Tour Group Recap: Sri You Next Tuesday

Tour Group cast

The world is still crazy even though Mercury is not in retrograde anymore and I have tons of boring tech stuff I need to do, but right now, I am going to watch Tour Group.  Because it’s the best thing ever. I can’t for the life of me understand why every last one of you is not watching this show. #PearlsBeforeSwine

Tonight we are in Sri Lanka. This is not really on my bucket list. I’d love to go if you are buying, but there are loads more places I want to go first before I buy that ticket. That’s what is great about this show, I get to see what I am missing and maybe change my mind. I wish I knew who writes the titles for this show because  Sri You Next Tuesday  is the best title ever.

But first, no one wants to leave the Maldives. Especially, Misty who er…took her relationship with Jared to the next level there.  Sri Lanka is a lot different than a five star resort in the Maldives.  That is what traveling is all about. And Heather is already being a diva. I think when people complain on this show the guides should be force to zap them with a cattle prod. And Heather is Brandon’s cow at the moment and he needs to explain to Heather that this is not a who wore it best event while zapping her.  I think they should all have to agree to one piece of luggage for the whole trip.

Wow! It’s only a two hour flight to Sri Lanka! I like Sri Lanka more already!  While I understand that some of us are accustomed to drinking ourselves into a happy place on all flights, there is no alcohol on this flight and of course people bitch about it. It’s a two hour flight! Even I can stop drinking for two hours. And the last thing you want to do is arrive drunk into a very crowded place where you will need to be on alert for pick pockets and potholes on the way to your accommodations.  It is a nice amount of time to join the mile high club since the group has the plane to themselves. #Misty

Tour Group Sri lanka

Photo Credit: Rachel Grant @MissRachelGrant on Twitter

It’s 105 degrees in Colombo, Sri Lanka when they arrive. Let the bitching continue. Even Sandhurst is melting. Brandon announces that Sri Lanka is all about local experiences so they are taking a local bus to the hotel. I’m totally in for that!  The rest cause Brandon to say, ” Hey, if you are being a giant cunt right now, raise your hand!”  I think most of them should. Michelle however is taking up the banner of the perpetually offended and she is already rolling her neck and talking smack about it. Michelle goes off on the bus like a little cunt, literally exemplifying the behavior Brandon was calling out. Give her a high voltage jolt with the cattle prod. She is literally scaring the locals.  They needed to screen these people better.  Do you have anxiety without a hairdryer? Sorry this is not for you. Are you from California? Sorry this is not for you either. Will you have a nuclear meltdown in public over someone’s choice of words? Please, stay home.

Sandhurst gets off the bus and takes the cunt and the hairdryer girl to the hotel in a car. Because Sandhurst is the lady whisperer.

Amy has the bus pull over so she can pee on a public street. I am not kidding. Who doesn’t pee in the airport before getting on a long local bus ride. I feel sorry for Brandon. I would have loved this bus ride.  Jetta and Misty actually talk to a local dude and have a great time trying to find out if Sri Lankans know who Beyoncé  is. They do not. But they do know Michael Jackson.  It did seem like a very long bus ride.

Photo: Michael Cook on Twitter https://twitter.com/dawgs1986

Photo: Michael Cook on Twitter https://twitter.com/dawgs1986

The hotel greets the guests with an amazing routine, that of course they had to do twice because of Michelle. As soon as everyone checks in Brandon seeks out Michelle to apologize again.

Meanwhile,  my homeboy Michael is celebrating his birthday in Sri Lanka with his brother. It is also seven years since he ODed and went to rehab.  Michael is so happy he is alive and so grateful for this adventure.  He cries. He and Steven are by far my favorites on the show. They are doing it exactly right and are polite and well-mannered and representing Georgia in fine form. I am not crying. Shut up.

There are two groups for the first outing. One group goes to try on sari’s and get henna tattoos.  I think that last part was added to placate Michelle. The other are going to go eat weird stuff with Rachel.  I am not much for eating weird stuff, but I’d go to that one simply to avoid Michelle and get to know more about Sri Lankan cuisine in case I ever meet Anthony Bourdain and it comes up in our pre-coital conversations.

Oh! I chose correctly. I would be buying spices to sneak back home with me.  Meanwhile, no one goes with Brandon to get a henna tattoo because, Michelle.  The boys and Jetta have a problem of their own and her name is Rachel. Don’t let the cute face fool you, Rachel is one of those people who will eat anything. Included salted dried fish coated in fly poop.  Even the Georgia boys were not pleased with this challenge. Jared and the girls go to a pharmacy which is always a good idea in foreign countries. The large ones in Paris are so packed with female tourists buying creams and potions you literally have to wait outside to get in sometimes.  Jared buys Propecia and Viagra. Heather (the hairdryer chick and friend of Michelle) has much to say about that. I say he can triple or more his money when he gets home, and Heather is just pissed because Misty is getting laid and she isn’t.

The afternoon activity is a game of cricket in the streets. I’ll let you guess who doesn’t want to participate and instead goes back to the room. I wouldn’t be that into playing but I would definitely go and either try or at least watch. I would certainly not opt to sit in my hotel room like three little cunts.

Cricket seems very confusing and the ever sexy Sandhurst, who was the only one with any knowledge of the game, lost the game for Team USA.  Was that an intentional case of butterfingers to appease the home team? Maybe. Was the score ever as close as they claimed? Extremely doubtful.

Brandon takes the boys from Georgia to the home of a local family to have a birthday dinner for Michael. Michael, well mannered young southern gentleman that he is concerned that they are going to meet a family straight from cricket where he might stink up their house. I bet they have incense for that. The episode ends with Brandon providing them with flowers for a hostess gift, but he informs them that he is not going with them. They need to navigate this experience on their own….

That was another fantastic episode despite the cuntiness.  We are half way through the season. It’s not to late to join me on this magical trip!

19 Comments

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19 responses to “Tour Group Recap: Sri You Next Tuesday

  1. Brittany

    literally cant watch this BECAUSE of Michelle. shes horrible.

    • tamaratattles

      I know dear, but please try we are watching as a tour group and we can’t help who we are stuck with. You can mute her scenes. :)

  2. Sharon

    Well TT, you definitely got me interested in this after reading your post so I went to check it out and looks really good! I will have to marathon watch to catch up so I can future posts! Thanks as I needed something new and unusual to watch and this has the bonus of seeing exotic places that I will never be able to travel to and reality TV that at least looks less scripted.

  3. Dee

    Wow! Sandhurst is hot! This show looks interesting, I’ll try to catch up. Thank you!!

  4. Jen

    I personally almost never comment but thank you for recapping this show TT! I haven’t had a chance to watch yet and I love that your recapping this

    • tamaratattles

      Thank you for watching the show. Please set your DVRs for all the episodes because they are rarely rerun. We are half way thru and I really wish we could get some world travelers in here to push for this show to stay.

  5. Undine

    I love the Georgia brothers, and the tour guides but everybody else are various shades of annoying/irrelevant. But the absolute worst are Michelle and Heather. They are absolutely terrible people, they’ve been this amazing gift of once in a lifetime experiences but they go back to tan at the pool every episode. And Michelle makes everything about herself and her feelings, what a brat. She knew damn well the c word was directed at no one in particular but she made it about herself, of course.

    • tamaratattles

      I have a feeling it was probably directed at her lol. Brandon can only be expected to take so much. And yes, he is the professional guide WHO PLANNED THE ENTIRE ITINERARY THAT SHE IS ALLOWED TO GO ON and she is the cunt that was cast for a free trip around the world to most amazing places who is shitting all over the experience. This is why I travel alone.

      As I am sure I have mentioned a lot ( I feel like I have to let y’all know that I am aware of the technical difficulties and taking steps to correct them) I am working on lots of back end stuff lately on the site. So I had the TV on in the background and The Amazing Race and The Price is Right has some sort of awful collision on my TV screen. Someone won a prize of four first class tickets to Hawaii (from LA) and a nice hotel. I was thinking Can I go by myself four times? If not there is one chick in San Fran I would take twice. Or I could take Rachel, Sandhurst and Brandon! The could share the second room or well Sandhurst could hang in my room, but they would be great because they would all go do fun shit on their own and maybe we would meet for dinner or not. LOL. I would not have be concerned if they were having a good time. I might want to roll myself out to the waters edge and drink rum runners and sleep til 2 the next afternoon in the bed with a view of the ocean. Or I might feel like shopping or wandering around a volcano. But if there was a bitch there worried about her hair dryer and the fact she might wear something twice on a six week trip around the world? I’d have to drown a bitch. Hell Jax Taylor proved that you can get off easy if you are a mainlander.

      I can’t wait to see how my Georgia boys do solo. That was the worst/best gift he could have given them. That’s the other thing about traveling alone you talk to the locals a lot more and make new friends.

  6. Adrea

    Sandhurst is dreamy and I want to marry him…even though I am already married! Don’t tell my husband! Lol

    • tamaratattles

      I want to go on a trip with him where he feels the need to come hold my hand and tell me it is all going to be alright. Preferably while he is naked and I am strategically hiding my obesity behind beautifully colored decorative pillows with the little tiny mirrors and possibly a hidden camera sewn in. He’s an incredibly smooth operator with the ladies, especially the horrid ones. I’d make sure to act up just enough for a bit of attention. :)

  7. Butters

    Long time lurker and first time commenter. I love this show! As an avid traveler (I’ve been many places from Australia to Zimbabwe) I can appreciate this kind of reality tv. I’m jealous I didn’t apply to be cast! Anyway, just wanted to say don’t give up – we’re watching. I hate Michelle but I think she is bitter from her divorce. Dryer girl raised by her grandma also has psych issues. They needed to keep the Sri Lankan mental health professional from the bus to assess everyone. They should have gotten some Klonopin from the pharmacy to chill out!

    • tamaratattles

      YAY for a fellow traveler! Bravo is really not giving the show good support. They fuck with the timeslot , they take it off air and put it back on. I think they were wanting to do some sort of new travel app crap or something and they are ruining the best show they have ever been privileged to carry. They are sabotaging the ratings from the top down. They need to give it a good time slot and SHOW SOME RERUNS so people can catch up. They seem to only air the show once and then sometimes it is in the middle of the night when most people are asleep.

  8. Butters

    TT in addition to setting the DVR, people can also watch most Bravo shows online. They do need to authenticate with their cable tv provider. My french hubby does not respect tv in the home so I watch my shows when he is not home by logging into my mother’s cable account.

  9. Dee

    Thanks Butters! I’m going to find asap. I want to catch up. This girls should wear their hair up. This isn’t a top model show.
    Tamara, you may know but I keep getting “blog token not found” trying to help in my awkward way

  10. Susie

    I watch nearly all shows on Bravo. I read this blog multiple times a day. I sit and yell at the tv,agree wholeheartedly with most of your views and those of the commenters (is that a word?) I feel that in my lonely life filledwith anxiety and agoraphobia you are my friends. Sad I know, but it is what it is. I resisted this show at first. Simply because it reminds me of my deceased parents and estranged brother. All world travelers. I used to go before I married and began my family. But I forced myself to watch after TT’s recaps. So happy i did. I think the show would be better if Michelle was replaced with my very flamboyant gay brother. He’d be quite a treat to watch. I dispose women who get offended by the word cunt. No one ever gets bent out of shape calling a man a dick. Anyway, thanks for the blog and making me feel like I have friends.

  11. Auntie Velvet

    Thank you for getting me into this show! I was a little worried it would be nothing BUT Michelle-types, but most of them are authentic people that it’s a pleasure to get to “meet,” and obviously the scenery is incredible.

    The worst part of the Brandon thing was he was actually trying to deflect when Misty said “Everyone is such a cunt right now!” So he tried to make a joke out of it, like, “Hey, we’re all cunts, so raise your hand if you are,” and Michelle decided to make it all about her, for a big freaking change.

  12. Carie

    I absolutely love this show; it’s the best on Bravo! I enjoy travel and travel shows that really show how others experience different cultures. As for Sandhurst, if I were about 30 years younger, I would probably be deemed his stalker. :-)

  13. Rae

    I was thinking exactly the same thing….the boys from Georgia are making their state proud! True southern boys are the best 😉

  14. Frankly, Heather is THE one person I cannot even faintly like..with Michelle a close second. How in Hades did Heather find 13 men to propose to? Did she grab drunk men passing by the Wedding Chapel in Vegas, because I don’t think she’s all that physically attractive and her personality makes her down right ugly. For all the experiences she got out of the tour, she could have stayed in Vegas sitting by a pool. I loved Michelle saying that Heather looked like a seal sliding across the floor at
    Sea World…priceless. Amy, Heather never was a friend and you are better off without her.

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