It’s time for another episode of RHONY and I am not sure I have slept since the last one. I am trying to deal with backend problems on the site and I am going to pass out right after this recap. Forgive me if it doesn’t make any sense.
We see Sonja getting a placenta facial. The massage person gets a lot of promotional time in exchange for her free services to Sonja. Ramona is having some sort of get together. I swear my brains are mush and I can barely follow this.
Oh look, we are in the kitchen at Carole’s apartment. It’s like the writers totally forgot the “Carole got rid of her kitchen storyline. Jules is there and we are definitely going to have to listen to eating disorder conversations. Oh wait, it is even worse than that. It’s psychic party. Bethenny arrives with Skinnygirl product placement.
The psychic tells Jules she is going to do great things for women’s rights. For some reason I feel like I am going to throw up. Like seriously. Nothing to do with the show. We get the psychic reading and the whole coins and balloons stories. We have heard all of this before. The psychic says that her dead husband says John is fine for now but he can’t give her the safety she needs. (update: did throw up, feel better now). The best part of this scene is Bethenny’s talking heads.
Ramona and Dorinda have a huge fight about John. Bethenny bails to go get Brynn from school. She’s lucky she missed the Ramona’s dead daddy’s scene. After Ramona tells the psychic that she and her father were estranged until a couple of weeks before his death. The psychic then says he is mentioning some pictures. I’m shocked. Family photos at a reunion! She’s really good. There is not way she could have known that! She wasn’t there! Oh Ramona, dumb as a box of rocks. Suddenly, out of no where Dorinda and Ramona cry and make up.
Next, Carole goes to visit Jules. These two hate each other and this bonding over eating disorders crap is not interesting or genuine. Jules pushes her “I’m the youngest one!” storyline by pretending not to know what an iPod is. This is so lame. Jules doesn’t know how to boil water. Seriously. Who doesn’t have a tea kettle?? In other news, they still make necklaces with people’s names on them?
Dorinda and John meet for dinner. John asks for a kiss. It is so weird how Dorinda angrily defends her boyfriend of three years to everyone yet is never affectionate towards him unless he begs for the smallest bit of intimacy. They argue about him asking for a second kiss. This couple makes no sense. Dorinda seems repulsed by him while defending him at the same time. They can’t have a conversation at all. Neither lets the other speak. Dorinda storms out.
Sonja’s party is a birthday party for herself. Because of course it is. Oh and it is the Tipsy Girl “launch” didn’t we fake launch this nonexistent product last season?
But first, please enjoy this commercial for Skinnygirl.
And now, it’s time for Sonja’s party, or the competing booze commercial. Peter is there! I heard from Peter after this article. I don’t think he cared for it, but it’s hard to say because he seems functionally illiterate to me. Sonja points out that his business relationship with Ramona didn’t work out. So now, she seems to think it would be smart for her to do business with him. Why? Because he pays the housewives a lot of money to get himself on the show. Allegedly. That’s what the streets say.
As soon as John walks in, the drunk woman Jules husband is talking to tells John he looks all wired up. Speaking of wired up (and to be fair the woman could have been referring to his mike pac) Ramona comes in and starts telling everyone about Luann regifting her a crap necklace from her trinket line. Luann comes in with her disruptive script that reads “Ramona told Sonja that living with you is a bad a idea. You are pissed.”
Sonja announces “her new Prosecco” called Tipsy Girl. Did I mention Bethenny was not at this party? Sonja says that Peter and his partner trademarked the name. Hmmmm we shall see about that I am sure.
Next Week: Sonja is dead to Bethenny. John is dead to Ramona and I am dead on my feet. Time to sleep. Please talk amongst yourselves.