Shahs of Sunset Season Premiere Recap: Slightly Better Than a Dead Dog In The Freezer

Shahs cast season 5

 

It seems like forever since we have had an episode of Shahs of Sunset. Hell Mike and Jessica have gotten married and divorced since the last season. Speaking of Jessica, she is still dealing with that man with the rape allegations. Someone sent me a like to her on a podcast with the guy from The Dirty where she says something like “he has always been nice to her.”  Um really?  This chick has the worst judgment in men I have ever seen. I thought my picker was broke, but this girl just needs to leave the men alone before she gets hurt or worse. Personally, I’ve found life to me much easier with having to deal with some man on a regular basis. If you are with someone who has been CHARGED WITH RAPE someone needs to fucking intervene. Has her family disowned her? How do you justify that in your head?

Let’s hope MJ’s new fiancée is someone who will be good to her. I really want her to be happy. I’m really looking forward to seeing Belize this season, as I have never been there. I really should start exploring South America. And I want to see Asa doing ANYTHING. I adore her.

We open with a scene of Reza sleeping alone with his dog. Reza admits that he sabotaged his relationship last season by being a whore at his bachelor party, and cancelling the wedding. He says he got more therapy and things are much better now between him and Adam now but it has been a long road. But that doesn’t stop Reza from (jokingly?) being an asshole. I can tell you that friends and family who constantly pick because they think they are being funny will drive that person away. No one wants to be constantly picked at. Reza is still harassing him for sex. I do like Reza’s to do list which is basically have sex and buy gold. I think that is an excellent plan for most anyone.

 

Shahs MJ GG

 

Mercedeh has a new man, Tommy, (spoiler they are engaged).  MJ is doing some spring cleaning. I’m already not feeling him, but if he makes MJ happy, I’m happy. He’s slightly better than a dead dog in the freezer.

I do not understand this scene where Mike and Jessica have been married for four months. I did not think they were even filming until after they split. I suppose I could be wrong there. That happens occasionally.  But I am still side eyeing this because Jessica filed at I believe eight months and they were doomed when they walked down the aisle. I am in love with all of these awesome places to hike in LA. I might not be such a fatass if we had those here. Okay I would we have a mountain with a civil war park with great trails and I have never been. Although in college we would all drive to the parking lot and get drunk and hookup with random strangers though. (If my family is reading I am totally making that part up. I would never do that. Plus I was 17.)  Jessica is nervous about hanging out with the group again. Especially, GG.  Oh they are going to show footage of the wedding. The Bravo cameras were not there but Jessica hired all sors of cameramen and they have the footage. How convenient.  The wedding was supposedly over half a million dollars. Jessica’s father must be fit to be tied and ready to kill, Mike.

GG goes to see Asa. with a little six pack!  Asa is working on her business. She tells GG to take whatever she wants. I thought we were friends Asa! I’m still waiting on my diamond water!  I adore Asa.  GG has really bad rheumatoid arthritis. She is drinking to ease her pain. Asa tries to prepare GG for filming with Jessica. WTF did Jessica do? It’s Mike that is the problem. ALL OF THEM HATED MIKE, and now it is apparently going to be his redemption season.

Mike says his wedding night was the best night of his life and he drank so much whiskey because he was euphoric. He is still drinking there were recently several hard news stories about the iHeart Music Awards and how shitfaced he was. So I guess the whole, “Somewhere Mike Shouhed is shitfaced” refrain is still in effect.  Why is it kind of funny when men are drunks and kind of sad when women are?  Mike and Jessica are getting their photos. They are $1,500.  Why is Mike sweating this? Jessica also had videographers shooting everything. Because, Attention whores.  Roll the video.  I can’t imagine why that didn’t work out.

 

Reza and Mike should just get married. Sorry Adam.

Reza and Mike should just get married. Sorry Adam.

Fuck did Asa get butt enlargement? NOE. JUST NOE.  But I love her.

Reza is going to finally marry Adam and he asks  Asa to officiate the wedding in Palm Springs in a surprise ceremony. Reza has no idea that Adam might want to be involved in, you know, planning his wedding.

GG goes to hang out with Shervin, that guy who looks exactly like Mike, only hotter and not a fucking shit head.

Mike just lied about who was at his wedding. Everyone except GG was at his wedding  Reza in Arabic attire is offensive to me. I do own that headdress though. But I would never WEAR IT. It’s a piece of memorabilia of my life. Reza is so offensive.

I don’t know why we are on a yacht for a white party, but we are. So let’s just go with it. I think we left dock without Shervin who is apparently the birthday boy and his birthday is reason for the party. You know production would not allow this unless…. oh look he is arriving by helicopter!  Oh look we never say that the yacht had a Helipad. And GG is with him. Sherv starts telling us how much his party costs. So tacky. It’s the first time GG and Mike have seen each other.

I love Mike’s close cut beard. He and Reza want to get together and make up. But tonight it is about the party.

Did I mention there is a helicopter on a fucking yacht! This is way beyond RHOBH in my world. I love this show.  Way better white party than Kyle’s white party. Sorry Kyle.  GG and Jessica attempt to make up.  Jessica says she is married now and whatever GG says, they should put it behind them.  But they can’t get left alone long enough to do it.

GG gets wasted. AND MIKE SHOUHED CLAIMS THAT GG HAS A PROBLEM. Really? If she does or she doesn’t Mike is the one called out as drunk at iHeartRadio and we have a catchphrase here at TT used across the board of “Somewhere, Mike Shouhed is shitfaced.” Seriously Mike?  This is more ridiculous than Bethenny Frankel calling Jules anorexic.

Someone needs to marry Shrev.  He’s hot and smart.  Reza on the other hand is a douche. during the cake celebration he digs into a red velvet cake an starts throwing it at people like a monkey tossing shit. I with they would lose Reza. He is a poor image for Iranians. I am disgusted by him. My intial reaction of this sockless wonder was right.  Asifa thinks it was Golnesa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

44 Comments

Filed under Asa Soltan Rahmati, Entertainment News, Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mercedeh Javid, Mike Shouhed, Reza Farahan, Shahs of Sunset

44 responses to “Shahs of Sunset Season Premiere Recap: Slightly Better Than a Dead Dog In The Freezer

  1. Popcornandvodka

    I had to rewind it but GG did throw some at her. While Asifa was yelling at Reza, GG picked some up and tossed it at her.

    • I do not know who threw the first piece of cake, but Mercedes threw the cake later.

      • PopcornAndVodka

        Yeah that was really weird. I think Reza started it all, then MJ did the cake, Asifa freaked out at Reza, then GG was behind her and picked up some thrown cake and tossed it at Asifa. Like Urethra says below, Asifa was going NUTS on Twitter last night and Bravo was retweeting all of it. I could really do without a pregnant Asifa this season (or any Asifa) and/or this GG/alcoholic storyline is also sort of old.

  2. Julia

    I totally agree about faking the wedding bliss.. I can’t be the only one who saw Mike visibly choke talking about his future (maybe, some day, potential, did i say future?) children and family. Yikes.

  3. ingrid

    I think the $1500 was for the album, not the pictures IN the album. Otherwise it would be a bargain. Who has red velvet cake at a white party anyway? Even if they dont throw it at each other it would be a mess. It must have been a Tossing cake, not for consumption. All of these parties must have cake just for throwing.

  4. A Little Birdie

    Asa has always had a large butt. I always loved that she appreciated her curves. She’s my fave. She has not changed. I am excited they are back on

    • Meri

      They are all my favorites. For some unexplained reason I love this show. They don’t apologize for who they are or what kind of life style they live and I enjoy watching them. I am excited that this show has returned. It was way too long in coming. Bring on the gold and extravagance….it’s fun.

  5. I can’t wait to watch this! Having not seen it yet it is hard for me to imagine Asa’s butt getting any bigger but i will reserve my judgement until somehow i get my hands on this episode online. I am excited to see more Shervin., i’m white girl so he may hit it but i wouldn’t be marriage material.

  6. It’s a good thing for Reza that he has me blocked on twitter because I want to GO OFF on his ass. He is a racist piece of shit, and within the spectrum of cultural appropriation his mockery of the Arabic culture is most offensive.

  7. Mike is the biggest poser & phoney. All flashy & showy with ZERO substance.

    There is nothing wrong with the house he lives in, but I couldn’t help but notice the cable/internet wires stapled & dangling from the roof line on the FRONT of his house. Where did he get a half million dollars to pay for a big fat Persian wedding?

  8. LisaPat

    I thought the same thing , Urethra. Mike talked as if he spent tons of money on his wedding, but I was under the impression that it was actually Jessica’s wealthy Father who shelled out the majority. Mike loves to floss and talk big. I love this show and Asa is by far my favorite too.. MJ always looks self-conscious to me. She needs to just love herself and not constantly worry about her appearance. I know that comes from having a critical Mother though because I was the same way for years. However, when it comes to this newest boyfriend, I think I agree with Veda. He doesn’t seem like much of a catch. MJ and Jessica need a class on how to pick men !

  9. MzKRB

    It was really interesting to watch Mike and Jessica. While Mike is to blame for the infidelity, Jessica is partly to blame for choosing to be married over being truthful with herself. She seemed to want to be married so bad that she ignored all of what I’m sure were signs of him cheating. She needed a little ACE of base in her life.

    • RL

      Hahahaha! ? I saw the sign! ?

    • Lawstangel

      That is easy to say…..Many, Many women just want to be married and many women also think if they can lock a man down they can change him. I believe Jessica really loved Mike for whatever reason and that she felt that if they could just be married it would all be OK. I married and stayed with an abuser ( when I was young) for many of the same reasons. It isn’t rational. She may be a bad picker, but I think she just wants to be happily married. As far as the Jessica & GG problem, GG is like a mean spirited hurricane. GG does not care who she hurts as long as she says what she needs. GG and Jessica were friends when she blurted out that shit at the party. She publicly humiliated her and didn’t really give a fuck about it! Had that been me, I would have not spoken to GG ever again.

  10. More Tea Please!

    Jessica must have zero self esteem – her current loser not only was charged with rape, he has a string of other criminal issues on his resume. Why would any one stick around with a thug who is out on bail for nine felony counts of grand theft and passing bad checks? Add in a history of 12 tax liens going back to 2002 and it’s obvious this guy is garbage.

  11. Shae

    Cringed bigtime watching the mike and jessica scenes, ugh. It showed Jessica and Mike having a convo later about their finances being a mess and her thinking they should’ve have kids until they are financially set. WTF did you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a wedding if you aren’t ok financially?

    Jesus.

    I agree, Shervin is a much hotter, much more likable version of Mike. So much fun to watch. All it took was 2 minutes of Asifa on camera for the whining and bitching to start. I’m upset they brought those two back.

  12. m

    this is my fav. bravo show/reality show! I only caught bits and pieces as I was getting ready this morning but excited for this new season.
    TT, if you don’t mind me asking, it sounds like maybe you spent time in the middle east in your childhood/past? (You mentioned taking Arabic lessons as a child in an earlier post + your comment on the head dress) Would love to know more about where you’ve gotten to see in the world.

  13. Asifa Mirza was tweeting a lot about GG last night. She spilled some details and complained about GG and accused Bravo production of not protecting her.

    Asifa Mirza ‏@asifa_mirza
    GG assaulted a 3 month pregnant woman and no one in the Bravo staff protected me from her. She kept coming back to assault me.

    Asifa Mirza ‏@asifa_mirza
    There’s a lot the producers/editors cut out to make GG not look like Charles Manson

    Asifa Mirza ‏@asifa_mirza
    I couldn’t help it. She ridiculed, racially berated me months prior off camera. I ignored her up until she thew the cake.

    Asifa Mirza ‏@asifa_mirza
    I was 3 months pregnant and producers knew that’s why I wanted to steer clear of GG on the boat.

    • Tulsateacher

      I don’t get the cake throwing. The same thing happened at Asifa’s birthday party last season. If I remember correctly she used a fork and took a small piece and put it on Bobby’s face (or acted as if she were) and then Reza ran up and grabbed fistfuls of cake and started throwing it around. Others joined in. What a waste of cake.
      I like what I saw of MJ. She seemed a tad calmer.
      I fear for GG drinking while she is (surely) taking pain meds for her RA. Not a good combo.

  14. Christina

    Total second hand embarrassment while watching their “Thank You Video”. So impersonal. So Tacky. So.. Them. The whole stepping out of the car in a desert in slow motion– no.

  15. DaisyDana

    Just goes to show that money can’t buy manners or common decency. I realize that acting the fool gets you camera time, but who throws cake at a party like that? MJ was the worst of all. How disrespectful to the owners/caretakers of the yacht. I honestly don’t know why I watched that mess.

  16. Shae

    Asifa “was” pregnant? Well that’s sad, I assume she lost the pregnancy. I can’t stand her, and I definitely don’t think she and Bobby are stable enough to be starting a family with how they fight, but that’s a sad thing to have happen to any woman and I feel badly for her.

  17. Cheychey

    I want one of Asa’s caftans (I hope I spelled that right). They’re great. Her booty has always been big, I think it was just the dress that just accentuated her curves. I just adore her sweet spirit and positive attitude.

    • Jen

      Don’t judge, but I totally googled it to see how expensive they were after she mentioned selling them, you can get one for $80 on sale, not bad really. They are all animal print though which put me off.

  18. Xanadude

    I tuned in to see if anything has changed. Nothing has. Reza is still calling everyone Bitches and Hos (why he isn’t held accountible for this instead of dismissing it as “just Reza” is hideous. He’s Pumprules James with money and age). I’m out. PBS has Call the Midwife and Mr Selfridge on a the same time and I’m not taking any DVR space for this nonsense.
    As far as production, it’s a Ryan Seacrest show, and, like his other money makers on E!, lots and lots of months later filming to Keep up with Kontinuity.

  19. Thanks TT. I need to go back to first season and watch this from the beginning.

  20. Mrs. Strib

    In my Countess LuAnne singing voice: Money can’t buy you claaaa-ass

  21. Natasha

    -Why are people lying about the timelines? Mike says he hasn’t seen anyone except for his wedding, when they filmed the reunion after the wedding. Also Asa said she started posting photos of her kaftans four months ago and they started selling out when she already had the business up and running since at least last year.
    -Go away Asifa and Bobby. You two add nothing.
    -Why are people acting like GG has just started showing alcoholic tendencies? She’s always been unpredictable and drinks like a fish. I’m appalled that people seem to enable her.
    -I noticed MJ’s boudoir photo on her wall. Maybe it’s just me, but if I took a photo like that for an ex, I’d get rid of it post breakup. At least to get rid of the memories.
    -Not to be that person, but Belize is in Central America, next to Mexico, not South America.

    • tamaratattles

      Well you are being that person. But you are also right. :) About Belize at least. The reunion wasfilmed before the wedding though.

  22. Bridgett

    Thanks for the great recap. You have freed me from the confines of another Bravo show; I won’t be watching, but I will be reading here!

  23. Xanadude

    Just in general, I think if you skip the show and read the recap, you should hit the Donation button and kick in a buck or two. TT suffers for Bravo’s sins. The least we can do is contribute to the Happy Pill Fund.

    • tamaratattles

      Thanks, X but all I really need is for everyone with AdBlock/popup blockers to add Tamaratattles.com to the allowed list! THat would be a huge help. And also, if you could tell a friend who might like the site, and they tell two friends and they tell two friends. And retweet links and share on social media and your groups. It doesn’t cost anything to be helpful. There are buttons below each post you can press to share on FB and Twitter and other social media.

      xo

      tt

  24. Kika

    I could not believe it when MJ threw the WHOLE cake at everyone. She was either standing on a chair or a table when she threw it. I went thru super slow mo and watched her do it. I also watched her expressions while literally hanging on to Reza the whole time. The staff was aghast as it probably red-stained that beautiful teak floor permanently. I do not like MJ at all. Never have. She is a jealous vengeful person. I think we are going to see that again next episode when she fights Asa being the officiator at Reza’sl wedding.

  25. Cat

    All this talk of cake throwing makes me want cake.

  26. Nima (Shervin’s bff) appeared last season. How is he suddenly GG’s cousin?

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