Things I Learned on Vanderpump Rules “Secrets Revealed”

Pump rules Lisa and Ken

Peter has a dad bod.

Sandoval thinks it is cute and funny to rub his naked ass all over Sandoval when he is passed out.

LVP has 8 dogs, 8 swans, 7 turtles and two mini-horses.

The Toms both think that they are “building modeling careers.”

Kristen and James sought out a Crystal Therapist to heal their relationship.



Production loves showing Scheana getting wasted talking about how Shay has a drinking problem and she totally doesn’t.

Jax’s tattoo artist has the biggest gages ever. They are probably three inches in diameter. That will be a conversation piece in the old folks home.

Lala has a blow job technique that involves cutting a hole in a grapefruit and sliding it up and down the shaft.

Jax buys Schwartz tighty whities.

Peter doesn’t wear underwear.

We missed an awesome gay pool party.

No one at SUR could save you if you needed first aid.

And with that, we are finally done with these fools until next season.


Filed under Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules

9 responses to “Things I Learned on Vanderpump Rules “Secrets Revealed”

  1. Got too bored with Sandoval to finish watching. So thanks for the recap, TT.

  2. Dee

    Oh man!! I missed it! Thanks so much for the recap. I’m surprised to see Lisa cleaning her pony.

    • RealChicagoHousewife

      True horse people always take care of their own. I didn’t muck out the stalls but I groomed my own horses and tacked them too.

  3. T D

    Why sqeeze a lemon with a grapefruit? Since James is British it probably works with limes as well. Doesn’t the lime go in the coconut?

  4. Jim

    More about the gay pool party! I can’t be bothered to actually watch the show. 😉

  5. Xanadude

    Kristen’s entire “one session of crystal therapy is worth 10 real therapy sessions” line made the little light in my head go on – I was wondering which cast member would join a cult first and it looks like Kristen is fast tracking it. This means, of course, that all of her talk about being in therapy for a year (is that people years or crystal years?) and how much it helped her is utter BS.

    Scheana buffalo stancing (aka sucking alcohol through a crazy straw) while expounding on her husbands addiction was pretty funny, though.

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