Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Black and Blues

RHOD Heidi

Hey y’all! I feel like we are all on a sinking ship with my hosting service and this whole place could go POOF! at any moment. I am going to be spending a lot of time working on another move, but I’ll be blogging as much as I can in between talks with support teams. UGH.

Moving on, we are halfway through this short little season of Real Housewives of Dallas and I am taking over the recaps so they might be a bit different from the ones you are used to. Let’s see what these gals are up to.

Tiffanne

Tiffany and Leeanne are meeting with Heidi who is the queen of all charities or some such for lunch. Heidi is dressed like a gansta rapper in a giant gold chain and an oversized black tee with some sort of gold lettering for reasons that are not clear. Heidi proceeds to give them both Hermes shopping bags but inside the bag in not a beautiful Hermes scarf but a black t-shirt that says #SkanksOfDallas   I am not making this up. Apparently, it is some high honor to be called a skank by Heidi. These lovely ladies soon turn they conversation from “who can hold the best charity event” to slandering Cary and trash talking Brandi and Stephanie. Such lovely people these three are.

Cary

We get to see Mark do a surgery while chatting with Cary. Who agrees to have their boob job, or whatever recorded for reality tea. Do we really want to see how nonchalantly the surgical team is while you are laying there unconscious? It make me think of Joan Rivers. By the way that doctor just lost a huge amount of money to Joan’t estate for malpractice. It is Cary and Mark’s anniversary so we have to endure some sex talk which I will spare you. It’s interesting editing though. First this Heidi creature says that Cary got her husband by giving blowjobs under the desk and now we listen to Mark negotiation his anniversary blowjob and sexcapades for later in the evening.

Later that night, Mark’s personal shopper from Roberto Cavalli arrives with a very expensive evening gown. Mark says it cost him more than his first car. Cary gave him a card. She really is the husband.

RHOD Bryan


Brandi

Brandi’s little brother Michael is suffering from PTSD and tried to kill himself. This is such a sad reflection on our country. It makes me angry and sad. Of course Brandi’s jackhole of a husband is off somewhere with strippers. Allegedly. So the streets say. When I heard that it made total sense why he was so pissed about Brandi going to a strip club. He knows what he does at a strip club and uses that to assume she would do the same.

Brian goes to meet Bryan in an empty bar to talk. Clearly these two are separated. I don’t think he has lived in that house for quite some time. He asks how things are going with her brother as if they have not spoken at all. This is so sad. Brandi tries again to say that she feels alone. He seems more open to owning up to that sort of apologizes and says he will make more of an effort.

RHOD Aaron


Tiffany’s House of Blues Event

Tiffany tries to reign Leeanne in while they are out pretending to shop for something to wear to House of Blues. She tells Leeanne about Brandi’s brother hoping to melt her cold black heart just enough to get her to be civil at her charity function. I predict Leeanne will use it to hurt Brandi. Leeanne agrees to call Stephanie and apologize for her behavior at the event preceding her maniacal rant in the middle of downtown Dallas punching streetcars. Apparently, Stephanie is the only one she feels deserves an apology, not Cary or  Brandi.

Leeanne meets Stephanie for lunch and gives her an apology that is more of an excuse than an apology because she launches into a whole long story about her terrible childhood. It seems very hard for some people to just apologize with no excuses.  Leeanne goes on and on and on about how pretty she is, and how many burdens she has, and her charity speeches she has done. And God knows what else. I stopped listening.

Tiffany and Aaron both get new ‘dos  for the event. Tiffany gets a giant faux hawk. I wish they had some real Dallas women on this show with the appropriate big hair that brings them closer to God. But alas, this faux hawk may be a close as we get. HA!  Just as soon as I typed that and hit play, Tiffany made the higher the hair the closer to God comment.  JINX!

Heidi meets the girls and invites them to a Gothic State Fair Dinner Party at her house. She also says she wishes she could do all of their makeup because that is her thing. I am assuming she means gothic makeup, or something the band KISS might have worn back in the day. Cary says something about how Heidi is sixty and she is at the age where she can just let it all go and kind of bumps Heidi as she walks off.

Later, Aaron sings a sad song about family and dedicates it to Brandi’s brother. This was a very nice charity event and we learned that Leeanne can mostly behave. Sure she pulled some faces at Cary but other than that she seemed almost human. I think she will move on to Cary as her target since beating up on Brandi at the moment would make her look bad. Or I should say, worse.

RHOD Gothic State Fair Party Heidi and Leanne


Heidi’s Gothic State Fair Dinner Party

Leeanne dons her chain mail and applies her pink war paint to prepare for the dinner party while talking to her hot, seemingly sane boyfriend.  She informs him that she is basically going to the party prepared to war with Cary. See? I knew it!  Her boyfriend says he like Cary and that she should not believe the gossip about how Cary landed her husband.  Then we get a talking head where Leeanne says she has made up with Stephanie and Brandi is an injured bird and not fun to mess with at the moment so Cary is her only option for dramatics in front of the camera. But she tells her man that she is going to work on being a better Christian and a better human. “BAM” say the hot guy. Never going to happen says me

Cary is getting ready with her friend Courtney and he makeup guy makes fun of Leeanne’s blush. I love him already. We need more LB.

Leeanne arrives first and is estatic to see the corn dogs on the George Foreman, because she’s a carny ya’ll.  She starts a talking head with “Growing up I was that person you hated…” and I say to my TV, “You still are.”

Marie is at the party and I would like to state for the record that I loved her headband last week. I just think it looked odd on TV. I would wear it. Send it to me, Marie!  Now Brandi’s giant rose in her hair on the other hand is reminiscent of that baby shower or whatever it wad where Phaedra put a dozen white rose boutonnieres in her weave and pranced around.  At least Brandi is at a ghetto goth party in costume as a “dead rose girl.”

Cary and Courtney have the latest call time on the sheet and arrive to a room full of cold shoulders. Let the scripted fight begin. Heidi’s script is to hate on Cary right away so that Leeanne will have someone to shit talk with.  Cary is some sort of a yankee who does not partake in the Frito pie so maybe she deserves what is coming. Who the hell doesn’t like Frito Pie? Last night on Southern Charm there was Cheeto placement and now this. Frito-Lay has wisely jumped into the reality advertising.

Heidi goes up to Cary who was reluctantly nibbling  a corn dog, the only option to Frito pie, and when Brandi follows her blocking says to her, “Cary was about to give us a demonstration on her corn dog.”  Because that his how hostesses behave in Dallas. Oh wait. No, no it is not. This party is a disaster. Leeanne tells us that Heidi is friends with Mark’s ex-wife and that is why she is being such a bitch. I don’t believe that for a minute. If that were the case she would have never invited her to her home. Leeanne has totally put Heidi up to this and so far it is backfiring because Cary is not giving them the response they are trying to get. Cary and Courtney make a polite retreat. Good Christian Leeanne calls her a skank. But apparently not in the good way. And we have come full skanky circle.

Next Week: Stephanie jumps out of a giant cake for her husband Travis’ birthday. One of Cary and Mark’s  kids also turns three. Mark disparages the cake Cary bought in front of the birthday girl. Leeanne gives yet another speech about herself. Brandi and Leeanne attempt a reconciliation and Stephanie and Travis have a talk about his controlling nature.

31 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Dallas, RHOD

31 responses to “Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Black and Blues

  1. Riley

    Making another move ? WOW. So sorry. Hope it goes better this time.

  2. Geo

    What happened to Xanadude?

  3. Theresa

    Web hosts suck!

    So does rhod. I keep watching hoping it gets better but it’s such trash. I don’t think any other show gets as bleeped as much and this one is just hateful. They only show hateful behavior. I was shocked when they actually focused on brandi’s brother even for a short time. I just wish they did 30 seconds at the end with Gary sinese talking about ptsd charities/help for donations and for people who may need to turn there.

    I don’t think I will care if this one comes back. I loved the mom an daughter dallas one and enjoyed the Dallas singles a little bit and expected this to be phenomenal.

  4. Theresa

    And I forgot. Heidi dillon was on the mom and daughter dallas show. She was THE fashionista of Dallas there. Something tells me she pays off production lol

  5. JoJoFLL

    Didn’t Heidi start the Dallas Fashionistas?

    Wasn’t that woman with the short dark hair on Big Rich Texas or whatever that show was?

    Heidi looks desperate.

    LeeAnne is such a weirdo. Cannot figure out if she’s insanely insecure or just insane.

  6. Liberty

    Marie & Heidi were both on Big Rich Texas. The ladies on that show were trying to get into the Fashionistas, God only knows why though they seem like a bunch of bi#*tches!

  7. Cgal38

    This was a heavy few days on bravo – the ptsd situation is as tragic and real as it gets, and the college daughter on thicker than water (which I don’t regularly watch but happened to catch Sunday) revealed a sexual assault. It was heartbreaking and should be required viewing.

  8. Wallace

    I predict that next season these ladies all shell out for full time hair, makeup and styling after they see how they look on camera. Only Cary looks great in every scene… Except her ugly inside is starting to show. Loved her in her original intro scene. Not so much anymore.

  9. Jen

    Tiffany looked so pretty with that crazy beehive. Somehow she pulls it off. The situation with Brandi’s brother is so sad. I feel bad for Brandi. She has family issues and marriage problems tearing at her heart. (Still not an excuse to get wasted and embarrass yourself on tv as she has), but she is sweet. I like Stephanie. Leeanne is just awful and that pink blush bothers me so nuch to look at lol. The Aaron (whatever) project is terrible. I was laughing as he sang.

  10. BravoHo

    I am getting into this franchise after refusing to watch the first few eps. It’s pretty good–and a breath of fresh air. However, I read these recaps and keep waiting for someone, anyone, to state the obvious. Bryan is FUGLY. I’m assuming that he was a decent looking BMOC in high school when he and Brandi dated. However, he should be so lucky now. Seriously, he was hit with the ugly stick. Get out Brandi. Get out!!!!!

    • tamaratattles

      See, I am not into most redheaded men, but there are times I think he is really attractive and then in other scenes not so much. I think if he had a better personality he would be better looking.

      That said, I’ve never thought Kroy was attractive and everyone else drools… so what do I know?

    • jen

      I wouldn’t call him ugly. Not super attractive either. Total asshole though

  11. Meredo

    @JoJo, Yes the woman with the short hair was on ” Big Rich Texas”(can’t recall her name). She was Leslie’s cousin and owned some sort of clothing boutique.
    I’m still trying to figure out Leeanne as well, thus far I think she’s nuts!

  12. Jessica

    I can get on board with this recap..totes agree with the assessment. LeAnn is the worst I would never want her representing my charity. I get your childhood sucked and do not take anything away from that but as she keeps reminding us she is twelve years brandis senior and she is handling herself so much worse. At 40 you don’t get a pass for treatinfg people badly and carrying yourself like a crazy biotch by just saying my childhood sucked..work it out…you have the money for counseling. #nosympathy.

    Heidi was just straight up odd…I have thrown parties better than this on 20 bucks…a partys success is more about vibe than food..being welcoming and fun…that was definitely not what she was putting out…if the vibe had been fun Cary and her friend wouldn’t have batted an eye at the food and just munched..they were reacting to the vibe..reasonably. I don’t get the hate against Cary she seems to be smart and relatively funny. Yeah she was a mistress but I can’t believe that is all that unusual in 2nd wives in Dallas and it was six years ago..get over it. Yes the scenes with her husband induce a bit of nausea but her talking heads usually are funny and realistic.

  13. Allison

    Leann was SO ridiculous with the transparent-“well, I have to give Brandi a break because she’s sad, so I’ll start with Cary”. I really cant stand her-so you had a rotten childhood- get in line, lots of people do, but they dont systematically bully everyone around them that they see as “weak”. I would love to know her actual status in Dallas social circles and the charity scene, I have a feeling she perceives herself as way more important than she actually is. That Heidi lady is a wackjob. Why are they coming for Cary as a homewrecker all of a sudden? I guess the fact that Leann choses to hitch her wagon to this Heidi creature speaks volumes.

  14. That was the absolute weirdest hybrid-themed party ever, especially in suburban Dallas in DAYLIGHT… but I do loves me some corn dogs & frito pie.

    That Cavali dress did not look good on Cary.

    Missed ya Xanadude… would have loved to read your recap on this episode.

  15. Miele

    Connie!!! That’s the woman with the dark hair from Big Rich Texas. Man, I miss that show with Pam and Bon’s feuding…. Lol

  16. Lime Brain

    Thanks for recapping. I may have to watch this episode to see this Heidi person.

    I miss Xanadude’s tidbits about Dallas. They were the best part of this show.

  17. Bryn

    I’ve never heard of Fritos pie but it sounds yummy :)

  18. These gals are a little too aware of the camera for this franchise to really take off, I think. LeAnne is too fake and Carey is too cautious for there to be any real tension. I’m still watching tho’ lol…miss xanadudes insider recap blog. :( (Nothing against this perfectly fine recap…but have been looking forward to the commenting issues to be resolved and the x-dudes take on these gals.)

  19. tamaratattles

    Why does Bravo insist on making housewives of a mature age dress up in ridiculous outfits for parties? Can you imagine, Heidi the Mediawhore being told, okay sure you can be on another show, here is what we want you to do. In your first scene, you will need to dress up like The Game and pass out skanky t-shirts. Next, we need you to endure the Aaron Hendra Project while being a judgy cunt. Then we want you to have a party where we will provide a collection of misfits dressed like Adam Lambert as the back drop and you will need to sell Frito Pies (sponsored ad) and corndogs. Oh and ask a guest you don’t know to demonstrate fellatio on a corn dog.

    And of course Heidi is all like SIGN ME UP! Are you sure you don’t need me to slap someone?

    • Bunniecarrot

      Hold THEE duck up TT! You know who “The Game” is? I’m dying, and perhaps misjudged you.

      • tamaratattles

        Meh, I’m east coast. I’m way more old school Outkast The only game The Game has is in his pants. NTTAWWT

  20. misti wilde

    Not much to say about this unremarkable show except Brandi always looks terrible from head to toe and leeann looks like an insane clown.

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