Shahs of Sunset Recap: Are We Out of The Woods Yet?

 

Shahs cast season 5

 

I am ready for this episode of Shahs of Sunset with a fresh batch of Sangria on an empty  tummy. I know, I know my anxiety keeps trying to creep back in and it makes me not hungry. So I make up for all of the extra calories with high calorie alcoholic drinks. :(

Asa

Asa’s kaftans are really taking off. I get tons of people asking me about them all the time. She has a website and a twitter, y’all.   I am TOTALLY team Asa’s mom about being a model. Older ladies want kaftans more than anyone, Asa!  Also, her dad announces they have order number 2,000.  Which is a great milestone, but also one long past, she sells out everything she puts up. Great job, Asa!

We see a great photoshoot for her kaftan line. It’s stunning.

Golnesa

Sigh. GG is the requisite health story for this Bravo reality show. Asa brings her Iranian green sauce over to see GG. I WANT SOME. I want to be BFF’s with Asa and have her feed me something every week. GG tells a very mild story about how she treated MJ last week regarding MJ’s relationship with Tommy. GG is in charge of being the catalyst of the camping trip we are about to go on. I am wrong in thinking that GG is the one who DOESN’T like camping the last time we did this? Yes, yes I am, it’s MJ who hates camping.

 

Shahs MJ

 

Mercedeh

MJ needs to learn never to touch a door knob in the presence of her man. She should not even get to the door first and if she does she should stand to one side and wait expectantly. An escorted woman should NEVER touch a door.  MJ is getting some new business cards.  Which reminds me I need to do the same.  Tommy seems like a goofball. I am not sure he is smart enough to handle my girl MJ. I really wanted her to end up with Sammy  Younai after he got all his asshole, misogynist, playboy crap out of the way. But as long is MJ is happy, we all should be happy. Fr now.

M.J. takes her mother to Hamburger Mary’s in WeHo where they have drag queens call bingo at least one a week. I tried to get wayward intern Ben C. to go there when Erika Jayne was calling not too long ago but we were having a lover’s spat and he didn’t get the info in time. :(  Did MJ say that Obama called Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s?  Um… let me hush.  Jessica and Asa show up to support and Asa has no idea how to play Bingo so Jessica explains. Really Asa? MJ could not have had a better gig to break into WeHo in my opinion. She’s very smart with this move.

MJ shows up to chat with Shervin, braless in a yellow jumpsuit about the camping trip. OH! I remember now. It was Reza and GG who made everyone go camping the last time and MJ not GG who hated it. Shervin informs her they are going in an RV. And basically, the whole camping tip is an intervention.

 

Shahs Mike

Mike

These scenes are just said. Mike’s caps are too big for his mouth, just like Nene Leakes. Jessica is having the reality of not having Daddy’s money set in. Her Daddy must be so disappointed in her. Shame to the family and all. And now she is dating an even bigger asshole than Mike ever was.  Two months after filing for a divorce from her new husband she is dating a guy charged with rape. And she is still defending the new asshole to the death claiming “well there are two sides to every story and he has always been nice to me.”  I can’t with this one. She is young and beautiful. Why is she so damn desperate for a man? Meanwhile, Mike is in a white bathrobe like Yolanda at the dinner table while texting constantly.

Mike and Reza meet up to discuss Mike’s marriage. Mike says he is not having much sex with Jessica. I don’t believe that. It’s an excuse. Mike says girls throw themselves at him left and right since he was married. You know, at the clubs. Not online where Mike allegedly fishes for women. They talk about GG and the camping trip.

Reza

Reza goes shopping for camping supplies. He needs something to protect himself from GG while camping. Asa joins him. As usual, Reza insults, women, white people, and by proxy gays everywhere. Because he is a hot mess. Which is why women, white people and sane gays everywhere hate this man.

The Camping Trip

So far, it is a bunch of bullshit. Literally. GG is not really driving. And I am not even going to cover Reza’s pranks. Heavy Sigh. Really Seacrest productions? I guess the randoms who don’t go on the Internet will believe this, and they are the majority.  The fake weave out the window was ridiculous.

Terrorist jokes are very uncool.

When the get to the campsite, Mike is wearing a shirt that says #Lies which reminds me of when he wanted a certain blind item  post taken down. It seems odd that someone would suggest a blind item being taken down. Which is why I do them the way I do. I’m just saying.

They literally brought LIGHTER FLUID to start a camp fire. I can’t with these people.

But no matter how fake this trip is. When you take a bunch of people into the woods, even with cameras, if they actually stay out there, and not in the RVs, something magical could happen. In that I do believe. Because, I’ve been to lots of Bible camps.

Next Week: Reza once again goes through MJ’s purse.  They claim they have proof of MJ’s pregnancy (most likely it’s her Dr.’s appointment to freeze her eggs) and the intervention of GG is held.

24 Comments

Filed under Asa Soltan Rahmati, Entertainment News, Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mercedeh Javid, Mike Shouhed, Reza Farahan, Shahs of Sunset

24 responses to “Shahs of Sunset Recap: Are We Out of The Woods Yet?

  1. David

    Reza was the one that threw the cake first on the boat. Now this. He should have a T-shirt that says #not cute.

  2. TT, I love Asa too.She is my favorite!! I ordered 4 Kaftans and I want to send one to your post office for you. I’m giving one to my Mom and keeping tow. I don’t think they are just for old ladies , do you? I think they are beautiful. I’m going to wear mine to work with flowy pants. I even went to Michael’s and got a bunch of stones to bling out my turban. LOL! Now that I don’t know about because I’m so fair-skinned. I don’t think I can pull it off like Asa. I just love her look so much.. I can’t wait for them to get here!!

  3. BeetsWhy

    I hope to God that was fake driving by GG…she is the type of driver that cements my insistence on never being a passenger!

  4. Jen

    I was looking at Asa’s site the night that Shahs started and she had a bunch of stuff on sale, but she’s obviously been getting way more sales as the season has progressed! I wish I had bought one while I was looking instead of holding off because the prices are all back up now.

  5. Undine

    This GG intervention storyline sucks, they all except Asa (and Shervin so far) drink too much. Why can’t they all be nicer to her and more compassionate? Spend time with her individually and not out at the club getting shit faced. If I were GG I’d read them for their filthy hypocrisy.

  6. More Tea Please!

    This show has become yet another Bravo Shit Sandwich I’m afraid. “Another day, another bite!” Aside from Asa’s amazing kaftans (Wow! I Iove the Casablanca one) and Asa’s green sauce, it is a whole scripted ugly mess.

    Speaking of Asa’s green sauce, she says it is her own creation, with herbs and only 5 ingredients. I’d love to try it. It looked like a variation of my version of Peruvian green sauce, which is like crack (avocado, green onion, lemon, cilantro, olive oil).

  7. Thanks, TT. My favorite episode so far. I need the recipe for Asa’s green dip. I need to stalk Asa. I need next week’s pay check so I can buy a kaftan or maybe a clutch purse. I cannot watch Reza and Mike. Thank goodness for fast forward.

  8. Lindsay

    Asa’s mom is everything that is right with this world and the Pop Persian Priestess (NOT a made up name, commenting rules, hurr wurrds) should capitalize on her own old soul and her mama to bring those caftans to the ladies who have earned the right to lean back.
    I like her and her stuff. I swear I would have dodged my cable bill for a couple weeks to get my hands on a 16oz of Diamond Water but it never seemed to go to market? I guess I could put my own diamonds in a water bottle and see what happens but they wouldn’t have the special blessing. Could I make one up tho? I could also make some pearl water…
    Sorry, I’m drunk

  9. Cheychey

    I really do wish true love for MJ. I hope she is not settling because she wants live so badly. They just seem so different. He is classless. I love a man with a good sense of humor but he’s just bordering on obnoxious. Sometimes people’s differences do bring them together so for MJ I hope that’s the case but I think getting pregnant is to soon at this point so I hope she waits. I want to believe in him and he does seem to be into her.

  10. Amy V

    With the exception of perhaps Asa every single one of the original cast have been plastered on multiple occasions. Whenever they questioned GG s libation she should say…I HAVE NO COCK THEREFORE I DRINK. Inspired by Game Of Thrones.

  11. Why is this super tired show still airing? I’d rather watch Caitlin Jenner take a dump in the whatever bathroom.

  12. 3Sweeties

    I thought the ride with the pranks was really funny! But I couldn’t believe the obvious friction with Mike and Jessica. He is such a pig, in every way. That girl must have really low self esteem to have ever married him.

    • Iprefermyteaunsweetend

      Mike and Jessica both have low self esteem, hence their stupid actions. What’s so very sad is that they both are desperate for real love. They need several sessions with a really good shrink and anti-depression meds.

  13. @Amy V . . . BINGO!

    You just hit the nail on the head for me as to why I’ve always liked Asa, didn’t put it together until just now ~

  14. Shae

    You have to be the dumbest moron ever to have a 500 dollar monthly phone bill. Even if you had the newest phone with all unlimited packages you couldn’t run up a fee of 500. She must have some crap data/phone plan and she’s racking up overages left and right. Way to be stupid, Jessica.

    And 5k on a tea set when you just had a convo with your hubby about how bad you both are with money?? When he’s left his RE business and is trying a new shoe company? Good lord.

    This makes me so glad my parents never coddled me and I learned early how to handle money, bills and be responsible for myself. A grown ass woman who has no idea how to handle finances matched with a mess of a man who doesn’t either.

    I don’t strongly dislike Jessica, but this got under my skin.
    On a positive note, Asa just kicks so much ass. I love her entrepreneurial spirit and her dedication to her family, it’s beautiful. I hope her kaftan business gets even more successful…

    • BKSweetheart

      ITA how does one have a $500 phone bill? Aren’t all the major carriers plans pretty much unlimited minutes/data now? Unless she was making international calls or using her phone overseas a lot, I don’t see how this is possible..

  15. JoJoFLL

    Asa will not share the recipe. It’s a bit assholey of her.

  16. em

    I love love love Asa and her awesome style! One of the highlights of my life is when she retweeted a post I did about loving her style back in season one. Also so happy we not only share a zodiac sign but our birthdate, too. I know, small potatoes but…. she’s just so cool!

  17. I used to enjoy this show…

    • Katherine 2.0

      Lady, there is definitely a shelf life to these shows. Everyone starts strategizing, letting overblown egos take over, etc. after a few seasons. Producers start repeating storylines from season to season and show to show, and we are sitting here saying, been there, done that, what else is on?

  18. GIA

    Sorry, but I started a new job several months back and haven’t caught up since last season, but is this guy in MJ’s life the same guy we met last season? I remember that guy having a more mild temperament.This guy just seems like a goof ball with questionable and obnoxious social skills. Also, if anyone can answer, what’s happened with the whole Mike and GG accusation thing? Thanks!

Please Read the COMMENTING RULES before commenting.