Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Mad As a Hatter

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DALLAS -- Pictured: (l-r) LeeAnn Locken, Cynthia Smoot -- (Photo by: Bill Matlock/Bravo)

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DALLAS — Pictured: (l-r) LeeAnn Locken, Cynthia Smoot — (Photo by: Bill Matlock/Bravo)

I am stepping in to pump out a fast and crappy recap of this show this week and then, if there is a God, Xanadude will be ready to take it over for the rest of the season. Damn him for having an actual life and job and fancypants things to do.

Well I was all ready to go when WordPress decided to post my last recap before I was done thus losing all the changes and not letting me edit so now I am super late and I don’t  even know these people’s names!


We saw Cary tattooing nipples on breast reconstruction patient. Apparently, Cary has a magic poontang that helped her husband lose 80 pounds. He’s Swiss. I would be hoping for a trip to Switzerland but that would never happen on a first season.


I’m trying not to think about all the things I have heard about Leeanne way before this show. Let’s just say none of it was good. There is apparently some sort of Mad Hatter Party with an April in Paris theme. That sounds like fun!  I mean it’s better than Flamingos!

Leanne was a model?  I think that Tiffany is the one with the sunburned back and the hot musician husband. They are having an actual BBQ outside in the back yard. Apparently Leanne is not married to the hot guy she lives with.


RHOD Mad Hatter 2

Poop Hat on the left


I could have done without the babysitter scene. If they are not going to start putting names up I am not going to be able to recap. Brandi is making a hat for the Mad Hatter’s with toilet paper, fake grass and fake poop.  I thought Brandi was going to be the one I liked. I think I was wrong about that. Stephanie helping with the ridiculous hat but clearly plans to distance herself from Brandi at the party.

Stephanie confesses that she sent Leeane an apology email for their behavior last week. Brandi takes it fairly well and tells Stephanie she doesn’t need to be in the middle of the drama.

OMG I love all of Brandi’s little redheaded girls.  Sadly, Brandi is one of those people who is obsessed with feces. If she continues talking about it on every episode, I’m going to have to fast forward through her scenes. Brandi’s husband is never around, but his family is.


Tiffany can’t stop talking about LA. Is she just in Dallas for filming season?  She seems to be looking for a house to buy. It’s very modern. Her husband says it is out of their price range. He also doesn’t like Dallas.

The Mad Hatter Tea Party

They have been talking about this party for the entire episode. I still do not know what the charity is. Someone just assured me it is for a super great cause.  I have a feeling they don’t even know the charity.  It’s a treasured event. Everyone who is anyone will be there. None of them have any idea what the charity is.

Okay, I have to zip through the Brandi scenes. She’s so gross. And with that I may be out of this one.


Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of Dallas, RHOD

40 responses to “Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Mad As a Hatter

  1. Patti

    It’s for a local arboretum.

  2. susan

    I will have to watch it fell asleep but why oh why poo? No one wants to talk about that unless one is getting paid for that sort of thing. I have a brilliant, funny friend that always manages one or two mentions of it and my ewwws never deter him unfortunately. Not a good look for a woman especially. Sorry not sorry

  3. Don’t ask me why, but so far I’m liking the dynamic on this show. Maybe it’s just the different locale and no ones name is Bethenny or Lisa? Tx for trying to recap – I don’t know any of their names yet either.

  4. BeetsWhy

    This one has potential imo. So how mortified must Leeanne be seeing her over abundance of blush that is also not a good color for her skin tone?

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      Ha! Or how about Brandi’s frosted eyeshadow?

    • MinnesotaMom

      That blush was awful! Doesn’t she have a stylist?

      • tamaratattles

        LOL at you folks who think these people have stylists. At best they have people with an agenda that swoop in during filming to get their clothes on the show after they have a successful season or two. :)

  5. therealdeb

    A few times I have thought that maybe there was something about Brandi to like… not so sure. She does this little girl talk that drives me up a fucking wall and her humor is more middle school locker room than anything. Her sidekick has some redeeming qualities but does not seem overly bright either, but she also doens’t have the i gave money so I can shit on everything attitude that Brandi seems to have. Leeane is a bit over the top as far as how charity works, but when you don’t have the money to pass around volunteering for them is the best way to be involved. Tiffany, god I hate that name, is a fence sitter, not sure i care for her much, and her husband is a try hard. Cary, wow, she is trashy, she married for money… Total train wreck and I cannot take my eyes away

  6. Lawstangel

    I. HATE. BRANDI!!!!!!

    • TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

      Me too. I thought I liked her until that “I feel sorry for you” scene with Leanne. HATE her.

  7. Little g

    I’m not investing brain space in learning any of their names but one thing is bugging me: Redhead said that her mom had her when she was 15. How old is Redhead? 30? So that would make the birthday party mom 45? Redhead must have put mom through the wringer because that woman did not look a day under 60.

  8. Cheychey

    I love Brandi and her crew. They’re fun and don’t take there selves to seriously. The poop hat a bit too much for a really nice event I would have loved to been at by the way. It looks like such fun to dress up and go to a party or the horse races with a special hat and pretty dress. Brandi really did that to piss off Leeanne more than anything I’m sure. But it came off immature and a charity is not the place for such pettiness.

    • Toddy

      Agreed. There’s a time and place for everything, and a charity’s not it, when one should be thinking of others rather than self anyway.

  9. tay tay

    I hate to hear adults talk about poop and farts, it’s so juvenile!!

    • AmyinLasVegas

      Even Brandi’s children didn’t seem to like it! And why are two of these “housewives” poor? A model who blew all her money and Leanne don’t belong on this show imho.

    • Miguel

      Agreed, tay tay – from the first episode I knew I wouldn’t enjoy her and the other ditz that has to do chores for money! I vowed after this episode to skip their scenes; as they don’t make for good dinner time viewing. Even their kids (who are no more than 7) are telling them their shit talk is unappealing.

      Why would production put these convos on tv??? An what has television come to that THIS has become reality entertainment? What’s next? Will I tune in one week to have the thrill of witnessing one of their bowel movements?

  10. Puddy

    Just can’t with this show.

  11. Lisanna

    The only redeeming quality of Brandi, IMO, is the dynamic between her and Leeanne. While I cringe at her potty humor, her passive aggressive stunts towards Leeanne are hilarious. In Texas we have a saying: “all hat and no cattle.” This applies very much to the phony, pretentious Leeanne.

    • Lawstangel

      I don’t find Leeanne to be pretentious at all. She owns the fact that she is not wealthy like many of the other women are. Unlike many of the women she puts in sweat equity instead of just writing a check. She has other flaws to be sure, like her inability to let things go, but I do not see pretentious. Brandi on the other hand brags about how much money her family gives to charity (she reminded us how many times?) and believes it allows her to a free pass to behave poorly. She looks down her nose at everyone and is just so damn self important. She reminds me of a character from that movie mean girls, except she has never grown up.

      • Miguel

        Not to offend any cheerleaders out there; but REALLY? Brandi’s superiority stems from her marvellous career as a cheerleader, a hardworking yet absent husband, drinking lots of wine, and an obsession with things to do with the anus/bowels. What’s there not to feel superior about? This is a truly stellar introduction to the viewing audience; and, I’m sure, will garner lots of respect from people the world over!!!

  12. Bunniecarrot

    I liked Brandi so much episode 1. However all this talk of poop, I can’t.

  13. 3Sweeties

    When Brandi put the possibly used toilet plunger right on the dining room table…I thought I might black out. She is a seriously weird person with the constant poop and fart talk. I mean, I can laugh at the occasional poop joke, but come on. And her makeup is inexcusably bad. Leeanne or however it is spelled just comes across as evil and fake. The rest of them are all forgettable though, and that’s the real crime.

  14. ZoeNic

    I guess I’m n the minority but I really like Brandi. She’s funny and doesn’t take herself too seriously. That party was for her mother n law, not her own mom. Anyways, I love this site. TT you’re the best.

    • tamaratattles

      So that is why she cried and talked to her about how hard it must have been to raise her when she was only 15?

      • ZoeNic

        Ok maybe you’re right. I guess I misunderstood. I thought she looked way older than 45ish. I really don’t like all the “poop” talk but I still think she’s funny. This is my favorite blog and I wish you would write a book or something because, talented n funny.

  15. Billie_bee

    Brandi was quickly losing me after the first episode, and lost completely when she said the word jiz on camera. I can’t with her fuckery.

    • tamaratattles

      I would like to state for the record, that I must have fast forwarded through the jiz part and that I have no issue with jiz. One might say I am in full support of getting all the jiz one can, wherever one can.

      That is all.

      • Billie_bee

        Don’t get me wrong, I’m also pro jiz, I’ve got two kids to prove it 😉 But if Brandi’s already spouting shit-related words episode 1, and jiz episode 2, what other gems does she have in store for us. I think she’s a Brandi waiting to happen. We all loved her “refreshing” candor in Season 1, but it gets old, fast. Just like Brandi’s frosted eyeshadow.

      • Billie_bee

        Edit *I think she’s a Brandi from RHOBH waiting to happen.

        Jeez, both Brandi’s, both train wrecks.

  16. Even Brandi’s kids were too mature for all of the poop talk. “Oh, mom!”

  17. T D

    Crap it a hat and punch it? Not flipping my lid over this bullshit.

  18. Pip

    Okay- I am watching this right now and only because I can’t find my remote and the channel is on Bravo.
    Can someone please explain why the fuck these women keep talking about poop? This is so weird!

  19. RL

    Noooo TT!! Stick around! I already like this show 100xs better than Potomac. I like that there’s a mix of pretentious women and women who don’t care and just want to laugh and have a good time.

    I laughed out loud when Stephanie hit herself in the face, again!! She’s 2 for 2 in the first two episodes, lol. Wonder if she’s clumsy and we will see that happening in other episodes as well

  20. Finally got to watch the episode and hope TT sticks it out too…not sure which direction the editing is going to go so that’s always a plus, but so far don’t think it’s a borefest like Potomac ended up being.
    There was a reality show about Texas that had two gals half drunk that would sit and talk to each other in the mirror? I think BRAVO? Anyway, that funny dynamic is what these two remind me of and is kind of redeeming – too bad it’s about poop. I lol’d that even the kids think this gal is weird. AND had the same thoughts about the Birthday Mom must be well shy of 50?

  21. I FF through Brandi’s scenes…way too much yap about poop. It isn’t funny when it is constantly repeated, every episode, one way or another. I’m still struggling watching this show with ALL THE CONSTANT TALK about charities. I’m all for giving and being generous and all that, but does it count as a full-time job worthy of noting all the time?

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