Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Making Frenemies

RHOD cast

 

By Contributing Writer, Xanadude

I swear we don’t all day drink like that.  Seriously.  If there was a Day Drinking Olympics, these ladies would be giving Gold Medalist Brandi Glanville a run for their money.  At about the halfway point there’s a scene with Brandi and her mom that seriously makes me want to call Intervention.

We start with dueling narratives showing the dissolution of Brandi’s marriage to Bryan contrasted with the happy relationship between LeeAnne and her boyfriend Rich (and Rich’s daughter).

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Brandi is SAD, y’all, cuz her husband is always away on bidness and when he’s in town, he’s not talking to her.  She finds solace with Stephanie, for whom Brandi is willing to “go lesbian with,” because they’d make such a cute couple and be able to bedazzle everything they own.  She also finds solace in drinking.  Lots and lots of drinking.  Brandi and Stephanie decide to go OUT drinking in the middle of the day because Brandi’s husband is gone and her kids are… where? I almost get the feeling Brandi has mistaken the production crew as a babysitting service.  The ladies go out for drinks, and after a few, decide to rope Nurse Cary into their adventures.  They call Cary and tell her to put on her “party panties,” make a few more lesbian jokes – which makes me think it’s not a joke  – and drink some more until she arrives, to the point of getting “white girl wasted,” which is about as wrong as using the phrase “white girl wasted.”

Cary arrives but is wearing this cool set of weaponized earrings (which, based on this episode, is her “work earrings,” as she seems to wear them quite a bit, especially while in scrubs).  We learn that Cary is on her third husband, and I’m suddenly fascinated by this woman’s backstory – her second husband literally disappeared after they were married three months, but, based on her behavior later on, we MAYBE understand his side a little.  We learned that her current husband, Dr. Mark, was transformed under Cary from schlub to hub.

 

RHOD Brandi Strip Club

 

Brandi goes from pseudo lesbian to ultra horny drunk mommy and suggest they all go to a local male strip club (BTW: Yes, we have several.  We actually have as many strip clubs as churches in Dallas – cognitive dissonance as embodied in a city).  The ladies POUND vodka and tonics (the bartender brought a tray of about ten and just set the whole thing down at their table) and Brandi gets up on stage, straddles a stripper (who I think I recognize based on his chest tattoo), and proceeds to almost pass out while upside down.  Cary is mortified.

We intersperse this with scenes from LeeAnne’s relationship with Rich (he off “Dallas SWAT” TV fame and the best head of hair currently on TV) and Rich’s daughter, who is in high school and having a birthday.  It’s very sweet as they wrap gifts and go out to dinner.  LeeAnne, who was raised by her grandmother after being abandoned by her teenage mother, says that Rich is the one and camera talks about marriage.

Let me pause for a moment to marvel at LeeAnne’s necklace.  Those of you who follow my recaps and comments on various Bravo shows know that I LOVED a good statement necklace.   Love ‘em.  Y’all, LeeAnne currently wins Statement Necklace of the Year for her asymmetrically shaped turquoise stone statement necklace.

RHOD Tiffany

 

The “next day,” (we all know how Bravo plays with time like Rip Hunter. (Comic book reference.  Look it up.) LeeAnne meets with Tiffany to discuss PoopHatGate.  They pour themselves drinks in HUGE goblets that would make Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman jealous (shameless google hit search reference of the night! Hi Julie and Brandy!) LeeAnne thinks it was rude to their hostess and the charity (it was).  Tiffany thinks it was funny (it was not).  Then LeeAnne goes and makes a gratuitous comment about Brandi’s children and I literally groaned loud enough the hubby heard it and asked what was wrong.  Bad form, LeeAnne.  This was your one pass – use it well.

Brandi brings her kids over to Stephanie’s house.  The ladies let the kids go off in a miniaturized motorized car and figure that it would be safe, because “it’s a gated community.”  A car going way over the speed limit whizzes by RIGHT THEN and I want to thank the Bravo editors for that.

Brandi is sad again, y’all.  Her husband WAS NOT happy with his wife’s dramatic recreation of Lesley-Ann Warren and Christopher Atkins scene from “A Night in Heaven.”  Stephanie tells Brandi she did nothing wrong and goes in for a not-lesbian comforting hug.

Tiffany and Aaron (the singer – you can tell he has talent because of his strap on harmonica) are half talking/half singing a discussion of Why They Moved To Dallas A Year And A Half Ago (cuz she wanted to) and decide to kill two birds with one stone by having a charity concert where she does the charity and he does the concert, therefore introducing them both to their respective new worlds.  Problem, though:  Tiffany is not happy that her only friend is LeeAnne, so she sets her sights on Nurse Cary and her sweet, sweet bounty of plastic surgery husband.  They set out their honey trap by asking Cary and Dr. Mark to appear on Tiffany’s fashion podcast (BTW: it’s a good podcast and Tiffany is great at hosting it).  Cary’s husband Dr. Mark is also her stylist, which apparently makes Aaron (who is wearing a Brett Michaels “Rock of Love” headscarf) uncomfortable.  Dr. Mark laughs and says that he is “into girls” and makes several closet jokes, which make me laugh and set the tone that he is a man who is comfortable with his sexuality.  I immediately like him, even as he takes over the podcast talking about his wife’s clothes.  Aaron’s accent comes and goes, and Tiffany quid pro quos podcast time for neck tightening with Dr. Mark, who says she doesn’t need it.

Brandi’s mom apparently comes into town frequently “to help with the kids.”  We are told this as we see no kids but witness them pouring gigantic glasses of bloody marys.  Whoof.

Brandi’s Secret Origin is revealed, and we learn her mother had her young and she was always told her Grandfather disowned her mother for that reason.   But recently, Grandfather has been calling and wanting to connect.  Brandi’s mom breaks down and confesses that the estrangement had nothing to do with her pregnancy but everything to do with the divorce between Grandfather and Grandmother and during which Brandi’s mom sided with Grandmother and was “horrible” to her father, breaking off contact.  The “next day,” Bryan comes home to find his wife drinking coffee, wearing pink eyeshadow, and really bad Bravo lighting that give the effect that she has no eyes, that it is just opaque blackness where eyes should be.  Seriously, check it out.  It was freaky.  They talk about Grandfather coming to visit but ultimately the conversation is so strained Bryan walks out to do “work,” while Brandi claims Bryan doesn’t care about her feelings.

By the way, the interstitial music is Closed Captioned as “Groovy Music.”  Thanks, Bravo!

Afterward, LeeAnne and Tiffany meet and we get a glimpse into the room where LeeAnne keeps all of her charity things in large labeled plastic storage bins.  Tiffany wants to be friends with the rest of the cast, while LeeAnne doesn’t want any drama.  Tiffany opines that “LeeAnne saying she doesn’t like drama is like Charlie Sheen saying he doesn’t like hookers.”  LeeAnne makes a valid point that your friends actions reflect on you.  Tiffany doesn’t care.

RHOD Leeane
Cary goes straight from surgery to “dinner” with LeeAnne and Stephanie.  LeeAnne brings visual aids (plastic poop and a print out from a local friend’s blog, which, by the way, I DO read regularly) to illustrate appropriate behavior.  Any respect I had for Cary was gone when she went on a tirade saying that charities should accept her money and her behavior, no matter how egregious it it, because at the end of the day they are getting their money, and how DARE they tell her how to act.  LeeAnne tries again to explain to them that “what you do in public impacts the amount of money you raise privately.”  Again, valid point – you respect the charity by acting appropriately at events AND that will cause them to raise more funds.  Cary and Stephanie argue that they don’t want to be friends with anyone who won’t accept them as they are, even if they were to wear dildos in their hats.  I wish I made that up, but, Cary’s argument really WAS, “at least she didn’t have a dildo in her hat.”  Cary finally says that you need to be BORN into Dallas society, and carny kid LeeAnne will never be accepted.  Again, they totally miss the damn point AND get this info wrong in the process.  LeeAnne leaves, leaving thrice married Cary to pick up the bill.

Points of interest this week:  The Ladies ate at Bistro 31, Bistecca, and Breadwinners.  They strip clubbed at La Bare.  And we were treated to nice establishing shots of the Red Pegasus (our city mascot), our streetcar line, fountains at Reverchon Park /Lee Park walkway, Uptown, and the Red Brick Courthouse.

38 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Dallas, RHOD

38 responses to “Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Making Frenemies

  1. tamaratattles

    Psst that is not a turquoise necklace, it’s some crappy chains that turn your neck green with some sort of thing wrapped in blue cloth. Is that how eye of newt is stored? On top of a hideous one shoulder. housewife garb of some sort.

    Cary said that DILDOS would be inappropriate but plastic shit is not. That is some interesting line of etiquette for Charity events.

    Brandi claims she doesn’t want to do anything to hurt her husband’s reputation in his business and seemed offended he would feel that way. I’d say this show is a huge public embarrassment for him.

    Stephanie is dumber than a bag of rocks.

    Who is the other one? Tiffany? I suppose she is the least detestable.

    • Stephanie

      LOL LeeAnn’s necklace is a slab of polymer oven clay.

      • tamaratattles

        Stephanie, I was actually disturbed by that monstrosity. (I actually have the statement necklace that I will meet the dude in already picked out. It’s a bizarre perdot, amethyst, garnet raw stone sort of thingy) if I ever get to meet him. But is it a CLOTH I paused the TeeVEE to check it out as I was reading the recap and watching at the same time. it was coming unglued at the bottom.

        CLAIRE’S That is the place I wanted to say the stupid chain part of the necklace was from. I googled tacky mall stores to no avail. Got my brain cannot retain any info anymore.

        The queen of statement necklaces is Lea Black. I may not care for her but that bitch has some good shit.

      • TT –

        You’re so right about Lea Black. I still dream sometimes about the sublime (albeit borrowed) earrings she wore at the last reunion. 100 carats of D-Flawless perfection. Two 30-carat pears suspending two 20-carat pears. GOD.

    • Gracious

      Ha! That necklace was hideous and not impressive at all, just like her. I’m really over “this is how you are supposed to act….” drama.

      I like Carey and I love her husband.

      Side note: wine over ice is about as inventive as a champagne pyramid. I wouldn’t call anything I’ve seen them pour, a good drink with the exception of the Bloody Mary that Brandi’s mom was making.

    • T D

      Eye of newt should be stored between filet of fenny snake and toe of frog, wool of bat…

  2. susan

    Great recap I lost interest in show after awhile last night. Those kids on that motorized kid’s car — the little driver was gunning it those babies in back had to hang on

  3. I saw parts of the show while I was setting up the DVR for other stuff – can’t wait to watch. Def seemed like the “alliances being formed” set up for next week.

  4. mary

    Great recap!! I’ve been waiting on your recap of this show:)

  5. i want to party with Kim Z

    first time comment here- the poop hat was stupid, as is Brandi HOWEVER Leanne running around screaming at everyone about etiquette is equally as inappropriate. I think we learned from RHOP that setting yourself up as the arbiter of etiquette is a baaaaaaaaad idea. Plus the screeching harpy look is my least favorite housewives look.

  6. Whyowhy

    I can’t get over the hot pink blush Leeanne wears. OMG, she looks like Baby Jane.

    I like Tiffany, but her Keith Urban wannabe husband bugs me. I think I would like her youtube show.

    I MUST READ this blog Leeanne is pushing!

    Also, my whole wine drinking life if a lie. Ice cubes in red wine? What is this sorcery?????

    • AmyinLasVegas

      The pink blush paired with the neon purple eyeshadow reminds me of how a five-year-old girl would apply makeup. I thought models picked up good makeup tips during their career? I kinda like Stephanie. She might not be too bright but she seems sweet! None of the others have redeeming qualities imho. I stopped watching Real Housewives of Cheshire early on because of that so we’ll see how long I tune in. Thankfully there are these recaps if I stop watching!

  7. bellabee

    LeeAnne has crazy Ramona eyes! What’s the woman’s name from RHOP who couldn’t stop talking about “etiquette?” LeeAnne is just like her, but her thing is “high society” and “charities.”

  8. Auntie Velvet

    I’m fascinated that LeeAnne is swearing like a sailor and making threats whenever she discusses how tacky the OTHER women are. It was a little jarring at her own house with Tiffany, but when she actually had her confrontational lunch in public, it was unintentionally hilarious.

    Also agree with the above comment about the blush. I was wondering if it was a costume choice of some sort for the Mad Hatter party, but after watching this episode, it’s clearly SOP with her.

  9. Cheychey

    The thing I got from Cary and Stephanie’s talk with LeeAnne is that the focus should be on the charity and not so much on the social aspect. If she had left the poo out of the hat which was in poor taste it was no worse than the ugly ass hat LeeAnne wore the year before. It looked like 4 broken piñata’s sewn together. But it was after all a mad hatter charity event so the crazier the hat the better. People like LeeAnne really annoy me with their worries about what everyone is going to think or say. If people don’t like you for who you are that’s their problem. Was the joke at the wrong place probably but I’d rather hang out at the strip club with them than rub elbows with LeeAnne and the snobbery any day.

  10. Miguel

    Thanks for the recap & pointing out Bravo’s time warps, Xanadude! To that end, I felt that Brandi’s business-expanding/social-climbing husband was really mad at the shitty hat, rather than the strip joint. Obviously, the hat caused a stir at the fancy-dancy shindig (as it would in ANY such social situation) and word would have spread before the article hit the press!!!

    The strip joint scene and all the rhetoric surrounding his displeasure seemed inorganic. I think it was done so that Brandi and her delirious friend could perpetuate the fallacy that the poop hat was perfectly fine at an upscale fundraiser. Moreover, neither would have to admit that Leeanne was correct in her assessment – however obnoxious her delivery.

  11. TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

    I really dislike Brandi. I think I do like LeeAnne and I guess Tiffany…she has yet to do anything to offend.

    • Skeeter

      I don’t care for Brandi either. I think her maturity level is still in 8th grade when she met her husband. Poop talk isn’t funny especially when it comes out of the mouth of and ALLEGED adult.

  12. Snowflake

    The RHOD was actually and initially filmed as How To Make It In Dallas, as a reality series about the Dallas Charity Scene. This is why you see the Never Take Yourself or the Stuffy Want-To-Bees Seriously approach on the charity scene and the I Will Pretend To Be A Socialite And Harass Anyone Who Dares To Disbelieve Me approach. We have both camps in every single charity organization. I’ll let you decide who I one you would rather rub elbows with at a party. The fact that one of the…… Housewives? Deems herself the Queen of the Scene while making zero effort to be charitable towards others is THE most revolting fact.

    Where is that video of her cringeworthy media PowWow apologizing to the Mayor of Plano?

  13. Xanadude

    By the way, Bravo edited weirdly on the last scene – the exterior shot was of the Breadwinners on McKinney Ave but they actually ate at one in Inwood Village.

  14. therealdeb

    To say that Brandi drinks a little is an understatement, her husband must be horrified. We all like to have a glass of wine or a drink now and again but she is making it an Olympic event, what are her kids doing while she and the ditz are all fucked up?

    • jen

      I agree! Its kind of setting her up for a bad situation

    • Lawstangel

      I cannot think of any husband that would be OK with his wife getting smashed in the middle of the day, then jumping up on stage with a stripper, straddling him, then hanging upside down, while on national tv. She is in no position to “school” anyone else on proper behavior.

  15. T D

    According to a bumper sticker beer’s been helping white boys dance for over two hundred years. Does white girl drunk mean that you think you can dance, In the broken wind, and not come out stinking?

    • Chrislovesrob

      Now that’s funny….
      I grew up in Dallas and know the charity side. There are MILLIONS of people in Dallas and the surrounding areas and honestly, none of them give a crap or have even heard of any of them. “Society” in this town is incredibly tiny and they are only important to themselves.

  16. Gladyskravitz

    I’m astonished by how much “day drinking” these women do. I’m from Louisiana so that’s saying ALOT. I think Brandi drinks entirely too much.

  17. I fell in love with Cary’s husband during the podcast scenes. He’s not my type but being so comfortable with himself really did it for me!

    • Xanadude

      Didn’t he just Sparkly, Neely, Sparkle?
      I dig a straight man secure enough in his sexuality to made jokes about it.

      • therealdeb

        He did sparkle, and he was very comfortable with himself and that is a sure sign of security.

  18. Watching LeeAnn I realized that I, Karen from Chicago, could really be a housewife. No money’ CHECK! Not born into a certain class or society (and to be honest, questionable lineage might be more accurate) CHECK! No husband and a boyfriend not so inclined to “take a wife”? CHECK CHECK CHECK!!! I need to get Andy to come to Chicago!
    Thanks LeeAnn.

  19. I really wanted to like LeeAnn…and it isn’t just that the brunch scene was kind of cringeworthy with the bow at me nonsense.I actually agree with her that the poop and poop hat was disrespectful. She lost me with the passive aggressiveness of making sure we…AND her BF’s daughter know that she is responsible for the presents and not the Dad. Over and over. Fuck that.

    Are Brandi’s eyebrows drawn on? Is her foundation the wrong color or is jaundice already setting in? Scary behavior, scary looking and scary Anna Nicole-ish in clown make up voice in the TH’s.

    Cary is sometimes super attractive but sometimes super unattractive depending on the camera angle. Almost looks like a different gal to me in some facial shots.

    Still haven’t thought of the show where the two GF’s sat talking to each other in the mirror. That’s the Stephanie and Brandi dynamic that I like. Kind of finishing each others thoughts and sentences. Seems genuine.

  20. tamaratattles

    What is the story with Leeane’s cloth and chains necklace? I am still not sure but this site was raving about her wearing their necklace and she has modeled at least one on Instagram. They are VERY affordable at an average price of $30.

    http://sinnersandsaints.nyc/

  21. jen

    I keep trying to watch this but that Leann bugs the hell out of me or is she Tiffany. .I cannot remember their names ever. I just like the red head and blonde they sort of belong more on Teen mom than real housewives also they need rehab. Funny recaps though. I enjoy them!

  22. jen

    The strip club….. I mean these ladies are entertaining but wow.

    Brandi seems so sweet but I think she is in denial her marriage is over and omg you aren’t 21 even though you are acting like it. I see a Leah from Teen Mom situation going on soon except nice tile floors instead of dirty green carpet and she probably has more than mountain Dew in her fridge….yikes.

  23. Did anyone else notice Tiffany pouring Skinny Girl Margaritas?

  24. Michelle

    How do we find the blog that leanne’s friend wrote?

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