Scandal Recap: I Hate You Snowflake!

Scandal Lovers of Liberty

 

By Phil Andros

“I’d just as soon as be shot in the face with a cannon on my birthday than be tagged as a [sour face] feminist.” ~ Sally Langston

So thank GOD I was busy getting drunk for my birthday last weekend and didn’t have to sit through that EPIC snooze-fest that Tamara recapped.  OMG was that hard to watch.  This one is starting out pretty good with Sally doing the set up and talking about the battle for Florida’s 99 winner-take-all delegates.  Of course, as Sally describes the contest between Mellie and Susan we see that it’s really all about Abby (doesn’t she have a fucking day job?!?!?) and Olivia (coming off of being beat down by her father once again.)

Anyway, Mellie is in first, Susan is in second and Hollis is third.  I can’t help but notice that if Hollis wins Florida it’ll be basically a 3-way tie for first so I am predicting in the first minute that Hollis is going to win Florida and the coveted endorsement of Governor Baker.  Just an FYI Shonda, honey, there is a governor Baker in the US — of Massachusetts.  Sloppy sloppy.

Flashback to the worst murder in Scandal history

Flashback to the worst murder in Scandal history

Next shot is creepy Cyrus with Cyrus’ Whore and the rent-a-gayby.  Black natch’ which was 2014’s color of the year for gay accessories.  The Chinese babies were already so 2008.  Choice:  Spend some quality time with Cyrus’ whore or go off and boff your psycho child-killing, murdering boyfriend.  So of course Cyrus makes the wrong choice.  Alex Vargas calls and I am PRAYING it is a booty call, but sadly he just wants Cyrus’ Whore to do something for him although I’m not sure what.

Then we go the the lesbian trio where David tries to get some sexy time with Susan by offering her a gin rummy tournament.  I checked Urban Dictionary, apparently a “gin rummy tournament” is a card game not some new kinky sex position.  Damn.  He’s smooth.  Liz rolls her eyes.  David complains that he has to sleep on the floor and she replies “Dogs aren’t allowed on the furniture.”  I lol-d a little.

So we get the Governor Baker montage.  It looks to me like they’re going to do the Republican Ann Richards, but we’ll see.  She “likes her gin and tonic.”

David:  Woah, Susan can’t drink gin and tonics.  She says gin makes her mean.

Susan:  Being cheated on makes me mean.

And America once again sends out a search team to look for David’s balls.

Scene with Liv, Quinn and Abby.  Apparently, Olivia is still just a touch angry with Abby with making the move that caused Olivia to freak out and kill Andrew.  I’m bored with Abby.  I’m bored too soon. She pulls a power play and basically grounds Mellie’s plane.  Which, frankly makes me hate her even more.  Honestly, as someone who travels a ton, the thought of being grounded makes me anxious.  Not liking this Abby.  Not liking her at all.

Alex and Cyrus, also not getting along.  What a surprise.  Alex wants to use Governor Hottie’s kid with cancer, Cyrus says it’s manipulative and distasteful.  Jigga wha?  More manipulative and distasteful than kidnapping a guy’s son to force him to shoot the Governor?  Oh, and then sending in Tom to kill the security guards and finish the job.  Cyrus seems to have something of a lock on manipulative and distasteful.  It’s really hard to imagine at this point a line he won’t cross.

Scandal Olivia

Ok, so some back and forth Abby vs Olivia.  Olivia won as far as I’m concerned.

So then the super oily Governor of Florida goes to see David!  She basically tells him that she’s going to endorse Mellie unless he drops his investigation into Tamarac Sugar at which point she’ll endorse Susan. It’s nice to see that corruption is alive and well in Florida.  David looks shocked.  He always looks shocked at this kind of stuff.  It used to be cute-ish.  Now it’s just old.  I mean, after he watched Jake murder people in front of him, you’d think he’d have figured out that people in government (or at least in this show) don’t play by the rules.  But basically none of Shonda’s characters ever really develop – except Quinn…

…who has a great line:  “Who amongst us hasn’t gone over the edge and killed somebody once…or maybe twice.”  Then Huck mentions Jake and Olivia goes mental.

Marcus (who is no longer the un-named black guy we always forget because he’s starting to rock) convinces Mellie to call the President out and she heads onto the tarmac and starts waving at Air Force One.  Abby and Olivia of course are both ripshit about it, but it works.  And is a pretty great scene.  I can’t remember which commenter here suggested that Mellie and Marcus are eventually going to hook up but I am becoming a believer!

David tells Susan and Liz what the Governor said and blah blah blah.  He isn’t dropping the investigation and Susan doesn’t want him to.  I’m liking my chances of her endorsing Hollis all of a sudden.  “I hate you snowflake” may actually be my favorite line of this show.

scandal kill them yourself

Fitz and Mellie have an amazing scene on the tarmac.  Honestly, this woman is an amazing actress.  He was pretty good too.  The whole scene is more or less about the shell of a person Olivia has become since she killed Andrew.  Let’s hope there are no lip readers 20 yards away is all I kept thinking. Whatever.  Killing people on this show isn’t that big a deal and her body count is still pretty paltry.

Great boozy scene with the Governor where it looks like I’m going to be right about Hollis and then Mellie shows up with the President who apologizes to the Governor.  Susan turns the dinner party into a dirge by calling out the Governor….And then she and David make up sort of ish.  Because gin rummy tournaments don’t equal sexy time, but apparently destroying a presidential campaign because you’re too ethical is downright HOT.  Not.  Ugh.  I really can’t stand these two.

****GROSSNESS ALERT******  The scene with Michael (Cyrus’ Whore) and Cyrus was so many levels of creepy and disgusting that I can barely recap it.  And all the creepy and disgusting were Cyrus who basically told him it is Michael’s job to watch the kid and be quiet and occasionally ‘get him off’ so Cyrus can do his job.  Just gross.  Michael plays the “Tom” card and the music gets all menacing and we can pretty much expect Cyrus’ Whore to die before this season is out.  Too bad, he is anything but a “washed up rent boy.”  Call me!  Cyrus’ Whore isn’t taking it lying down and gives Alex Vargas a thumb drive of all of Cyrus’ communications, emails etc.  HA fucking HA.  As if Cyrus would let him have access to that stuff.  But, whatever, it advances the plot even as it brings my beloved Whore closer to death.

Governor Baker endorses Susan?  Huh?  We find out later why!

OOOOO.  I was dead wrong.  Apparently the thumb drive that Michael gave Alex Vargas was a computer virus that emailed out pictures of the Governor’s sick kid from Alex’s account. Yay!  Michael isn’t going to die!!  Just yet anyway.  Hottie Governor (who is looking less hot IMO) kicks Alex to the curb.  Point Cyrus.

Scandal Michael

Some scene between Liv and Huck where he basically tells her that killing her first person is something that takes a while to recover from.  This show must actually be pretty funny to try to watch completely cold.  I mean, all of the characters talking about killing people and getting their throats cut and it’s supposed to be a political drama. If any of you has a friend who hasn’t seen the show, see if you can get them to watch just this episode cold and give you their impressions.  I count Huck, Quinn, Olivia, Cyrus and Alex Vargas all talking about killing people.

Fitz has more or less the same convo with Abby that Huck had with Olivia.  Obviously he’s had to tell himself a few lies to get past shooting down a civilian airliner and ordering a war that cost lives just to save his mistress.  He advises Abby to find some lie to tell herself. “It doesn’t even have to be true as long as you believe it.”  Which is probably also in the Guide Book “Sociopaths for Dummys” but I digress….

HAHA.  Hollis does win.  Yay!

And in quick succession…

…Abby and Liv sort of make up and decide they need to take down Hollis

…Cyrus shows up and Michael has cleared out AND taken the gayby.  I’m back to thinking Cyrus is going to have a dead whore before too long.  One phone call to Tom should do it.

…It turns out David did make a deal with the governor.  He always caves in the end.  And it got him nothing.

Until next week Lovers of Liberty!

12 Comments

Filed under ABC, Entertainment News, Scandal

12 responses to “Scandal Recap: I Hate You Snowflake!

  1. Realityjunkie

    I agree, the scene with Fitz and Mellie was done well. She, cray cray Cyrus and Sally are the real reasons i still watch this show. She is an amazing actress and in my opinion should have already won an Emmy.

    • Meri

      Great recap!! I am so confused about this show. I binge watched it all at once to catch up six months ago and I’m still confused. I love Huck and Kate Burton (her father, Richard Burton would be so proud). I also loved the tarmac scene and it almost seemed ad libbed. I think that Shonda has gone insane but maybe that’s a good thing. Since everyone kills someone eventually on this mess I suppose that this is politics as usual for Shonda. I now know why she supports Hillary. I hope that Olivia starts to make some sense soon and that they NEVER get rid of Cyrus because his evil is so pure. Does anyone else think that Shonda doesn’t care if what she puts on TV makes sense or is her power trip complete and she could care less if anything makes sense? DId I mention that I LOVED this recap and thought that it was better than the actual show?

      • Phil Andros

        You’re nice, thanks! I don’t have a lot of experience with Shonda shows but it sounds from what Tamara has posted before that this is her MO. The shows start out great and then become kind of a mess.

  2. Home

    Thanks for the recap Phil….

    Oh yes I loved this scandal episode! Last week was terrible so I’m glad Shonda redeemed herself. The standoff between Abby and Olivia was painful…Thank God this fiasco was saved with Mellie and Fritz having their scene. And oh Yes..just as I predicted Marcus and Mellie will be in bed soon…the chemistry and connection is heating up. What else is he going to do…because he definitely is not a gladiator.

    I figured The governor’s role was that of Ann Richards…she was a pistol! And look at little Susan…took a stand at the dinner table! A woman scorned can be dangerous in any situation…LOL.

    I must say I was surprised that the flash drive turned out to be a set up for hottie…my eyeballs popped out when he backtracked the error message and the whole set up…but like I said before Cyrus said he was a MONSTER and sho you’re right! But I don’t think we’ve seen the last of hottie…Oh yeah..he’s coming back with a vengeance.

    Olivia, Olivia, Olivia….I’m not buying the I’ve killed a man so I’m out of my mind story…The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…and frankly she’s acting a little bi polar lately. One minute she enjoyed the kill..the next minute she’s dissing Jake, the next minute she’s telling Abby how she MADE her and wants the White House back and then the next minute she’s crying like a baby….PLEASE!

    I see Edison will make an appearance next week…for him to be running for President..he’s been a non factor and very scarce..smh. And has Huck turned into a softie now? WOW!

    Lastly…The turn on with Cyrus has to be the power because he definitely isn’t all that HOT to have lover after lover…or maybe he does a little something special…LOL

    Until next week….

  3. Jaana

    The writing is just so terrible. Shonda throws away characters then brings them back in the most unconvincing situations. How did the show move from Liv and Fitz and the house in Vermont to THIS? I loved to see Olivia fixing situations and be in a fixer but recently Scandal is one big Hillary Clinton campaign ad. Not that I dislike Hillary, but if I wanted yo be constantly reminded of her I would turn on the news channel!

    Oliva has been acting like a deranged woman all season and I am really sick of it. Cyrus storyline is just lame. What has Fitz been up to? I am on the fence with Jake . I hate how they misuse Tom. He is so tall an sexy with those huge man hands. ???

    • tamaratattles

      Wait, this show is supposed to be making Hillary look like the attractive choice? Is it because Mellie hasn’t killed anyone yet and only knows where the bodies are buried? #Mary Mahoney #VinceFoster #CharlesRuff #JamesMcdougall

  4. Lawstangel

    I don’t see anything remotely related to HC in any of these episodes. Mellie has been threatening/wanting to run since season one.

  5. jen

    Amazing recap!!

  6. Cat

    Thanks for the great recap! I just started watching this show, because of your recaps. And I am still so confused, after 2 or 3 episodes. Every time I think I understand it, they toss another character into the mix, then I’m confused all over again. I do find myself laughing a bit, but hey, I’m entertained, and that’s the name of the game, right?

    • Phil Andros

      Feel free to post any questions. I am happy to help and we seem to have a lot of commenters who also have been watching WAY too long like me. :)

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