Shahs of Sunset Recap: The Bitch Ain’t Funny

Shahs cast season 5
It’s time for me to get on this Shahs of Sunset recap. I played hooky last night and had a party of one watching Miss USA and just had a blast. Then I was awake all night again. I should point out that Twitter is very quiet after 3 am. Apparently the rest of the world has jobs that don’t let them sleep in as long as they want on a rainy Monday morning. So I basically have been talking to myself on Twitter for the past two nights/mornings.

We pick up in the CGIed cement cell where a wedding has just taken place and both grooms dash off for their honeymoon. Mike Shouhed is shitfaced. Jefferson and the other guests around the table seem irritated. And the group breaks up to leave.

Mike commandeers the limo to drunk dial Jessica while everyone else is standing on the curb tired and ready to leave. MJ is drunk. Actually everyone is drunk.  Where is Asa? She seems to have disappeared into thin air. Also, there was a long limo in the beginning of the scene and then suddenly they are squished in the back of an SUV . This is some really bad editing.  MJ and Tommy and GG are all in the back of a small vehicle and MJ is having drunken arguments with everyone. Tommy tries to shut her up and she tries to get out of the moving vehicle.

Shahs reunion Mike and MJ

Reza and Adam go to their house and everyone else goes to the rental house. I still don’t understand why they didn’t have the wedding at one of these properties.  And by everyone, I  mean MJ, GG, Tommy and Mike. Where is Asa? Did they leave her in Cell Block C?  Oh it looks like Asa, Jefferson and Reza’s cousin stayed at Reza and Adams house. I am so distracted by the two camps I can’t get in to the episode.

Just as I am being fascinated by Reza’s male cousin’s “blouse” Reza pops in for a talking head making fun of it. It does sort of looks like a little girls dress.  Also, all the girls, including Asa have so much charcoal on their eyebrows they are soon to be included in the sharpie eyebrow posts on Pinterest.  There is some sort of argument about nothing between MJ and Mike. I am just looking at everyone’s eyebrows. It seems that Mike and MJ make up and everyone heads home. But not before the nineteenth talking head from Reza about how he finally has learned to love someone.  Maybe next he can work on his misogyny issues.

Back in Beverly Hills, Reza joins Asa and her friend Luenell for dinner. What WHAT?  Suddenly Asa is friends with Luenell?  And Luenell who has been riding Nene’s ass for her “comedy tour” because “those reality people” just get everything handed to them is now on my TV on a reality show? Seriousl? Luenell?  I wonder if this would have made more since if I was drunk blogging it last night.  Oh wait. It’s about to get even more hypocritical. Luenell is pretending to know Asa so that she can be introduced to Reza because he wants to do standup. Ah. I remember now. That is what we must endure next on this  Season of Reza and Friends.  Luenell needs to shut her stupid mouth about Nene. Her role in putting Reza on a comedy stage has completely changed my opinion about her.

MJ and Tommy Selfie from upcoming Belize trip.

MJ and Tommy Selfie from upcoming Belize trip.

Meanwhile, Tommy and MJ go out to dinner and argue. I can’t stand Tommy’s talking head. He screams like a construction worker from Jersey. Apparently they are going to couples therapy. Oh YAY!  More fake couples therapy on TV!

Mike and Shervin shoot a dinner scene. We get flashbacks to Shervin’s date from hell. Shervin acts like the date went well. This date with Mike and Shervin is going much better than the one with the poor Aussie girl. The topic turns to social media and how it ruins relationships. Mike claims he has removed all of his social media. That lasted a few weeks. I think he did it because of all the trolls coming for him. Not to placate Jessica who is essentially over him at this point.

Reza hires a midget (oh shut up, “little person” is the most derogatory term ever. It’s so Leona Helmsly)  to dress up “like him” and go to his friends’ houses to silly string them and invite them to his open mike night. GG answers her door armed with one of her knives.

Reza starts his standup by calling women in the audience bitches. He curses every other word. He’s bombing. He feels the need to show the audience his green card. Then he talks about how the Iranians run Beverly Hills. Then he makes a bad joke with an ethnic slur about Asian women. It’s every bit as bad as you would expect. They try to make it seem like a lot of people are there but when they camera gets GG’s reaction to the ethnic slur, the tables behind her are empty. Reza blames the crowd for his horrific set. He wants to do it again.

Jessica goes to the comedy show and then out to a club with the gang later they makeout outside the club and decide to skip it and go home together.

Next Week: Reza accuses GG of faking her Rheumatoid Arthritis. Seriously? More Munchausen story lines?

 

21 Comments

Filed under Asa Soltan Rahmati, Entertainment News, Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mercedeh Javid, Mike Shouhed, Reza Farahan, Shahs of Sunset

21 responses to “Shahs of Sunset Recap: The Bitch Ain’t Funny

  1. When I heard Reza say that he thinks Gigi is faking the RA I thought – I’m out. I can’t go through it again. FFS – if someone is sick – don’t question it, be there for them. If someone is faking and illness they have a mental illness – either way they need the support of their friends.

  2. Lindsay

    I simply cannot with any more are they/aren’t they sick shit. Do the other members of their casts not realize that if they don’t bring it up, the sick/not sick won’t have as much opportunity to discuss it?
    That being said, I do believe Golnesa is ill.
    I think ANDY COHEN has Munchausen By Proxy.

  3. Shannah

    I only started watching the Shahs last season, but so far I actually enjoy watching this group of perpetually adolescent 40-something Persians. They are all so ridiculously over the top in their personal quirkiness that it is somehow sweetly charming. Plus, they all love to eat and don’t mind showing that on camera. Such a relief after watching various housewives who will rarely be seen to even nibble on a microscopic morsel.

    Tommy surprised me that he had actual insight into MJ’s true reason for being upset with Mike. Whether his perspective proves true – who knows? But at least he seems capable enough to have given it some thought.

    I had no idea that MIke and Jessica had been living together for five years. If that’s true, it makes more sense to me why she converted to Judaism. Previously, I thought her conversion idea was based on an instant whim so Mike would marry her.

    Wasn’t Luenell the same person who talked with Claudia when she wanted to try stand-up in Atlanta?

    And finally, I love the way everyone in this group – including their parents – seem totally besotted with their animal babies. Adam doesn’t sit down at home without one of their cats or dogs being cuddled in his lap. Because I believe that if you aren’t absolutely over the moon besotted with your animal baby you are missing the whole point of having them share your life.

  4. Cat

    We need our own reality show. We have a lot of sick people and people in various stages of recovery here.

    Andy…are you there?

    Just kidding.

    • Shannah

      Cat, I rarely comment, but always read, and I really love your musings.

      So our version would be something like The People’s Couch – perhaps The People’s Bed, eh?

  5. Go away, already, Jessica…stop mind casting yourself into a ‘Casa Blanca’ script.

    And, Reza, you are a legend/comedian in your own mind…this is LA Baby!!!

  6. T D

    Was it really a blouse or sort of a fluffy shirt?

  7. Giselle B

    As a persian i must say that while I think sometimes Reza and MJ are funny, they are also the most deplorable human beings I ever seen in my life. They blame their parents and Reza blames the pain from being discriminated against as a gay person for their bad behaviour but based on the way he treated Sasha and his brother in Season 3 I doubt Reza is gay. “you have to be human being first!”. Reza is disgusting. Every season he throws someone under the bus like little bitch that he is. Asa is probably the smartest one of them all. She quickly realized that after season 2 that Reza will throw anyone including his own family+ MJ who has always had his back, under the bus for a Bravo pay cheque and since then her tongue has been attached to hairy ass like a magnet. I know that deep down while she likes Reza, she is close to him and sucks up to him because she has no storyline and her man wants nothing to do with the show. I doubt that he would ever marry her seeing as though she cooks, cleans and feeds for him, she is already being a wife, and as the saying goes, why buy he cow when the milk is for free. Asa is for now licking Reza’s pathetic ass for the fear of his wrath. If he could attack MJ the way he did in season 2 reunion because his sensitive soul was hurt over an income joke, then god knows what he is capable of. Persians are private people and Mike+ GG show that the best. They have so many boundaries when it comes to their parents. Reza and MJ publicly unveil their parent’s past which obviously are private matters. Reza and MJ are either ignorant or do not care about the negative effect insulting their parents on national tv has on their reps. They did not sign up for this humiliation. Season 2: Reza threw MJ under the bus Season 3: The easiest target was Lily who i must admit still does not realize that 95% of her so called beauty can be wiped with a cleanex. Reza a while back came on a TV show for persians and said Iranian hate on him because he is gay. NO dude, we hate you because you Iranian, you have family in Iran, yet you went on national TV and said Israel should bomb iran. You also act like a classless trash on TV and are disrespect to the elderly which is just WRONG. After watching Reza attack GG over RA i just lost it. REALLY Reza, are you already done with fresh storylines? Why would GG get painful surgery on her hand, go throw chemo, have photos, videos? Why would that stupid clueless rich jackass sherwin go to every treatment and surgery and believe the word of Reza who is no where near GG over his own eyes? I wish the cast had enough balls to expose Reza. Yes he is funny but he needs a take down. He is based described as half weasel, half vagina. Ok I am done with my rant. Hope Asa could sprinkle some of her fresh diamond water on his unholy ass and make a him a better human being.

  8. It’s not that I don’t want MJ and Tommy to make it, but they are completely wrong for each other. He already sees her as a relentless harpy with a shrewish nature like Vida. They are physically attracted to each other and once the sex gets old, they are done-for.

  9. S

    What happened to Jessica ? Suddenly she got all horny to get with Mike after tearful therapy sessions ? lol. Thank goodness they didnt have any kids together. The only way a guy would act the way Mike is acting is if he is guilty of something really awful and knows it.

  10. 25

    I know the joke is old, but I still giggle every single time you say Mike is shitfaced. It makes my day

  11. G.

    Given that it’s widely known on the interweb that Mike is a cheater, I don’t get why all the protection, including from producers, on the show? Are they treating it as a genuine plot twist? (Jessica in the clip: “I will out you.”)

    You know, because Mike liking pictures on social media is the problem.

  12. Meri

    I just don’t get these people. Maybe I am just a naive American who has never been anywhere and thinks that real people have a conscience and actually have a certain amount of loyalty to their friends?
    Reza is the clown prince with a court full of jesters ready to do his bidding. I am surprised that Asa is among them as she seems intelligent (albeit weird).
    The PERFECT couple on this show would me MJ and Reza…they are a match made in hell and belong together. They could torture each other for eternity while Asa sprinkles holy water on them (or whatever is in her diamond water).
    They ARE their parents and are too blind to recognize it.
    My message to Tommy and Adam…run…run fast before they tear you both to pieces.

  13. donna

    i like tommy and he is not for mj…beside mj has not forgot what her mother said…”you marry tommy …i will not help you anymore….mj wants her mothers help and will in the end do what her mother tells her.

  14. Rheumatoid Arthritis

    I have an auto immune disease. Reza, Do not speculate on someone’s condition. You have no idea wat struggles people have. Even if she’s walking around in six inch heels most people want to put on a normal face and you have no idea wat someone deals with this n private. Especially getting out of bed. Once on motion it’s better so do not speculate bc to get into that motion even heels u don’t know. Do not ever gossip about someone’s disease. And chemo. I’m guessing she’s doing something like Rituxan. And prob a lower dose chemo than cancer treatment. Bc I get it for RA and MS. I don’t kno wat she does but don’t judge. Chemo doesn’t have to be the kind u kno losing hair etc. even a lower form puts the patient at risk. I take multiple pills to combat RA and multiple sclerosis and fibromyalgia on top of steroids and chemo ! The lower dose. And guess wat?? I can’t strut across the room for a night in heels to out on a good face but to get there I’m in bed way too long can’t move my limbs or stand without immense pain. Etc. once working on it to put on A good face for people for one night bc A. It makes me feel better mentally to push they one night even tho I inow I’ll pay for it fur the next few days and B. People like u don’t actually give a shit. People say they care but u really cannot begin to understand and wen people r down and struggling u people don’t really wanna hear it so that y we out on the good face for a night. C. Having MS and RA. There’s s thing called “but u look so good” which is the damn saying we deal with. Everyone is different. I struggle with cognitive memory loss brain function me fatigue physical issues etc. but I don’t kno wat she is struggling with. She could have immense fatigue or pain and no ur not gonna see it. People w these diseases eskecially her age r trying to preserve a quality of life. Ok. We the young ones r trying to overcome the deep deep depression that comes with it for some people and preserve quality of life. So wat if she’s not struggling to walk or watever on eyes ?? That’s a good thing !!! She’s hurting where u don’t don’t see and at this age we r trying not to end up on that physical state where we can’t walk or use our limbs or minds etc. so don’t u dare question someone w auto immune. Like RA. Her struggle is real. Thank god she’s not like u perceive someone should he. We the young ones who r lucky (I have friends my ms society and RA meetings that t younger than me in their 20s and r already in wheelchairs.). So be happy for her she can function but don’t diminish wat she deals with and the mere scare (at least the me ) that we deal with of knowing its progressive and one day and u never kno wen u could lose quality of life. So good for her for putting on those heels. Even if she’s not at the stage u perceive as disease be thankful for that but don’t diminish her struggle behind doors and help her preserve that quality of life on heels as long as she can !!

Please Read the COMMENTING RULES before commenting.