I am ready for this episode of Shahs of Sunset with a fresh batch of Sangria on an empty tummy. I know, I know my anxiety keeps trying to creep back in and it makes me not hungry. So I make up for all of the extra calories with high calorie alcoholic drinks.
Asa’s kaftans are really taking off. I get tons of people asking me about them all the time. She has a website and a twitter, y’all. I am TOTALLY team Asa’s mom about being a model. Older ladies want kaftans more than anyone, Asa! Also, her dad announces they have order number 2,000. Which is a great milestone, but also one long past, she sells out everything she puts up. Great job, Asa!
We see a great photoshoot for her kaftan line. It’s stunning.
Sigh. GG is the requisite health story for this Bravo reality show. Asa brings her Iranian green sauce over to see GG. I WANT SOME. I want to be BFF’s with Asa and have her feed me something every week. GG tells a very mild story about how she treated MJ last week regarding MJ’s relationship with Tommy. GG is in charge of being the catalyst of the camping trip we are about to go on. I am wrong in thinking that GG is the one who DOESN’T like camping the last time we did this? Yes, yes I am, it’s MJ who hates camping.
MJ needs to learn never to touch a door knob in the presence of her man. She should not even get to the door first and if she does she should stand to one side and wait expectantly. An escorted woman should NEVER touch a door. MJ is getting some new business cards. Which reminds me I need to do the same. Tommy seems like a goofball. I am not sure he is smart enough to handle my girl MJ. I really wanted her to end up with Sammy Younai after he got all his asshole, misogynist, playboy crap out of the way. But as long is MJ is happy, we all should be happy. Fr now.
M.J. takes her mother to Hamburger Mary’s in WeHo where they have drag queens call bingo at least one a week. I tried to get wayward intern Ben C. to go there when Erika Jayne was calling not too long ago but we were having a lover’s spat and he didn’t get the info in time. Did MJ say that Obama called Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s? Um… let me hush. Jessica and Asa show up to support and Asa has no idea how to play Bingo so Jessica explains. Really Asa? MJ could not have had a better gig to break into WeHo in my opinion. She’s very smart with this move.
MJ shows up to chat with Shervin, braless in a yellow jumpsuit about the camping trip. OH! I remember now. It was Reza and GG who made everyone go camping the last time and MJ not GG who hated it. Shervin informs her they are going in an RV. And basically, the whole camping tip is an intervention.
These scenes are just said. Mike’s caps are too big for his mouth, just like Nene Leakes. Jessica is having the reality of not having Daddy’s money set in. Her Daddy must be so disappointed in her. Shame to the family and all. And now she is dating an even bigger asshole than Mike ever was. Two months after filing for a divorce from her new husband she is dating a guy charged with rape. And she is still defending the new asshole to the death claiming “well there are two sides to every story and he has always been nice to me.” I can’t with this one. She is young and beautiful. Why is she so damn desperate for a man? Meanwhile, Mike is in a white bathrobe like Yolanda at the dinner table while texting constantly.
Mike and Reza meet up to discuss Mike’s marriage. Mike says he is not having much sex with Jessica. I don’t believe that. It’s an excuse. Mike says girls throw themselves at him left and right since he was married. You know, at the clubs. Not online where Mike allegedly fishes for women. They talk about GG and the camping trip.
Reza goes shopping for camping supplies. He needs something to protect himself from GG while camping. Asa joins him. As usual, Reza insults, women, white people, and by proxy gays everywhere. Because he is a hot mess. Which is why women, white people and sane gays everywhere hate this man.
The Camping Trip
So far, it is a bunch of bullshit. Literally. GG is not really driving. And I am not even going to cover Reza’s pranks. Heavy Sigh. Really Seacrest productions? I guess the randoms who don’t go on the Internet will believe this, and they are the majority. The fake weave out the window was ridiculous.
Terrorist jokes are very uncool.
When the get to the campsite, Mike is wearing a shirt that says #Lies which reminds me of when he wanted a certain blind item post taken down. It seems odd that someone would suggest a blind item being taken down. Which is why I do them the way I do. I’m just saying.
They literally brought LIGHTER FLUID to start a camp fire. I can’t with these people.
But no matter how fake this trip is. When you take a bunch of people into the woods, even with cameras, if they actually stay out there, and not in the RVs, something magical could happen. In that I do believe. Because, I’ve been to lots of Bible camps.
Next Week: Reza once again goes through MJ’s purse. They claim they have proof of MJ’s pregnancy (most likely it’s her Dr.’s appointment to freeze her eggs) and the intervention of GG is held.