Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Hollman Holiday

RHOD Cast

Tonight I am coming to you live from the trenches of the hood where fireworks were recently legalized and sold literally everywhere and fucktards all around are lighting them still at 11:20 p.m.  Banjo is going to need to be knocked out for the next five weeks if we are going to survive this.

And now it is time for the fireworks that is the Real Housewives of Dallas. I believe there are only three episodes after this, not that I am counting them down or anything.

Stephanie

Stephanie is trying to plan Travis’ birthday extravaganza that he apparently expects every year to commemorate the day we were blessed with another jerk on the planet. She is taking Brandi, but he wants her to also take his personal assistant, Courtney. Is that what they are calling it now? A personal assistant? I think she is more of a sister wife than Stephanie realizes. What does this idiot do that he needs a personal assistant?  He already has a wife who is apparently his slave. Travis encourages his boys to hit. He also wants Stephanie to jump out of a cake in a bikini and sing Happy Birthday.

And so Courtney is there at the venue. She a twenty something pretty brunette. Stephanie is an idiot and you know she will tell her boyfriend  Travis everything.

Cary

We get it these two do boob jobs all day long. Do we really need to see the actual operating room each week? Oh joy, another birthday. This one is for their three year old. Mark is pissed because Cary got a vanilla cake and he wanted chocolate. Now we must endure more conversations about how much money Mark spends on her every fucking episode.

At least there were no sexualized scenes this week.

RHOD Leeanne

Leeanne

Does anyone else think it is weird that the most batshit crazy annoying crone on the show has the hottest boyfriend? Is Rich another “Walter” from central casting? Have we seen them being intimate at all? He seems to basically sit there looking hot and saying “um hmmm…”

Leeanne does look pretty in this scene. If she would just tone down the pink blush and you know, stop talking, she’d be really pretty. The Grace Place is a place for women with HIV. Sounds like a good cause but I could not find a website for Dallas.  Anyway, Leeanne is going to be the keynote speaker at an event and I am wondering if this is out of order since in the first episode Brandi said that she heard Leeanne speak to women with HIV and made the entire speech about herself. Maybe not, they just flashed back to that scene.

The drinking word is “carny” as usual.

Okay I hate that blue paper mache necklace in her talking head but I love that giant purple rock on her finger even it is probably just glass. I love a statement ring. I have giant hands and need giant rocks. It reminds me of a really southern kindergarten teacher I used to work with who had a rich husband who used to say about jewelry, “If you cant see it from across the street, it ain’t big enough. Amen,  sister!”

Leeanne’s speech was pretty incredible. It really was. I almost want to come around regarding her but I am sure she will attack someone before the episode is over.

RHOD Brandi Crying

Brandi

Based on Stephanie’s positive feedback from Stephanie she calls Leeanne to try to invite her to lunch to clear the air. Brandi gives a heartfelt apology. I keep looking for what is so wrong with Brandi’s makeup and all I see is she needs some lip color. I hate when people wear fleshy colored lipstick. Other than that, she is really not wearing much makeup and seems really depressed. I feel sorry for her with her douche husband and suicidal brother. I’m always #TeamRedhead Speaking of her hair I would like to cut about five inches off the back and give her a nice straight edge. It would bring her out of the 70s.  Leanne shares a little bit. But in Brandi’s talking head she seems like she expected more of an apology. I abhor when people expect an apology. Sure Leeanne was a giant  gash, but you called her to initiate a truce. She showed up and she hasn’t spit in your face yet.  I’m for moving forward. Why is everyone so goddamn sensitive? They do literally hug it out.

Leeanne finally gets a new talking head in this scene and I actually like this statement necklace.

Travis’s Birthday

I’m so over these conversation and so is my DVR because it stops every time this guy is in a scene. It’s like these two don’t know each other. They are now discussing basically how their upbringing affects their parenting. Aren’t these things people discuss before they get married and have kids?

All the girls wear gorgeous dresses. We know this because they all use the same word to compliment each other. For me, Cary who wore the dress she wore to her wedding reception and that’s because her wife picked it out.  Brandi’s husband shows up. He does not arrive with Brandi. I don’t believe they live together for a second. I do think he is good friends with Travis because they are both colossal douchebags. I think they both have Napoleon Complex.  If Rich is not a real choice then my second would be bearding for the rich dude.

Since Cary is the new target, everyone mocks her very expensive looking dress and her lack of desire to play dress up.  Since Leeanne and Brandi have made up, Leeanne has joined in on the potty humor. Sorry, I have to fast forward this juvenile crap.

Stephanie does jump out of a giant cake for him in their hotel room. She tries to dress slutty for him and runs through stripper name and one is Porsha. LOL!  Which reminds me I never gave y’all that RHOA tea. Maybe tomorrow.

Next Week: It looks like a road trip to Austin for more birthdays. Leeanne threatens to slaughter Marie. And Brandi gets whatever is past white girl wasted.

22 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Dallas, RHOD

22 responses to “Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Hollman Holiday

  1. Lindsay

    This is the most trash cast yet. Glamour factor negative.

  2. Drew

    Leanne’s keynote speech at the Grace function was so self-serving. She was abandoned by her mother and labeled unlovable (by who). She was molested and labeled unworthy (by who). Her x tried to kill her and was labeled unlovable (by who). Certainly NOT by society. Wtf? Imo it was a slap in the face to these HIV+ women to compare her experiences to the emotional, medical and SOCIAL issues they face.

    But hey, slap a gob of blush on, get uppity, condescending and snarky and guess anyone can be a social climbing, senior citizen wannabe society hag.

    • Just Saying

      I got the impression that the label was more about what women put on themselves and that was what her speech was about. She wanted the women to value themselves, that’s what I took from it.

    • Kiyoshigirl

      This is the one and only time you’ll hear my complementing Leanne, but I thought her speech was relevant to her audience. It was about the labels women put on themselves, the shame they feel for negative experiences in their past, and the importance of not allowing themselves to be defined by their problems/issues/failures, etc.

    • Jaded

      She forgot the label she is his herself by acting like a fool.

  3. rainidaze

    WTH was up with Leeanne telling her boyfriend that her speech was going to be in front of @ 600 people but they showed her in a meeting room of a Westin hotel with only about 60 women? I thought I’d mis-heard what she said, but the BF said he’d be nervous, too about speaking to so many people, so IDK. Did I hear incorrectly or misinterpret what she was talking about – or was she talking about another event that we haven’t seen yet?

    • tamaratattles

      Good catch, Rain. I was just trying to power through whilst fast forwarding through the off color discussions.

      Frankly, I think we can deal with batshit crazy Leeanne and her huge exaggerations over the two anally fixated women. I can deal with a lot but I am skeeved out by bodily function discussions. It’s so NOT southern.

  4. Bwahahahaha!!! Cary’s wife picked it out for her! Hahah! Mark is the single creepiest cast member in the entire franchise. I can’t tell if I think he is a cross dresser or just uber creepy, but it ain’t right. Also, Cary said she was going to be 39? Uhhh, again? She is way past 40.

  5. Happygal

    I was pleased to see a three year olds party that was not an over the top event that has been shown in other shows but this seemed a little too down played , like they really did not want to put much effort into it all. I would think there would have been a few more friends and the grandparents. It seemed odd to me.

    • tamaratattles

      She’s three! I was thrilled to see a little girl say, “Enough with the presents, can I just play with this one I like for two seconds without you shoving some damn tutu in my face?”

      The kid was happy as a clam. Maybe the grandparents live in Alaska or they just don’t want to be on TV! :)

      I’m trying to find something to like about this show, and I thought Brandi’s kids were going to be it, but she has such inappropriate conversations with them I have to fast forward. She’s razing the kid of kids that go to school and suddenly bust out with, “My Daddy masturbates in a sock!” and “My mommy cries all the time because Daddy is never at home and is always at the strip club with Travis!”

      • Amen, TT. Brandi’s conversations with her kids make my skin crawl. I want to yell “STOP! NO! DON’T SAY THAT TO THEM!!!!!” constantly.

  6. Gina

    Leanne’s boyfriend is from the reality show Dallas Swat. It’s an older cop reality show but I recognized him immediately. His hair was all dark back then but that’s him. Still gorgeous….

  7. More Tea Please!

    Brandi’s kid saying she did not like boys because they had tails and that she saw Daddy’s “tail” skeeved me out. At that age my kids knew that a penis was a penis and a vagina was a vagina. If the family is that prudish, I hope it was nothing but an inadvertent oops in the bathroom.

  8. misti wilde

    I loved her ring too! These are dinky charity events.

  9. JoJoFLL

    I really like Cary. She has a lot of common sense which seems to be lacking in a lot of these housewives shows. She’s also self aware and doesn’t need to give a corn dog a blow job for screen time.

    Her husband is growing on me.

    Her explanation that he is an artist and you want your plastic surgeon to be an artist made a lot of sense to me.

    I like Brandi. The more I watch the more I agree they are probably separated.

    I like Stephanie.

    I wish Tiffany would fess up that she’s just trying to force her husband’s music career (he does seem talented) and stop pretending Charity. She’s not a good fit.

    LeAnne is over ramping up the drama. I think it may be backfiring. Also not a good fit.

    This show had so much potential and it has really underwhelmed me.

    One more episode to go and dismal ratings.

  10. I loved Cary’s husband in the beginning but now he creeps me out. Why must Bravo ruin everything?

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