. Unfortunately, I never discussed the traumatic events with my parents and as lots of kids do figured I must have done something really wrong. This also set me up to be that person who when called into the principal or the bosses office (as I was often) caused me to fell immediately guilty for whatever was too come and immediately start listing any sins I could think of in my head.

      My parents were parents of perhaps above average ability. Unfortunately, the few times they dropped the ball ended up having lasting consequences. I really didn’t figure all of this out and put the pieces together until I got the crazy in perimenopause. :) In the midst of that crazy my whole life suddenly made sense. I’ve always had a very few people whose criticisms would effect me. I remember watching Fried Green Tomatoes years ago and I have become Towanda, but without the insurance. (Thanks Obama!). At least the crazy seems to be hanging around a lot less.

  78. Skeeter

    TT…..sadly I think yes we are headed towards Marshall Law, or at least it seems all signs are pointing that way. I myself do no feel safe anymore either and haven’t for the past 31 1/2 years when my first husband was pulled out of his car, shot and killed in front of our 4 year old daughter. We had separate vehicles that night and were going home. I came upon the scene after my husband was shot and his car and my daughter were nowhere (I hit the red light, I was directly behind him until then). I spotted the car stuck on ice and ran after it and got my daughter back. Had it not been for 4 degree weather that night I probably would’ve buried her too. That was way too much oversharing. I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain completely over not feeling safe. I’m cautious to the point of thinking “It’s a boy”, “It’s a girl” and “SO & SO retired” signs on someone’s front lawn announcing such an event is a major NO NO with me as any asshole riding by could think “hmmm…just had a baby, not back to full strength yet” and “oh someone retired, they must be too old to defend themselves”. I’m extremely cautious with A LOT of things that people don’t even realize could be an open invitation for violence.

    • Allison

      I am so sorry you went through losing your husband in that way-I cannot imagine. I understand the reluctance to share a lot publicly-I have never and will never include my children in public profile pics for social media. I see family and friends putting their babies and young kids all over the place in profile pics, not me. No way. I have 5 beautiful kids, but I will NEVER make their photos public.

  79. Tracy

    @TT just read your post. I don’t think I could love ❤ you more. You are not alone. Your blog is a safe spot for us all. xoxo

  80. CanadaCat

    I love your posts and your witty and clever and funny posts have made me lol many times. I live in a (sort-of) sleepy smallish (270,000) city in the middle of the prairies in Canada…my city is called “The Paris of the Prairies”. If you and Banjo ever need Canadian sponsorship, let me know. My province has some of the best social programs in the country, which of course, include health care!
    Sending love!

  81. bria

    Wow TT, I love your realness. Deep down we are all broken in some way or another but we shall overcome. I was scarred of bridges & airplanes. My last flight was 2010. But am determined to take a flight soon and do the things the enemy has stolen from me through fear.

  82. elisabeth

    TT: We love you and your blog. Take all the time you need whenever you need it. We will all still be here. You are in my prayers.

  83. I’ll be fine when my tour of duty on this planet is over ~ but sad about leaving other innocents behind to deal with such a huge mess.

  84. SLM

    TT, I plan to direct email you, but wanted right now to send you a hug and tell you how very, very sorry I am about all of this. I love your blog and I love how honest you are all the time. You can share with us anytime!!

  85. OmgOmg

    TT, sorry to hear this, it’s maybe somehow comforting when life turns into a shit show to know you’re not alone. I never share online but I’ll tell you this — a family member was ill and I planned with my family a summer visit and drove across country only to arrive and find back home that our dog died. We had him for 14 years and was a beautiful loving dog. He was a rescue, rescued from the mean streets of LA on his last day in the pound. Then on top of it, my family decided to be shitty and I was exhausted and just wanted to go back home and can’t am stuck for two weeks. After planning and looking forward to this vacation for so long it’s really awful. I don’t really believe in the tarot or IChing but sometimes I do it because it helps me meditate. It makes me feel reflective on a problem instead of balled up in knots of anxiety. It’s inexplicably comforting. There’s great free apps for your phone. I do not know exactly what happened (sorry if I missed the post) but hopefully you’ll find something to rejuvenate and feel better! Sometimes life is shitty. Even ” praying” or meditating can help & offer comfort. The news is so disheartening & awful. Hope you feel better soon! it was a shitty 4th for me but Am hoping to turn it around.

  86. OmgOmg

    Am also going to google perimenopause — am worried I m in it! How do you know? What does it mean? Going to research.

  87. The Shadiest Grove

    TT, I appreciate you and so do so many others in the world. In a world full of darkness, this is the one place where I come to just to feel normal, to laugh, to throw shade and mostly just read your blogs and be entertained by your stellar observations and the comments are the best. This is a trying time truly and you are in my prayers and thoughts TT. It gives me comfort to know you majored in psychology and minored in it for your masters’ degree. I will be majoring in psychology as and undergrad and will progress hopefully to medicine and specialise in psychiatry. TT you are strong, we are strong. I am writing from Sydney, Australia and it scares me to death as a black man that something like this can be happening in the U.S of A. I am terrified because I constantly think of the possibility that it could happen here, Australia has a sordid past. I just want you to know and all my black brothers and sisters in the USA that we are with you, we are with you in spirit, we are with you in prayer. I refused to watch those videos because I knew something in me would break, reading about what happened and all the killings that have taken place has scarred my soul enough. TT please look after yourself, your light in the world needs to shine. I hope this finds you well and rested. Xxxxx

  88. Toddy

    TT, I’m sorry. Sending love and prayers from Destin. The beach is great therapy. Get away for a few days and turn off social media and news. That’s what I’m doing, but still reading YOU😘😘😘 You could be from effin’ MS like me. Just pickin’. Take care of you, sister.

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